November 24th, 2005

perfect as im ever gonna be

(no subject)

I am very misconstrued as of now. So much has been going on in my life, and I'm fighting for a chance to just live my life for ME. People try so hard to run my life, force their negativity down my throat, and despite everything I try my hardest to stay controlled. I fought my whole life to pretend like I had this "normal" family that I knew didn't exist, I fought to cover-up what I was so embarrassed to see. Guranteed, we all have our set backs. Sometimes you just want a chance to scream at the world, and say something along with .. "these are the lies I can't even write in my journal, I can't even say them outloud as a whisper" yet I tuck it in. You want someone there to count on you, believe in you, never destroy you. Whatever. I'm trying to rack through all my decisions/my oppurtunties, the promises that were made, the promises that were broken. I sit up in bed, it's all just a nightmare.. and yet I can't pull myself away from the fact that I knew those promises were broken as soon they were said.

PS; I'm done TRYING.