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12 January 2007 @ 12:51 am
The Problem (Gen) PG13  
I have no idea where this came from. My sheep collection must be setting off my plot bunnies. I was in the middle of writing something completely different and angsty, and then this pops into my head and won't leave me alone.

Title: The Problem
Author: _stolendreams_
Rating: PG 13 for mild swearing
Spoilers: Everything Changes but only mildly
Pairing: None. Nope, none at all, not even a hint of one.
Summary: Owen has a difficult morning. Crackfic
Disclaimer: Not mine, I'm just playing with them.
AN: Wow, not even slightly angsty. Go me. Also unbetad, shout if I made a stupid mistake and I'll fix it. I don't know where this came from, after this I'm putting my plot bunnies in rehab, clearly they're on something they shouldn't be.

The problem really, Owen decides, is not that he thought it was just a sheep, nor that he let it wander into the hub without a second thought, it's not even the fact that he tied it up to Tosh's desk while he waited for someone else to come in and take care of it. The problem really is that Myfanwy is also under the impression that it is a sheep.

Really, the fact that it breathed fire at her when she tried to eat it should have suggested to her that maybe it wasn't a sheep. But then she's a dinosaur, sheep and dinosaurs are not supposed to exist at the same time. And maybe she just thinks this sheep is a little different to the ones she's met outside. Ianto's been trying for months to teach her that sheep are not food, he's not going to be impressed when he finds out that she still hasn't learnt that lesson. On the bright side the breathing fire and the ridiculously sharp teeth this sheep seems to posses might put her off the things for life, if only she'd stop trying to eat it.

The sensible thing to do at this point would be to phone someone, Jack for example, or the RSPCA. Anyone who might have some kind of idea what to do with a fire breathing, alarmingly sharp teeth possessing, sheep. Only Owen is currently stuck on the opposite side of the hub to any phones, plus he's standing on a table. He could make a run for it, but he really doesn't want to draw attention to himself. Myfanwy is getting less and less happy with every moment that passes, and just because the sheep was perfectly happy to let him tie it to a desk earlier, doesn't mean it won't try to set him on fire now.

Myfanwy takes another swoop at the sheep, passing so close over Owen's head that he has to duck to avoid being hit by one of the massive wings. The sheep snaps its jaws at the dinosaur's neck, just missing by inches. A sheep breathing fire is one thing, Owen decides, but last time he checked they were herbivores, what the bloody hell is it doing with teeth like that? The sound of the invisible lift moving has never been so welcome. There's only one person who uses it, Jack. He's barely descended part of the way underground when Myfanwy swoops past him with a cry of confusion, clearly hoping he'll explain to her what's going on with the sheep.

"What the...?" Jack stops, catching sight of Owen. "What's wrong with the dinosaur and why are you on a table?"

"Jack, please tell me you've got your gun," Owen wishes he didn't sound quite so hysterical right now.

"I'm not shooting the dinosaur, Owen."

"Not the dinosaur, the sheep!" Owen points at the, suddenly innocent looking, sheep. It's still watching Myfanwy, who is circling above its head, clearly trying to decide how to best approach the problem of a sheep that fights back.

"What?" Jack asks, the lift has finally reached the bottom and he steps in the direction of the sheep.

"No! Don't go near it!" Owen exclaims.

Jack looks as though he is about to ask if Owen has been messing with drugs of some kind, when Myfanwy decides to give it another go. Jack jumps backwards sharply as the sheep shoots a burst of flame in the dinosaur's direction, judging by her cry its aim is getting more accurate.

"You let a fire breathing sheep in here?" Jack asks, incredulously.

"Well it wasn't breathing fire when I found it standing in reception, was it!" Owen complains. "And that isn't really the point, would you shoot the bloody thing before it sets fire to something more than Tosh's paperwork."

It seems to take forever for Jack to decide to stop staring at the sheep and actually shoot it. Owen only climbs down from the table when he's sure it's dead. As soon as he's totally certain he grabs a fire extinguisher and puts out the small tower of flames that was once Tosh's paperwork

"Let me get this straight," Jack says, watching him. "You found a sheep in our reception area, and so you just led it down here and tied it to Tosh's desk?"

"Yes," he says.

"And then when it started breathing fire, the best plan you could come up with was to stand on a table and wait to be rescued?"
Current Mood: creativecreative
txteva: TW need a drinktxteva on January 12th, 2007 01:26 am (UTC)
["And then when it started breathing fire the best plan you could come up with was to stand on a table and wait to be rescued?"]

well.... when you put it liek that....
_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 05:23 am (UTC)
*g* As soon as I worked out Jack was going to rescue him that line popped into my head.
nic tumbleslinkiestumble on January 12th, 2007 04:38 am (UTC)
This is... really fucking hilarious and I just thought you should know it had me giggling. So random and yet so in character and believable.
_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 05:24 am (UTC)
Thank you, I'm glad the idea made someone other than me laugh. And I'm glad it stayed in character despite the randomness.
jadesfire2808: Booksjadesfire on January 12th, 2007 09:41 am (UTC)
This was fantastic. I love Owen's thought process, especially:

just because the sheep was perfectly happy to let him tie it to a desk earlier, doesn't mean it won't try to set him on fire now.

Perfect tone and brilliant rescue and snark from Jack.
_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 07:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)
coffeegirl18: Bunny in a book - misc cute animalscoffeegirl18 on January 12th, 2007 02:55 pm (UTC)
*examines plot bunnies* Those aren't plot bunnies they're crack bunnies. *sends own plot bunnies into rehab minus the 'alien tech made me do it ones'*

Fire breathing sheep and funny scared Owen...You rock! Perfect crack!fic to read in the morn.
_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 07:06 pm (UTC)
heh, don't even get me started on the 'alien tech made me do it' bunnies, I drop them off at rehab and they just bounce straight back at me

Thank you. Glad you liked it :D
(no subject) - coffeegirl18 on January 12th, 2007 07:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 07:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - tiggerbrasilf on January 12th, 2007 07:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - coffeegirl18 on January 12th, 2007 08:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - tiggerbrasilf on January 12th, 2007 08:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 11:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - tiggerbrasilf on January 13th, 2007 11:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
slapdash.pinkamethyst on January 12th, 2007 04:01 pm (UTC)
*snort* I think the image of a fire-breathing, dinosaur-eating sheep will forever be ingrained on my brain! Wonderfully funny. :D
_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 07:08 pm (UTC)
*grins* Isn't it a fascinating image?
black_eyedgirlblack_eyedgirl on January 12th, 2007 04:55 pm (UTC)
*g* Oh, I really needed this with the day I've been having. Pitch-perfect tone in crackfic is tricky, but this is exactly how I would expect Jack and Owen to behave if a fire-breathing sheep turned up :-) And the last line is great...
_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 07:14 pm (UTC)
Well I hope this improved your day a little :)
(Deleted comment)
_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 07:16 pm (UTC)
:) You're welcome. Glad I could make you smile
Ninianndarkmousie on January 12th, 2007 05:49 pm (UTC)
This is SO hilarious! Poor Myfanwy.
_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 07:18 pm (UTC)
*g* Life must be hard when you're a dinosaur living in 21st century Cardiff. Even harder when sheep start breathing fire
cthonuscthonus on January 12th, 2007 06:08 pm (UTC)
There's nothing funnier than the implausible made believable...
Well done.
_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 07:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)
Lady Koori: jack wtfladykoori on January 12th, 2007 06:15 pm (UTC)
I think I damaged something laughing.
_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 07:19 pm (UTC)
hehe, sorry about that.
Claire: Jack/Iantojustdreaming88 on January 12th, 2007 06:22 pm (UTC)
lol :D great.
_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 07:20 pm (UTC)
:D thanks
KickAir 8P~: Avatar 01kickair8p on January 12th, 2007 06:52 pm (UTC)
ROTFLMAO -- as in yes, I just laughed so hard that my ass fell off! :D

_stolendreams_ on January 12th, 2007 07:21 pm (UTC)
It looks about as sea-worthy as a rubber duck!harem_ent on January 12th, 2007 10:41 pm (UTC)
Most bizarre, so of course, I Loved it! There is just nothing wrong with using sheep as plot devices
Eliot Prufrocksrin on January 13th, 2007 02:35 am (UTC)
Hee! Very amusing. :D
spastasmagoriaspastasmagoria on January 13th, 2007 04:53 am (UTC)
Uhhh huh. That's his best plan ;)