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The truth is that I've never fallen so hard [entries|friends|calendar]

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[27 Feb 2005|05:31pm]

New Journal!!!














I have all of you added on already, so add me back. It's not friends only.

100| iloveyou

[26 Feb 2005|09:58am]
If you have a problem with what I say in here, then take me off your friends list.
100| iloveyou

Callie [16 Jan 2005|04:22pm]
[ mood | I wish I was this beautiful ]

If there's anything I'm cocky or conceited about, it's my little baby girl.

Pictures : +3Collapse )

This entry is too good to be friends-only.

100| iloveyou

[13 Jan 2005|03:00pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing, And your voice caught within your chest?

It isn't Love, it's Like.

You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?

It isn't Love, it's Lust.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off?

It isn't Love, it's Luck.

Do you want them because you know they're there?

It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.

Are you there because it's what everyone wants?

It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.

Do you stay for their confessions of Love, because you don't want to hurt them?

It isn't Love, it's Pity.

Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?

It isn't Love, it's being Unconfident.

Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?

It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.

Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?

It isn't Love, it's Friendship.

Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?

It isn't Love, it's a Lie.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?

It isn't Love, it's Charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?

Then it's Love.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?

Then it's Love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?

Then it's Love.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?

Then it's Love.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?

Then it's Love.

But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?

Then it's Love.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?

Then it's Love.


OMG DO I EVER LOVE THIS!!! [07 Jan 2005|04:15pm]
HOW TO LOVE A GIRL: tell her you think that she's cool. tell her why you think she's so cool. smell her. talk to her in movie theatres. pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the river, she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she'll love it. hold her hand and skip. hold her hand and run. just hold her hand. pick her flowers out of other people's gardens and give them to her. tell her she looks pretty. let her pay for stuff if she wants to. introduce her to your friends as 'the coolest girl i know'. sit in the park and talk to her. take her to the library and playgrounds and train stations. tell her dirty jokes. tell her stupid jokes. talk about politics. write poems about her. just walk around with her. throw pebbles at her window at night, when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. take her to shows of bands she's never heard. hold her hand in the mosh pit. let her fall asleep in your arms. call her. call her back if she calls you. sing to her, no matter how bad you are. carve your names into a tree. get her mad, then kiss her. give her piggy-back rides. go see her band play even if they really suck. and tell her that they were great. give her space if she needs it. push her on swings. stay up with her all night when she's sick. make up pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. teach her guitar. lend her your cds. write on her. make her mixtapes. write her letters. if she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even it it means a 5 hour train trip. take her to cool shops and let her take you to even cooler ones. listen to all the bands she mentions. dont tell her that her favorite bands suck. when shes sad hang out with her or stay on the phone even if shes not saying anything. buy her ice cream. when you find out that she used to be a teenybopper dont bag her about it. let her take all the photos of you she wants. look into her eyes. slow dance with her, even if the music if fast. kiss her in the rain. when you fall in love with her, tell her.
100| iloveyou

[03 Jan 2005|08:49pm]

Matthew Adam Groosbeck!


IM me on AIM when you see this on *ouut of context*


that is all.

200| iloveyou

[03 Dec 2004|03:58pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Yeah I'm making my journal friends only again. woo hoo! Here's the list of the people that are definately staying, either because they comment and I know they read it, or because they give good head. If you're not on the list its probably because you never comment or you give bad head. If you want to stay on my friends list, leave a comment and I'll keep you. Tomorrow I'll probably start taking people off.


















I had it all alphabetized then I realized I forgot to add kelli on there. So yeah lol theres a random c at the end Today school was rather interesting.

First hour->Same old

Second hour->took a test that I thought I was going to fail but I think I wound up doing really good on it. After the test we didn't have really anything to do so I was talking to Billy, Dan, and Trevin and they were drawing things on the overhead and the sub that we had didn't even notice it. They were drawing like obscene things and anarchy symbols. It was pretty funny. Then dan was GAY and pulled my hair out, then he threw my notebook and my red book in the garbage and the loose papers in my notebook went all over the room. Then he like touched my face and rubbed my eye and my make up smeared and he claimed it wasn't his fault. LOL w/e. I hate him! yet I love him!

Third hour->took another test which I think I did okay on except a couple questions but go figure. Nothing really happened.

Fourth hour->weight room again

Lunch->Rachel and I had to make up a lie that she could tell her mom. She got written up in fourth hour and she thinks shes going to get a detention for it so she was freaking out, haha, loser.

Fifth hour->Another effing sub. We had to do an entire section outline which was retarded, I have two full pages as of right now and I'm not even half done. Me and Dustin were making up names for Ms Jens. He called her MJ dawg and I called her Ms Jensizzle. g00d times?

Sixth hour->ANOTHER effing sub and ANOTHER effing test. We had to read the first 42 pages of the Great Gatsby over night but none of us did so at my table me, amanda, tony, john and adam did the test together lol we're such cheaters. I'm over it. We had so much fun in that class. We had to do a study guide for the first chapter and the sub asked us one of the questions about what kind of person Daisy is and tony raised his hand and goes ''She's a WHORE!" and i go ''No she's just easy'' LOL

Thats about it. I was invited to a few places tonight but I dont think I'm going out. I can't and I'm tired anyway so I don't care too much. I'm going to dye my hair tonight I think. I'm dying it darker brown and I'm putting either blonde, red or purple in it, I'm not sure what yet. Oh well. Well that's it, leave comments?

2000| iloveyou

[02 Dec 2004|08:41pm]
And if you every said you missed me then don't say you never lied, I'm without you.Collapse )
200| iloveyou

That's a fun story [02 Dec 2004|03:25pm]
[ mood | amused ]

So anyway last night's entry was kind of a rant which I'm sure nobody read because rants are boring. Oh well, i don't know why I felt so horrible, I probably felt worse than when me and Gabe broke up and thats crazy because you can't compare five months to two days. But anyway Today school was pretty gay but oh well. First hour was boring so I wrote Tyler a note explaining something. Second hour Mr Ossy showed us a video, made us copy down questions to the video and take a quiz all at the same effing time. Third hour I actually did my work. I've been doing everything in there lately and I've been getting 100% on all my work so I'm hoping that by the time I get my progress report my ecology grade will be like a high C or even a B. I'd be so happy. I'd die happy. Fourth hour we did a bunch of ab work outs which really hurt my abs like they always do then we ran for like 10 minutes. At lunch Adam gave me back the note I gave him to give Tyler and told me Tyler wasn't in his 3rd hour and I hadn't seen him at school either. So oh well. Lunch was pretty gay because Rachel was in pain and she thought it was her appendix and she was all worried because she had all the symptoms of needing her appendix out and she had them last night too. Government we took notes and did a section review which I didn't finish >:o . English we had to read the first two chapters of Great Gatsby but we only read a few pages so I have to finish that tonight and there's alot of it which is gayyyy.
We got out of school early today, woo hoo! not that much earlier, we got out at 1:50 though lol.
I'm bored and I'm tired and I want food because it makes me happy. :(

Me and Jessica are telling fun stories!

300| iloveyou

Fucking shit. [01 Dec 2004|08:43pm]
[ mood | numb ]

Tyler right now, is I guess too stressed out to think about having a relationship with me. He told me that he didn't think things through when he asked me out and I guess now he like regrets it. Well I'd regret asking me out too. It sucks though because this is the reason we took a break back in the spring and the reason it took us like 9 months to get back together. Last time we broke it off he was stressed and couldnt deal with having a girlfriend at the time. I told him I'd give him time to think about things and we just wound up never going back out, two months later I found Gabe and now we're right back where we started (or ended). Blah I can't be mad at him for it though because it's not like its his fault. I'm just so tired of having guy problems right now, which is really selfish of me but I mean blah I've been stressed about it. Tyler doesn't intend to hurt me in any way but I mean it does hurt, I wish he had thought about what he really wants before going and building my hopes up. I don't want him to be in a relationship with me if he doesn't want to be though because that would just not be right. Idk, when it comes to my relationships I always get way too emotionally involved which isn't good but I mean I care so much about Tyler and he's one of my good friends besides my boyfriend so I can't help but wish things weren't so effing complicated. Earlier I was thinking maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have broken up with Gabe. Maybe I wasn't thinking right. Maybe I'll never find someone who treated me so well, who showed every day just how much he loved and cared for me, even in the smallest ways. Maybe I should've stayed with him. Maybe I shouldn't have told Tyler I wanted to date him again. Maybe I should've just fucking stayed with Gabe. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that I have no feeilngs left for Gabe, and if I had stayed with him any longer I would've lost it. Sure, Gabe cared for me and showed it every day and I"ll probably NEVER have that again, but i cant stay with someone just for that.
I know what most of you are thinking. You're thinking I should break up with Tyler. Well I'm not going to , its his decison what to do. I can't make up his mind for him. BLAH and I was really happy too. :(

300| iloveyou

You'll always be my boo [29 Nov 2004|02:43pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Me and Tyler are dating again?

700| iloveyou

There's a reason for you and i [28 Nov 2004|02:44pm]
[ mood | amused ]

So yeah yesterday I had to work 4-10. It was pretty fun, I like working on Saturdays. I worked with Keith, Dennis, Tom, and Ben. At first I was tired and didn't like being there but around 7 it got a little more interesting. For like 20 minutes we had no customers so me, Ben and Keith sat around and talked about who knows what. Porn. :) Keith tried to make me smoke again lol. Then he went on for like an hour about how great of a game tetris is. I got my paycheck, it was less than I expected but hey , its SOMETHING. I really should start my Christmas shopping.

100| iloveyou

[27 Nov 2004|02:39pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]


Today feels like Sunday.


I am right, I swear I'm right [26 Nov 2004|11:32pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Wow, second update of the day! This is what happens when I get too much free time on my hands. Tonight I went to the movies with Christina, Denise, Emily and my mother . I was pissed at my mom for something for most of the day, and I still wasn't really speaking to my sister (over an incient that happened almost a week ago), so the house was pretty quiet for most of today. But it's all over with now so I guess it doesn't matter. We went to go see that one new movie Christmas with the Kranks. I didn't really want to see it, it looked dumb but I actually liked it alot. I love Jamie Lee Curtis. So yeah. When we got home we started decorating the hizzouse with Christmas things. It was fun. Our Christmas tree seems to get smaller and smaller every year, I'm not sure why but it does. There's like this big empty space in it and it looked funny so I turned the tree so it's facing the wall. For like the past 3 years we've decorated our tree and living room in this Victorian style kind of, my moms not good with decor but she manages. It looks good but this year I think there's too much bright red.

Ok so anyway. I almost died today by choking on shrimp.

If I fucking died would you even know?
One little shrimp thing, one little swallow.

What am I to you besides a pain?
If I had died, you'd probably gain.

Yeah I forgot the rest of the poem. teehee!

If you aren't on my VIP list, then you probably won't understand any of that.

I have been singing that one song that goes ''Michael row the boat ashore'' for like an hour now and I realized that that is the only line I still remember. I told my sister I could imagine them singing that in a black church and she called me pregiduce and racist.

I'm tired and it's starting to show.

500| iloveyou

How am I supposed to live without you? I've been loving you so long [26 Nov 2004|11:48am]
[ mood | good ]

I got bored!Collapse )


Thanksgiving is a great holiday, food. [25 Nov 2004|03:28pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

I love food. Everyone knows this. I told Stuart that and he goes ''Well no kidding!'' but he was joking. I think. I'm excited, our dinner's almost ready. Everyone I know is out of town or having thanksgiving with a ton of their family members. Uh, not us. Usually we go to my uncles house but I hate going there because I dont know most the people there, which is boring, and I just hate it. We've always had Thanksgiving at his house, and everyone always brings something. Well the same woman always makes the stuffing and for the past year she's added something really gross to it to make it taste kind of sour so I'm glad we're not there, stuffing is one of the best parts. Anyhoo, oh yeah, I forgot to mention this, I got my cable tv back. I'm not a huge fan of television but I havent had cable tv--the real kind of television--in like over a year so I'm happy now. I just spent the last three hours watching back-to-back episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. God thats such a great show. Seriously. I'm so lazy today, I showered and such but other than that I havent done jack shit. I don't care though.

My eyes really hurt, I dont know why, I think its my mascara, this stuff sucks and its like 3 years old, I need to buy some new mascara, seriously.

Oh yea hahaha I got this from Don's journal and he got it from someone else who got it from some website. I thought it was the greatest thing.

Thinking about suicide but you're not sure if it's the right thing to do? Here are some tips to help you decide whether or not killing yourself is a good choice:

1. Do you live at home but your parents are always making you clean your room and do your homework? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself. Why else would they make you clean your room? What are they going to do next, ground you? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.

2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating. Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't count on it.

3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.

4. Spill a drink at a party? Drop a plate of food in a restaurant? Nobody else has to live with that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.

5. Flunked out of college? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the answer to: Flunked out of college + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.

6. Traffic jam? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.

7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer, am I wrong? If you're lucky, Home Depot might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.

8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve painting the wall with your brains.

9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?

10. College application get rejected? Take the hint.

Hope you found this guide helpful, mention it in your suicide note. On second thought, why bother? Nobody will read it.

haha thats great.

Ok well I'm out, later kids.
100| iloveyou

Pretty boy [24 Nov 2004|06:32pm]
[ mood | flirty ]

I never got to post pictures from Saturday because I was too lazy, so I'm doing that now.

Woo hoo, pictures!Collapse )

1200| iloveyou

So take it off like youre home alone... [24 Nov 2004|03:02pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

I had just written out a whole entry that was really pointless and me rambling about school and such. After reading it I realized nobody would care. hahaha. I'm so glad we have no school today or for the rest of the week. I love school but I really need a break from it.

I discovered I really really like ''him''. It started out as a really small crush and now it's grown to be enormous. Oh dear. :(

Sooo yeah I love all the drama in my journal!!! it's hot! Everyone's like mad at me now hahaha. Jessica still loves me though.

My sister lost her flute!! I'm getting blamed for it because she lost it on Monday. I don't care, because I havent been talking to her since Sunday. Four full days of the el silento treatment. I seriously am mad at her though, I mean what the crap is wrong with her, talking to my boyfriend about me. But anyway moving on.

I'm talking to Gabe right now. I seriously wish we weren't talking because I mean he's my exboyfriend and I'm his exgirlfriend and ex's shouldnt talk, especially after they break up . He wants one last kiss from me when he comes to get his CD's but that's just not happening as much as he wants it. Theres no way.
Speaking of Gabe, he asked me if I ever cheated on him. I had to tell him I did. I couldnt lie about it, I did. But me cheating on Gabe didn't affect the way I felt towards him at all.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, how awesome, I love food.

Hmm, I have nothing else to say. I'm out, later!

400| iloveyou

LOL [22 Nov 2004|08:32pm]
[ mood | creative ]

So much drama!

Jackie, Blythe, Dorothy, and some other people hate Jessica (nonchalantly) because of the whole thing with Mark. Honestly, I take Jessica's side because I would've done the same thing. Jackie's liked Mark for like 2 years now but never attempted to do anything with him, so how can you guys sit there and blame Jessica for what she did? Not only that but Blythe and Crystal I think it was were the ones who also made out with Mark. maybe not as much as jessica, and didn't do anything else like jessica, but come on. Mark OFFERED to make out with Jackie but she didn't take him up on it. SO you guys are just dumb. Jessica's not a bitch either. So quit saying it.

Also, I don't know WHO on earth started the rumor that me and Chaz had something going on at Jessica's but that is totally false. So stop saying that we made out or we were kissing or anything like it.

thats like all the drama, but I'll leave you with this. Some kid IMed me last night while I was away and I never figured out who he was so today I Imed him

ouut of context: hi
Pimpsqueak186: hi
Pimpsqueak186: who is this?
ouut of context: allison
Pimpsqueak186: schmiesl?
ouut of context: yea
Pimpsqueak186: aren't you going out wit sum Gabe kid from my school?
ouut of context: I dont know, who are you?
Pimpsqueak186: you'll see

LOL Gabe hired a hitman to kill me!!

1900| iloveyou

Every sobs a reason to say good bye [22 Nov 2004|07:45pm]
[ mood | busy ]

woo hoo! i worked last night. it was boring, the end.

today we had school. very school -like, but thats ok, because tomorrow is our last day this week ! yay. Um, I don't know why I'm updating, I have not much to say. my mom is making me clean out my entire room for some reason. its fun I guess. I find alot of old letters and things I've written that remind me of the past. woo hoo, good times.

as for my first day of being single in over five months, it went pretty well, it feels like nothing has changed, the only thing that was different was taking down the pictures of me and Gabe from my locker. I dont know what I'm going to do with them, I'll keep them obviously but yeah.

So I'm out, later kids, love you all!


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