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Once again, update. [20 Jul 2015|12:17am]
[ mood | Thought filled. ]

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )


Around, and around and around we go! [06 Jan 2015|04:58pm]
I'm back! In need of venting, once again isolated from having friends. I tend to come back here to write about each of my male disappointments, to further remind me of the cycles of my mistakes. Same shit, every time. Different dude, same ending. Saddening. Which is hilarious to me, because every update I make, once a year if that.. is the same. Lol

On a side note, since the last time I've written on here, I've taken a trip to Boston, saw rhode island and Massachusetts, stopped in Minneapolis for a layover lol So I've been slightly traveled. Actually had an awesome time, meeting this boy I'm sad over, whom I met on xbox live, but it was nice. He was gorgeous and funny and I loved his company. So much so I became possessive once I came back to California. And now am being ignored. My mind is going crazy, no control over wanting to get over it, being that he's showing no interest now in talking to me. Sucks. Once again draining from the adjustment process.

Oh yeah, I moved. From my home town to some smaller town two hours away, so having zero pals to run to for distraction isnt helping with closure. Which I have none.

Anyone listening? I'll rant more later.


You have 0 friends. [20 May 2013|09:27pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

I literally do not have any true friends.

People absolutely disgust me though, so I will get over it.

The End.


"Crazy stalker bitch," - That's me! [15 Nov 2012|12:00pm]

I am turning into Scrooge, people make me bitter. I feel ulcers forming from the amount of humiliation I feel. You never really know a person it seems. I wrote someone attempting to communicate my sadness from losing touch with a past what I thought was friend, turns out they talk major shit about me. Makes me feel embarassed that I had assumed I didn't have friends by choice, when really people think I'm insane. Oh well. I don't know how to turn off this ulcer causing anxiety. Help.


Kik or voxer anyone? [08 Jun 2012|05:55pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Lookin for people to chat with.. Kik or voxer anyone? Spazzygirl is my kik.


OoOoOoooo Halloween! O.o [15 Oct 2011|01:32pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

I know Halloween isn't for everyone, but I personally appreciate and loveeee this time of the year, and enjoy dressing up and trick or treating. :( Though now I'm 24 and can't fully enjoy that cause people look at me funky lol. But now having Haley, who is 3, she will give me plenty of years of enjoying it with a different appreciation. And I can still dress up regardless :p

I've never been one to go to a Halloween party, but I feel now at my age I would enjoy it a lot. Spending all my time with my daughter leaves me no time to go out and enjoy myself and to attempt to build new friendships since every past friendship I've had has drifted and I'm now alone with only family mainly to socialize. Which is okay :)

I'm debating on what to dress as for Halloween actually, going back to that.. It's between a pirate or I'm actually not even sure what else LOL Pirate sounds good. My daughter is going as that. We could have dual costumes. Or I'll possibly think of something else lol. I'll try to get creative. I must take pictures! I am in an extreme need of updating my pictures. Halloween is the purrrfect chance. :D

Does anyone ever think of the actual meaning of Halloween I wonder?

Ancient Origins of Halloween

"Halloween's origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain (pronounced sow-in). The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31 they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.

To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities. During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other's fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter.

By 43 A.D., the Roman Empire had conquered the majority of Celtic territory. In the course of the four hundred years that they ruled the Celtic lands, two festivals of Roman origin were combined with the traditional Celtic celebration of Samhain. The first was Feralia, a day in late October when the Romans traditionally commemorated the passing of the dead. The second was a day to honor Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. The symbol of Pomona is the apple and the incorporation of this celebration into Samhain probably explains the tradition of "bobbing" for apples that is practiced today on Halloween.

On May 13, 609 A.D., Pope Boniface IV dedicated the Pantheon in Rome in honor of all Christian martyrs, and the Catholic feast of All Martyrs Day was established in the Western church. Pope Gregory III (731–741) later expanded the festival to include all saints as well as all martyrs, and moved the observance from May 13 to November 1. By the 9th century the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands, where it gradually blended with and supplanted the older Celtic rites. In 1000 A.D., the church would make November 2 All Souls' Day, a day to honor the dead. It is widely believed today that the church was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. All Souls Day was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels and devils. The All Saints Day celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints' Day) and the night before it, the traditional night of Samhain in the Celtic religion, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween.
Halloween Comes to America

Celebration of Halloween was extremely limited in colonial New England because of the rigid Protestant belief systems there. Halloween was much more common in Maryland and the southern colonies. As the beliefs and customs of different European ethnic groups as well as the American Indians meshed, a distinctly American version of Halloween began to emerge. The first celebrations included "play parties," public events held to celebrate the harvest, where neighbors would share stories of the dead, tell each other's fortunes, dance and sing. Colonial Halloween festivities also featured the telling of ghost stories and mischief-making of all kinds. By the middle of the nineteenth century, annual autumn festivities were common, but Halloween was not yet celebrated everywhere in the country.

In the second half of the nineteenth century, America was flooded with new immigrants. These new immigrants, especially the millions of Irish fleeing Ireland's potato famine of 1846, helped to popularize the celebration of Halloween nationally. Taking from Irish and English traditions, Americans began to dress up in costumes and go house to house asking for food or money, a practice that eventually became today's "trick-or-treat" tradition. Young women believed that on Halloween they could divine the name or appearance of their future husband by doing tricks with yarn, apple parings or mirrors.

In the late 1800s, there was a move in America to mold Halloween into a holiday more about community and neighborly get-togethers than about ghosts, pranks and witchcraft. At the turn of the century, Halloween parties for both children and adults became the most common way to celebrate the day. Parties focused on games, foods of the season and festive costumes. Parents were encouraged by newspapers and community leaders to take anything "frightening" or "grotesque" out of Halloween celebrations. Because of these efforts, Halloween lost most of its superstitious and religious overtones by the beginning of the twentieth century.

By the 1920s and 1930s, Halloween had become a secular, but community-centered holiday, with parades and town-wide parties as the featured entertainment. Despite the best efforts of many schools and communities, vandalism began to plague Halloween celebrations in many communities during this time. By the 1950s, town leaders had successfully limited vandalism and Halloween had evolved into a holiday directed mainly at the young. Due to the high numbers of young children during the fifties baby boom, parties moved from town civic centers into the classroom or home, where they could be more easily accommodated. Between 1920 and 1950, the centuries-old practice of trick-or-treating was also revived. Trick-or-treating was a relatively inexpensive way for an entire community to share the Halloween celebration. In theory, families could also prevent tricks being played on them by providing the neighborhood children with small treats. A new American tradition was born, and it has continued to grow. Today, Americans spend an estimated $6 billion annually on Halloween, making it the country's second largest commercial holiday.
Today's Halloween Traditions

The American Halloween tradition of "trick-or-treating" probably dates back to the early All Souls' Day parades in England. During the festivities, poor citizens would beg for food and families would give them pastries called "soul cakes" in return for their promise to pray for the family's dead relatives. The distribution of soul cakes was encouraged by the church as a way to replace the ancient practice of leaving food and wine for roaming spirits. The practice, which was referred to as "going a-souling" was eventually taken up by children who would visit the houses in their neighborhood and be given ale, food, and money.

The tradition of dressing in costume for Halloween has both European and Celtic roots. Hundreds of years ago, winter was an uncertain and frightening time. Food supplies often ran low and, for the many people afraid of the dark, the short days of winter were full of constant worry. On Halloween, when it was believed that ghosts came back to the earthly world, people thought that they would encounter ghosts if they left their homes. To avoid being recognized by these ghosts, people would wear masks when they left their homes after dark so that the ghosts would mistake them for fellow spirits. On Halloween, to keep ghosts away from their houses, people would place bowls of food outside their homes to appease the ghosts and prevent them from attempting to enter.
Halloween Superstitions

Halloween has always been a holiday filled with mystery, magic and superstition. It began as a Celtic end-of-summer festival during which people felt especially close to deceased relatives and friends. For these friendly spirits, they set places at the dinner table, left treats on doorsteps and along the side of the road and lit candles to help loved ones find their way back to the spirit world. Today's Halloween ghosts are often depicted as more fearsome and malevolent, and our customs and superstitions are scarier too. We avoid crossing paths with black cats, afraid that they might bring us bad luck. This idea has its roots in the Middle Ages, when many people believed that witches avoided detection by turning themselves into cats. We try not to walk under ladders for the same reason. This superstition may have come from the ancient Egyptians, who believed that triangles were sacred; it also may have something to do with the fact that walking under a leaning ladder tends to be fairly unsafe. And around Halloween, especially, we try to avoid breaking mirrors, stepping on cracks in the road or spilling salt.

But what about the Halloween traditions and beliefs that today's trick-or-treaters have forgotten all about? Many of these obsolete rituals focused on the future instead of the past and the living instead of the dead. In particular, many had to do with helping young women identify their future husbands and reassuring them that they would someday—with luck, by next Halloween—be married. In 18th-century Ireland, a matchmaking cook might bury a ring in her mashed potatoes on Halloween night, hoping to bring true love to the diner who found it. In Scotland, fortune-tellers recommended that an eligible young woman name a hazelnut for each of her suitors and then toss the nuts into the fireplace. The nut that burned to ashes rather than popping or exploding, the story went, represented the girl's future husband. (In some versions of this legend, confusingly, the opposite was true: The nut that burned away symbolized a love that would not last.) Another tale had it that if a young woman ate a sugary concoction made out of walnuts, hazelnuts and nutmeg before bed on Halloween night she would dream about her future husband. Young women tossed apple-peels over their shoulders, hoping that the peels would fall on the floor in the shape of their future husbands' initials; tried to learn about their futures by peering at egg yolks floating in a bowl of water; and stood in front of mirrors in darkened rooms, holding candles and looking over their shoulders for their husbands' faces. Other rituals were more competitive. At some Halloween parties, the first guest to find a burr on a chestnut-hunt would be the first to marry; at others, the first successful apple-bobber would be the first down the aisle." - credits to wikipedia

Of course, whether we're asking for romantic advice or trying to avoid seven years of bad luck, each one of these Halloween superstitions relies on the good will of the very same "spirits" whose presence the early Celts felt so keenly.

I enjoy the movies and shows played on TV during October too, but I guess every season has good movies that come with it. Halloween though especially tickles my fancy :) I'm curious as to what everyone else whoever may be reading this may be dressing as or what plans they may have? I hope to make the best this year with my holiday :) I hope everyone else does as well. Farewell for now. :)


Insane ramblings of a thoughtless mind. [09 Aug 2011|03:03pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Well first of all, ^^^^^ press play, and let me know if you agree with my random taste of enjoying that song every time I listen to it. I feel pretty exhausted so please bear with my lack of sense. If that even made sense. Was up as of 3am with two kids wide awake hyper as shit. Lol, which now is cute. But at the time I wanted to be unconscious and in dreamland. I later around noon had an hour and a half nap, which from then I have done not much of anything. I'm thinking of enrolling in School, vocational training. I NEED to actually. My procrastination is disgusting. Need to grow up. Being a single mom especially. Le sigh. I need more friends on here, I miss the one I made... How does one go about finding compatible people? Groups I suppose. I've been on here since 2001 or something, still a major NEWB lol. Oh WoW, How I miss thee.

Lol I'm a geek.

I've been playing more call of duty lately, on xbox. Also borderlands, which reminds me a lot of Diablo but as a FPS. Which is fun. Especially online, I get my social interaction through games mostly, hence my lack of sanity lol Most likely. hahah.. but yes! Now if you're still listening to the first video, pause it now to further enjoy an even BETTER jam.

LOL And on that note, I'm bringing this entry to a close. ENJOY!


RAWR - xbox anyone? [12 Feb 2011|03:49pm]
So, I'm tired.. pretty bored, though my child is runnin' around and I'm keepin an eye's/ear's out for her.. I may play some Call of Duty 4, Modern Warfare. Not sure who reads this, or if any of those who do glance on this page play xbox, but if you do.. feel free to add me :)

CrzySpazzyGirl is my name,

My gamer tag used to be "icantkillshiit," but someone reported me, and they forced me to change my name, for free.. so that was okay. But NOTHING was available, hence my Gamer tag now being "CrzySpazzyGirl" RAWR.. though, that is my AIM SN, and has been for a very long time.. so now I suppose any nerd stalkers that want to attempt to talk to me on AIM from xbox live.. they can. Cool enough.

Anyway, I hope all is well for you.

Whoever you are.

I'm afraid with fear. o.o [09 Feb 2011|01:34pm]
Hmmm, I was exposed to this today lol, a friend of mine wanted me to watch it, and I'm not sure about it. It kept my attention the whole time lol but I'm a little afraid. O_O DUN DUN DUN.... k let's see what YOU think. lol, I'm sure this person is probably known somewhere and I'm just slow. But yes, here's what I'm talkin about... ENJOY! >>


mwahahhahah, I still can't find my brain. O_O [09 Feb 2011|08:23am]
[ mood | awake ]

So, updating from my last post. Thanksgiving went REALLY well. Foodwise, everything was great, and I know I'm capable forever now. Yey. Emotionally, both Thanksgiving and Christmas and actually my birthday too were all very different now without my Grandma. Definitely an adjustment my family will all have to go through during Holidays. Death scares me, as lame as I'm leadin my life, I love it and everyday I get.. I don't want my time here to end. PRobably why I went through that vampire stage lol, which still when I think of the movie, "interview with a vampire" I wanna be molested by tom cruise or brad pitt, or BOTH while being turned. lol Anyhow.

Lawl lawl lawl CAPITAL FUCKING LAWL. I no longer feel the need to speak or attempt to force a friendship with DJ. He has moved on to "bigger and better things" He cares not of my efforts to make him feel loved. So, fuck it. There's 39867398673986 fish in the sea, someone is bound to love the fuck out of me right? lol possibly. Though, Einstein said, "The definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results..." WHICH, I seem to act the same and REACT the same with different guys I end up being attached to. Perhaps I need to change my personality? lol I need to change something to feel differently about certain things, so I'm not constantly ruining it with my jealous nerd rage.

Lastnight I watched "Social Network," Which is about Facebook, and how that all came to be. Made me wanna jump on this site again, being that Mark Zuckerberg was blogging on here. That dude is mad smart. js. But yeah, Justin Timberlake, is sexy as hell.. but yeah no, please keep singing and dancing, Acting.. not so sure about that JT. He has his good moments, but it just don't seem natural. JUST MY OPINION THOUGH. I love that fucking guy, so I'm not tryin to hate. Just writin away here on my internet journal lol.

RAWR! I have had multiple interviews since I last posted, and I'm still unemployed. Pretty saddening. Just keep swimmin, just keep swimmin.


We swim.

I can't stand the town I'm in. I'm sure if I was somewhere else I would get a job just find. Maybe that's my denial kicking in. lol.

K, for anyone who may have glanced at this, or full blown read it, i heart yew. I hope all is well for everyone. I'll be on here way more often.

Random Tangent, I'm curious as to how many nerd girls are tryin' to contact the maker of facebook, in attempt to diddle his balls. Hmmmm, Curious. (;

k, until next time. TATA! ♥


[07 Nov 2010|02:43pm]
[ mood | calm ]


Meh [22 Oct 2010|04:50pm]
[ mood | bored ]

er something, I had a terrible day. Though I usually LOVE rainy gloomy days, today has been depressing. I need to learn to enjoy the boring down time, when I know I have a lot of work ahead of me.

I wish I could be playing WoW during this time. DANGIT.

For now I'm on http://www.gartic.net
lol Which is whatev, but it can be amusing.

I've been hounding browser based RPG MMO games, lol which I mean, what can you really expect out of those types of games? It's really not the same ):
I have also been trying to play more PS2, Sims2 has reeled me in once again. friggin game.

Games, how they make me feel better. They are a great distraction (:
Music too.

Anyway, I'm bored. ENJOY.



I can't wait for Halloween (:


Writer's Block: Celebrity Overload [07 Aug 2010|10:01pm]
Which celebrity are you sick of seeing? Who would you like to see more of?
Hmmm, Celebrity I'm sick of seeing.. I would have to say Kristen Stewart, THOUGH I don't dislike her or anything, she is just around a lot, and plays the same personality for every character, so I feel its overplayed a bit atm. Maybe take a break and bring it back in a bit?

I would like to see more of Miley Cyrus' man Liam Hemsworth, though he is younger than I.. He is super yummy, and a good actor imo. I enjoyed watching him ♥

Yep, and thats all she wrote.

grrrr [07 Aug 2010|09:40pm]
/sigh. I am sad. (I've had two beers and am a lightweight so I'm pretty buzzed, so excuse me for rambling) But yes, I'm sad and losing hope that love will ever maintain with me. On the guy's behalf I mean. I always tend to fuck shit up.. or inevitably in time it gets old and new younger girls come around and give their googly eyed looks.. Whatever.

Then I read books with real romantic ass shit. Boys who love deep and feel no desire for anyone else once they meet the main character female chic. Whom when reading always is the perspective of the reader, so it makes me yearn to find similar feelings with guys. Which fails, cause these guys do not exsist. If they do, there the eff are they. Def not in California.. if they are they are hidden. Or I'm blind. You can't force it either. Chemistry doesnt just happen.

It sucks. sucks sucks. I'm lonely apparently lol. But I just enjoy the feeling of love, and loving. That comfort. The heat it brings to your chest, the hope of good things for eachother in the future. Damn friggin books. Done got my mind trippin.

Anyway. Not sure if anyone even reads what I write lol. I never get on here and fail to know how to browse around. Maybe now I'll explore. To end this splendid entry, I'll close it with a video from the 90's, which while listening to recently, I learned to appreciate even more so now. So, enjoy. ♥


Ah yes, /YEARN. ♥ [05 Aug 2010|10:16pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

Finished, "The Last Song" By Nicholas Sparks today. Went through it fairly quickly, it definitely captured me. Think it's cause I'm into that romantic crap. I ate it all up though, it made me want a sexy southern boyfriend. Jeez, /sigh. Oh how I yearn for that.

Now bored. 10 pm, typing into this box with nothing to say really cause I'm tired. Running on autopilot, but I felt the need to express my appreciation for "The Last Song." Also, I wonder which book I will read next, that could possibly satisfy the yearning I'm left with after reading the last one lol. MORE LOVE DAMNIT, give it to me I say!

On a totally different note, I am in the process of finding work. Been a stay at home single mom (supported by my loving parents, I know I'm lame.. working on it.) ..been a stay at home single mom for too long now and I need to get off my ass and make something of myself, for my daughter.. and me, but I want to be a good mom. I want big things for us in the future, so I gotta work at it now. I'll be so glad once it's all situated and I get the ball rollin.

Anyway, I hope all is well for everyone. Go enjoy yourself :) I think I'll listen to some music before laying down for bed. Night night. (: ♥


hi, wanna help a poor girl out? [04 Aug 2010|06:39pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I REALLY wanna win this contest, which, to win, i need to refer people to join this site called "fubar" sooo, anyone reading this, should do it :) I am broke as shit, unemployed single mom (though, looking for work) could REALLY use the $1000 bucks it is offering through this contest, (2nd place and 3rd etc also get stuff) Through joining, you too can start competing to win. soooo COME JOIN FUBAR, its fun anyway. It's a networking place for adults mainly, who talk in chatroom type areas and can cam live while listening to music. it's pretty entertaining.. so yes. :) Come join the fun, and in turn help me at the same time :D YAY



So, join.. DO IT!

<3 I'll love you forever.


Shut up woman! Get on my horse. ;) [27 Apr 2010|10:55am]

i ♥ technology [18 Mar 2010|09:43am]

I Love Technology

How YOU doin, eh? [14 Mar 2010|08:50pm]
So, I checked my myspace earlier, and on the front page before I had logged in, there was Ashton Kutcher's twitter update down in the side corner, which for some reason caught my attention and my curiousity took over so I checked out what he had posted, and I enjoyed it. :) I agree that it is quite funny, I hope someone sees this and enjoys it as well. ;P

xoxo ♥ Night night.


Lawl. [13 Mar 2010|02:07pm]

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