May 20th, 2005

perfect as im ever gonna be

(no subject)

everything is taking its toll on me right now, but metro with everybody took it all away. thanks :)

i wish i could beat my (ex) step dad`s head in the ground. i despise him. my little brother has WORKED so hard, he`s managed a 3.7 and made the basketball team, he`s the ONLY white kid on the team. it breaks me up in tears to have to go through what he`s going, so i told him that i love him & that all he has to do is call, and i`ll pick him up. i get so mad at my mom, why couldn`t she have stayed in michigan? why leave?

i keep trying to figure out the right words to say to my dad to let him know he`s not alone, and that it`s ok to hurt. i feel so bad for grieving alone, and not opening up my heart to let him in. i look at him, and my heart breaks. i wish i didnt have to miss my grandpa so much. i feel like EVERYTIME people bash something my grandpa believes in, it makes me angrier inside. i`m obsessed with the song, mercy me "i can only imagine", it reminds me of his funeral. the song they sang. everytime i hear the verse, once quoted by bush in one of my favorites speeches, "as i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i shall fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."

i have feelings for someone who doesnt have feelings for me, and im RETARDED, but at least i have closure now.

time to move on, be strong, and BLAZE on.
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated