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the curse of curves ♥
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i miss kissing you.
1 inch & 88 keys

sometimes there are days in which i cannot stand you.
even the slight utterance of your name makes me cringe.
however, there are others, such as today, that cause me to feel otherwise.
it's as though a faint kindness accompanied your heart.
perhaps it is just because of the day that follows..
or could it possibly be this could be the start of a fresh acquaintance?
the answer to this, i do not know, nor may i ever know.
i have not the time, the energy, nor the will to ponder such a vague question.
for i have been brought forth this question many a time before.
it has taught me nothing but the knowledge i already possess..
the ultimatum of that which is waiting.
88 keys

my birthday has been made =] [Wednesday
xalliecorex: happy birthday again =]
oompaisonfire: HAPPY BIRTHDAY
OMG its JOURNEYx: happy birthday love <3
highlandqt08: happy birthday
Xo C r B 08 oX: Happy Birthday dollface, i love you!:-)
aWagg89: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! i love you.
SouthernBell2143: I hope the rest of your birthday is fab!! love ya!!

i love these kids.
AND i got my ciwwaf ticket - pssh, YES =]
88 keys

there's a thing called "sucking it up."
i don't consider it giving up..
just letting things fall through.
you know, letting go.
88 keys

i love you.
i'm always here.
especially now.

Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle.
Say the following questions aloud, and press play.
Use the song titles that come up to answer each question.

How does the world see me?
"The Curse of Curves" - Cute Is What We Aim For.

Will I have a happy life?
"L.O.V.E" - Ashlee Simpson.

What do people really think of me?
"Miss Murder" - AFI.

Do people secretly lust after me?
"Soundtrack Of Your Life" - Ashley Parker Angel.

How can I make myself happy?
"Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too" - Say Anything.

What should I do with my life?
"The Makeout Song" - Backseat Goodbye.

Will I ever have children?
"Walk Over Me" - Dirtie Blonde.

What is some good advice for me?
"If It Makes You Happy" - Sheryl Crow.

What do I think my current theme song is?
"Blame It On Bad Luck" - Bayside.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
"My Favorite Accident" - MCS.

What song will play at my funeral?
"You Carried Me While We Buried You" - Akissforjersey.

What type of men/women do you like?
"Bang Bang" - Dirty Pretty Things.

What is my day going to be like?
"Up All Night" - Tyler Hilton.

Why am I here?
"Finger Twist and Split" - Cute Is What We Aim For.

What will people remember me for?
"Work Lies Sex Love Fear Hate" - Gatsby's American Dream.

What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?
"I Wish You Love" - Rachael Yamagata.

Are there people outside waiting to take me away?
"Watch The Sky" - Something Corporate.

What will this year be all about?
"The Space Between" - Valencia.
88 keys

daddy's got a brand new BANG and he's gonna give it all to you. [Tuesday
so lately, it's been highs and lows and days seem to drag slowly through. i've noticed that i am becoming terrified of the future and more than usual. i found myself looking at colleges today and as ready as i am to go, even as an upcoming junior, it just seems unreal. i have no idea whatsoever of what i could possibly desire to do, nor what college i'd want to go to. sure, i would love to go to appalachian; not too close, not too far, AND it's somewhat a moderate/cool climate (snow). however, there's not much to do up there and from being stuck in gastonia for about five years now i am a little ready for more. i checked out unc wilmington since i had heard haley had thought about going there and caleb also mentioned he was going to visit it today. it seems like an amazing place and they have an excellent program for creative writing. i have no clue what to do and i know i'll change my mind a thousand times before i decide, but i thought i'd look into it.

my mom mentioned this morning that this summer is flying by fast. i can't say that i haven't noticed it too. i just try not to because, in a way, i'm ready for it to never end. i'm not prepared for school yet, i'm just not. actually, it makes me a bit nauseous thinking about it. you know why it makes me sick? there is a bomb in the bottom of my intestines that triggers every time the thought that each day is another closer to your departure. i know, i know.. live each day as if it were your last, but sometimes you just have to let these things hit you. who knows where we will be a year from now or if we will even be "we." all i know is that i haven't loved anything or anyone like this in a long time. however, this pain that continues to play a game of jab and stab at my heart each day that i'm reminded that you're not here sometimes eats me up inside. there's nothing like what we have and i know it's only a matter of time, so don't mind my rants and raves about the time apart because they're senseless and spur of the moment thoughts that only stem from one thing and one thing only.. the depths of which i love such another amazing human being and how much i miss your bones beside of me.
88 keys

gastonia's finest. [Monday
hours spent with you are as good as gold.
siskeo, jenn, and i cruised gastonia yesterday.
actually, a small part of it.

mission numero uno.
excursion base: the mall.
siskeo bought a shirt.
sean and kat were there.

mission numero dos.
excursion base: saki.
hate to say it, but i didn't eat.
i had never been there before.
go ahead, gasp now.
siskeo and his white rice..
enough said =]

mission numero tres.
excursion base: target.
no algae cleanser.. darn.
nice stroll around the store, however.
jenn slipped on the wet gravel.

mission numero cuatro.
excursion base: tj maxx.
we stayed a total of 7 minutes?
lovely clothes.. and the hand..
how extremely.. odd.. that was.
lots of expensive buddahs, mmhmm.
can't forget the black cashiers.
they were hilarious.

mission numero cinco.
excursion base: my neighborhood.
funniest thing i've EVER seen.
photos MUST be taken.
do you think the owners would mind?
really, wouldn't you kinda EXPECT that..
having a face on your tree and all?
maybe that's just me.
i want a face on my tree.
however, i'd probably want a saying too.
you know.. like carved in the tree.
such as, "i own your face, see?"

mission complete.

i came home and took some pics.
honestly, what ELSE would i do?
aside from dance to 96.1 songs..
and take videos with my sis.
don't ask; it happened and i'm sorry, lol.

today i'll probably make shirts.
design them, print them, and make them.
so i guess i'll be off to my boring day.

i'm not as good as i used to be with my words.
i don't know how i got to be so lucky.
i read some of my old entries.
it bewilders me to see how much has changed.
i'm glad it's changed to this, though.
life just wouldn't be this good without you.

me: aw i love you hun
you: sure u do
me: yes, i do.. very much so
you: how much?
me: the amount of breaths one could take in a lifetime, multiply that by about a trillion, and that still wouldn't even come close to how much i love you.
you: well i still love you more

88 keys

just imagine what your back could do on the dancefloor where i do my best is your mattress. [Thursday
wake up.

you have a dangerous face and an illegal taste.Collapse )

2 inches & 88 keys

cute is what we aim for..
they're coming to TREMONT!
hfs.. with PARAMORE!
i'm stoked!
88 keys

ciwwaf cd tmrw. [Monday
i remember the dates.
i remember what you were wearing.
i remember what i was wearing.
i remember the color of the sky.
i remember your gestures.
i remember the first kiss.
i remember the book we read.
i remember the time we spent.
i remember the words you said.
i remember every little thing.
but what i remember most..
is when you're not here.
88 keys

apple cinnamon waffles are gross. [Friday
so "caleb and i" went to the movies last night.
let me just say it was loads of fun, no sarcasm.
we went to see poseidon and when we got there..
oh buddy, they were taking donations for cancers.
let's just say even if you wanted to donate anything..
it evidently was an all day task for those who worked there.
needless to say, we didn't donate at that expense.
he paid for my movie, which i appreciated more than ever.
i'm just not used to that, ya know?
i felt kind of bad actually.. wierd, i know.
it's just.. i wasn't treated that way the last go 'round.
so yes, we DID watch the movie.. hahaha.
well, most of it anyway =D
i'd recommend it if you're bored one day.
the movie that is.

after we went to joe muggs.
ya know, there are some very interesting books there.
--101 reasons to live in north carolina: i basically got out of this book that we are a bunch of white trash that like to fry everything and people like shrimp.. too bad i don't.
--101 things to do in north carolina: i think caleb had done about 80 out of the 101 things.. i on the other hand did about 5?
--adhd for dummies: i really wanted to buy this for someone.
--why a son needs a mother: because daddy never loved/hugged me.
--why a son needs a father: THE SEQUEL! YESSS.
--what to do during pregnancy: because we so need that one.. date 2.

we also sat in the kid section..
but the kids started screaming.
so, we decided to walk around.
what a fascinating place joe muggs is.
caleb doesn't like frappes though.
picky, picky, picky..

i'm so ready to go out and do something.
alex is leaving sunday, which makes me sad =[
i'm going to miss her all next week.
by the way, the beach was amazing.
so was bowling.. alex has all the pics.
once she gets back, i'll post them.

i got my freakn report card.
all a's except for civics..
i got a dang 92, it made me mad.
i had a 93 before the 91 i got on my exam.
gay, gay, gay!
i have to read the scarlet letter.
plus write a bunch of crap.
hooray for english ap.

8 inches & 88 keys

=] [Wednesday
i love you.
88 keys

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

so this is what i do during art and civics.
it's taken me three days, but it's accomplished =]
two more days left of school for me..
and not even that really.
both are half days so yayness.
doctor's appt. tomorrow.
going to get scans.. uck.
friday = bowling = happiness!
alex is spending the night.
then off to the beach for the weekend!
hoo-ray =]
2 inches & 88 keys

i told you that i love you, please believe me. [Wednesday

a picture is worth a thousand words, but sometimes isolates only one - a summer is one of many to come, but just one could change everything - a friend is only one person out of 6 billion, but could be the only one you will ever need or possibly the only one ever to be there - a love may leave you, but could be the only one that comes back - a decision could be life or death, but in the end you've gained an experience - a hand may reach out to help, but it won't be there forever - a person could mean nothing to the world, but may be to the world to someone - a thought is only a thought until spoken, but once spoken it can never be "just a thought" - a death may be the end of a life, but also the beginning of another - a fight may cause anger, pain, and hatred, but you will one day learn from that situation - a dollar can be a small amount, but to someone nothing could be greater - a heart may be given freely even if it is fragile, but that only shows that it is stronger than you perceive it to be.

and lastly..
a school year could be just another year, but only if you don't lose the people you've grown closest to.Collapse )
8 inches & 88 keys

88 keys

my heart now belongs to noga kids.
this weekend was amazing - pure love, i must say.
dodgeball was saturday =] =] =]
i went with my dearest allison.
i almost hit a car, but it's okay.
it was hott as a mofo outside!!!
tara drove me, allie, laura, and ash to mcd's.
we came back and i met caleb and haley.
i officially love them to death.
we went to the gas station and i got a monster..
which casey later smashed that night.
allison and oompa go out now.
i went back to her house and spent the night.
it was so wonderful.
we watched high school musical and talked.
i saw the stuff for her new room.
went to south minister sunday morning..
then to the chinese buffet with mrs. mauney, matthew, and scott.
movies was last night - the davinci code.
i didn't really get it.. which sucked..
but i had a fabulous time.
long story =]
i love these kids forever now.
9 more days of school baby.
doctor's tomorrow.. FINALLY!
need to find out what's wrong - i'll keep you posted.
well, i'm off to take a shower..
but i will talk to you cool cats later.

ps. caleb sisk is my baby's daddy =]
1 inch & 88 keys

so i never update anymore.
it's a bit redundant, my life that is.
no use in posting x4375837498.
carwash was last saturday.
it was absolutely magnificent.
walked to papa's pizza after.
sunday i went to youth.
it was quite entertaining.
i have a new found love for roy.
he is like the brother i never had.
you have to love twelve-year-olds.
eric, well.. ♥ =] =] =]

i think i have a problem.
like a physical problem.
my back is hurting.
most likely from the c-wash.
my stomach has been messed up for a month now.
and i'm tired a lot lately.
doctor's appt is being scheduled.

june 2 is eric's bday.
i'm pretty sure i know what i'm getting him.
yeah yeah, lame..
i probably shouldn't.
i don't care though, i'm nice =]

yearbooks are this friday.
i can't wait, though i've seen it.
like x93845834, but it's okay.
i'm going to miss spanish twice this week =]
only a few more days left of school.
bowling on the 9th bitches =] =] =]

myheart.Collapse )
7 inches & 88 keys


boy oh boy do i want that boy.
dreams don't compensate for the past two days.
i've been beating myself up all day over it.
however, age and maturity factors itself in.
that's when i lose myself all over again.
i don't want to feel awkward about it.
it's only two years, am i right?
though he's shy and unexperienced.
how do you coax that?
9 inches & 88 keys

today is a day i couldn't make a move.
not a nudge, rub, nothing.
younger people make me frightened.
no, rather, um.. guilty?
something like that.
ughhhhhhh, this blows.

[edit_9:53//as i've been notified..
that makes two of us..]

on a lighter note:
i saw taylor arthur =]
in his lovely xterra.
i missed talking to that boy.
88 keys

i've got the gift of one liners. [Tuesday
we spraypainted today =]
"tyler can't paint, nor can he tape!"
hahahaha, ashley!

we get to watch MOCA tomorrow!!
hooray for cartoon movies in eco.
a test will be taking place, however =/

we made our own skit in spanish.
it was extremely lame and gay.
tu es moco de cabeza =]

i want someone provocative and talkative.Collapse )
2 inches & 88 keys

okay, so i'm not in the typical write-an-entry mood.
oh well, anyway, this weekend was pretty cool-ish.
let me rephrase that: friday was pretty cool-ish.
i went to relay for life with the lovelies.
i hung out with kay, psaroudis, jasmine, & marty mostly.
we hung out with rusty some, but he was with his gf.
he took us there [he is such a bad driver, *sigh*]
allison and allyson hung out with us for awhile.
kayla made psaroudis drop his candy apple.
it wasn't that great to begin with.
we didn't get to bed 'til about 4-ish.
lights were on and music played all night.
that would explain the sleep deprivation.
add 4 cups of coffee and soda on top of that..
and you have 4 'o clock written all over you =]
we woke up at 8 and went home.
i wish some people would have stayed.
we would have been A LOT warmer =D
let's leave it at that.

i was supposed to go to church with alex today.
i wanted to, but i looked like crap..
plus my mom took me to jc penney's.
it was pretty much a waste.
i got like one shirt.
i don't like their stuff anymore.
nor target's.. eh, i'm picky.
gah, i wanted to go to alex's church.
i guess we'll do something this weekend.
it's a necessity i see her cousin again =]
2 inches & 88 keys

that was all i needed to hear. you don't know how long i've waited for that or how hard it's been not hearing it; how hard it's been without it. i'm praying for a good tomorrow, and a good saturday, and a good sunday eve.

that was all i needed to hear.
2 inches & 88 keys

in a random person's livejournal:

"everything seems all wrong & out of place. going out just seemed weird without you. but i guess its something i should get used to. i dont think scared is a reason. no i dont mean i dont think its a good reason, i mean i dont think its a reason at all. dont make excuses for me. "

it felt appropriate for the moment.
could i explain it any better?
88 keys

spring break was crazy rad.
we tore up the music scene saturday night.
charmers two-stepped it up like mad!
ahhh, it was super fun like whoa =]
my hair was not to my liking; stupid humidity.

spent the night at d-unit's house.
we were up until two in the morning on the phone.
sunday we went to church and to carowinds.
alex's madre locked the keys in the car.
it was in the ignition and the battery went dead.
we road like a total of 5 rides?
we were there 5 hours.. enough said.
eric [her "this" cousin] and roy went.
i think her cousin's cute for 13.
shutup, i don't care what you say, lol.
after that we went to ihop.. yes =]
it was an awesome day.

today i went back to school.
i would have rather been shot, much?
it was a totally useless day.
i hated it.. i didn't want to wake up.
i looked like crap and felt like it too.
there's been so much to think about.
ahhh, i don't know.. i just don't care.
sparked drama doesn't phase me at all anymore.
i just don't care a lot about things.
except people, that never changes.

i have a newfound love for green tea.
yes, green tea.. shutup.
paul will vouge for me on this.

so this is life.
5 inches & 88 keys

this spring break has been amazing so far.
god, i absolutely love all of my friends!
yesterday i went to cici's and the movies.
oompa, dennis, tyler, and bennett went with.
i love them all to the bottom of my heart =]
despite the fact dennis got a milkshake without me.
i'm still mad at him, lol.

ah, it's such a great week.
i'm pretty sure i'm going to dav hall.
that way, all the girls will be there.
and we can wear our shirts if allie brings them.
i wanna finish them today if she does.
if not, idk what we'll do.

i want something that i cannot have.
i want something my parents wouldn't approve of.
i want something that i cannot have.
i want something my friends would probably consider me wierd.
i want something that i cannot have.
i want something that would probably change their opinion of me.
i want something that i cannot have.
i want something that i know for certain will leave me empty.
i want something that i cannot have.
i want something that i know will leave.
i want something that i cannot have.
i want something that has already been claimed of vacancy.
i want something that i cannot have.

somehow, it just doesn't seem to matter much..
8 inches & 88 keys

happy easter. [Sunday
i went to the mall with tyler friday.
it was just absolutely grand =]
bennett and josh adams were there.
i met allie at the mall with mrs. mauney.
we went to michaels to meet ash & alex.
we bought our shirts and stuff.. yay!
we screwed up two shirts, but oh well.
still got to buy more and stuff.
allie and alex came back to my house for awhile.
we took allie home around 8:30.
saturday i went to the *cough* "drive-in"..
with oompa, bcarv, and jcarv.
it was a complete and total blast.
taco bell is a cool place that has little dancing negro kids.
not like i would know this from experience or anything..
and who knew there were angry rhinos at putt putt???
hahaha.. great times, gotta love 'em.
today i went to my aunts.
ate too much and i'm tired.
i'm ready for hellbarn.. it will be magnificent! =]
can't wait to wear our shirts and such!
ahhhhhhhhh.. and i want a lot of clothes on alloy.
it makes me so sad.. they're so cute.
i wanna see him friday.. god idk why.
10 inches & 88 keys

last night was the best night of my life.
i'm dead serious, i've never had so much fun.
the show was absolutely amazing.
the sandbox, movies, and parking lot=♥
i never realized what great friends i have.
it was nice being able to hang out with everyone.
no chaos, not TOO much drama.. it was great.
staying up til 3 in the morning.
hanging out with the cute boys :D
amanda, whitney, jeremy.. gah..
it was so awesome seeing them!
there will never be another night so great.
i love every one of you guys.

my sex.Collapse )
6 inches & 88 keys

i think you guys are very immature.
it wasn't funny, despite what you think.
what great friends you guys are, really.
what kind of friend wants to make you mad on purpose just to see how mad you will get and your reaction?
i must just not understand.
just give the owl back, gah.

you don't know how much that made my day.
it just made me happy for the first time all day.
she's perfect for you, too bad i never was.
5 inches & 88 keys

i am having a major issue. would
you consider craving to make out
with almost any boy an issue? eh,
well at the moment.. i do. it's
way too tempting. jesus, i feel
like a fifteen-year-old pubescent
male with a penis.. eliminating
the wanting to bone a girl part.
the pda issue hasn't made anything
better today.. especially at the
play, oh dear! just sitting there..
with him behind me, and knowing
he was in there too.. and after the
event that happened last night..
both events, actually. i want to
makeout with you. the end.

crashambulancex3: I KNOW DAMMIT!!! i was like yeah let me get up in there.
sequinmyheartx3: hahahahahahahahahahaha
sequinmyheartx3: GIRL! *high five*
crashambulancex3: hahahahahahahaha because okay here's how he was sitting:
crashambulancex3: he was sitting with both arms stretched behind the seat, like you know.. how a guy would put his arm around a girls seat at the movies, but both of them.. and like sitting up straight.. and like legs open..
sequinmyheartx3: oh gaw!!!!!
crashambulancex3: gah, he was silently screaming give me some! or at least, in my mind he was.. hahahahahahaha
sequinmyheartx3: lol!!!
sequinmyheartx3: well, here's how he* was sitting....remember i was next to him...
sequinmyheartx3: he was slumped down in his chair with both legs sprawled out touching my leg and his arms laying on both of the arm wrests! and he smelt like sex!! like heavenly sex or something! it was awesome! and i would look over there every now and again and id just have to refrain myself a couple times from jumping on top of him!!
crashambulancex3: a boy who smells good will have me in a heartbeat.
crashambulancex3: no lie.
crashambulancex3: that's my weakness.
sequinmyheartx3: then girl, you would have beatin me to him*, he smelt soooo good, Shan!

(*=disclosure of name)
10 inches & 88 keys

whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore whore.

somehow, i really just don't care :]
riding in cars with boys.
enough said.
88 keys

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