"Tears in Lockdown" 08/12/04
Here in my cell I find myself crying thinking of you. Thoughts flooding my mind.
Wishes, wants, desires,things that could have been handled differently, also things that should have...
But thats now years in the past now. Unchangealbe, now impossible to correct or repair. Only left to act as a reminder of thoughts, feelings, emotions, and the one and only time in my life that I was at least for awhile I was Truly Happy and In love in a way I couldnt understand at the time.
I can now say that I understand that love. I will always have it in my hear. I will search to no end to find it again...
I also understand the present. I am no longer a "current" part of your line in almost any way shape or for . I am learning to live with that reality more and more every day that passes.
There are many selfish thins I could and at times do want. To come home and give you a kiss. To smell your purfume on a pillow. To crawl into bed and hold you as long as I possibly can. But these things seem as though they are only fantasy now.
What I want more than any of my selfish desires is for you to truly be happy in your life.
Every night when I goto bed I hope that someday change or fate will bring us back together again. To try all over again as if starting new, from a fresh begining.
I sincerly apologize for my apearent sever wrong doings you feel that I have done to you and hope that someday you can find it in your hear to forgive me.
I truly Love you, I am still in Love with you and always will be...
David Alan Katz
Fri, Oct. 29th, 2004, 02:10 am
Yes I am alive. I got Bronchitis late last month/early this month. Went to a Dr's, was treated and it never went away. Now its become Pneumonia Ohh and did I mention that I have been working security what nights I have been able to do so at Gyros 3D Fear Factory at Valco and will be doing so FRI/SAT/SUN from prob. 6pm (Staff has to be there early, house opens at 7ish..) till around 3am each night. Sorry I haven t posted/called/emailed/etc. Just wanted to let you all know I am still around and If your going to Gyros call my cell or look/have Gyros security find me I miss you all and will come alive again once I am no longer sick as fuck.
PS: I hope you can make it to Gyros after your off work early sun. It would be rad to see you, being sick sucks. <---- You know who you are
Unit 8C Cell 39
Santa Clara Co.
I am a full fledged card carrying drug addict. Mind you, you most likely will be unable to understand why or how, and you defiantly wont be able to relate. That is, unless you yourself are an addict.
Most everybody has one thing or another that they indulge in more so than others . This could be anything from Knitting, Cleaning, Geeking in front of a computer, Shopping, Stealing, etc. No matter what your “Drug of choice” you yourself are most likely no different than I am.
My drug of choice, Whatcha got?
The drugs I have used are Cocaine, Crystal Meth, Ecstasy, Ketamine, Mescaline, Acid, Shrooms, Marijuana, Opium, and Heroin.
I am also legitimately prescribed an ungodly amount of “Medication” that at the dosages prescribed to me could and would most likely kill a “Normal” healthy person off the street in a single dose.
Here’s the thing…
I am not, have not, and will not ever be addicted to any “Medication” prescribed to me.
Why you ask? There is a HUGE difference between prescription medication and “Street drugs”.
Medication is given to improve a persons quality of daily function and life it is also closely monitored and regulated. There are highly trained doctors and the FDA in place to guarantee the prescriptions and medications they prescribe are safe for their patients
With prescription medications you are most likely to have some side-effects or die from a drug allergy or a bad drug interaction than any other way. You don’t have to take into account who you got the drugs from, are they the real thing, have they been tampered with, or if each different pill is a different strength that could harm you.
These are the factors that keep the average Joe off of “Street drugs”.
These are also a part of what keeps a drug addict addicted
Getting and using “Street drugs” is almost lake an intricate dance, a game, a hunt, for most “Street drug” users.
Who’s got what? How much do they have? Is it any good? Where are you gonna meet?.
Any cop’s around? The exchange of the money, you get your drugs, you win the game right?
Not quite yet…
Now your in possession of a controlled substance, gotta get home without any static from the police. You’re SUPER paranoid, out of nowhere a police car ends up right behind you, your first thought is “Oh shit I’m busted”, 9 times out of 10 its just a mere coincidence that they ended up behind you. You make it home, Its party time!
Here’s where things get really interesting.
“Hey everybody lets play Russian roulette!”
That’s EXACTLY what your doing EVERY time you use “Street drugs”.
How do –I- know?
I acquired a particularly pure batch of Cocaine which I had no way of knowing at the time. I loaded up my syringe with my “usual” amount in my buddy’s bathroom, spiked a vein and slammed the Coke right into my bloodstream.
I was revived and woke up in the bath tub with Ice cold water and a smack across the face. I cheated death, thanks to my best friend and quick thinking by others involved.
Here is what I was told happened to the best of my memory.
The people in the house heard a loud THUD and started to look for who or what made the noise. They called for me as I was the only one unaccounted for, they broke the lock on the bathroom door and found me on the floor blue skin/lips and the syringe still in my vein, my eyes were rolled back in my head I wasn’t breathing, didn’t have a pulse.
At that point they got me into the tub and somehow they eventually revived me. I’m told I was dead for almost 3 minutes from an overdose of Cocaine.
I bet your thinking that would make ANYONE stop doing drugs right?
Not a true addict, the very next day I was back at it.
As I write this I am sitting in a jail cell doing time for a DUI with injury accident.
Now drinking and driving, that is something I will NEVER do again.
I cant say the same thing for drugs. If I were handed some drugs right now it would resemble a magic trick. POOF! *insert smoke* They disappeared!
Who knows what the future has in store for me , Everyday we will have to find out what happens tomorrow….
This is my reality. David, an Addict.
Court is all done, $310 in fines and what hopefully will only be 26 nights in jail and I can get my license back in a year...
Got a pinched nerve in my right upper-arm which might have been caused by the over-tight handcuffing and the was I was seated in the car/dragged around by that arm in custody, paralyzing my right hand against gravity. Pics of my arm/hand/finger brace can be found here... Brace_of_d00m!!!
In other words, life is shit.....
I OWN JOOOO! YOUR BASES ARE BELONG TO US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Blantently Stolen From Screemqueen
Sat, Apr. 10th, 2004, 02:28 pm
My Best Friend Matt and his Wife Rachel have given me one of the Best B-day gifts ever. As matt put it " its 1999 all over again april 29 genitorurers w/ pitbulldaycare we are so going thats your b day gift!"
I am unbelievably stoked! Thank you both you fucking Rawk!!!
It's been a Crazy-ass week in Spankyland...
Mon: Woke up with an appearent pinched nerve in my neck causing paralization of my right hand which still persists.
Wed: Went to the Dr's was ordered an MRI of my neck on the 19th & have a scheuled appointment to see a Neurosurgeon
Wed.. Night: Had a KILLER night @ Adrenechrome, Met some new ppl and got to look like the pimp of the year!! Check it, they even made ME look good...
Today: Had my court date, and what was a Feleony charge was reduced to a missdeamenor. THANK GOD (if there is one....)
Sat: My 25th Birthday! Somebody PEASE come abduct me from Belmont & take me someplace fun.
Well we are all moved into our new place in belmont finally.
I will be at Adrenachrome tonight and need to unwind so buy me drinks, take advantage of me, make me forget the hell that was this move please.
I -NEED- to have a good night out and need your help to do so.
Move day came and passed with not much accomplished. Weather was a factor secondly the place not being ready to move into ontime was yet another factor. So we will be making another shot at moving on the weekend of the 21-22. Once again Any and all help moving us to our new place would be very gratefully thanked with pizza and beer to be served to those that can help us. If you CAN help PLEASE email or call me firstname.lastname@example.org or 650-271-3351 on my cell and I will give you the adress to get directions to the new place 2 miles away from wheree we live now. Trucks/Vans a plus if you have one a strong set of arms with hands will help as well.