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[08 Sep 2005|08:53pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

heres an update; a quick rant!

stop pointing the finger at everybody else, america! hurricane katrina happened, and you cant change that, you couldnt if you tried. that sounds kindve harsh, but why blame the president? why blame the national guard? until your doing THEIR job, why open your mouth. whatever, if you dont like the president.. thats one thing, lets rewind for a second: you can sit there and bitch, or do something about it. donate, volunteer, but dont do NOTHING and bitch about how the president isnt doing his job. YOUR NOT DOING YOUR GOD DAMN JOB!

heres another annoyance i have: celebs going on national tv bashing the local/state/federal officials, but instead of donating they do fundraisers where they take OTHER PEOPLES money and donate. paris hilton auctioned herself off! how charitable of you paris. thats my respect comes in for oprah winfrey, chris rock, ellen degenris, and a few others. they earned their right to say whatever they want, ill give them that.

point the finger, america. thats what we do best.

my brother will be home tomorrow, officially done with the military.

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[24 Aug 2005|03:52pm]
[ mood | blank ]

ive noticed that the IMPORTANT things in my life, i like to exclude people out of, or at least i keep it out of my journal. i guess i feel that if i boost about being so happy, or whatever, that its bound to bring unhappiness in. i hate being unhappy, whereas other people can greet it.. i REFUSE. i will smile even if it KILLS me. ive learned that this is NOT normal, nor functional. maybe to you, but to somebody looking at me from the outside, they would PROBABLY tell me its better not to pride yourself even when your unhappy. just let it out, and not bottle it up. i guess im too concerned about sounding depressive or boring that i almost tend to ignore my unhappy emotions at times. i wait until their about to burst, and let it out. whatever.

my updates are going to be scarce ;x lack of motivation/time/things to write worth the time for someone to read.

2 comments|post comment

[15 Aug 2005|05:12pm]
[ mood | amused ]

feels like im rarely online anymore. if i am its just to update, check my mail, & sign off. ive been working 6 days thus far, no big complaints. more money, just tiring. bought some new perfume today, escadas rockin rio. it was between that & dolce & gabbanas light blue, and im going back later this week for dolces. if anyone is interested in a 2nd job/1st job waitressing let me know.

totally obsessed with dolce gelatos ice cream lately. i drag everybody there thanks to rob & john. ;D

my obsessions lately on tv: laguna beach, real world, mind of mencia, family guy, & american dad.

def. need to clean my room/bathroom. so much to organize, im telling you.

diet=me starting! im sick of saying & not doing. i bitch & bitch about it, but im scared my boobs might get smaller. :/ not that they got any bigger. i just want a flat stomach, everywhere else im COMPLETELY content on my body with. seriously need a trainer. new investment.

13 comments|post comment

[09 Aug 2005|07:36pm]
[ mood | amused ]

i love big boobies. ;x

12 comments|post comment

[08 Aug 2005|01:42pm]
i cant say im NOT bitter, because i do understand. i dont want too, though. thats how i always am, understanding. i do forgive you, and i do not blame you. part of me wants too. weve been through so many things together, ive always considered you one of my bestfriends. i cant say it doesnt hurt that not being able to hang-out with me is being a hypocrite or hurting someone, and if you had to hurt someone.. id ask it to be me. i wish i didnt always have to rationalize people because it keeps me from staying angry at them. why am i so loyal? im like a puppy dog. im always cheerful/outgoing/loyal, you hurt me & i ALWAYS come back.

i am happy for you. i wouldnt trade how life worked out for anything because id be bargaining with the devil, and i know i didnt make you half as happy, we were always better as friends. we had a good relationship, but we were always closer to eachother as friends. ill always love you because you were my first true love, and nothing can change all that. im sorry if i put so much confusion into your head, but i want you happy. i dont want to be the girl of the PAST, the bad side. i feel like she makes you happy, i make you confused. i dont want that to be the side of you i get.
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[08 Aug 2005|01:17pm]
[ mood | amused ]

this is for all you cheap tippers out there in this world. i know theres A LOT of you. 20% is the BARE minimum. first of all, im not hating on my job because its a love/hate relationship. if you dont have money to tip, dont go out to eat.. go through drive-through/get carry-out, seriously. leave a note saying sorry, some kind words if you didnt realize your bill would be that much. whatever. i find it funny when cheap tippers/stiffers come back, we always make fun of them. if you go get your nails done/hair done & you leave a cheap tip they dont bother to do half as good a job next time around because they REMEMBER your face. i get more pissed when i go out to eat with my friends, and i pay the whole tip, having to make up for all the other cheap asses in this world. whats to stop a waitress from telling a cook that your a shitty tipper, dont expect that your food hasnt been fucked with. be logical people. think about it. we remember faces so well.

check out bitterwaitress.com for laughs ;D

if the bill is $10 the tip should be at least $2

20 comments|post comment

[04 Aug 2005|11:39pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

he asks me what im thinking. if i say nothing, im a liar, and if i tell him the truth.. am i going to scare him away? :/ im so sick of temporaries, i want someone to say, (whos worth it). i was so immature then, always wanting what i cant have. so spoiled. now i want whats in my reach assuming that hes in mine. so i try to get it out, i laugh. im so hopeless.

3 comments|post comment

[03 Aug 2005|11:53am]
got the natasha bedingfield cd yesterday, so far so good.
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[02 Aug 2005|04:26pm]
i think of this song by dave matthews right now, and in my head it goes something like, "come crash into me". it kindve goes on repeating itself, and i have all of these images flicking into my head. i think of all these mean things i can say back to my ex in response to all of the shit he says to me. then wonder, have i gone too far? 3 years ago, i never acted this way. i never made someone hurt the way they hurt me. i cant believe the things i say now to some of the people i love/care SO MUCH about. i want to feel bad, but i feel somewhat justified. that still ISNT what i need to hear, though.

i want to hate you for calling me a slut, implying that im fat/gained weight, or lying to my face. i want to hate you for at one point making me feel ugly. now you refer to me as some self-centered bitch, but the truth is.. i dont have a low self-esteem about myself. i know its me that you keep running back to, i know its me you spend your time apologizing to. i know its me who always forgives, just never forgets.

by the way. im not a slut, i remained faithful to you when i was with you. i am not ugly, im one of the few girls who can feel comfortable without a MASK on her face. im not fat, im under my body fat percentage. im not self-centered, i just dont care anymore.
3 comments|post comment

[31 Jul 2005|12:54am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

ill update only because ive been an update whore lately. fyi: i am a perv hence the lj name (future reference: steamy sex). so read with care :) anyways, onward (with a point) mario & i went to go see "wedding crashers". ive never laughed so hard in my life, i ALMOST peed my pants. i recommend the movie strongly. we also went too naughty time novelties, lmao, i was looking for the carmen electra strip tease work-out video. then got distracted by hooker shoes.

i thought i had something else to say, but my add is kicking in REALLY bad right about now. go figure.

ps; new nickname=wolverine. explain that on a later date.

4 comments|post comment

[28 Jul 2005|02:36pm]
[ mood | amused ]

update whore today. whatever.

my goals for the rest of this summer:
(a). lose weight/get toned [dont say shit about me NOT needing to lose weight. youll see the finished product so then you can bitch]
(b). grow my hair out longer/get it darker [sick of cutting it, im addicted to it]
(c). get darker
(d). start researching more colleges
(e). new job=mine sucks!
(f). party!!!
(g). enroll in some design classes at joanns that they do.
(h). look into taking lessons [dance, kickboxing, etc.]

i need some EXTRA motivation, man. so if anyone wants to join me, thatd be awesome.

9 comments|post comment

[28 Jul 2005|12:18pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

ive come to realize slowly, but through time. i am NOTHING to you. you might love me, but you have loved the girl before & after me as well. making me nothing, but another girl who came into your life, longer, yes, but not any different. ive wondered how it was possible to love someone & yet treat them so poorly at times. ive learned hard that NOBODY would hurt somebody the way you have hurt me. i should have known that coming into this when people would tell me how you claimed to be single, when we were together. the biggest slap in the face! the fact is if i know you lie, and i find out some "truth" after i force you to tell me.. then, how much else are you hiding?

all my GOOD guy friends ALWAYS teach me to keep my head up, its not worth the fight so its not worth the tears. which is true to every extent. sometimes i get far too distracted and lose sight of all the MORE important things in life. if i hold on long enough to see what i have maybe then ill never worry about letting it go. ♥

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[27 Jul 2005|01:03am]
[ mood | amused ]

im almost done with my harry potter book. mario laughs because he under-estimates my "speed reading" skills. im engulfed in my books/reality tv shows. im a tv whore. jkhhgf. jess bought me a new journal because i like to scribble things in my old notebook. im a lazy bum. whatever, ive been writing nothingness in that, but still being creative nonetheless.

canada friday night, anyone down?

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i smell sex and candy.. [26 Jul 2005|12:04am]
[ mood | anxious ]

i have been having a SERIOUS craving for chocolate so much lately, it doesnt help that "charlie & the chocolate factory" is advertised everywhere, either. i need to stay away from that shit. sex & chocolate. now i grasp the concept of the song "sex & candy". or maybe im just a pervert, and i want to think i UNDERSTAND the meaning of the song.

i really want to use my other lj right now, but im feeling so lazy. i dont feel like doing a whole new lay-out, and i need to pay for my account, but im being lazy about that. plus it doesnt want to accept my credit card.. :< whatever. suppose to go to canada [bentleys] friday night, so if anyones interested give me a holler.

5 comments|post comment

[25 Jul 2005|09:16pm]
[ mood | amused ]

jane fonda, oh how you amuse me. some celebrities=lame. doing absolutely nothing, in which you call "protesting" gives your much needed "career" a BIG BOOST. im sorry, i dont seem to REMEMBER you, did you fight alongside senator john kerry & got shrapnel wunded, and thats how you earned your purple hearts, too? o_O

laguna beach season 2 tonight, also coincedentally recieved my season 1 on dvd today as well. interesting. wheres my FREE calendar, mtv? lmao.

6 comments|post comment

[24 Jul 2005|05:14pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

im so tangled up right now, its quite the mess to be honest. i hate when i think TOO much into things, why cant things just go as IS? i worry about everything, or i worry about NOTHING. how is that even possible? im either CHILL or a total basketcase. whatever.

work is mucho annoying. all these additional rules, extra work, bullshit side jobs we all do, and depending on the days we dont make enough to be doing all that shit. the place is going to shit. we lost A LOT of people, so now all of us are working a ton of hours & were not ALLOWED days off UNLESS we have a doctors note [new rule]. total bullshit. cut my morning hours, and upped my night time hours. what a fucker. if somebody leaves, were SERIOUSLY fucked. i cant afford to call in, but god forbid take a day off and ENJOY my fucking summer, thats UNQUESTIONABLE. he does NOT want to piss me off.

3 comments|post comment

[24 Jul 2005|01:19am]
[ mood | amused ]

im such a perv. im just as bad as the guys :/ why did god make me with such a high sex drive?

ps; who invented periods, anyway? YOU suck.

3 comments|post comment

[23 Jul 2005|01:54am]
i feel like such a bitch right now. :/ i hope its fixable!
3 comments|post comment

[22 Jul 2005|01:35am]
[ mood | amused ]

happy birthday to soli & i :)

18 comments|post comment

[20 Jul 2005|10:11pm]
i was being impulsive today when i bought the vanessa carlton cd, hoping for a big fold out poster to hang in my room & be "gay" with. whatever duude. its my room i can so look at vanessa & masterbate if i want too! on to the reason why i updated though, im in love with her first two songs on her cd. cant think of number 2, but number 1 is "white houses". i never listened to her at all cause i never was a big fan, but i love her voice. id like to think "white houses" is about me.. haha, im such a nerrd.

anyways out to romeo for the night. bestfriendage time...♥
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