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17 September 2011 @ 12:49 am
david tennant plays a lot of douchebags (a list)  
SO the other day firstofoct and I were chatting about different roles David Tennant has played (for a change) and we came to the realization that the majority of them have been assholes. And since we are super objective people, we decided to rank them in an incredibly fair and accurate manner based on how much of a douche they were. Our only rule was that the characters had to be from something we’d both seen.

For your enjoyment, here is that list.

_thirty2flavors & firstofoct present:
David Tennant Plays A Lot of Douchebags
(in order from least douchey to biggest douche)


8. The Tenth Doctor (Doctor Who)


Charges of Douchedom: Genocide, hypocrisy, rudeness, emotional instability, emotional incompetence, emotional reticence, unhealthy and destructive coping mechanisms, modification of fixed points in time, deciding what is best for others, hubris, apologizing more than the average Canadian

Redeeming Factors: Ultimately he dies sad and alone, which goes a long way to cover karmic retribution for the above. There’s also a great deal of self-awareness and guilt about the aforementioned douche qualities, which at least makes them worthwhile. Mostly every action is motivated by serving the greater good, typically he takes full responsibility for any douche moves done in the process, and there are usually significant consequences and Life Lessons brought about.

Plus he looks good in a suit and glasses.

Verdict: Yes, we’re actually putting him as least douchey. TOTALLY OBJECTIVE OKAY. Ten is capable of being quite a douche, but ultimately determined to do the right thing and desperate to help people. He tries so hard! He just has a lot of feelings. Also, he saved the universe like a zillion times, so that has to count for something.

7. Benedick (Much Ado About Nothing)


Charges of Douchedom: Has a new companion every month, supports Claudio in his quest to marry Hero, supports Claudio in anything, obnoxious, cannot identify girlfriend if she’s wearing a veil, proposes marriage at a funeral, crashes golfcarts, breaks pianos, writes horrible love songs

Redeeming Factors: It doesn’t take long for Benedick to fall in love with Beatrice, which is when he’s at his most endearing. And despite his previous friendship with Claudio, he does promise to kill him for his girlfriend. Benedick also is one of the more forward-thinking less-douchey males in the story when he believes that Claudio could have been wrong about Hero’s infidelity (gasp!). He also writes horrible love songs that are incredibly adorable, wears a navy uniform, wears a suit, shrugs off the suit jacket, and then dances with Beatrice.

Verdict: Benedick gets over his douchedom quite quickly and is pretty much adorable once he “figures out” that Beatrice is in love with him. He certainly looks better than Claudio, in appearance and demeanor. He also doesn’t take himself too seriously, and it’s clear that no one else does either. Beatrice will keep him in check for the rest of their lives together as she frequently trolls him.


6. Dave Tiler (Single Father)


Charges of Douchedom: Having the most asinine spelling of such a fantastic last name, mistreatment of children’s literature, multiple accounts of questionable parenting strategies, hypocritical attitude towards infidelity, pestering Dumbledore for admission into Hogwarts (and thus prompting the first rejection letter from Hogwarts in over a thousand years), his collection of fugly sweaters

Redeeming Factors: Dave Tiler is pretty resourceful on Facebook and can stalk people using it. Also, he gave fandom the greatest crying gif since JohnSmithCrying.gif. And we must admit he was pretty darn cute with those kids sometimes.

Verdict: His life is a hot mess and he has too many children. However, since the kids are pretty cute, he can keep them if he straightens out his life. Maybe it’s a good thing he knocked up Suranne Jones, because she can hopefully dress him better now.

5. Giacomo Casanova (Casanova)


Charges of Douchedom: Chooses to commit shady acts to gain monetary success over true love, contributing to infidelity, raising an asshole of a child who practises incest, abandoning his girlfriend without the use of parallel universes, disturbing eye colour

Redeeming Factors: Casanova has had issues with women since he was abandoned by his as a young child. He’s also very intelligent and resourceful when he’s trying to provide for himself. He’s quite the ladies’ man, but not in an obnoxious way as he’s so charismatic and a charmer. He also has great one-liners with a brilliant accent.

Verdict: Casanova doesn’t really do anything wrong, but he might want to work on his relationships with women. Or spend some more time with his kids so they stop doing it. I mean really.

4. Peter Vincent (Fright Night)


Charges of Douchedom: Selfish asshole, drunk, talks like Russel Brand, adjusts leather pants in public, doesn't read product descriptions on eBay properly, too much facial hair, removes sideburns, has promo shots with awkward hand gestures

Redeeming Factors: He grudgingly provides weapons and knowledge about vampires. He eventually assists in the tracking and killing of said vampires. Peter Vincent also has a tragic backstory, as he was made an orphan by the main villain when he was very young. He also adjusts his leather pants in public and takes off the horrendous facial hair and wig.

Verdict: Grows up and takes charge in the span of an hour and forty-five minutes, but has a way to go before he makes up for the trail of bodies following him. He should also look into an eBay course so he can have quality purchases in the future.

3. Hamlet (Hamlet)


Charges of Douchedom: Homicide, regicide, contributing to ex-girlfriend's mental breakdown and suicide, attempting to out-grieve ex-girlfriend's mourning brother, misogyny, failure to properly identify people before shooting them, being full of blood and anger and revenge, writing terrible poetry, interrupting live theatre, vlogging

Redeeming Factors: Claudius had it coming, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern brought it on themselves, and Polonius was super-annoying. Most of Hamlet's douchery can be traced back to the whole "uncle murders the father and marries the mother" thing, which, as tragic backstories go, is pretty legit. He was probably a pretty chill dude before that abrupt-tragedy-and-betrayal business.

Everything with Ophelia is pretty much his bad, though.

Verdict: Tough break with the family situation, bro, but maybe next time seek counselling instead of getting half of Denmark killed.

2. Peter Carlisle (Blackpool)


Charges of Douchedom: Blackmailing fellow law-enforcement officers to cover up a crime, intentionally sabotaging a stranger’s marriage, emotional manipulation, using a woman to get at her husband, being butthurt when she finds out and gets angry, abusing position of authority as member of law enforcement, blackmailing a sex worker into bearing false witness, failure to give a fuck about solving the murder case he is investigating, fucking up of synchronized dance during musical drug bust, being a litterbug

Redeeming Factors: Primary source of footage for Rose/Cloen fanvideos. Otherwise, none.

Verdict: Well, he didn't kill anyone, but he's basically a terrible person, and without even a tragic past to justify it.

1. Barty Crouch Jr (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)


Charges of Douchedom: Murder, patricide, kidnapping, imprisonment, identity theft, being an accessory to torture, being a wizard Nazi

Redeeming Factors: Arguably the second-best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Hogwarts had over seven years, so possibly Dumbledore needs to re-evaluate his hiring practices.

Verdict: Nothing trumps being a Nazi.
 
 
 
Frances: DW - Ten - crazy Ten in a hatgoldy_dollar on September 17th, 2011 04:55 am (UTC)
LOL THIS POST IS A+

Well, he didn't kill anyone, but he's basically a terrible person, and without even a tragic past to justify it.

Yeah but Peter Carlisle spoke Scottish and was somehow really hot despite all the douchebaggery idk.

LOL @ THESE ROLES THOUGH. Ten, you look like such a charming and upstanding member of society, well done.
Hannah: Ten; timelord victoriousfirstofoct on September 17th, 2011 04:57 am (UTC)
Ten, you look like such a charming and upstanding member of society, well done.

That was our secret goal, ngl.
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 04:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fauxkaren on September 17th, 2011 05:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - goldy_dollar on September 17th, 2011 02:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - shinyopals on September 17th, 2011 09:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - goldy_dollar on September 17th, 2011 02:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 04:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - papilio_luna on September 17th, 2011 03:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Frances: Disney - Simba - NOOOOOOgoldy_dollar on September 17th, 2011 04:56 am (UTC)
Dave Tiler (Single Father)

OH MY GOD IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE "TYLER" ISN'T IT

Do not like.
Kali_thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 04:57 am (UTC)
HENCE:
Charges of Douchedom: Having the most asinine spelling of such a fantastic last name,

tbh I didn't see past the first episode of Single Father but Hannah swears there's a scene on Facebook where you see it spelled "Tiler"

what the f
(no subject) - firstofoct on September 17th, 2011 05:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - firstofoct on September 17th, 2011 05:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fauxkaren on September 17th, 2011 05:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fauxkaren on September 17th, 2011 05:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fauxkaren on September 17th, 2011 05:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - firstofoct on September 17th, 2011 05:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fauxkaren on September 17th, 2011 05:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - shinyopals on September 17th, 2011 09:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - goldy_dollar on September 17th, 2011 02:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - firstofoct on September 17th, 2011 04:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - firstofoct on September 17th, 2011 05:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
Hannah: Ten; angsting with stylefirstofoct on September 17th, 2011 04:57 am (UTC)
This is list is absolute genius.

I wonder if people can figure out who wrote what.
Mara: Harry Potter - Ravenclaw rawksluckytohaveher on September 17th, 2011 05:09 am (UTC)
Beatrice will keep him in check for the rest of their lives together as she frequently trolls him.
I don't know why but this made me laugh so hard.

Nothing trumps being a Nazi.
THIS.
Kali: eng :: love you with so much of my heart_thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:15 am (UTC)
I fully believe Beatrice will just be trolling him eternally because his reactions are so hilarious.
fauxkarenfauxkaren on September 17th, 2011 05:20 am (UTC)
IDK. PETER CARLISLE SINGS. THAT COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SINS AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

BUT LOL AT THIS: fucking up of synchronized dance during musical drug bust
Kali: dw :: ten :: i don't want to go_thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:23 am (UTC)
NO OMG I HATE PETER CARLISLE SO MUCH, I CAN'T

Blackpool reminds me a bit of Wuthering Heights in that I enjoyed it despite wanting to punch everyone in the face all the time. And also I liked Blackpool a lot more.

AND HE DOES FUCK UP THAT DANCE and it is hilarious
(no subject) - fauxkaren on September 17th, 2011 05:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
Hannah: Donna; noble woman about townfirstofoct on September 17th, 2011 05:32 am (UTC)
no comment:

Kali: dw :: doctordonna :: the best of times_thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:34 am (UTC)
(no subject) - firstofoct on September 17th, 2011 05:38 am (UTC) (Expand)
alephlacunaz on September 17th, 2011 05:34 am (UTC)
YOU FORGOT "LITTERING" AS ONE OF PETER CARLISLE'S SINS

FOR FUCK'S SAKE CARLISLE

THE GARBAGE CAN IS RIGHT THERE

RIGHT THERE

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
Kali_thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:36 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD YOU ARE CORRECT

BRB EDITING
(no subject) - lacunaz on September 17th, 2011 05:40 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - 2nd2ndalto on September 17th, 2011 11:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Opal: MAAN: Benedick wtf?shinyopals on September 17th, 2011 09:43 am (UTC)
THIS ENTIRE POST, OMG. I THINK MY NEIGHBOURS MUST BE ASSUMING I AM ON DRUGS BECAUSE OF THE AMOUNT I HAVE LAUGHED.

Also, I'm assuming due in part to the condition of both you and Hannah watching it, you didn't include SOME OF HIS DOUCHIEST ROLES. I mean, he plays an abusive, terrible bloke in Secret Smile to the extent that I was so creeped out I could not watch the second episode. And in St Trinian's he is runs a SECRET SOCIETY FOR OPPRESSED MEN and tries to hide THE TRUTH that SHAKESPEARE WAS A WOMAN (man, I want to live in the world of St Trinian's where the universe would be against this). And in LA Without a Map he flies across the Atlantic to stalk an actress... wait a minute. BUT ON THE NEGATIVE SIDE, HE ALSO CHLOROFORMS HER. AND THEN SHE ENDS UP WITH HIM ANYWAY.

Redeeming Factors: Arguably the second-best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Hogwarts had over seven years, so possibly Dumbledore needs to re-evaluate his hiring practices.
Verdict: Nothing trumps being a Nazi.


looooooooooooooooooooooool. THIS IS ALL TRUE.
Kali_thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 03:25 pm (UTC)
LOL YEAH neither of us have seen any of that. I was vaguely aware that whoever he played in Secret Smile would probably top this list (or, well, maybe not since NOTHING TRUMPS BEING A NAZI, but at least come close) but yeah neither of us have watched that.

DUMBLEDORE'S HIRING METHODS ARE PRETTY SUSPECT. WE RANKED THE DADA PROFS WHILE DISCUSSING THIS, AND WE DECIDED:

Lupin, Barty, Quirrell, Snape, Lockhart, Umbridge

WHICH ALSO MEANS A DEATH EATER AND VOLDEMORT HIMSELF beat out Snape, so fuck off Snape.
(no subject) - shinyopals on September 17th, 2011 10:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 07:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - shinyopals on September 17th, 2011 10:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 10:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - shinyopals on September 17th, 2011 10:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 10:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - shinyopals on September 17th, 2011 10:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 10:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Leanne_onebreath on September 17th, 2011 11:46 am (UTC)
I want to frame this post.

fucking up of synchronized dance during musical drug bust

BEST.
Kali: dw :: ten :: skinny streak of nothing_thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 03:35 pm (UTC)
LOL it is clearly Carlisle's biggest transgression.
(no subject) - firstofoct on September 17th, 2011 05:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Sarah: kayleeelirrina on September 17th, 2011 01:34 pm (UTC)
Hahaha, I love your list. My favorite charge of douchedom is always the last one in the list for each character, except for Peter Carlisle, and my favorite from that is "fucking up of synchronized dance during musical drug bust." :D

Now I want to see your ranking of the Doctors (that you have seen) in a similar scale.
Kali: dw :: doctordonna :: flapper or slapper?_thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 03:36 pm (UTC)
LOL "BEING A LITTERBUG" was added in after lacunaz pointed it out.

I don't think I/we know enough about the other Doctors to rank them properly tbh. LOL and it would be even harder to pretend to be objective.
(no subject) - elirrina on September 17th, 2011 04:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 04:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Anthea: david tennant - barrowman!!!kremlindusk on September 17th, 2011 01:43 pm (UTC)
Okay, I totally agree with everything, except I think number 1 should be Brendan from Secret Smile. Because HOLY SHIT



Not to mention everything other thing he does in that movie.

Edit: So I re-read your thing and saw that you only rated stuff you'd both seen. You both need to see Secret Smile because he's creepy as hell and somehow manages to be really hot, which tells me I need therapy, but uh.. yeah.

Edited at 2011-09-17 01:46 pm (UTC)
Kali: dw :: cloen :: i can see!_thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 03:40 pm (UTC)
LOLOL when we first vaguely discussed this list I'm pretty sure one of us mentioned "that guy from Secret Smile", but yeah, neither of us have seen it, so it did not make the cut. I guess he is probably the only one who could give Barty Crouch a run for his money, but... nothing trumps being a Nazi!
demented & sad, but social: ttoi: nicola dnwpapilio_luna on September 17th, 2011 01:58 pm (UTC)
You definitely forgot one.
EDIT: LMAO TWO COMMENTS WITH THE SAME CLIP. kremlindusk, you are a gentlewoman and a scholar.



Clip NSFW or sanity or anything.

I get way more troubled when people use this for Cloen/Rose vid footage than Blackpool. Immediately my reaction goes from "Awww shipping!" to "OMG RUN ROSE, RUN, HE'S A SERIAL KILLERRRRRR!!!!"

Edited at 2011-09-17 02:00 pm (UTC)
lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 02:43 pm (UTC)
Re: You definitely forgot one.
OMG My eyes! My eyes! WHY DID I WATCH THAT? CREEPIEST THING EVER! *shudder* Why David, Why??????

*runs and hides*
Re: You definitely forgot one. - papilio_luna on September 17th, 2011 03:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: You definitely forgot one. - lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 04:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: You definitely forgot one. - doctahr on September 17th, 2011 07:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: You definitely forgot one. - lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 08:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: You definitely forgot one. - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 03:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: You definitely forgot one. - papilio_luna on September 17th, 2011 03:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: You definitely forgot one. - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 03:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Kali: dw :: ten/rose :: in the face of danger_thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 03:55 pm (UTC)
Omg lol tbh I think part of the reason I have such a DNW reaction to Peter Carlisle is because before I saw Blackpool I knew all these people shipped him with Rose, and then I watched Blackpool and it was like NO ROSE, SAVE YOURSELF. In its own way this list is kind of like "reasons I do not ship Rose Tyler with other people David Tennant has played unlike much of the fandom". THEY'RE ALL EVEN BIGGER DOUCHEBAGS THAN TEN, HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? ABORT MISSION, ROSE.

Is Hamlet a douche? Discuss.

LOL I feel like in not so many words that is basically a cornerstone of Hamlet scholarship ngl.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 04:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 02:31 pm (UTC)
OMG This post is AMAZING!!!! I love the fact that it makes Ten and even Benedick look like freaking saints by the time you get to the end.

LOL David Tennant, one of these days you will play someone who is not a douche and THE UNIVERSE WILL IMPLODE!!!!

pestering Dumbledore for admission into Hogwarts (and thus prompting the first rejection letter from Hogwarts in over a thousand years), Care to explain this one? I'm baffled by it!

Anyway everything about this list made me howl with laughter. Also, I read it aloud to Claire and she laughed too... also at first she argued about your placement of Hamlet vs Cassanova - until I read out the first 3 offenses and she was like "oh yeah".

Also, we agree that being a Volde-Nazi trumps all!

Haha the best part of this post is that it has made me want to forget about writing this afternoon and watch Goblet of Fire instead. LOLOLOL (Because, believe or not, I've only seen that movie once - when it was in theaters, and that was long before I even knew who David Tennant was).

Moar lists like this please! :)
Kali: dw :: ten :: very james bond_thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 04:08 pm (UTC)
LOL OUR LIST IS TOTALLY UNBIASED, CLEARLY. no actually it kept cracking me up that Dave Tiler ranked below Ten and Benedick, though I didn't actually see beyond episode 1 so I'll just take Hannah's word for it that he blossomed into a douchebag.

LOL David Tennant, one of these days you will play someone who is not a douche and THE UNIVERSE WILL IMPLODE!!!!

LOL Hannah hasn't seen Einstein & Eddington which is why it's not on this list, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't a douche even a little in that movie. Go figure. but lirl this list also skips a bunch of other stuff in which his character is even worse, so it all evens out.

also at first she argued about your placement of Hamlet vs Cassanova - until I read out the first 3 offenses and she was like "oh yeah".

LOL HANNAH DRAFTED THE ORIGINAL PLACEMENT AND I WAS LIKE 'WHAT I LOVE HAMLET' and she was like '...he killed a lot of people' and I was like "............fair enough."

Omg I haven't seen Goblet of Fire since knowing who he was, either, but I can still like, retrospectively remember all those scenes and how hilarious they were. I also remember when the movie came out my one friend was like BARTY CROUCH JR WAS HOT and I made fun of her. I guess she gets the last laugh here idk.

(no subject) - lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 04:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 04:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 04:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 04:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 04:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 04:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 04:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:21 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 05:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on September 17th, 2011 05:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 06:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - firstofoct on September 17th, 2011 05:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 05:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
lorelaisquared on September 17th, 2011 02:40 pm (UTC)
Also, there is not enough of David Tennant's face on this page.

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