Kali (_thirty2flavors) wrote,

david tennant plays a lot of douchebags (a list)

SO the other day firstofoct and I were chatting about different roles David Tennant has played (for a change) and we came to the realization that the majority of them have been assholes. And since we are super objective people, we decided to rank them in an incredibly fair and accurate manner based on how much of a douche they were. Our only rule was that the characters had to be from something we’d both seen.

For your enjoyment, here is that list.

_thirty2flavors & firstofoct present:
David Tennant Plays A Lot of Douchebags
(in order from least douchey to biggest douche)

8. The Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who)

Charges of Douchedom: Genocide, hypocrisy, rudeness, emotional instability, emotional incompetence, emotional reticence, unhealthy and destructive coping mechanisms, modification of fixed points in time, deciding what is best for others, hubris, apologizing more than the average Canadian

Redeeming Factors: Ultimately he dies sad and alone, which goes a long way to cover karmic retribution for the above. There’s also a great deal of self-awareness and guilt about the aforementioned douche qualities, which at least makes them worthwhile. Mostly every action is motivated by serving the greater good, typically he takes full responsibility for any douche moves done in the process, and there are usually significant consequences and Life Lessons brought about.

Plus he looks good in a suit and glasses.

Verdict: Yes, we’re actually putting him as least douchey. TOTALLY OBJECTIVE OKAY. Ten is capable of being quite a douche, but ultimately determined to do the right thing and desperate to help people. He tries so hard! He just has a lot of feelings. Also, he saved the universe like a zillion times, so that has to count for something.

7. Benedick (Much Ado About Nothing)

Charges of Douchedom: Has a new companion every month, supports Claudio in his quest to marry Hero, supports Claudio in anything, obnoxious, cannot identify girlfriend if she’s wearing a veil, proposes marriage at a funeral, crashes golfcarts, breaks pianos, writes horrible love songs

Redeeming Factors: It doesn’t take long for Benedick to fall in love with Beatrice, which is when he’s at his most endearing. And despite his previous friendship with Claudio, he does promise to kill him for his girlfriend. Benedick also is one of the more forward-thinking less-douchey males in the story when he believes that Claudio could have been wrong about Hero’s infidelity (gasp!). He also writes horrible love songs that are incredibly adorable, wears a navy uniform, wears a suit, shrugs off the suit jacket, and then dances with Beatrice.

Verdict: Benedick gets over his douchedom quite quickly and is pretty much adorable once he “figures out” that Beatrice is in love with him. He certainly looks better than Claudio, in appearance and demeanor. He also doesn’t take himself too seriously, and it’s clear that no one else does either. Beatrice will keep him in check for the rest of their lives together as she frequently trolls him.

6. Dave Tiler (Single Father)

Charges of Douchedom: Having the most asinine spelling of such a fantastic last name, mistreatment of children’s literature, multiple accounts of questionable parenting strategies, hypocritical attitude towards infidelity, pestering Dumbledore for admission into Hogwarts (and thus prompting the first rejection letter from Hogwarts in over a thousand years), his collection of fugly sweaters

Redeeming Factors: Dave Tiler is pretty resourceful on Facebook and can stalk people using it. Also, he gave fandom the greatest crying gif since JohnSmithCrying.gif. And we must admit he was pretty darn cute with those kids sometimes.

Verdict: His life is a hot mess and he has too many children. However, since the kids are pretty cute, he can keep them if he straightens out his life. Maybe it’s a good thing he knocked up Suranne Jones, because she can hopefully dress him better now.

5. Giacomo Casanova (Casanova)

Charges of Douchedom: Chooses to commit shady acts to gain monetary success over true love, contributing to infidelity, raising an asshole of a child who practises incest, abandoning his girlfriend without the use of parallel universes, disturbing eye colour

Redeeming Factors: Casanova has had issues with women since he was abandoned by his as a young child. He’s also very intelligent and resourceful when he’s trying to provide for himself. He’s quite the ladies’ man, but not in an obnoxious way as he’s so charismatic and a charmer. He also has great one-liners with a brilliant accent.

Verdict: Casanova doesn’t really do anything wrong, but he might want to work on his relationships with women. Or spend some more time with his kids so they stop doing it. I mean really.

4. Peter Vincent (Fright Night)

Charges of Douchedom: Selfish asshole, drunk, talks like Russel Brand, adjusts leather pants in public, doesn't read product descriptions on eBay properly, too much facial hair, removes sideburns, has promo shots with awkward hand gestures

Redeeming Factors: He grudgingly provides weapons and knowledge about vampires. He eventually assists in the tracking and killing of said vampires. Peter Vincent also has a tragic backstory, as he was made an orphan by the main villain when he was very young. He also adjusts his leather pants in public and takes off the horrendous facial hair and wig.

Verdict: Grows up and takes charge in the span of an hour and forty-five minutes, but has a way to go before he makes up for the trail of bodies following him. He should also look into an eBay course so he can have quality purchases in the future.

3. Hamlet (Hamlet)

Charges of Douchedom: Homicide, regicide, contributing to ex-girlfriend's mental breakdown and suicide, attempting to out-grieve ex-girlfriend's mourning brother, misogyny, failure to properly identify people before shooting them, being full of blood and anger and revenge, writing terrible poetry, interrupting live theatre, vlogging

Redeeming Factors: Claudius had it coming, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern brought it on themselves, and Polonius was super-annoying. Most of Hamlet's douchery can be traced back to the whole "uncle murders the father and marries the mother" thing, which, as tragic backstories go, is pretty legit. He was probably a pretty chill dude before that abrupt-tragedy-and-betrayal business.

Everything with Ophelia is pretty much his bad, though.

Verdict: Tough break with the family situation, bro, but maybe next time seek counselling instead of getting half of Denmark killed.

2. Peter Carlisle (Blackpool)

Charges of Douchedom: Blackmailing fellow law-enforcement officers to cover up a crime, intentionally sabotaging a stranger’s marriage, emotional manipulation, using a woman to get at her husband, being butthurt when she finds out and gets angry, abusing position of authority as member of law enforcement, blackmailing a sex worker into bearing false witness, failure to give a fuck about solving the murder case he is investigating, fucking up of synchronized dance during musical drug bust, being a litterbug

Redeeming Factors: Primary source of footage for Rose/Cloen fanvideos. Otherwise, none.

Verdict: Well, he didn't kill anyone, but he's basically a terrible person, and without even a tragic past to justify it.

1. Barty Crouch Jr (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

Charges of Douchedom: Murder, patricide, kidnapping, imprisonment, identity theft, being an accessory to torture, being a wizard Nazi

Redeeming Factors: Arguably the second-best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Hogwarts had over seven years, so possibly Dumbledore needs to re-evaluate his hiring practices.

Verdict: Nothing trumps being a Nazi.
Tags: blackpool = everything i wanted and more, david tennant is pretty okay i guess, do i need to make actor tags?, doctor who, hannah leads a double life, harry potter, much ado about nothing (2011)

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