March 20th, 2005

perfect as im ever gonna be

grind on me, relax your mind, take your time on me..

i have found the cure to life, and ceasing my happiness. i would tell you, but if i did.. youd call me crazy, but really you know youve thought of it before. ;)

jeremiah & i were talking about going to the club this weekend or next. so hopefully we can get some more people out, and def. to a better place. its all about having fun, and thats what im about. new scenes, new faces, all of that crap.

i have my ashlee simpson concert to go to this thursday, i think blake is still going with me, but that could very well change. im not even sure because i havent talked to him all week because hes been up north, and its always been work, work, work, friends, partying, work, jen. i dont even care though, honestly. like i tell him everytime when he pulls his gay bullshit "im over it". anyhow, im excited for that minus a few factors. count on jen to think optimisticly about it.

((without answering this question directly, im going to answer it indirectly. people often ask this question so many times. so many times in fact that people have to find different ways to answer & figure it out. you can never figure it out, once you think you do, it changes .. it forms a different pattern. they say you get stronger, smarter.. they lie. have they in fact, became stronger/smarter? maybe they APPEAR, and thats what its all about APPEARANCE. "you cant see why she cries, because you cant see her cry". forget about trying to figure something out, is it so bad not knowing, but to wonder? after all, in the end, it isnt so bad letting go. really it isnt. just thinking about it, builds it up to be more. life goes on. with or without the people in it.))

a little vent: i always wondered why we caught eachother between our relationships, if we'd actually get back together. it was always like pause, rewind for a minute, and then go back to our own seperate lives. i feel like i can tell you everything on my mind, and count on you to make me smile, count on you to tell me how it really is. very few people see certain sides of me, but youve basically had it all. when i said i regretted not just being friends with you, that was only me talking like im more stronger/capable/mature, that i didnt need you, i feel bad for it, it wasnt that way at all. i wish time could fast forward faster, sometimes, but it doesnt. i miss you, and no matter what i love you for all of our dumb bullshit. despite it, you always made me feel better. :/
  • Current Music
    pretty ricky:: "grind on me"