Rating: 15? maybe. I'm no good at the ratings thing
Spoilers: Everything up to Out of Time. If it's been aired it's fair game in this fic.
Summary: A series of first times, from Jack's point of view (and no, I don't mean that sort of first time... well not just that sort)
Disclaimer: Not mine, not making any money from it.
Authors Notes: Having a really bad night, but this just came into my head and so has been written and edited and re-written while I await a really important phone call which looks like it won't come until the morning now. I still have no beta for my torchwood fics *looks hopeful* any offer will be gratefully accepted especially if you happen to speak Welsh so that Ianto can say something in dialogue rather than just in description.
The first time Jack kisses Ianto, the Welshman is almost dead. He comes to and his eyes flash a mixture of confusion and fear and horror and a thousand other emotions Jack can't identify. For a moment, only a moment he stays there and lets Jack hold him. Then Lisa cries out and he's gone, leaving Jack sprawled on the cold concrete in favour of the cyber woman trying to kill them all.
The first time Jack believes Ianto truly hates him is the night after Lisa's death. Ianto doesn't put on a big display; he doesn't throw things or scream and shout. He simply walks into Jack's office and announces that next time Jack chooses to kill himself he won't be bothering to keep the rest of the staff away. He says that he hopes Owen chooses to lock Jack in one of the cells and experiment on him. As he leaves he adds a quick parting shot that it's exactly what Jack deserves.
The first time Jack thinks maybe Ianto doesn't hate him after all is the morning after he lets the fairies take Jasmine. Ianto finds him in his office with slowly healing holes in his chest the size of fists and doesn't walk out or call for Owen. He quietly picks up the alien gun that Jack has used for the job, they haven't worked out where it came from yet, just that it blows rather large holes into things when you point it and them and press the little red button. Ianto puts the gun away and then cleans up the blood. By the time he's finished there are no marks left. Ianto calmly suggests he change his shirt because the others are going to be a little shocked by the blood on it and then leaves.
The first time Jack realises Ianto is no longer scared of him is after the incident with the cannibals. He pulls the gag out of Ianto's mouth and listens to something that sounds suspiciously like a prayer, but could equally be a nursery rhyme for all the Welsh Jack knows. Then, without warning, Ianto collapses forwards into Jack's arms. For a moment Jack thinks he's fainted and is about to shout for Owen until he realises that Ianto is whispering thank you over and over again, his whole body shaking with relief.
The first time Jack discovers Ianto is braver than he realises is a few hours later. He makes Owen check out Toshiko and Ianto, but it takes half an hour before Owen can stop his hands shaking before he even starts. Owen declares Tosh fine and Jack wraps her in a blanket in a vain attempt to stop her from trembling and stands and holds her while Owen sees to Ianto. It's then that Tosh tells him about Ianto giving her an opportunity to escape. He listens to the story and keeps his arms wrapped safely around her, but never once takes his eyes off the Welshman, wondering how many other people on his team would have done the same thing.
The first time Jack kisses Ianto and is kissed back is the same night. After Gwen and Owen have been dropped off at the nearest hospital and Ianto has made tea for the remaining three members of the team, because he says tea is more soothing and he doesn't think anyone should have caffeine in their system until the shaking has completely gone. After Jack has watched Toshiko fall asleep with her head against Ianto's shoulder and seen how effortlessly Ianto rescues her cup before she drops it and convinces her to lie down. Ianto steps towards him and he's so beautiful and fragile that Jack finds himself gathering Ianto to him and kissing him. A second later he realises Ianto is kissing him back. Before he can get any other ideas Tosh stirs and Ianto pulls away.
The first time Jack has sex with Ianto is the night Suzie dies, or at least the night she dies for what he hopes will be the last time. He finds himself standing over her dead body wondering how the intelligent, beautiful woman he'd trusted had turned into a killer. And Ianto, intelligent, beautiful, trusted Ianto stands there and offers himself and the trusty stopwatch. Afterwards Ianto cries in his sleep and Jack isn't sure if he's crying for Suzie or Gwen or Jack or Lisa or Tosh or himself, but whatever it is he wraps his arms around Ianto and holds him close until the crying stops and he sleeps peacefully again.
The first time Jack thinks maybe he's in love with Ianto is after John kills himself. He drives back to the Hub, stopping several times along the way to throw up as his entire body protests about his dying three times in the space of an hour. He leaves John's body in the boot of Ianto's car and realises he's going to have a lot of explaining to do. But when he stumbles into the base Ianto takes one look at him and doesn't ask a single question. He slides Jack's coat off and hangs it up neatly, then without a word takes Jack's arm and leads him down to his room. Jack follows his instructions to sit down on the bed and to take off his shoes. Then Ianto sits on the bed beside Jack and gently pulls him into his arms. Jack falls asleep in Ianto's arms, feeling fingers combing soothingly through his hair and listening to a steady heartbeat.