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Bedroom eyes and blue skies.

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[12 Nov 2005|10:59pm]
I would like to issue a statement in regards to some misconceptions about my previous relationships, wherein I appologize for any confusion or offense that may have occured due to my actions.

It's come to my attention that a few people are confused on the matter of whether or not I said some derogatory things about my ex boyfriend. It bothers me that what I have to say holds no weight, whereas someone completely unrelated to the situation has a misguided opinion that is swaying people's ideas of me.

Whether these things that I have been accused of are true or not, I would like to appologize; if something as serious as what's been said actually happened, you would have heard it from me or not at all. I hold no grudges and, although I was bitter for a while (probably too long), its over and done with. I'd appreciate if this could end peacefully. I love my friends and would hate to lose them because of "he-said she-said" highschool drama that doesn't really have any basis in reality or our futures.

I only ask, if nothing else, that we could all agree to stop dwelling on something that's in the past. I'm not asking for forgiveness or to magically heal friendships that have been seriously wounded; I only want relative peace. I'm deeply sorry that any of this had to happen, and hope that while I move on, everyone else does, too.

Because I'd hate to lose all of you because of something as trivial as this; it just isn't worth it to me. You guys mean more to me then this ever did, and I'm sorry if I made you feel otherwise.
heroin is just too trendy

I need my treatment [04 Nov 2005|08:57pm]
He grits his teeth against the tears as needle bites skin. All too soon, he feels that ungodly warmth fill his body as he has dozens of time before. Never as good as the last, he feels a familiar disappointment come over him.
Letter lying next to him, he leans backward onto his bed, waiting. But nothing happens. No booming voice, no light at the end of the tunnel. Jack shit.
So he rises, and again punctures the tiny vein in the crook of his arm. No warmth this time only a dull, pounding ache in his head. He takes this as a sign of things soon to come. So he retakes his position on the bed; and waits. Soon, he feels an unfamiliar type of warmth. A warmth that fills his heart as he feels it slow. Then, his throat tightens and respiration ceases. Through his drug induced haze, he panics slightly.
Wait, I'm not ready for this.

Then dark.
[3] heroin is just too trendy

Delirium tremens [03 Nov 2005|06:43pm]
The record is skipping. She can not bring herself to rise and halt it. "like cheap whiskey, like cheap whiskey, like cheap whiskey..." There is a sinking in the bottom of her stomach. A relentless spinning in her head. A lurch in her vision every few moments. She clamps her eyes shut against the pain, but the spots on the back of her eyelids dance; worsening her condition. The phone rings sharply through the lonely apartment. She startles, nearly vomiting as a result. But she reaches behind her head, grasping for the phone with sweaty palms. She clamps the phone in her fist, white knuckle tight. She hits "TALK." "Hello?" She manages weakly.
"HI! this is community services for the blind!" A shrill, all to cheerful voice speaks through the line. She hits "TALK" again. She replaces the phone in its cradle and gently rests her head back onto her pillow.
Suddenly, her body seizes. Still conscious, she seizures violently. Until unconscious bliss is reached. Within her black underworld, she feels bugs...everywhere on her face. She attempts desperately to scream, with no reward.
Silence. The apartment is cold and mildewed. Lonely.
The needle of the record player continues its journey along the hairline indentation of the record.
like cheap whiskey, you're alway there.
[2] heroin is just too trendy

the prettiest cadaver [01 Nov 2005|06:39pm]
I thought that we might have a good time that night. You picked me up at my house around six, and we proceeded to the cafe. We made small talk and sipped black coffee. Everything was wonderful. But the night came to a close. We climbed into your car and we started the journey home. A half a mile later, the conversation died. Another half of a mile, you pulled over.
"Baby, I can't take this anymore you." you said.
You leaned over and kissed me. I responded politely. I pulled back. You pushed forward, rolling onto the passenger seat and straddling my hips.
"What are you doing?" I was frightened then.
"I can't take this anymore." You repeated.
I moved my hand quickly for the door handle, only to find it missing. You had been planning this all along.
[17] heroin is just too trendy

fuck you [31 Oct 2005|04:26pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

okay, I hate to ruin the perky mood of the last entry but:

would people shut THE FUCK UP! and listen to ME! I know it sounds juvenile and angsty, but I don't give a flying shit! I mean, would someone pay attention to ME! worry about ME! Instead of themselves! i worry about my friends twenty four fucking seven and they don't give a shit about me (except for a few, you know who you are)


[3] heroin is just too trendy

trick or treat [31 Oct 2005|04:06pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Happy Halloween/Merry Samhain eveyrone!!!

heroin is just too trendy

just to feel [30 Oct 2005|11:37am]
[ mood | anxious ]

I'm drunk on nothing and feel like fighting. I just want to get into one big drunken brawl. I want to have sex with a good friend and then ignore them for a week.
I want to be conscienceless.

heroin is just too trendy

[29 Oct 2005|04:49pm]
So yeah, I'm bored out of my mind. someone call me or IM me or something.

Oh yeah, new layout, icon and user info.
[4] heroin is just too trendy

hoorah! [25 Oct 2005|06:27pm]
[ mood | excited ]

anyone feel like coming? the tickets come out to be 22.75 after service charge.

heroin is just too trendy

[24 Oct 2005|09:17pm]
[ mood | amused ]

So yeah. I'm so bored. But I have dial up internet for the time being. WOOHOO!!
I love you all, even if you hate my guts.

heroin is just too trendy

[20 Oct 2005|04:43pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I'm at Andrea's hooray! I forgot how much I miss the interenet. Never let the LJ die! NEVAH!

[3] heroin is just too trendy

[09 Aug 2005|08:12pm]
my eyes are dry. my heart is stitched. I am empowered, strong, healed. You will not harm me anymore.
I will no longer harm myself by thinking about those dreadful evenings.

Most off al: fuck you.
[1] heroin is just too trendy

[30 Jul 2005|11:26pm]
[ mood | horny ]

I'm at Emily's cousin's -Jessica- place. We were supposed to get drunk but it ended up not working out. So I'm just drinking mike's watching this cheesy ass horror movie. But yeah, very bored.
I decided that Gerard Way is very much the sex.

I want to have hardcore, grab ass, scream your name sex with someone. Preferably of the male gender.

[3] heroin is just too trendy

[21 Jul 2005|12:48pm]
hehe. so i was just sitting here and i saw this girl and i thought "wow, she's really cute" and then I realized that I knew her in elementary school, hehe.
[1] heroin is just too trendy

[21 Jul 2005|12:25pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I'm back. For an hour. I'm at the library. I am so happy to be back online. It feels warm and tingly.
How is everyone's summers going? Well, I hope.

Things have been really weird lately. Not bad or good. Just fuckin' weird. Like, I thought I had things figured out pretty well and then all this emotion (again just weird) comes at me and I'm like "shit, this is weird."

I feel really stupid now that I'm out of school. Like, I can't speak properly or multiply basic numbers. It's annoying. I've had a fairly positive attitude these past few days. I got some really cute pink converse for my birthday.
(which reminds me, how was andi's b-day?) I've started reading alot more. Alot of books on Wicca, because it's so interesting to me. So yeah, that's about it. Someone interesting needs to get online. I'm quite bored.

[4] heroin is just too trendy

misery loves company [08 Jul 2005|09:11am]
[ mood | artistic ]

So yeah, I'm at summer school. It fuckin' sucks. I'm so tired all the time now. I just got in an argument and frankly, it isn't effecting me as much as it should. Meh. Not my problem.

[7] heroin is just too trendy

can you smell what the rock is cooking? [20 Jun 2005|09:24am]
[ mood | bored ]

I'm sooo bored. as is customary. This couldn't be more boring, honestly. I still have an hour to sit in this room doing NOHTING. NOTHING! I miss my lip ring dearly. So I think I might repierce it. La dee daa. Dum Dee Dum.

There have been all of these tsunami warnings on the west coast because of these earthquuakes off of california. We're so fucking paranoid. They aren't even the right kind of earthquake to cause a tsunami.

But yeah, I'm done. Later.

[1] heroin is just too trendy

bored in third period [15 Jun 2005|11:06am]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I slept three hours last night. I stayed up all night reading. It was fun. I feel really wonderful. ^_^

[2] heroin is just too trendy

I won't go down alone [12 Jun 2005|09:38pm]
[ mood | freaking the fuck out ]

Fuck. I can feel it inside of me. It's waiting. Waiting to put the pistol to my head, spit in my face and force me to submit. It's always going to be there, there's nothing I can do. So I'll submit. But I'll never stop looking for revenge.

heroin is just too trendy

rather waste some time with you [12 Jun 2005|12:01pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I'm fuckin' bored again. I'm getting the shakes pretty bad. My whole body itches and my scalp feels like it's crawling. I can deal with this. I just can't deal with being fucking bored.

heroin is just too trendy

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