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21 July 2007 @ 05:19 pm
Yeah this call center where I do security..
Totaly soul sucking corporate love in.
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Gotta love that little bit about giving up your right to privacy. I'm sure thats legal...
Another wonderful little thing i read in the lunchroom today..
Lunch and learn is where you give up your lunch break to learn about exiting new career advancements within the corporation. (AKA not only are we not going to pay you to retain you, we want you to give up your lunchtime that we have to give you by law, not sure thats legal either)
Remeber if your lunch break doesn't fall at the same time as Lunch and Learn you may ask your teamleader to move your lunchbreak so you can attend, but they must aprove!
06 July 2007 @ 03:56 am
Life is big, real big. How's a kid supposed to figure shit out in this world of flashing screens and hot asphalt. All I ever wanted was to do the right thing, be a good person and I figured happyness would follow. Everything I knew as a boy has been turned on it's head. I guess that's what becoming a man is all about. The world isn't about happyness, goodness, badness or love. It's about paying bills on time and just going through another day without killing yourself. It's about lieing to yourself just enough so that you don't mind untill it's too late. It's about corporate drones, and small by the cooler. It's about drownign your sorrow in booze and sex till you don't know your unhappy let alone why you're unhappy. We keep fighting the unhappyness liek it's some kind of cancer. But maybe theres a good reason to be unhappy.
I'm rambling. I'm tired. I'm drunk on too much life and not enoguh substance.
They'res got to be something more though. Something more than this stainless steel distopia there offering me.
I can hear the birds singing.
The sun will be up soon.
There is still hope.
01 July 2007 @ 10:26 pm
Bad day.. bad feeling...
I've been on an emotional high lately (thats part of the reason why you havn't seen me posting much lately, I've been keeping buisy). Even when I had the lows they were relative. To be truthfull it is even now. But I lack something in my life. Companionship. I think. It's hard to say what's missing when that hole has never been filled by anything. Oh I've had plently of lovers, partners, friends, and all that Jazz, and I'm not in an abiss of lonelyness right now. But I feel like an unfinished puzzle. I feel like half of something. Like a child who's lost his imaginary friend and can't find it anymore. Or one of a kind. Alien. And while it is nice to feel unique...
It's nice to feel like you belong too. To feel like there is somewhere you can stop and catch your breath. To have someone you can confide in and wont be judged or manipulated. Someone to watch over me (to quote a cheezy song).
And I don't feel like I have those things. Like I have a home or a soul mate. Maybe my expectations are too high? But it would seem that others have found these feelings of comfort, belonging and love. Maybe I just havn't found the right place and person and such? But I'm 23, a grown man, many have settled down long before my age. Or maybe I'm just too broken? But the more I look at the world around me the more I realise that I am sane, adaptive and inteligent. The truth probably is a little bit of all those things. There are no story book endings in life, save for those who write them themselves and I'm too inteligent and sinical to beleave in a fairlytail anyways...
I just wish I had the content sence of self I had as a boy. This world took a chunk out of me somewhere along the way and I still don't have it back.
Getting there though...
Current Mood: pensivepensive
30 June 2007 @ 11:50 am
Every day I read the news and every day I find our world becoming more and more like George Orwell's classic story of a distopia where mindless masses are controled by an intrusive and corupt government.
It's CCTV in in England one day. Today it's youth being hasseled in airports for sharing a name with a suposed criminal.
Two boys named Alistair Butt were stoped from boarding flights here in Canada and delayed in thier travels recently. Why? Because appearantly someone with that name is on a dreaded "no fly list". This is ridiculess. These no fly lists just had one more hassel to a traveling process already bogged down with too many hoops to jump through.
There are millions of people in Canada alone, it's a no-brainer that the names on that list are not unique to those it was intended to impeed. In this case the unitended victims were childen. Again it doesn't take a genious five minutes to realise that these are not the Alistair Butt you seek, yet they were detained none the less and delayed in a clear violation of so many freedoms protected in our constitution that I don't even know where to start. In fact an airline official had the nerve to even suggest that one familiy changes thier son's name. Another quote I find disturbing is this one. "We regret any inconvenience, but security must remain of paramount concern," from Air Canada. Since when have we as a free and democratic country sacraficed all else for the sake of 'security'. Our courts have repeated over and over again that freedom and NOT security has always been our paramount concern. Our very constitution is based on the ideal that it is better to let some criminals get away than to persecute the innocent. That is what separates a democracy from a facist state.
I find this disgusting, but these boys are lucky. What if young Alistair had been just a couple years older? What if he was traveling alone? What if the next person caught in this net off 1000 or so names isn't so innocent looking? Will he be delayed for more than a few hours? Will he be thrown into a cell and held overnight untill he can prove he is not infact this man with the same name as him he's never met? And how can one prove that? The airlines and government wont even tell us wich list Alistair Butt's name falls under, let alone how to get it off there or who these people are. They wont tell us what names are on the list, so that means that MY name could be on that list, and I wont know untill I go to fly and someone slaps a pair of cuffs on me for sharing a name with a suspected criminal. Chew on that next time you're waiting in line to dump the contense of your pockets into a tray and have your body scaned while some stranger goes through the contence of your bag.
17 June 2007 @ 03:54 pm
As Mother's day starts to become as tapped out as can be as a corperate holiday buisnesses are starting to focus more on Father's day, News and Media have caught on and are following suit. Add that to you're general yearly stuff all my friends do with thier fathers and I'm feeling pretty shitty right now. It's never seemed to bother me before but this year I really feel empty. I've never really known how to feel about the absence of my father. The absence itself makes me feel sad and inadequet. And while I'm not sure I miss him, due to the fact that I never knew him so well, this leads to feelings of confusion and guilt. Also there is the whole fact that if my dad were still around he would probably still be a deadbeat. Our relationship was always aucward at best. He didn't know what he was expected to do (his atempts at fathering were sporatic and steriotipical like trying to teach me to skate or taking me fishing) and he was overwhelmed by his own neative emotions wich often sprung from his own disfucntional relationship with his father. As i grew through my childhood he withdrew more and more both phyisicaly and mentaly/emotionaly, often through the use of drugs and alchol. He tried a couple times to rehabilitate himself, but as is the case with many drug users he slipped back into his old rutines because his rute problems were never adressed. Finaly near the end of our relationships I realized that I didn't recognize the man that was my father anymore and i was ashamed of him. Now I'm not sure how to feel. Theres an old unread letter from him sitting in my mom's drawer. I hope that he's gotten his life together a little since then because I'm not sure I could deal with seeing him anyworse than he was before. I'd much rather remember him smiling trying to teach me to skate.
Current Mood: sadsad
16 June 2007 @ 02:14 pm
The hipocracy is deafening.
Palestine has democratic elections, votes in the Hamas party. Western society doesn't like Hamas, they call them terrorists and signs a massive trade embargo and cut off aid to the wartorn country untill they get rid of said democraticaly elected government. The Fatah party (well known for being corupt) then proceeds to have a bunch of gunfights in the streets with the Hamas party and eventualy storm the parlament and take power in what would be generous to call a coup (so if Hamas are a bunch of terrorists what does that make Fatah?). It makes them U.S. backed lapdogs that's what. Why does the west INSIST on meddling in the afairs of other countries? Stirring up strife, violence and death as they go? Is this part of the roadmap to peace? Is this exporting deocracy? This is a sick joke is what it is. The middle east would have been so much better off if countries like the U.S. and Briton never started sticking thier noses where they dont belong. But we can't change the past. So what can be done? Should the coalition pull out of Iraq? Should western countries wash thier hands of the midle east and leave them to do as they please? Or can some plan of action be implimented to make the region more peacfull and democratic? I'm not sure, but I do know this. Untill Administrations like that of Bush's stop pouring bullshit all over everything and calling it apple pie nothing we will keep seeing more violence abroad, specificaly more violence and anger directed at western society, and soon enough we will see more violence at home because of this too. Our governments have to come clean about thier policies and thier intentions behind them if they are to properly represent and serve us. We cannot allow our elected representatives to make decisions that we ourselves would feel shamefull of. As long as we continue to vote in yes men, morons, and self serving villians the blood will be on our hands as well and thiers.
08 May 2007 @ 05:41 pm
Read this today. Priceless. Just wonderful. The guy gets spit on so he chases the other guy and yells and spits back at him. Fucking childish. Disgracefull even. What does his company do? They defend it.

"You've got a long-term employee who was spit on by somebody and reacted to it. It's maybe not what everybody would want, but in society, being spit on is not something someone should be expected to take and not react to it at all."

Spitting back at people is what children do, not eployees who work in thew customer service industry.
The problem with this is that there are so many low brow retards workign as bus drivers. YES it's a stressfull job, YES you have to deal with a public who spit, yell, threaten and do everything else under the sun. But you can't just retaliate. That's stooping to their level and altough I don't want to have to live inthe same city as a bunch of monkey's I SURE as hell do now want to have to be driven around by a bunch of monkies. God how can they defend that sort of behavior?

"If you went into a Canadian Tire and you didn't have enough money to buy something, and the clerk said, 'You can't have it because you didn't pay for it,' you spit on them, you'd expect the security guard to grab them and have them arrested."

This is another nice little quote. gotta love this "Well he did it to me first" mentality. What are we FIVE? And NO security guards DO NOT "grab and arrest" people for spitting. Well trained security guard do not grab PERIOD. Why? Because it's uncouth and potentialy illigal.

Look a fact of life is that when you are providing a service like busses you are going to deal with all the unwashed, crackhead, trained monkies in the city. It's a given, you're offering the cheapest form of moterized trasportation. So you're going to get dumbasses who try to sneak onto the bus for free and then spit on you when you don't let them. Is it right? NO of course not. But is it right to man your busses with the same fucking knee-jerk monkies? No! And fuck if the busses are too dangerous up the security. Impliment procedures to deal with the situation. Don't go spitting on eachother like a couple of fucking animals. What's next? arming your drivers with clubs? Hey you know it would probably be cheaper to man your busses with REAL trained monkies. They might spit less too.

This kinda shit pisses me off. Have some fucking human dignity people. Don't spit on people. Even if they spit on you first.
02 May 2007 @ 04:53 pm
You know it's no secret that I'm constantly pulling my hair out about everything. Work, roommates, sex, school, relationships, just life in general. I seem to stress out about everything and I'm always looking on the dark side of things, and then when I do I get angry at myself for being stressed or negative and things spiral out of control. I think it's pretty ovbious I need to make some lifestyle changes. I think I've made some good starts, moving was a good idea. Already i'm sleeping better. I sleep for shorter periods of time and I feel more refreshed when I wake. I think going to school is going to be a mixed blessing. Some things will be posative and may help me relax and find peace like the setting, though some things like exams will stress me out more. Right now it's just extra stress because I need to save up a lot of money and I know i'm not gonig to be ableto save all that so I'm going to need to take out another loan and that stresses me out more. Speaking of saving money I think I need to change my work scedual. Right now I got layed off from one of my sites wich means less hours for a little bit. I should take advantage of that and relax a little. Then in a bit I'm supposed to have a meeting with a manager and union rep to find myself a new site. I think I should push for someplace quiet and close to where i'm living now. I think on the whole I need to detach a little and take a simpler more "laisser faire" aproach to life. I need to stop stresing so mcuh. im just not sure how to do that. Maybe I should take up yoga or something? I dunno. Anyways...
01 May 2007 @ 05:24 pm
I wish i didn't feel so shitty all the time.
I just.. can't seem to stop focusing on all the negative stuff. *Sigh*
All the "what ifs" and "I wish that was me." and "Why does this happen to me?" shit.
There are plenty of things to be happy about. Lots of good stuff in the world too, I just don't seem to care about it.
I guess that's what a personality disorder is?
Also even when I DO try and focus on the enjoyable stuff I just seem to be wasting time untill I feel bad again. I can't win. And it seems like every day I find new reasons to feel like shit. Anyways maybe Im just exausted. This move, and before that the school stuff, and being dicked around by work. I was at Richard and Ginny's wedding on saterday and it was great but kinda tiring. I never slept properly at the other place. I would "sleep" for like 11 hours and get up and still feel exausted liek i could go back to bed and sleep another 11. Then yesterday I had to clean the whole place top to bottom and my roommates didn't help anymore than take their stuff out and throw out some trash. I washed 2 bathrooms and a kitchen and they were nasty. I hope I feel better soon. I feel like i've been unhappy for so long. I know it comes and gos but it just feels so overwhelming...
01 May 2007 @ 11:36 am
Father can you hear me?
How have I let you down?
I curse the day that I was born
and all the sorrow in this world

Let me take you to the herding ground
where all good men are trampled down
Just to settle a bet that could not be won
between a prideful father and his son

Will you guide me now for I can't see a reason
for the suffering and this long misery
What if every living soul could be upright and strong?
Well then I do imagine

There will be (sorrow)
Yeah there will be (sorrow)
And there will be sorrow no more

When all soldiers lay their weapons down
or when all kings and all queens relinquish their crowns
Or when the only true messiah rescues us
from ourselves it's easy to imagine

There will be (sorrow)
Yeah there will be (sorrow)
And there will be sorrow no more

There will be (sorrow)
Yeah there will be (sorrow)
And there will be sorrow no more

Yeah there will be (sorrow)
Yeah there will be (sorrow)
And there will be sorrow no more