Tags: newcarwatch07

you dont worry

chase this light with me

i am so in fear of the rest of my day.

no, not fear. fear's totally not the word here. it's not fear-it's tired resignation.

apparently, everyone here (at the store, there really is no other *here*) expected me to utterly crumble over the car situation yesterday. and, honestly, i think, in retrospect, i expected me to crumble over the car situation, too. but it just comes down to so many things

--i was too fucking busy, truly, yesterday, to have a moment encompassing anything other than clear-headed narrow-focus. it's an oft-spoken of but so so so rarely actualized moment of clarity (thank god for granting me this...). far too often it's a matter of "oh i am way too busy to be sad but i am going to mope about anyway". i honestly didn't get an opportunity to realize that the only thing in the world that my name's on is fucked permanently now-mostly because i put in a 15 hour day yesterday, not including wake-up, and somehow managed to pull off a massive author event here last night after having been up for too long and having had to make the sudden snap-accommodation that, yes, the green saturn, the only thing i've ever really truly owned (other than the gold carolla before it) is, in fact, dead.

as i told choyce this morning on aim: anyone who had "won't last through the end of 07" on their russ's piece-of-crap-bucks-like-a-rodeo-bronco death pool bet, go ahead and collect.

--the fact that i actually had people who care around me...and, yeah, the fact that, with lucy here,  i don't feel so...so alone, in every venture, every thing, yesterday. it's a strange-meaning-strange feeling for someone as afraid-of-stasis and as attention-deficit as i to be able to sit and think "future".

and then i think "futures' and then i think it's fall and then i think new jimmy eat world

and the fact that, despite suzan and i getting in a fight once years ago because i called clarity emo (which i'll fight to the death that it IS, it's the epitome, to me, of what that whole fucking genre should sound like-one long mood piece of sweaters and crisp leaves and tears sniffled into sweatersleeves), this is the only season for this band. not including bleed american, because who but girls who buy their misssixty at icing give a crap about that album?