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LiveJournal for Tara MaClay.

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Monday, December 22nd, 2003

Time:10:55 pm.
Mood: intimidated.
I don't know why I keep going to wicca meetings, no one there knows anything about magic. Well if they do, they don't talk about it. Not that I have the guts to say anything anyway.

Everyone had left. I was sitting in this fancy little coffee house at a big table all alone.

I saw a seat open at the row of stools in front of the window. I took my tea and headed over, sitting between a big guy in a star trek shirt and a cute girl about my age who looked like she'd been crying.
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Sunday, September 14th, 2003

Time:8:31 pm.
Mood: exhausted.
Filling up my free time with studying too much.
Thought about rejoining the wicca group at school, but I didn't even enjoy it that much before I stopped going last year, I don't think it'll be any different.
Dawn caled me earlier today. She was really upset with me. She told me our spell for Buffy worked... and she had to dig herself out. I explained to her we didn't think it had worked, and I was still distressed. She understood and forgave me. I'm not sure if I can forgive myself.
I should go visit her soon. I'm really happy to have Buffy back, it makes me feel safer.
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Saturday, September 13th, 2003

Time:10:47 pm.
Mood: gloomy.
The spell was so close.
"It's not your fault Xander. I just couldn't hold it. I can do it again right now, but we'll need Buffy.
It's a simple spell, i hate that I wrecked it. What happens is anything cursed attracts this mystical blue... uh mist. Then just another spell will turn the mist red and it will float away and lead you to the culprit. I didn't expect there to be an actual curse so I guess I wasn't focused enough. But if we want to save Anya tonight I think we'll need Buffy to help us out, I don't know where it'll lead us."
I frowned. Things were turning out worse than I anticipated.
I looked up at Xander waiting for his decision.
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Thursday, September 4th, 2003

Time:6:55 pm.
Mood: hyper.
I spoke with Zalika for a long time. She said a lot I didn't understand, she said i would eventually. She said she watched people cross over to the land of the dead, it was all beyond my comprehension. She told meshe was awaiting an extraordinary death by a slyer that was soon to come. I froze. I asked her if it was certain and she said she was sure. After awhile she said she had to go. She said now that we were together she could easily find me again, I knew she would and I would always wait for her.
Eventually I was able to hitch a ride going back to Sunnydale. I was no longer afraid of traveling alone, I knew my powers would lead me there safely. The man dropped me off about a mile from Faith's home. I ran the whole way there. People looked at me stangely.
I reached Faith's door and knocked loudly.
She answered it quickly.
"You're back!" She said with a smile. She looked down at my shirt caked in blood.
Before she could say anything I grabbed her and hugged her. "Thank goddess you're ok!"
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Time:6:43 pm.
Mood: hopeful.
It's been a while now and still nothing bad has happened. Maybe I'm not as good at reading Tarot as I thought. Well, I'm happy about that because that means nothing is going to happen to willow and I. I'm making chicken curry tonight. I invited Xander and Anya over for a little double date kind of thing, but apparently Anya is still sick. That girl usually has a heck of an immune system so I'm a little confused. Anyway, got more chicken than I needed so that I could make chicken soup, and Willow's putting in some extra herbs that help with the healing process, she's good with that stuff. We'll probably take it over to her after dinner.
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Time:11:22 am.
Mood: depressed.
Last week came a terrible shock. Willow told me she still loved Xander and broke my heart. Then she broke up with me and started dating him. I had to move out. You can't exactly share a bed with someone who doesn't love you anymore. I got a place. It's small but cozy. I haven't left it or eaten anything. My life is awful.
I had promised Willow earlier that I'd help her with the spell to bring Buffy back to life. I didn't want her knowing how bad I was feeling, so I just went ahead and did it.
It was a failure. Willow ended up exhausted by the end. I helped Xander carry her to his car. He offered me a ride home but I declined. I walked home alone and silently wept.
Dawn has been calling me everyday. I think she really cares about me. She's trying to comfort me but nothing seems to work.
I hope Willow's happy. She always deserves to be.
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Saturday, August 30th, 2003

Time:7:59 pm.
Mood: scared.
I snuck out early in the morning. I didn't need them trying to hold me back again. It was time I left.
Hit the nearest main street and din't have to wait long before a man in a man in a red pickup truck stopped and offered me a ride.
He didn't seem like the type of person I should ride with. But looks are decieving and I have to believe in the good of people.
We rode a few hours in silence. I watched out the window.
Weird, this isn't a main road we're on anymore. This place is pretty desolate...
He stopped the car and pulled over.
I looked at him.
He placed his hand on my thigh.
"Well pretty lady, you're gonna fuck me, then I'm gonna kill you. But Bitch, I have no problem forgetting the fuck and killing you now. So you better enjoy these last moments of your life. I know I will."
I pushed the door open and started running.
I could hear him running after me.
I didn't see the pothole. I tripped hitting my face against the pavement.
I had twisted my ankle and my nose was bleeding.
Help me goddess, I'll never make it.
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Thursday, August 28th, 2003

Time:11:39 am.
Mood: drained.
I packed up mystuff and got ready to go home. I figured I'd take one last nap before I headed out. It'd be quite a while till I got to sleep in a bed again.

I was a bunny hopping through the park. The duck I rescued waddled toward me. It nestled me with his beak.
"It's not your time to go." It told me. "She's coming for you. You must have patience. Life will be better when she finds you."
A big dog popped out of a bush and chomped down on the bird breaking its neck.
"No one's coming for you." It growled. "Go home, nobody loves you. You deserve to die here at the hands of the slayer you beast from hell. Only your family will put up with you. Go to them and you'll live. There is no better life for you. You don't deserve one."
Then everything turned black

I woke up a little sweaty and really nervous. I quickly picked up my bag tucking my new witchcraft book under my arm. I'd have to find somewhere to hide it when I got home if I wanted to keep it.

I walked down the stairs to the front desk and gave the man the last of my money. I was a little short, but he didn't seem to mind. He was a nice guy.

I decided to stop at Faith and Wes's house to say bye and ask if the spell I did worked.

Amazingly it was a simple spell I was able to do it with a couple scented candles and some everyday spices from their spice rack. Oh, and some rats blood, that was not the fun part. A few crackles of light and a big poof of smoke later I assume our desired effect was reached. I'll ask them about it.

I knocked on their door.
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Time:10:16 am.
Mood: scared.
Played with my tarot cards today.
There's a disturbance.
Something is going to try and tear Willow and I apart.
I can't let that happen! I love her more than life itself, she is my everything, my reason to be, I can't part from her.
I don't want to believe it... but can I really deny the tarot? They belong to the same magics I've spent my whole life with.

Goddess help me.
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Monday, August 18th, 2003

Time:7:44 pm.
Mood: distressed.
Spending about $40 a day on room and food.

I've tried to get a job. Apparently no one wants to hire a sixteen year old run away. I don't know what to do. I won't have money much longer? Then what will I do?

Maybe I should just go back home. I'll get an earfull from my family but at least I won't die on the streets.

Well, a week till I run out. We'll see then.
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Sunday, August 17th, 2003

Time:5:53 pm.
Mood: ecstatic.
School starts up again tomorrow. Will is going crazy, making sure she has the right school supplies even at the last minute. She's like a kid. It's adorable.

Summer went by really well. All demon-y of course... but y'know, buffy handled it.

Will's getting better and better at witchcraft everyday. I think she feels really good that she can help Buffy that way.

Well, better to get to bed early, bug day ahead.

xoxox Tara xoxox
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Friday, August 15th, 2003

Time:8:22 pm.
Mood: lonely.
It was late. Very dark. I was starting to think I might not be able to protect myself from things that go bump in the night.

But I have to. I only have $18.73 left and I need that to eat

Oh goddess help me.Collapse )
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Time:4:26 pm.
Mood: cold.
I got this diary so that I could see if all this was really worth it. Maybe if I write it down it'll make more sense.

Mom died two months ago. I'm so unhappy, but at the same time I've never been so relieved. Like every woman in the family mom was a demon, my dad knew how to control her though. Controling her demon side meant controling her too. She never got to do anything. I was treated the same way. I know once I reach that dreaded age the same will happen to me, I'll become the demon inside and someone will have to lock me away forever.

Before my mom died she told me of a place called Sunnydale, she said it was on a hellmouth, that I could find other demons like myself when the time came. Maybe they would accept me.

I know it's a little far fetched but I'm trying it anyway. I hitch hiked my way over and here I am... spending my last few dollars in an internet cafe, writing in an on-line journal, hoping for insight.

Not enough money left for a room. I can sleep in the park tonight. I have magic on my side, that's all I've ever had. Thank goddess mom and I were able to study that without anyone finding out.
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LiveJournal for Tara MaClay.

View:User Info.
You're looking at the latest 13 entries.