November 26th, 2007
|10:07 pm - The saddest news im ever going to have to tell anyone....|
My baby nephew Justin passed away last monday(11/19)
I just wanted to thank everyone who has been there for me since his was born and anyone who has wished the best for him.
A couple of weeks ago Justin was sick, April was in the hospital giving birth to her second child. About two or three days after the new baby was born Justin was rushed to childrens hospital. He was doing the same thing he was doing when he had the pace maker put in, which was he would through his head back and go limp. So when he got to the hospital they had checked for any internal bleeding and the found bleeding on his brain. The bleeding was caused because the blood thinners he was on were too strong for him. So they took him off the blood thinners and put him on the opposite to make his blood clot. He immidiatly stopped bleeding on from his brain. We still knew something was wrong but no one would listen to my sister. He was extremely swollen and very scranky. He wouldn't respond to anything except when you said baba because he was dehydrated and wanted a drink. So saturday I went to the hospital to see him and my sister. All he wanted to do was play with my hair and hold my hand. I knew he looked bad, I left there around midnight. Sunday me, my mom, Jim, and Nicole went up to the hospital to see him and so that April could see the newborn because we were taking care of her while they were there. Everyone just kept saying Justin needs to be in Rochester. SO we stayed there for a while. I felt bad because when I was leaving the room Justin started crying because he didn't want me to leave. Anyways the next day I got a phone call at work and the first thing I said when I heard it was for me was uh oh. Because the last time it was for me it was my mom saying Justin was going to the hospital. So I get on the phone and it was my uncle so I thought he was calling to ask something about the newborn because he was watching her that morning. But no, He had asked me if my mom or anyone had called me and I said no why? and all he said was Justin didn't make it, I was like what do you mean he didn't make it and he just said he didn't make it, so I started crying but tried not to freak out on the phone. I just kept asking when? why? what happened? and all he told me was that my mom called him crying saying April called and said Justin stopped breathing and she was on her way to the hospital. Then I guess a little bit later Jim called him and asked what the last thing he heard was and he told him and I guess Jim was crying and said well Justin died. So my uncle told me to call him back if I needed to leave work, I said okay and got off the phone. The girl I work with was cashing right in front of me while I was on the phone and saw my crying and when I got off she came up to me me and just hugged me and I started balling my eyes out and said that Justin was dead and she just kept hugging me while I cried my eyes out.. Dennis immidiatly came up and told us to go in the back room. So we did and then we went to her car to smoke a cigarette and talk. I told her I couldn't stay she said she would stay for me. So we went back inside and the first thing Dennis said was if you need to leave just let me know and I told him that I did and he said just do what you need to do. SO I called my uncle and he came and got me. When I got home everyone was already back from the hospital and I asked my mom what happened and she said April was in the living room so I ran in there and like jumped on her and just hugged her and we both started crying. I had asked her what happened and she said she didn't know. She said he was just screaming like a high pitch screaming but it wasn't loud and she said she started to rub his head and his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he flat lined. I just started crying even more. So now we wont know what really happened for about another 4 weeks.
So needless to say this week has been hell. We had the wake on Friday The first one was from 2-4 and the second one was from 7-9. I was an open casket so people were normally going to be upset. The one thing that upset alot of people though was the fact that it didn't look like Justin, the person who did his makeup used way too much. It was bad. About half way through the first one my sisters asshole bf left, yes he left his own sons wake.. oh well though. He never came back to that one or the second one. So after the wakes we went home and I went to bed. Saturday morning was the funeral. My sisters bf wasn't going to go but the decided he wanted to. The funeral though was upsetting. I almost started crying but I wanted to be strong for my sister. After the funeral we went to the breakfast it was alright.
I don't know.. It still hasn't really hit me yet. I know it is going to real soon because I can feel it coming on. I just can't believe he is gone. He was only a year and a half, He was just a baby still. I'm just not used to the fact that I will never be able to hold him again. I mean I was really really close to him. He was my little pumpkin head. He was the happiest little kid you would have ever known. Even though all he had been through since he was born you would think a kid his age would be worn out quickly.. not him, he was the best thing ever and a fighter. All I know is I will never forget him ever, I will cherish ever moment I ever spent with him for the rest of my life.
Justin R.I.P. I love you so much <3
So again thank you to anyone and everyone who has ever wished him well, and also to everyone who has been here for me and my family in this rough time.
July 27th, 2007
|09:29 pm - So you think your hot...|
You know what really gets to me? People who are soo god damn full of themselves. You know just because a few people say that your hot does not make you gods gift to earth. Im so sick of people being all like oh they are just jealous because im hot, im sorry but if you are jealous because someone is hot or thinks they are hot then you have a serious fucking problem. I have had people tell me that im good looking but you don't see me prancing around like im the shit. Ooh someone thinks im hot, big fucking deal. I'm not saying that that shouldn't make you feel good about yourself by all means you should, but you shouldn't act like your the shit. Because as much as you may think you are the hottest thing around other people don't. In fact it is actually a turn off for most guys/ girls, because you act like the world revolves around you. Im sorry about my rant but i'm just so sick of it already. Anyayways the next time your walking around with your head in the clouds thinking everyone is looking at you just remember the next time someone tells you your ugly(whether it be on the inside or the outside) just stop and think about it, and when you run to one of your friends thinking they are going to feel sorry for you think about what they are actually thinking because chances are they don't feel a bit sorry for you they are more than likely relieved that someone finally had the nerve to knock you off your high horse. And before anyone jumps to anything no this is not about anyone inparticular, this is about people in general.
Looks aren't everything, If you look good and are dumber than a stump then your really not hot at all. So just think about the next time you want to make a stupid remark about how hot you are just think.. Do they really care how you think you look?
Current Mood: frustrated
April 17th, 2006
|12:49 am - READ!|
Fundraiser for Justin Ryan(My sisters baby)
On March 12, 2006 little Justin was born and diagnosed with complex, congenital heart disease and has already underwent open heart surgery. He has been hospitalized since and will need several more surgeries before he is 5 years old. Please come and join us and help support his family and the extensive medical bills they have and will incur over the next xouple of months.
When: Sunday May 28th 2006
Where: Lancaster V.F.W. (3741 Walden Ave.)
Food and drink will be served
Tickets in advance $15
Tickets at door $20
March 8th, 2006
congrats to whoever figured out my password for this piece of shit,you may have changed it on me but hey you did so well at me not being able to get on it. Get a life because anyone who has the time to sit down and figure out someones password for livejournal or whatever has no life and is a loser..
May 12th, 2005
so ive gotten like people asking me to model either my hair or myself for them before.. but never have i gotten mail being asked to model for a model agency.. i think its sweet but wierd.. they said someone referred me so who knows. im gunna check it out and see what its about.
April 28th, 2005
Im back! Yes Im back from Mass. Its so beautiful out there. Being home has been nice. I got to see my Samantha, it was so exciting. I get to hang out with my boyfriend who is the sweetest boy ever. And tonight I get to see my baby Kyle.
My mouth hurts so bad right now. I have another wisdom tooth growing in and my whole side of my mouth is swolen, it sucks. But I have lots of pictures now.. They aren't only of Mass though.
( Fun FunCollapse )
March 26th, 2005
So last night... all I can say is wow! haha. I don't remember half the shit that I did and when I was told this morning I def took the walk of shame haha. But other than the bad stuff I had a fucking blast.
Here are some pictures from last night and a couple nights ago.
( InsaneCollapse )
So yes it has been an eventful past few days.
March 2nd, 2005
Yesterday was funnnnnn!!
It was floyd's birthday so we went to April's and had a little get together. I finally got to hang out with Ben and Joe which seems like its been forever since ive seen them. It was sweet.
( Some of last night and then some of earlier this weekCollapse )
There are more coming when they get developed
I cannot wait until Friday... Atreyu... Sam!! Its gunna be soooo much fun!!
March 1st, 2005
Okay so yea I know guys are all like "whine whine your life is so horrible yea fuck you" about my posts but whatever.
If things were'nt bad enough before about me with the whole me and Jon situation.. things just got a whole lot worse.. yay!
February 28th, 2005
( bordemCollapse )
yep thats my life haha. im sucha loser!!!
yesterday i felt like complete shit all i did was lay in bed all day. I got up to pee and thats it. went to bed super early because i felt like shit and was depressed and i had cramps.. gotta love it hah.
today i dont know what im doing.. probably the same thing as yesterday.. still not feeling the greatest today.
well im out.