Log in

No account? Create an account

A Charming Sociopath


4/8/13 06:41 pm

i have a dilemma, i'm very hungry but i want to wait for my sleeping pregnant wife-to-be to wake up because i'd rather eat with her than alone, but i'm god damn starving rahhhhgghgh! wat do?

also panties since I know youre the only one that reads this, how do i find friends on here that will read my shit even though they don't know me?

4/6/13 04:38 pm


7/21/09 11:48 pm

kind of defeats the purpose of having an online journal, but what the fuck. I deleted useless people, and useless entries from here.
Ehhhhh.people make mistakes.... it's a damn good feeling, knowing that I dodged what could have been a really annoying lifestyle. Whatever else happens in my life, whether I remain with Stephanie, or become a totally different person in 5 years. I am certain I made  a good decision.
In the end, I just wish I could have avoided the whole thing and remained "just friends" with YOU.  We had a good friendship a few years ago, and it's a damn shame that it is forever ruined by how silly, foolish, viscious, childish, spiteful, ugly, malicious, and downright stupid you act when you feel scorned.
But make no mistake about it....

7/14/09 05:42 pm - the truth is...

Don't get involved with me.
It's poison.
I take and take and take
without giving anything back.
You know what they call an organism that does that?
A parasite.
That's basically all I am.
I'm too clingy and I have trust issues.
I start fights with people i date.
I make fun of them to their face.
I don't really deserve anyone.
I flirt with people while I have a girlfriend.
So, I'm the person who has trust issues, while not really being trustworthy.
There's really no reason to get involved with me.
just about everyone deserves better.
I don't see a bright future for me.
And I'm going to sit here and feel sorry for myself instead of doing anything about it.
That's the guy I am.
I get good people to fall for me, and I make them pathetic.
I ruin lives with my bullshit.
I've done it before, and I guarentee I will do it all again.
Not because I want to.
I hate it because I'm going to end up alone in the end.
That's what I deserve
I attract drama as well.
Listen to me, telling people about my bullcrap.
That just invites drama.
I'm truly not looking for sympathy.
I said in the last entry that I am learning about myself
Well here ya go.... I know that I will never ever have a healthy relationship with anyone...ever.
I don't deserve it.

6/29/09 10:12 pm

How many ways can I say I'm not sorry?
And how many ways can I show you I don't care?
In love and war there ain't no rules.
Some people make me hate myself.

i bought this new movie called Anatomy of Hell.
It's not a horror movie, eventhough it sounds like it.
It's an erotic thriller, about this couple who have gross period sex.
and they discuss the traditional roles that are for men and for women
and how those lines have blurred over the years.

I don't wanna be me anymore.
I don't wanna be me anymore.

Better News: I think I am learning a lot about myself.

6/6/09 04:13 am

where the buffalo roam



ed wood

day of the locust

they shoot horses, dont they

peter greenaway




9 songs

Christiane f.

Twin falls Idaho

Tom dicillo

School ties

David Gordon green


Lair of the white worm

Sister my sister

In the realm of the senses

Let the right one in


Combat shock




Forced entry

Return to oz


Turtles can fly

Anatomy of hell


Anita – shocking account

A nos amours – Maurice pialat

Boy meets girl (1994)

The loveless

Knightriders (romero)

Rebirth of a nation

Csa: the confederate states of America

4/27/09 01:34 am - Disney world

So, I'm going to be on here, and just brag about how fun Disney World was, because it was about as fun as you think. I went to all of the parks there, includng Animal Kingdom, Magic Kingdom, Hollywood Studios and Epcot Center. Epcot. I think my favorite was Epcot, because of the World Showcase, They had a section of land dedicated to some of the countries around the world. Tjhe countries represented were Japan, Canada, Morocco, Mexico, France, Italy, Germany,Great Britain, USA, China, and Norway. My family and I ate at the Ilalian resaurant, which would have been very expensive. Good thing we had the meal plan which made the whole thing FREE. And I got tortelli. Then we went to Norway, where I got a very big Apple and chicken sandwich.I also got some nasty flavored chips from Japan, just because I could. Also at Epcot was Spaceship Earth, and Mission Space, which were both pretty fun. there was also other things , like "Honey, I Shrunk The Audience" which looked like it was made in the 80's, and looked exactly how i remembered it from when I went there in 1994.

Animal Kingdom was fun, I have some pictures of caribou, elephants, gorillas, hippos, tigers, giraffes. I want to see a bear one day. Don't you?... The only ride worth mentioning besides the safari ride, at Animal Kingdom, was Dinosar, where they "take you back in time" and dinosaurs come at you really loudly and it is pretty scary...i guess. Animal Kingdom is fun, and its true that the animals there lik to see you. I had a rabbit come and get real close to me, and some ducks. The affection section is kind of whatever, because I got to pet a goat and some cows, which i guess doesn't impress me because I used to see them all the time.

Hollywood Studios had the coolest rides. The Rock N' Rollercoaster was a very fast paced rollercoaster that featured Aerosmith in the background, and lots of upside down and flips and stuff, but only lasted a few minutes. The Tower of Terror was this tower that slowly take you up 13 stories, and then drops you really fast, and repeats that, like four times. 

I bought my mom a coffee mug, and this display thing with Mickey Mouse on it.
i did a lot of being lazy, and a lot more of being lazier. By the poolside, Tanning, and drinking free srawberry daquaris, and hanging out with my family, which I really don't do enough of, in real life. They all kind of annoyed me at times, but isn't that what they're supposed to do? My mom did not annoy me that much, or really get under my skin, Although, there were times when we were all not doing much, when we could have been out galavanting. But whatever. I went to magic Kingdom by myself because my mom was convinced that it was a kiddy park, and would not be fun for us. She was  mostly right, but going there got me some good pictures of all the Disney characters. Also there were some pretty historic Disney artifacts there.

oh, that reminds me, at Downtown Disney, theres a Planet Hollywood, where they sell autographed pictures of famous people. Along with famous things that were used by people, like John Lennons guitar and stuff like that. I asked the clerk what the most valuable thing there was. he quickly pointed to this picture of Abraham Lincoln that had been signed by the man himself. I wonder how anyone could know the authenticity of something like that.. How could anyone possibly know that abraham Lincoln actually signed that paper some 200 years ago or whatever. But then again, I bet anyone that would actually spend 100,000 dollars on it, would probably ask the same thing before he or she bought it.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable getaway. Lots of good weather, sights, and tastes, and enough walking to burn off the calories from eating all the great food. I also think I enjoy the company of my family more than I did beforehand. I might be forgetting some details but the basic idea is that I did have a great time and it was better than i remembered it. Right now I am at work again, and....

4/16/09 12:41 pm - you guys need to start talking to me on here.

i don't really like southern accents.
Or australian accents.
it is true that British people have bad teeth.
I have done extensive research and come to the conclusion that there is no real reason to be racist, or homophobic.
Matter of fact, the people with real problems are those who hate and think that those who do not hate "just dont get it..
I voted for Barack Obama. No I am not on any bandwagon, and no I do not think he is my lord and savior.I voted for him because I agree with 100% of his values and I believe that John McCain would not, and could not make a speck of difference to the "economy". Call me wrong in two years, don't call me wrong yet because we simply do not know, he has not fucked up yet, unless you want to pick and prod and look at his imperfectons, (which everyone who ever lived has, including every president).
If nothing of that makes sense, I just enjoy his character and demeanor. I vote for someone based on how I feel he could represent us, and I would take this guy, over a 75 year old cancer patient.
Also, There is no way that Sarah Palin is not the antichrist.
Right now my mustache hair bothers the fuck out of me.
When I was growing up i was more or less raised on Five bands and they are The Beatles, Nirvana, Michael Jackson, Deftones, and Tool.
Did I mention how annoying a southern accent is?
Today I am going to get a haircut. but I dont have money on me, so I must go to my credit union.
Why is it that the more poor a person is, the more likely they are to either find Jesus Christ, or go insane and bitter and blame everyone else?
Thats what seems to happen...
My ex girlfriends whole family is basically poor, and her parents don't work at all, and they live off the government because they are "disabled". her mom has MS, and her dad has....headaches.
And yet, they find solace in their "faith" or whatever. And they are very pro military (not a bad thing at all), Ooh rah! Hunting and killing and "America, Fuck yea!". But they abuse the system.
I'll be the first person to tell you I do love America and I'm proud to say it.  Maybe thats why I would not, under any circumstance, take advantage of it, through the government, Kind of ruins our relationship.
The flip side of this, is the people, very younger than my ex's 60 year old parents, who have decided to hate. They lose their job, or they can't afford a really cool car, or they can't afford their drugs, cigarettes or whatever, and decide that the "recession" they have heard so much about, is to blame.
Or maybe they blame big bad government and Obama, or even Bush for their own shortcomings.
In the end though, the government is NOT behind any conspiracy that 27 year olds know about, and the government has a purpose, clearly. it is not perfect, obviously, but unless you, yourself, are perfect, shut your whiney mouth and accept imperfections.
I hate people who use fear tactics to make their point. It does not work on me, It never has.
I have decided that I would love to have telecuntnetics. the ability to move a cunt with my mind.
Sometimes when I haven't showered for more than a day (everyone does it) I don't really give a fuck if people I don't know can smell it. in fact I hope it ruins the smell of their coffee in the morning.
One of my pet peeves is having someone mess up my order. i'm sure there is another side to this (Jessie) but if I order a quarter pounder with only ketchup, medium fries and a Coke, and i get a double cheeseburger with a medium fries and a Coke. I start to see red. Maybe, in that way, I'm a prick.

I think I will learn from my past mistakes. I am not going to be in a relationship with someone who I don't like. I will no longer have to watch porno instead of have sex with my girlfriend. I will no longer have to see a fake smile when a girlfriend tells me she loves me. I know what the real thing is. If this means I stay unmarried and single my whole life. So be it. I'd rather be lonely my whole life than wonder why I married my wife all the time.
I'm a pretty vindictive person. I do things just to piss people off or make them jealous. I know where my place is, I know I am not very physically attractive. I dont know where I am going with this...

Oh by the way, I support Zero Tolerance Gun Control.
This is probably the only post I will ever do about government.

4/14/09 02:53 am - Story

My story for today is told through the eyes of a girl...

We meet.

It's interesting, mildly entertaining conversation. I somewhat like talking to you. You're cute, funny, and seemingly intelligent.

You ask me for my phone number. You seem nice enough, and I wouldn't mind seeing you again and hanging out. "Why the hell not?" I think. So I give it to you. I know you'll call me...they all do, really. I'm just the right balance of aloof and interested, and I'm good looking enough and smile a lot, and I can tell you're really into me, though we barely know each other.

You call or text me two to three days later, asking me if I have plans for the next night. I say yes...but mention that I'm free the night after that. This is my M.O. I am never available spontaneously...that would be too desperate. You ask me if I want to go meet you for dinner at an Italian restaurant. Ugh. It's always Italian. I have no fucking clue why everyone wants to eat at fucking Italian restaurants all the time on dates. Buy me a god damned steak, or take me to somewhere different and more obscure...take me to eat pho or Indian or Ethiopian food, for fuck's sake. Italian is safe, and you're already boring me. I agree to meet you there at 7pm. Seven o' clock in the evening. Fucking typical.

I leave the office at 6:15, which leaves me just enough time to go home and feed my cat, brush my teeth, powder my nose, and dab on a bit of perfume. Maybe I'll change but since we're going to an Italian restaurant and I'm already bored with you I can't be arsed, really.

I get there at 6:55 to scope out the rest of the crowd. I'm sitting at a table by the bar, facing the door. My mind is all over the place. I don't even want to be here. I'd really rather be at home making my bag of popcorn and bowl of cereal, studying. That's what I should be doing. Instead, I'm wasting my evening with you, someone I don't give a fuck about, someone I don't know, and someone I don't care to know or give a fuck about. I don't know why the hell I'm here. I make plans for later that evening so I have an "out" in case I need it.

Shit, you're here. I give a fake smile and an awkward hug, and look at you expecting you to say something entertaining. You don't immediately amuse me so I glaze over at whatever drivel comes out of your mouth...I don't even know what you said, really. I don't care.

The waitress comes by to take our food order. You suggest splitting a dish, which makes me want to leave. Not because I think you're too cheap to pay for a full meal for me...quite the contrary. I would never expect you to pay for a first date. That's all you'll get, really, unless I'm actually interested in you, which I can already tell I'm not going to be. I always pay for myself on the first date, and I was hungry dammit, but not hungry enough to argue with you or give a fuck. I let you have your way objection free because I know it will get me the hell out of here faster. Shit. I'll just hit a drive thru on the way to meet my friend.

I look at the time. We keep having meaningless conversation. Sometimes I'm amused, but mostly I'm not. Mostly, I'm thinking about leaving and going to smoke with my friend. I smile and hope you don't notice that I'm not really paying attention. I laugh again; try not to talk too much because I don't want you to keep talking. I would rather just get our food and eat so you shut the fuck up.

Our food finally arrives and there is of course a song and dance about an extra plate and silverware because we only got one fucking course. I eat my food as quickly and politely as possible, nod when the waitress checks in periodically to see if everything's ok, refuse another drink, and resist the urge to tell the waitress to hurry up and give us the check.

When she comes back to collect our plates, you tell her you'd like another drink please, and look to me to see if I'd like another one. Well fuck. I guess I'm going to need one if I have to sit with you much longer.

I go to the bathroom and on the way there an old woman trips and falls. I just gawk a bit and walk around them. What a horrible bitch I am. I should have helped her, but she had enough people around her. I don't need to be Captain Save-a-ho. I hear them walk into the bathroom and it makes me nervous. I hate public restrooms as it is. I hate the sound of old women peeing. It makes me nauseous...the gushing sound of piss flowing mercilessly out of their worn the fuck out vaginas. Ugh.

I wash my hands and go back to the table. I drink my Captain and Coke quickly and look at my watch and back up at you. "I actually have to leave here soon..." I offer. You look helplessly around for the waitress, and she brings us our check. You refuse to let me pay for my half, which is equal parts irritating and noble.

I thank you and say I had a great time as you walk me to my car. The rest of the walk is silent. I parked far away because I am too impatient to wait for the rest of the idiots to find a fucking parking space. It's a waste of time, really. You look at me, expecting something. I give you a quick peck on the lips, turn around on my heel, and get into my car. I roll down my window, "call me!" I say coyly, as I smile and drive off.

I don't answer any of your text messages...not that night, not the next day and not two days afterward. You text me yet again, saying "this is the last time I'm going to text you...if I don't hear back, I'll get the message." I feel bad, and text you back that I just don't feel a spark. You proceed to argue that you "thought we had a lot in common and that we could have fun getting to know one another". I roll my eyes and I don't respond.

I never respond, and I never will. You're not him.

4/13/09 01:57 am - i am being targetted

I am being targetted at work. There are people here who don't like me. What it seems though, is that this certain individual is only out to get me because she is lacking, herself I don't care, I am not getting fired anytime soon. The important people here like me. The people I work with, like me.
So, whatever.
I think I am, going to write a story in here, like i used to.
Okay, its final...my next entry will be an awesome story,
well written and everything.

later. oh by the way. i mis you, whoever reads this, im pretty sure i miss you.
Powered by LiveJournal.com