May 17th, 2005

perfect as im ever gonna be

i feel the break, feeel the break..

i am now OFFICIALLY over it. just like that. ive come to the point where ive denied 'feeling/being different than all the others', but i was (not in a good way). ill never OFFICIALLY understand why, nor do i want to (i have my own guesses). im afraid itll hurt me too much to know the truth behind it all. im just a fool. i want to say 'stay out of my life', but itll only make me stronger having you in it, knowing i dont give a fuck anymore. thats a shocker, im sure. most things are, coming from my mouth, especially when im being hot-tempered and irrational, like right now. i dont even get why you bother pretending you care, im not stupid, i know you NEVER did. rejection is the hardest thing for me. you underestimate everything about me. i wish i never met you. everything in my body hates you. this is why ill NEVER get attached again, especially to you. i dont care if you disappear out of my life forever, itll hurt me, more than ill ever admit, but i need to just let it go, finally. ill DENY ever feeling this again, vulnerability was never meant for me, its just not in my blood.

im dieting & working out again. its been bothering me.. lately. A LOT! dont even ask, its my own thing. at least this highschool crap is almost over. i want to do a 1,000 situps a day. isane but hey britney spears use to do it (or so she says).

ps; i want to go clubbing this weekend.
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