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Sep. 14th, 2011

bloc party

(no subject)

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Oct. 20th, 2008

bloc party


Do you ever find that when you wake in the morning, turn off your alarm, and accidentally fall back asleep is when you have the craziest dreams? Perhaps it is because your mind knows you are not supposed to be sleeping.

This morning was one of those times.

I dreamed that I was dressed up in some strange outfit and chewing on a mouthful of masking tape as I limped around down some big staircase. That's when I saw Jon. He had flown back from Italy to surprise me. I was embarrassed that I had so much tape in my mouth. I wanted to kiss him, so I started pulling it out, and it just kept coming and coming. By the time I got the tape out he wouldn't hug me so I started crying. Sobbing. Then I couldn't find him and soon realized that he had turned into a dozen pieces of colorful soap all over the floor. I picked up the soap pieces and formed them back together in a lump as I wept. Then I leaned over a railing and a man passed by and groped me. I called him a cock, and that's when Jon reappeared in human form. He yelled at the groping man and put his arms around me tightly.

Sep. 3rd, 2008

bloc party

(no subject)

Wow, it's kind of fun when I don't write for a long time because it makes me realize just how much can happen in a few months.

So, my best friend with whom I was in love... I still am. But now he loves me too. And we are lovers. And we are boyfriend and girlfriend and have been for over 5 months now. I'm more in love with him than I have been with anyone, ever. And now he lives in Italy.

He's going to art school in Florence for a semester, and then staying, working, traveling, living for a while after. He probably won't be back for about a year. A year max, he says. It's been 8 days...

But we have web cams, and he holds it out the window and lets me see florence and even gave me a strip tease for my birthday on Monday, haha. I miss his touch. His skin that is unnaturally soft and bronze and has flecks of paint on it. And his cooking. And the way he holds me.

I just can't even find words to describe it. I feel so connected to him that it seems impossible that we've only known each other for 2 years.

Anyway, I also have a job and a cat and a whole new post-school life in the Bay Area, but right now I'm just thinking of him.

ps - it's funny because I was searching for a band that I used to really like on google, and I suppose I had listed it as what I was listening to on here once, so my journal came up in the search results. seeing it made me decide to update, haha. weird.

Mar. 19th, 2008

bloc party

secret love mix tape

I made him a fucking mix cd of songs that secretly hint at the fact that I'm in love with him. I can't tell if it's too blatant. I'm really really really nervous to tell him, but I think I might do it this weekend.

mix cd:
eleventeen: kimya dawson
neighborhood 1 (tunnels): arcade fire
playground love: air
the way we get by: spoon
disconnect the dots: of montreal
reasons: built to spill
i'll be your mirror: velvet underground
slow moves: jose gonzalez
maps: yeah yeah yeahs
just one thing: my morning jacket
in the aeroplane over the sea: neutral milk hotel
wonderwall: ryan adams
wishbone: architecture in helsinki
tell me now so i know: holly golightly
could we: cat power
four leaf clover: badly drawn boy
i want to tell you: the beatles
your algebra: the shins
this modern love: bloc party
lightness: death cab for cutie

too obvious? i want it to whisper my secret to him, not shout it. i can't believe how juvenile this is.

Mar. 17th, 2008

bloc party

(no subject)

I fell in love with my best friend. Fuck.

Why did I never see this before?

Mar. 3rd, 2008

bloc party

selling out

I just got off the phone with my parents. I'm sure millions of people my age have had this discussion at this point in their lives with their parents. But that doesn't make it any easier.
I want to go to London. I want it so bad it's almost painful. I also want to work in the music industry. I'm willing to work for free to be able to work in the industry, but then that means I'd have to work another job on the side to pay for even the most minimal rent and expenses. I just didn't realize that my mom and dad weren't really planning on paying for anything. I thought they would at least help me with rent. They think it's silly for me to plan to go there right now
"You already had one big trip in your life"
my mom said. Yes, one big trip (that I paid for) that was amazing and changed my life and made me realize that I never want to get stuck anywhere. Especially not anywhere that I'm comfortable. Yes I know it's not the best idea. Yes I know I can't expect to move to one of the most expensive cities in the world AND work in the music industry for low pay AND not be able to save much before I go because I want to be in the Vagina Monologues and go on a trip for Spring Break. And all during a recession. But, then what can I do? I want to get at least one of those things. Maybe I can't work in the music industry if I want to go to London. Or maybe if I want to work in the music industry, I should do it in a cheaper city. Or work somewhere else for a while to save up.
But I have a phobia. A phobia of getting stuck. "Oh I'll just work for a while at a restaurant to save up money and go abroad later" leads to "Oh, it's just a six month lease..." leads to "well I'm in this relationship now, and so..." and then you're 50 and working in some crap job to make a salary to buy a decent car and put the kids though school.
Maybe that's realistic, but I don't want that right now. I don't want to be realistic at 21. I want to live in a room the size of a closet, eat nothing but bread, fruit and tea, work 60 hours a week but be living in a place that makes me feel alive, and working in an industry that I'm more passionate about than anything else in the world.

And also it's too late. I have the "Great Britain" Lonely Planet book, and the "London" Culture Shock book, and I've told my friends that I'm going to London. No matter what. And they all think it's amazing. I have friends already planning their trips to come see me. And I've been sending resumes and cover letters all over England. If I turn back now, I'd be a sell-out. And no one should be a sell-out at 21.

Feb. 12th, 2008

bloc party

Let's fucking do this thing!

I'm moving to London after graduation.
And it's fucking expensive, especially if you're working for like $10/hr (or should I say £5/hr) in the music industry. But whatever. I'm doing it anyway. I'll live in a room that is the size of my closet, and have 29 roommates, and eat nothing but fruit, bread, and tea. And wine. And it will be amazing. It'll be rainy and cold, and I don't care.

There was a posting on gumtree.com (British Craig's List) that said

Libertarian? Artist? Creative? Wild? Interesting? Not hesitate to email with description of yourself and your interests. Blow us away and you can stay. Also earn money at the Notbar. Please include pic. Right now we are one girl and two boys so girls predf but cool dudes welcome aswell.

And I looked up "Notabar", and found this description:

Swedish couple Andreas, 35, and Kicki, 21, cleared rooms full of rubbish and fixed
the walls of the abandoned building before moving in. Upstairs, they
found comments and dates scratched into the walls which show that
several different groups have squatted in the property since 1965. The
building was used as an underground blues bar in the 1970s, a customer
told Andreas.

(The italics won't go away, so just ignore that this is in italics) Are you serious? And they're looking for a fucking roommate! I almost quit school and bought a plane ticket 
right then. I want to live in some artist commune in London!

On a different note, there's this band that played on my campus a few months ago, and yesterday I got a myspace 
message from their profile that said "hi. i'd like to know more. - adam (the drummer)" So, I responded, asking
what he wanted to know more about, and he responded with a numbered list that included things like "You went to 
Thailand. I've always wanted to go there." and "You're really attractive" and "You're an artist of sorts which 
pretty much my life". So... I wrote back and then he sent me a message that said "I think we should collaborate 
on a painting. Game?" I said I was game, and he invited me up to his studio in Sacramento. He said "I have 3 panel 
canvases, so you could do one, and then I could do the other, and then we could totally collab on the middle one".

So... there's that.

Feb. 23rd, 2007

bloc party

professors answer their cell phones in class

As usual, I showed up to class 1 minute late, and the classroom is empty with the lights out. This is because according to thai-style-time I'm really about 25 minutes early.
bloc party

This is my life!

My Spring Break Plans:
First here:Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Ko Phi Phi

Then, here:Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Krabi

Then, here:Photobucket - Video and Image HostingKuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Then, here:Photobucket - Video and Image HostingBali

Then, here:Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Singapore

Then, back home:Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting Bangkok, Thailand.

Jan. 29th, 2007

bloc party

(no subject)

I'm glad I don't live in the same country as Hamburger Helper anymore.

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