Here's what we've got for you this week, and I'm quoting a longer block of teaser than usual because I had a hard time limiting myself to a small chunk of story; I love every bit of this dialogue.
"The Gadgey" by Alan Campbell
"Aye, ahm no daft." Rab picked his way down into the crater, holding his arms out, careful to show he was watching for disruptors. Beyond the woods, blocks of flats loomed up, grey against the grey Edinburgh sky, satellite dishes proudly on show, all pointing the same way—probably towards the Mogadon Cluster. He walked the length of the spaceship, looking inside the bubbles. Most were full of brown, sludgy liquid, but one smaller bubble was clear. He peered in. "Hey, Gordie, there's a wee bald gadgey in here."
"Whit colour eyes?"
"The eyes. If they're yellow then it's an Armenian. They're the worst in the whole Cluster, the Armenians. They can kill you wi' telephonists."
Rab recoiled. "Ah cannae see its eyes," he said, trying to conceal his panic. "It's got a mask on. Whit dae telephonists look like?"
Gordie snorted. "Jeez. Telephonists. Like energy waves frae their big roond heids. Ye cannae see them withoot laser vision. Or ye happen to be half-Armenian, like Data."
"Data's no an Armenian, he's a robot."
"Data's no a robot, you divot." Gordie gave him a big self-satisfied smirk. "He's an android. Where dae ye hink they make a' the androids? Armenia, that's where. Dinnae argue wi' the dish."
"Ah dinnae hink it's an Armenian," Rab said. "It's got a flat heid."
"Whit, like E.T.?"
Rab looked closer. "A wee bit," he replied. "But it's no got a lightbulb on its finger, so it's no an E.T." He was feeling more on solid ground. He'd seen E.T. last Christmas and his big sister Kylie had cried and he'd hooted and threatened to tell her boyfriend Patrick, then hit her with his action-man-jungle-intruder-craft until his dad had told him to stop or he'd get skelped. Besides, E.T. was plastic-looking, not like the proper aliens he'd seen on Sky when he was round at Gordie's. Not like this thing. A silvery mask enveloped almost all of its face, but it had a whole bunch of tentacles, like wee willies, hanging from its chin.
Gordie had arrived with a branch he'd found. "Dinnae hink the Federation ken aboot this one," he said, squinting through the bubble. Then he lowered his voice so he sounded like Captain Picard. "We are boldly going, Rab. Boldly going." He smashed the branch against the bubble.