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07 December 2009 @ 11:35 pm
everything you wanted to know about "dreamland" but were afraid to ask  
AHHHHH CLASSES ARE OVER FOR THE TERM. YESSSS. I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS MOMENT. I still have a take-home and four other exams, and I'm not done until the 21st, but NO MORE PAPERS, SWEET LORD THANK YOU.

In celebration I got Chinese food with goldy_dollar and we continued our "Crazy Ten is Crazy" marathon. So far we've conquered "The Christmas Invasion", "The Runaway Bride", "The Shakespeare Code", "The Lazarus Experiment", "Utopia" and "Fires of Pompeii". We wanted to proceed to "Journey's End", but when I went to get out the disc it... was not in my boxset. Because it was in my computer at home. Oops.

Improvising, we decided to watch "Dreamland".

I have done you all the great service of deciding to summarise it, for those who like their eyes and want to keep them.





So Ten swaggers into a diner where he meets American Jenny and Biker and babbles about pies or something. And then he notices a MYSTERIOUS ALIEN OBJECT on the diner counter and picks it up. Mr. Smith from The Matrix movies bursts in and is all, "omg, hdu handle that alien object!" and Ten distracts him by blowing up American Jenny's radio. American Jenny, Biker and Ten flee.

At this point Frances and I were like:

_thirty2flavors: OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS, REBOOT HAD BETTER ANIMATION. WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THEIR FACES. OH SWEET LORD, TEN'S HAIR. WHY IS EVERYONE DISPORPORTIONATE? THE DOCTOR IS LIKE SEVEN FEET TALL.
goldy_dollar: Stfu.
_thirty2flavors: ALSO, TEN'S ARMS ARE WEIRDLY BUFF. THEY ARE BUFFER THAN THE BIKER'S ARMS.
goldy_dollar: David Tennant probably requested that. ...Where is Jenny's accent supposed to be... from...?
_thirty2flavors: I dunno. I assume the only reason she is in this is because David Tennant was like "IF I HAVE TO DO THIS SO DO YOU. ....Georgiaaaaa. Pleaaase?"


That piece of hair hanging down in the front? Starts at the BACK OF HIS HEAD.

They wind up in Area 51 and the AMERICAN MILITARY!!! catches them and is all, YOU KNOW TOO MUCH! YOU MUST BE RETCONNED! Naturally this retconning takes place in a locked room with no surveillance, and Ten uses tricks he learned from Houdini to escape and free them all. No, really.

Also, there is a stereotyical Area 51 alien.


Okay, that's not a picture from Dreamland, but I am not downloading caps for that, I love my eyesight too much. Anyway, the alien literally looks exactly like that, except slightly grayish. I assume they stole the design from Google Images just like I did.


Ten doesn't really care about the alien, though. They run through ventilation shafts and eventually discover some big Bug Aliens which are called... something. Who cares. The Bug Things do not approve of being disturbed, so Ten, American Jenny and Biker escape in a mining cart. They're there for like two minutes before the Matrix Dudes show up again.


Once again: they actually look like this. I'm not even exaggerating. They even have the glasses.


Matrix Dudes, apparently, are the Something Something which is a set of robots that try to ... hide aliens from humans or something, for some reason. Ten says they are shit at their job. So they are like Torchwood, except they are robots produced by the Matrix.

They want the thing Ten stole from Jenny's diner, and naturally he refuses, so they each turn their hands into... plungers... and threaten to "incinerate" them. IDK.


Daleks have plungers, which is how you know they are apparently srs weapons.


And then the Matrix robots got shot.
By Native American Biker's grandfather.
In the desert.
With a bow and arrow.

And we were basically like:



Grandfather, whose name is like, Eagle's Nest or something, takes them to his... cave... where he keeps his pet alien. It's not a Bug Monster, it's an Area 51 alien. Turns out, it is the husband of the previous Area 51 alien. The Area 51 race is at WAAAAR with the Bug Monster race, and somehow his wife crash-landed on Earth. So he came to save her, but wound up crashing his ship as well. Nicely done there.

Throughout all this, the music from Bad Wolf Bay 2.0 is playing, because when asked to compose music for Dreamland, Murray Gold said, "LOL, FUCK NO".

Just then, THE AMERICAN MILITARY busts in and blabs on about how they are all under arrest. To the surprise of no one, the American Military is working hand-in-hand with the Bug Monsters for... some reason. The Bug Monsters want to kill Area 51 Alien and his wife, because they developed a super-impressive biological weapon to wipe out all Bug Monsters. The Americans want help to DEFEAT THE COMMIES!!!!

Yes, actually.


When Ten disagrees with this plan, American Military Officer accuses him of sounding “like a Red”.


Ten grabs the device from the diner, which is actually the biological weapon, and flees the room. Various American soldiers do not shoot at him despite threatening to, presumably because it is really hard to hit a guy who is two feet away from you.

Ten hides on the roof, and American Military Officer – whose name is Stark, presumably first name Tony – threatens him with a gun again. “WE HAVE TO TAKE DOWN THOSE DAMN COMMIES!” etc, etc.

Ten gets his chance to speechify, so he goes on about how the Bug Monsters will take over Earth and Stark is not DEFENDING EARTH, he is DESTROYING IT!!! I’m pretty sure this is also where he describes the Russians as “friendly”. Stark concedes the point, but the Bug Monsters hear this, flip their shit, and decide to wage war with ALL OF EAAARTH!!!


ALL OF EARTH IS IN DANGER SOMEHOW?!?!?! SHOCKING, I KNOW!


They decide they have to use the biological weapon, which they need Area 51 Alien for because it’s … bio-imprinted or somethingsomething. Unfortunately he’s dying, because that’s convenient for the plot, so Wife Alien has to go get some medicine from the crashed ship to heal him first. This involves a drawn-out chase scene wherein Jenny and Biker run off together to fetch the TARDIS in a pick-up truck, while Ten hangs around with Wife Alien. Wife Alien is a far more interesting companion than American Jenny or Biker, for all of two seconds. At one point, they hide and move around under a box, a la the Solid Snake videogames, and Ten goes, “some are born crates, SOME HAVE CRATES THRUST UPON THEM”


Shakespeare cs wut u did thar, Ten, and he regrets flirting with you.


Eventually they heal Husband Alien, and they go to use the biological warfare only for Ten to flip out because it will destroy not just the Bug Monsters wreaking havoc on Earth, but ALL Bug Monsters EVERYWHERE, and that is GENOCIDE and “no one has the right to kill an entire species”.

Just to recap, when we last saw Ten:




Just saying.


So instead Husband Alien changes it to… well, they don’t specify, only that he has changed it. Ten grabs the vial and dashes into the TARDIS, and then… hooks the vial up to the TARDIS soundsystem and blasts a really loud annoying noise. Because the biological warfare has somehow been changed into... a really annoying noise…

The Bug Monsters are like, “OH GOD IT HURTS, PUT PARTY IN THE USA BACK ON!” When Ten refuses, they agree to pack up their shit and GTFO.


”HOW DID HE KNOW OUR ONE WEAKNESS WAS LOUD NOISES?!?!


With some parting words, Ten gives Stark a stern talking-to, and then says he’s off to get some Chinese from the Ming dynasty because they have the best dim sum. Ever the matchmaker, he tells American Jenny and Biker to get it on in his absence, and since the episode ends with them holding hands, we can assume they agree with this plan.

All in all, needed moar TIME LORD VICTORIOUS. I never expected to see the day when The Infinite Quest looked well-plotted, well-animated and compelling, but clearly I was mistaken.


You win this round, Infinite Quest.

 
 
 
Lizbazcat89 on December 8th, 2009 04:42 am (UTC)
If there was an lolcat for I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON, I would use it.

But I don't so umm...
Kali_thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 04:47 am (UTC)


It is that.

Except 45 minutes long.
(no subject) - bazcat89 on December 8th, 2009 04:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 05:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
Lindsay: CSI_Brass_Not_Amusedrowofstars on December 8th, 2009 04:43 am (UTC)
What is this...I don't even...?
Kali_thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 04:47 am (UTC)
It is the "special animated project" they were working on. It's out now. It's... um.

(no subject) - rowofstars on December 8th, 2009 04:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 05:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
Marinajavabreeze on December 8th, 2009 04:51 am (UTC)
Bwahaha! Best recap ever.
Kali: dw :: cloen/rose :: spend it with you_thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 05:01 am (UTC)
Why thank you!
MV: SG - time travelmrv3000 on December 8th, 2009 04:53 am (UTC)
Brilliant recap!
Kali: dw :: rose :: all pink and yellow_thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 05:10 am (UTC)
Re: Brilliant recap!
YOU ARE TOO KIND.
Frances: DW - Ten head scratchgoldy_dollar on December 8th, 2009 04:58 am (UTC)
I think watching the Gallifrey scenes of Gridlock and the last ten minutes of LotTL should be included on the "Crazy Ten is Crazy" list. Just saying.

A+ to your Dreamland recap:



I am impressed by your grasp of the plot. Though I did kind of watch the whole thing being like:



I'm torn between my favourite moment being SAVED BY NATIVE AMERICANS WITH BOWS AND ARROWS and "Russians are friendly." Though Ten speechifying about NOT COMMITTING GENOCIDE!!! is also always fun. Hmm. Tough decisions.
Kali: dw :: ten/rose :: long time no see_thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 05:12 am (UTC)
I was thinking of comprising a list of like, Crazy Ten's Greatest Hits via youtube video. Then we could hit the end of Doomsday + Jenny's death as well.

I think I pay exactly the right amount of attention to generally accept Doctor Who plots, which is to say "some, but not very much".

The genocide rant is a tried and tested one, but NATIVE AMERICANS WITH BOWS AND ARROWS!!! and the friendly Russians/DAMN COMMIES was fresh material, so.
(no subject) - goldy_dollar on December 8th, 2009 05:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 05:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - shinyopals on December 8th, 2009 02:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - goldy_dollar on December 8th, 2009 07:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
aleph: laws of time will obey me! crazy! crazy!lacunaz on December 8th, 2009 05:11 am (UTC)
LOL I just got your Reboot > Dreamland text because I am slow BUT I AGREE. Props to you for actually sticking this out until the end; I got to the part where Mr Smith met his doom via arrow and then gave up because I wanted more out of life.

In summary this is my reaction to Dreamland:
Kali: himym :: marshall :: dazzled_thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 05:13 am (UTC)
I would like to say I wouldn't have stuck it otu if goldy_dollar hadn't made me, but I did watch The Infinite Quest, so that argument is probably invalid.

Your reaction is wiser than mine.
Sarah: help me obi-wan kenobielirrina on December 8th, 2009 06:28 am (UTC)
Throughout all this, the music from Bad Wolf Bay 2.0 is playing, because when asked to compose music for Dreamland, Murray Gold said, "LOL, FUCK NO".
Hahahaha! Yes, good choice Murray Gold.

"Beat the Commies?" Really? Did they land in the 60s?

Re: the Waters of Mars gifs. Somehow, Ten's crazy was significantly diluted in my mind since having watched the episode. Ah yes, this has reminded me how nuts he really is.
Kali: dw :: ten :: i'm the winner_thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 03:21 pm (UTC)
It made it pretty hilarious if you're a huge nerd who can identify musical cues. Which.. we are.

LOL YES. Every time they mentioned Commies or "THE REDS" we died laughing. At one point they point to a world map where everything is green except the giant red blotch that is the USSR, complete with communist logo.

I told Frances that, sicne this is supposdly set between WOM and End of Time, if Ten did something CRAZY it would totally redeem the whole episode for me. He didn't, so I refuse to acknowledge that this exists.
Chelle: doctor ew faceafterthree on December 8th, 2009 06:36 am (UTC)
Thank you for watching this and confirming all my suspicions so I don't actually have to spent time watching it myself. You have performed a great public service.
Eos: Tardis.firstlightofeos on December 8th, 2009 11:16 am (UTC)
Seconded.

God, The Sims has better animation than that. Fuck that, the ancient Nintendo games (yes, the ones that weren't 3D yet) had better animation that that. I don't even know.

Also: Plot sounds like the most contrived thing ever.

Also: Good God, what is this crack? I approve of your decision, Murray Gold. Someone had to say no to this.
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 03:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 03:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
victoria: dw. 10d; srsly D:timeblind on December 8th, 2009 07:27 am (UTC)
HAHAHHA. I don't need to waste time on Dreamland... I HAVE YOU TO RECAP IT. And it was an awesome recap. BRAVO.

That piece of hair hanging down in the front? Starts at the BACK OF HIS HEAD. THIS MADE ME LIRL SO HARD.

What is WITH those graphics though? Like, SIMS 3 HAS BETTER GRAPHICS. This... abomination has graphics comparable to SIMS 1. :/

I'm surprised you got through the entire thing. I would've gouged my eyes out... I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THAT TO A DOCTOR WHO THING. :( At least... 2.5 more weeks til the first of the two parter!
Kali: dw :: nine/rose :: better with two_thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 03:30 pm (UTC)
Omfg, I wanted to find a profile shot of him so bad, because that piece of hair is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.

LOL I KNOW. I feel like no one involved int his project actually wanted to be involved in this project, which is where you end up with misplaced music and terrible animation and an awful script.

Frances had to put up with me loudly exclaiming about the horror of the design every once in a while, lol.
Katya: My OTP cute and easily amusedteruel_a_witch on December 8th, 2009 12:38 pm (UTC)
Throughout all this, the music from Bad Wolf Bay 2.0 is playing, because when asked to compose music for Dreamland, Murray Gold said, "LOL, FUCK NO".
MWAhaha, I knew I didn't want to watch this for a reason XD
Kali: dw :: cloen/rose :: spend it with you_thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 03:31 pm (UTC)
Hahaha I was like "isn't this music from some important part of JE?" and Frances was like "THE BEACH SCENE D:"

I guess it was to symbolise the love of Alien Husband/Alien Wife. Or something.
Dani: dw // daleks // Explain!dashafeather on December 8th, 2009 01:55 pm (UTC)
Photobucket

Ick. Such bad animation.

Thank you for this recap. I couldn't make it more than ten minutes in, but I was curious as to what exactly happened and whether I'd made a mistake in stopping so early. It seems I had not.
Kali: dw :: ten/rose :: are we in scotland?_thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 03:33 pm (UTC)
The animation is just awful, yeah.

LOL I am glad to do such a noble public service for you all. But yeah, plot-wise there was nothing relevant to anything that happened. So.... pretty much what you'd expect from an animated special, or a novel.
Opal: Adipose in Habs hatshinyopals on December 8th, 2009 02:48 pm (UTC)
I NOW WANT TO SEE THIS EVEN MORE.

COMMIE PLOTS. AREA 51. OMG LULZ.
Kali: dw :: THE STARS WERE BRIGHT_thirty2flavors on December 8th, 2009 03:48 pm (UTC)
THE COMMIES WERE AN UNEXPECTED BUT DELIGHTFUL PLOT TWIST.
threerings: DW-master-the fuckthreerings on December 9th, 2009 04:22 pm (UTC)
I really appreciate you watching this so I don't have to.

I guess this is how Brits feel when they see really horrible American-produced visions of Britain, huh?
Kali: dw :: doctordonna :: get that stuff now_thirty2flavors on December 9th, 2009 04:28 pm (UTC)

I guess this is how Brits feel when they see really horrible American-produced visions of Britain, huh?


LOL Yes, I suspect so. I'm pretty sure the American commander guy was voiced by Lazlow from the s3 Dalek episodes, too.
christycorr on December 10th, 2009 01:20 am (UTC)
Daleks have plungers, which is how you know they are apparently srs weapons.

This recap made me laugh, but—really? Really? I have no words.
Kali: c&h :: i love television_thirty2flavors on December 10th, 2009 01:31 am (UTC)
...Are you questioning me or the Daleks?
(no subject) - christycorr on December 10th, 2009 05:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _thirty2flavors on December 10th, 2009 05:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
doctahr: Bahahahadoctahr on July 7th, 2012 04:11 am (UTC)
omg. I actually remember watching the first several minutes of this before the animation and lack of companions that I liked or companion references got to me and I switched it off.