_stolendreams_ (_stolendreams_) wrote,

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Breeding Like Rabbits (gen) PG

Title: Breeding Like Rabbits
Author: _stolendreams_
Rating: PGish
Spoilers: As long as you know the characters names I think you're safe
Pairing: None
Summary: Crack!fic. Something falls through the rift
Distribution: Here, FF.net, anywhere else ask first
Disclaimer: Not mine, I'm just playing with them.
AN: Written for the Small and Fuzzy During An Apocalypse challenge. I'm blaming this on two hours of population modelling and a discussion about exactly how many rabbits could live in your back garden before they started self regulating. Apologies for the lack of the Ianto/Owen fic I promised yesterday, or indeed the Jack/Tosh snippet I talked about. My brain seized this challenge and wouldn't let go.

After years at Torchwood, Owen was sure that there was nothing he would be surprised to find in the middle of the Hub when he walked in. He's seen the Prime Minister, an alien with six arms, a whole SAS regiment and more officials from UNIT than he could begin to count, all sitting in the middle of the Hub at one point or another. And yet the sight that greeted him that morning actually made him walk out and walk back in, just to check he hadn't been imagining it the first time.

The floor of the Hub was covered with rabbits. They were everywhere, under desks, on top of desks, sitting in chairs and on tables, lining the walkways and the stairs. In fact he couldn't see a single free inch of space that didn't have a rabbit on it. In the middle of it all stood Jack, with Ianto and Tosh just a few feet away. Gwen was still nowhere to be seen.

"What the hell's going on?" Owen called, realising that he was unable to move forwards without treading on something small and furry.

At the sound of his voice all the rabbits in the room turned to look directly at him. A little disconcerted, Owen attempted to take a step back, only to realise that a rabbit had appeared directly behind him as well.

"He's with us," Jack said, looking as though he was addressing the rabbit sitting on Tosh's desk. "Let him through."

Owen watched, stunned, as the rabbit's all parted in front of him, leaving him a clear path through to Ianto and Tosh. Slightly hesitantly he picked his way through, careful to not stand on any stray paws or tails. Somehow he had a feeling that doing so would end badly for him.

"I've heard of the parting of the waves, but that was bloody ridiculous," Owen muttered to Toshiko, turning as he reached them, to watch the rabbits close rank again behind him. "What's going on?"

"Apparently they fell through the rift last night and they want to get back where they came from," Ianto told him.

"All of them fell through?" Owen asked in disbelief.

"No, just five, they're living up to the expression breeding like rabbits."

"They went from five to this," Owen whispered, waving his hand around to indicate the thousands of rabbits who were all staring directly at Jack, "in one night?"

"So it seems," Ianto told him. "And if we don't get all of them back they plan to make this world their new home instead. Shouldn't take them more than half a day to have conquered the whole of Wales at this rate."

"Where's Gwen?" Owen asked. His mind recovering from the shock enough to notice her absence.

"I phoned her when she was on her way in and sent her shopping for every carrot she can get her hands on, if they're stuck here much longer we're going to have to feed them, and somehow I don't think they'll take kindly to the idea of pet rabbit food."
Tags: fandom: torchwood, fic, fic: gen
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