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Friday, March 28th, 2008
2:01 pm - Going....
I've started a new blog with good intentions - I update it more than this one, and it's only been a couple of months. This one is therefore pretty dead...

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Monday, June 18th, 2007
10:23 am - Old enough...
...to know better, young enough (at least that's my excuse!) to still leave EVERYTHING to the last minute.

Queen of the procrastinators.

My LJ sucks.

current mood: stressed

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Monday, January 29th, 2007
9:28 pm - Double Edged
You know, I've come to realise that knowing who your true friends are is a real double-edged sword. On one hand, it gives you that really deep-down feeling of satisfaction, that love for your friends that you know are there for you. On the other hand, realising that people you thought were your friends but aren't at all is a massive blow. Sad. Yet happy.

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Sunday, November 12th, 2006
3:05 pm - Lost in translation...
I was sent this from the news 4 linguists site...

Thousands of fire safety leaflets in Scotland have been withdrawn because a wrong translation in the leaflet's Urdu version mixed 'gadda' (cushion) with a 'gadha' (donkey).

The leaflet, titled 'Fire Kills - You Can Prevent It', was produced by the Scottish Executive and has been made available to the public for five years. Its piquant mis-translation has only now been brought to the notice of the Strathclyde Fire and Rescue Service.

The leaflet's English version reads: "Never jump straight out of a window. Lower yourself on to cushions, etc."

But language experts charged with putting the passage into Urdu - there is a large minority in Scotland speaking the language - translated it as "Never jump out of a window straight. Put yourself on a donkey."

Reports reaching here from Glasgow say that the leaflets were produced in thousands, and now most of them have been destroyed.

Bashir Ahmad, a Scottish Nationalist Party councillor for Glasgow Shawlands, which has a high proportion of Urdu speakers, said: "How can you mix up cushions with a donkey? My constituents will be laughing that such a silly translation has been made."

Urdu expert Bassneem Kareem, told the local media: "The Urdu word for donkey is 'gadha', while the word for cushion is 'gadda'. It is a very big error - ridiculous and stupid."

A Scottish Executive spokesperson apologised for the error and said: "Since this leaflet was translated in 2001, quality control on translated material has been improved by running a system that includes proof-reading."

Rosemary Dale, founder of the Scottish Borders Donkey Sanctuary, remarked: "I would not let the people who made this translation anywhere near my donkeys."

current mood: amused

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Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
12:42 pm - Thoughts on LJ
1) I much prefer reading than writing when it comes to LJ.

2) I need some more LJ friends, as the old ones are as lax as I am.

3) I respect people so much who write their LJ in a foreign language.

4) Proc to nedelam taky?

4) Because no Czech people read it and I can't write in any other languages :-)

5) Oops! I just did 4 twice.

Sorry, best journal entry ever. Haha.

In other news, it's my birthday on Thursday. If I don't sort it out soon, I'll be sitting at home alone watching a video or worse... on the net. Nooooo (person-falling-of-cliff-type no).


current mood: blah

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Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
11:59 pm - Life, Jim, is not as we know it.
I just thought I'd tell the (LJ) world. I'm in love. I love him. I fucking LOVE him. Awesome. :-)


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11:55 pm - I don't normally post these, but I like being a vixen. Grrr.
You scored as vegan vixen. You're a vegan vixen! You use your good looks and body to encourage people to go veg. You're probably a little perky and a little adventurous. You may have tofu-wrestled, worn a lettuce bra, or are about to do one of the two! If you're a guy, consider yourself a virile vegan (vixen generally refers to women...). Though you may have feminist beliefs, it's fine to use sexual attraction to get people to stop eating animals. More on www.goveg.com


vegan vixen


militant vegan


health-conscious vegetarian


welfarist vegetarian


quiet vegetarian


lazy vegetarian


new veggie


What type of vegetarian are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

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Friday, December 16th, 2005
9:21 pm - Storytime

My dad's always liked writing stories for kids. Anyway, he took it to a new level over the last couple of weeks, with a true story by text message. It was so long it was blocking my other messages from getting through, so I typed it up. Read and enjoy. Or at least get an insight into my strange family! :-)

Margaret the Pumpkin: An SMS Story


Once upon a time, a doggy walking, well, running, in the woods, found a pumpkin by a tree. She sniffed at it, she prodded it with her paw, she yapped and yipped at it but nothing would it do. Not till her master decided to roll it down the hill, whereupon she became most excited. And so the pumpkin rolled bouncily and haphazardly down the hill, sometimes nearly stopping, and all the time the doggy was in warm pursuit. You see, it was not a steep enough hill for hot pursuit. Every time the doggy caught up with the pumpkin and nudged it, it rolled a little further, until at last it came to a tree which it could not negotiate. There against the tree, the Pumpkin, whose name was Margaret as was shown by the scratched letters with which someone had cruelly scarred it, came to a halt. Panting excitedly the doggy caught up with it. She circled it and as before she poked and prodded at it with her nose and paw. In frustration she yapped impatiently to come and play but the Pumpkin called Margaret would not awaken. Then the doggy grew even more impatient and opened wide her mouth to take the pumpkin away, for she espied her master galumphing through the mud and leaves beneath the trees towards her. Now at this sight the doggy grew most disturbed, for she was a most sagacious doggy and she knew from past experience that if her master reached her and took the pumpkin away, she knew she would probably never see her new playmate, Margaret, again. Whereupon she tried to take Margaret in her mouth, to move her away, but the attempt was a vain one. Margaret was thrice the size of the doggy’s head, her skin was smooth, thick and tough and the poor doggy could not gain a purchase. So… the doggy’s master was able to reach Margaret and mercifully rescue her from behind the tree. There, because the doggy was leaping up and down in a frenzy of excitement, he set Margaret down once again to roll freely down the hill. As before, Margaret rolled, obeyed Mr Newton’s law of gravity in her crazy progress down the slope, once again she came to rest hiding behind a tree, once again the doggy caught her and once again the master came galumphing to the rescue. You see, when one is wearing wellingtons, galumphing is one of the few things one can do with any measure of success. This time though, the doggy was ready! With her sharp teeth she went scratchy scrapey along Margaret’s skin, and horror of horrors, she pierced it! She started to eat poor Margaret as she found that she liked the taste of the inside! When the master eventually caught up, the doggy had made a large enough hole in Margaret to gain a grip on her, so she did and scampered off with her master in pursuit.


And so the doggy’s master tried once more to write the next episode of the saga of Margaret the pumpkin and this time the bone in his fattery was stronger… Down the hill prambed the doggy, (if you want to know what prambed means, ask your phone to spell pranced) down the hill bobbed Margaret, like a big mis-shapen orangey yellow balloon on a large furry four legged piece of string with sharp teeth and down the hill galumphed the master in clumsy pursuit. Every so often, when she thought she was at a safe enough distance to try having a little nibble of Margaret, the doggy would stop to do so, and when she did then the master would catch up, but each time away she ran. She did this several times for she thought it tremendous fun to wind her master up so. Then… Oh calamity! Disaster struck! When at one point the doggy tried to release Margaret, she could not let go. To be continued…


What the doggy did not know, was that when she made the hole to get at the sweet tasting insides of Margaret, her sharp teeth would go right through Margaret’s hard skin and get stuck! In vain she tried to let go but still Margaret clung on. The pumpkin was taking her revenge. The doggy backed off shaking her head but still the pumpkin stayed with her. The doggy panicked and ran round in circles still shaking her head and trying to loosen it, the pumpkin that is, not her head. The master tried to help her but he was laughing too much to be of any use. At last the doggy shook Margaret free but did that relieve her? No it didn’t. She tried to grab Margaret again but this time her master was too fast for her, he beat her to Margaret and, lifting her high above the reach of the leaping doggy, he placed her in a tree, in the fork of two branches way above the doggy. The doggy was most disappointed…


Last (thankfully) brief episode to come soon…


She looked most puzzled and jumped up to try and reach Margaret, she barked and yapped at her to come down and play. The more she jumped the more excited she became and the more excited, the higher pitched her yaps were. Then her master decided to continue with the walk and he left her sitting plaintively at the foot of the tree gazing wistfully up at Margaret, who most definitely was not coming down to play. When the master returned some twenty minutes later, nothing had changed. Doggy sitting at the bottom of the tree, Margaret sitting in it. Then the master decided to offer the doggy a biscuit or three and do you know what? The foggy decided the moral of this story. Three biscuits in the tummy are worth a lot more than a pumpkin in the tree, and they don’t make your poo quite so runny. If you’re ever in the woods and you see a pumpkin in a tree, treat her gently. It may be Margaret.



Edited only for typos (typoes?) and with a few extra commas here and there!

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Wednesday, December 14th, 2005
10:00 am - Baah...
My live journal is crap... sorry if you came here to read something interesting!

In other news, I'll be in Portugal in 2 weeks time. How exciting!!! Counting down the days...

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Monday, November 21st, 2005
1:10 pm - Oompa Loompa Dumpadeedoo
So, I've seen 2 amazing films in the last few days. The first was the Japanese horror, Ju-on: The Grudge. It got me. I had to take Teddy Edward to bed with me.

The second was the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was almost perfect. Johnny Depp, Tim Burton, and one of my alltime favourite books as a kid, but they didn't have the Oompa-Loompa song!!! On the plus side, the DVD bonuses are amazing! There's a whole documentary about training the squirrels!! How ridiculous is that?!

Anyway, it's been snowing here. I'm not ready to accept winter yet. I'm in denial. Especially since I fell on my arse.

Ok, time to go... but I'll be back...

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Friday, November 18th, 2005
11:13 am - Banksy
I know you probably know him already, but check him out again. What a dude. :-)

Here's something that rings so true:

• The time of getting fame for your name on its own is over. Artwork that is only about wanting to be famous will never make you famous. Any fame is a by-product of making something that means something. You don't go to a restaurant and order a meal because you want to have a shit.


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Monday, September 12th, 2005
12:31 pm - England, Italy, Portugal? England...
Hey people who read this... I'm in Manchester till next Tuesday. Then I'm back for a couple of weeks in October, after a visit to Italy for a couple of weeks or so. Vague, because I'm not sure how long I'm staying yet. I'll keep you posted. Let's do something!

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Saturday, August 20th, 2005
4:37 pm - Key words
Some of today's decisions:

I'm going to stop saying 'I don't know'.


No more regrets!

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3:29 pm - Rock bottom
A least when you've reached the lowest point you know that then the only way is up. Maybe I should go and listen to Yazz.

current mood: drained

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Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
10:00 pm - I'm sorry
I'm not very good at this journal thing. Well, I'm not too good at running my life right now either. Ho-hum.

But I rock, because I've just made the Czech equivalent of banana angel delight with chocolate hundreds and thousands. It took less time to make than to write that sentence.


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Friday, June 3rd, 2005
11:34 am - Salmon or shrimp?
That title is an in joke which I'm not going to explain with a friend who doesn't know I have a livejournal. But I like it.

So another friend's leaving. He and I met in a bar the other night and pondered if there was life after porn. Suffice to say, if you know me, you'll have a fair idea of how I know him! Haha. But the reason I worked there was for the office staff, because we all rocked... ah well... times change. People go. People come.

So, I've spent the last few days working on an ad for my badges, and after many many hours staring at this screen and getting madder by the second, with a little help from my friends, I finally did it. It's not perfect, but I'm pretty chuffed with myself.

I'm still listening to Ted Leo. He's cool. It's such summer music. Helps me while I sit and wait and hope I'll get more tour work.

This weekend I'm going to see HSB and other non-important bands in Vienna! :-) I love HSB, they're the first band that earned status of favourite band in many years. Since deftones when I was 18! And NIN when I was 17. That's for you Kim if you're reading this! :-) We have taste.

And moving seamlessly on to the next topic: I'm hopefully going to see the Grampian Police Pipe Band in an hour or so somewhere in Prague. What was I saying about taste? :-) I like to call it an ecletic one...
Put it down to a peculiar manifestation of nostalgia for home...

In other news, I 'taught' for an hour this week. He's a sweet little Japanese man who paid me lots for a conversation. I told him the word 'twiddle'. I hope he uses it.

It's kind of lonely here right now... not too many people around, although Tomas will be back soon and then we'll drive each other mad again.

M's moving here in a couple of weeks to start a new job and get out of the hellhole that's Bratislava. I'm kind of scared. Nobody's ever done anything like this for me before. Because that's obviously a big part of why he's coming here.

Ok, badges to make, flyers to print, and bagpipes to blow.

Have a good weekend...

current mood: hopeful

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Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
10:34 pm - Misguided?
So, two things that happened today...

1) I saw a girl around my age helping an old blind man to the zebra crossing. When they got there, she crossed, leaving him to get over by himself. She failed to tell him that she'd deposited him right behind a temporary road sign which had a big concrete brick weighing it down. The poor guy nearly ended up flat on his face, and the cars had to screetch to a stop. There's a good deed for you...

2) I wanted to buy the local version of Big Issue from the guy round the corner, and didn't have any change. As he stands outside the local shop, I went in to ask if they could change my note. The 'woman' at the till says gruffly, "No, I can't," so I go to buy some juice and some coke (cost = over £1.50), and when I get to the till, she says, in the sarkiest voice ever, "Oh, you're buying coke are you?", ie, "That's big of you!"... I tell you, they have absolutely ZERO concept of customer service in this country sometimes. I was shaking with anger. If she was in the UK, she could get sacked for that. Not that I'd want that to happen. But what a COW. Man, she's lucky I'm vegan, or I'd have eaten her and spat her out! Oh yeah. Bitch. So, I've decided to become a mystery shopper in revenge!!!

current mood: infuriated

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Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
2:28 pm - Life under that proverbial barrel
So... time to complain once again...

Things that suck

1) It's that time of year when people start leaving Prague. Early this morning my friend Brittany left to go back to the USA. She's so cool. And further away from me every second. Next week Becca also goes back, to return some time in December... At the end of May Marketa my Czech friend moves to NYC to live with her new American husband. My friend Karolina has gone back to Barcelona. Michal's off with another band. Ondra's off with a band. Ivan's off with a band.

2) My non-existent 'job'... Tour managing for a big UK company means being self-employed. But the positive sides of being self-employed don't work here... ie when they say jump, you fucking leap as high as possible. And when they don't you have to twiddle those thumbs till the cows come home.

So, today's my mum's birthday. She's 59. This morning my dad calls saying that if I come home for the weekend he'll pay for the flight. OF COURSE I want to to do this. But no..

Since January I've been twiddling my thumbs waiting for more work to come my way but nothing... In February they tell me they want me to do another observational tour because the tourists said I was inexperienced... In March they tell me no work till September. In April I go to a seminar where they promise to discuss my feedback and sort out that observational tour. Last Friday, I get a call asking me to do the observational this week. I say yes, of course. Today, my dad calls me. I have to say, "No, sorry family. I'm a slave to the machine. Fuck the machine. But I can't spend time with my family, otherwise they might not offer me work ever again."

Why life doesn't suck...

1) I have great friends, dotted about the world, so I can travel and see friends at the same time.

2) We're sponsoring some Hebridean dolphins for my mum's birthday.

3) I have Tesco vegan choc chip cookies in my cupboard.

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Saturday, April 23rd, 2005
8:34 pm - i'm not dead. i'm getting better.
today i went to a vegan bbq and it was nice. and although i got scared at the skinheadish footy fans in the metro, it was a good day. sunshine and blue skies...

current mood: refreshed

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Friday, April 22nd, 2005
8:14 pm - Where's my life gone?
I'm sitting here on a Friday evening wondering where all my friends are. I'm working on a couple of new friendships. I need female company. I'm sick of boys. Not in that way, just in the way that I need some good friends to natter with. If I were in Manchester, I'd be happy in that respect. But here... well I met this girl who started doing the same job as me, and we have spookily loads in common. She's from the North West, is exactly a year younger than me, is indecisive, speaks Czech, works as a translator too, had the same musical upbringing, similar in loads of ways. We really get on. It's nice. I need it.

Because the rest of my life is a bit shit right now. Boyfriend is lovely and sweet but lives in a different country. Him getting beaten up by neonazi shits does not help matters though.

I've no work, and am low, so am falling into a kind of funk, spend too much time on the computer and feel like an antisocial lump. I procrastinate majorly (I know everyone does but I'm doing extra well right now...

Basically I'm down and need to give myself a big kick up the arse. Get my life in order. Things could be a lot worse. But really, living in Prague is not as glamorous as it sounds.

current mood: totally down in the dumps!

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