Rachel (_sin_attract) wrote,

Stephanie Meyer owes me $15 and, somehow, needs to give me 6 hours of my life back

Heh. So, if you can't tell, I was not at all impressed by Breaking Dawn. NOT. AT. ALL. And I'm sure my thoughts are going to jump all over, but here we go...

OK. First off, clearly the moral of this story is this: you can have your cake and fuckin' eat it too. Not only does Bella have and keep the baby (which Meyer already established was NOT possible b/c the vampire venom cancels out sperm...we learned this!), not ONLY does she go through the miraculous change to vampirism with NO problems, no killing people, and no year of insanity - hi mary sue! (which I think would have made the book darker and just BETTER), not only does she have a freakin' SHIELD OF LOVE, but she gets to keep both Edward AND Jacob in her life. Yep. So kids, you too can have the most perfect life before reaching the age of 20!</sarcasm>

Oh, and don't even get me started with Jacob. You know, I actually liked the 2nd book from his POV. THANK GOD THE PREGNANCY WAS FROM HIS POV. But he IMPRINTS ON A BABY. I don't care that Renesmee Carlie (OMG THAT NAME! IT'S HORRIBLE) is growing 4 times faster, the fact is - you CANNOT have a conducive, equal relationship when one person is eighteen and the other starts out as a ZERO year old. I'm sure a psych major would have a field day with a relationship like that And there's that whole part in the 2nd book about Jacob not wanting to imprint on anyone and then he does. And it basically takes away ALL of his independence and will. People are calling it pedophilia - and while it's obvious Jake wouldn't do anything in a sexual nature until the Loch Ness Monster is of age, it is still wrong on so many levels. And I think I threw up a little in my mouth when Edward called Jacob his son. HAHA Things that make you go blech! And yes, Quill and Claire freak me out too.

And let's just look at that name: Renesmee Carlie. And they call her Nessie. IDEK. That is SUCH a fanfiction type of thing to do...combine names. And something a 16 year old would think up. And Nessie is like...Mary Sue: The Next Generation. She is TOO perfect. Everyone who met her fell in love with her. That spawn can do no wrong!

Ah HA! SMeyer just hired a team of 16 year olds to write this book.

And speaking of the pregnancy? So...we can get WAY TOO vivid imagery of Bella's spine breaking, throwing up blood, and Edward having to BITE INTO HER STOMACH to get through the placenta...but we can't get any more than fade-to-black cuts for the sexin'? EVERYONE wants to abort the baby (except Rosalie - which where did THAT come from?) and it's fine to talk about that?

Also, it seemed like everyone was written out of character. Edward felt like he was reduced to a normal joe, and everyone felt...off. What happened to the mysterious, sexy vampire that said things like "and so the lion fell in love with the lamb"? That vampire wasn't even in this book. Like, really? He really had that conversation with Jacob saying that he was fine if Jacob wanted to knock up Bella? What message are we sending here? And Edward said "love" WAY too much. Again, that's something I expect to see in fanfiction, where, like, characters are calling each other pet names to a ridiculous degree.

Speed wedding and hot-alluded-to-pillow-biting sex, YES PLEASE. Waking up and crying to get sex - and getting it! - and then wanting to stay human just FOR the sex? Yeah, that's real mature. Bella? Stop your whining. It totally freaked me out when the little "nudger" moved at day 17, and from then on all I could think about was "Alien." So...Bella is 18, married, and has a kid. ( which = Stephanie Meyer). I think it basically comes down to Smeyer imposing her personal life and beliefs into her characters. She clearly married and had kids early. Therefore, that's what she knows how to write.

And can anyone actually see this book being made into a movie? If I was Kstew or RPatzz I would want NO part in a movie like this. How embarrassing.

UG it still really pisses me off that she's the perfectest vampire in this history of vampires. Again, something that could have added much more depth to her character and the overall book - skipped! Cop out.

And then! This is probably the 2nd thing that upset me the most. The should-be exciting part of the book - the return of the Volturi - the part I was actually looking forward to? They all get there, and THEY TALK. They almost fight - and then they talk some more. There are over 100 pages setting up their return and then the actual climax of the plot? Falls short by a longshot. Why even have that in there? There was no point in the entire last 200 pages. That part had SO much potential - I was getting interested in bringing all these vamps to the Cullens' and thinking how their powers would work together to fight and overtake the Volturi. And then they stand there and they talk.

In conclusion:

(Taken from lion_lamb, lovesicksoul)

Also? Here are two reviews I like that say things better than I can:

- Taken from amazon.com - where the book currently has a 2.5 star rating.

Part of me has a hard time believing that SMeyer honestly thought this book would be well received. And, sure, some of the 12-15 year olds reading this book don't know better, but I would like to think that the 21+ (especially the 30+ moms) reading this final book would be able to look at it logically and see the flaws within this book. But in all seriousness, I do NOT understand what SMeyer was smoking when she typed this out. It doesn't fit with the previous three books, characters are not the same characters, and it basically negates the established 'verse canon.

I do not understand.

I'm probably going to edit this like mad tomorrow after I've slept on it. But there you go. I put down the book and picked up my laptop and these were my initial feelings.
Tags: breaking dawn
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