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[29 Dec 2006|04:59pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

i really want a new lj name :( i dont like this one anymore!. give me ideas. please. ill love you forever.

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[05 Jun 2006|12:31pm]
i need a new lj name any ideas
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[29 Apr 2006|09:01am]
does anyone like the lj name /~lovedrunk_x, im thinking of making that and using it as my new lj.
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[28 Apr 2006|09:22am]
im alive
sorry guys ive been having a lot of medical problems so i havent been updating lately. ive been having more seizures so ive left college for a few days to come home to see my doctors and figure out what the fuck is going on. plus im still single and i havent found a boyfriend/girlfriend yet which is okay but im going to the point where im getting depressed because all of my best friends have either boyfriends or girlfriends and i just wish i was one of them.
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[09 Feb 2006|09:41am]
hi guys
sorry i havent updated in the past two months. i havent died, dont worry. ive just been busy with school and actually having a social life outside of the internet which hasnt happened in a long ass time trust me on that one. my love life is shitty. valentines day is coming up and i dont have anyone to share it with. i really do love my room mates even though theyve been fighting non stop and ive been just staying out of their way and letting them deal with it. im also addicted to myspace so im mostly on there now a days. so if you have myspace feel free to add me.

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[07 Jan 2006|10:36pm]
new hair style! yay and new hair colors

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[07 Jan 2006|09:44pm]
welp i just re did my journal to make it some what spiffy. i really like this layout its really simple and cute!. tomorrow i go back to florida and i can hardly wait because i want to see my friends. i did have a good time being home but i really missed being down in florida with warm weather and everything else you know?. i really love having comcast on demand because now they have star wars episode 3 and i left my new star wars at school so i have to wait til i go home tomorrow to watch those and all of the other DVDs that i have down there. i really do love Hayden Christensen, he's just so fucking gorgeous. he's really a good actor and he's very talented in what he does and i am sure his parents are oh i dont know extremely proud of him? or at least i'd hope they would be if not something is very wrong with his parents. blah my stomach hurts again lovely and no it's not cramps thank god but i hate having a really bad stomache before i go to bed and when i am watching one of my favorite MOVIES !! god damn you mother nature always making me feel icky when something good is happening. i really do feel better now that im aware of what i want in a relationship and everything else. ew i hate taking those chewable pills but i know that they do work because i really want to be able to sleep tonight before i have to leave tomorrow for florida since i was up til 3 AM last night because i just could not go to sleep at ALL. god damn it. i really wish i didnt have pain in my stomach, i really DON'T. it pisses me off. gah. hayden is really on my love list right now, literally. i seriously love this guy, besides Harrison Ford who is my first and all time favorite actor who played Han Solo in the original star wars episodes. wow im actually writing some what of a decent update for you lovely people. hope you all love the new layout + colors that go a long with it. i seriously can not wait to go back to florida tomorrow morning, i am going to be so very happy. okay well i am gonna go back to watching Star Wars, Revenge of the Sith. comment if you want. byes.
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[06 Jan 2006|12:04pm]
hey everyone wow i really didnt think id be using this journal as much as i have been since i never did use live journal that much because i dont want to pay for a paid account because then my mom will go on an asking spree and all that bullshit so no thanks on the paid accounts deal. blahs anyway i went to bed around 1:30 am last night because i just was wide awake and i had a lot of things on my mind and i wasnt in the mood to go to sleep at ALL, trust me. blah my heads hurting again LOVELY just what i fucking need right now is to have a nice headache to ruin my entire day because knowing me i'll take something then i won't do anything for the rest of the day til my mom comes home for dinner. i really cant wait to go back to florida to see all of my friends and be in warm weather again. i hate the cold weather seriously i can not stand being cold at night or else i wont get to sleep quickly. im seriously in love with the movie uh called Pirates of the Carribean because of Keira Knightley and Johnny Depp, yeah i know Orlando is in the movie too but he just doesnt spark an interest in me unlike Keira and Johnny do. ugh man my neck is just killing me right now and i wish it didnt hurt so much. i really dont have a lot to write in this entry. i know i know i should but im just not awake yet to even write a mega long entry for you lovely people that are on my friends list lol. im done. comment, whatever. bye.
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[05 Jan 2006|09:23pm]
wow i just filled out a girlfriend application *sighs* i really think im starting to lean towards more girls now than guys because guys have just hurt me a lot in the passed. maybe i'll find some girl whos interested in me on here .. who knows. i dont know, i just thought i'd fill it out see what happens ya know. most of my family knows that i'm bisexual and their okay with it because i won't change for them even if they didn't like it. i'm me and i am not changing for NO ONE at all.
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[03 Jan 2006|08:14pm]
hey guys and gurls. well right now im watching my all time favorite movie called the Incredibles since it always cheers me up since i have had a headache for the past 24 hours and its getting better so i thought why not put a movie on and update your LJ to get my mind off of things right? right. i'm kinda done with the whole dating thing for awhile at least til i know i can find the right guy who WON'T hurt me or piss the fuck out of me or anything like that i mean i know any guy i date will piss me off for one reason or another but yanno what i think there is one guy out there for me that won't hurt me the way my ex's have in the past and i am pretty sure i am in a dream land with that idea but there's always something to be keeping my hopes up i guess, right?. blah my stomach has been hurting me this whole day and thank god i dont have "it" because other wise my mood swings would be off the roof right about now which is why i am on the birth control pill constantly because now i dont get my period which makes me feel very happy. im so bored right now but oh well i cant wait to go back to florida so i can see my friends and be myself. i really want to be back in florida because i can be myself down there without having to be surrounded with drama from my father who ALWAYS causes it which makes me frustrated and cranky and takes it out on my own mother who doesnt need it but shes always there when he does it and i dont want to take it out on my friends because they got other bullshit to deal with so i cant. okay well im done with this entry my heads hurting me again, lovely. comment if you want. bye.
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[02 Jan 2006|11:44pm]
i'm sorry
for being such a bitch lately. for venting about stupid shit. for not being thankful for what i got. for just not being there. i dont know whats wrong with me. maybe im going back into depression again. i dont know whats going on with me. i keep living in the past with how my father's been towards me and how our relationship has been lately in the past few years and how i've wanted to scream so loud at him and cry til i can't cry anymore. i keep listening too without you from RENT and it just makes me really think of my father's relationship with me and how his actions and words hurt me so much its not even a reality anymore to me. i just god damnit. i can't fucking take this pain from him anymore. he just does not know how he hurts me deep inside. i don't know what to fucking do anymore. i'm sorry loves. i know your tired of hearing me whine, complain and bitch. so i'm gonna end it here. maybe i'll have a seizure tonight and not wake up in the morning .. yeah. some new year. bye.
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[01 Jan 2006|08:51pm]
happy new year!!
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[30 Dec 2005|08:47am]
hey guys well my room mate from college is coming up to visit for new years eve so i dont have to be bored off my ass watching tv again and waiting for the damn ball to drop in times square by myself. i asked her to come up because i really wanted someone from school to visit because i was just literally going out of my mind and even though i have one more week left i have to deal with my dad asking me if i'm interested in visiting him before i go home to florida. let me think about that one dad, you spend half of your money on yourself and my step sister and step brother who are A LOT older than me yet you blame it on my mom and you tell me that she spends most of the child support money on herself which is NOT true at ALL. blah i seem to have something in my throat and its really starting to piss me off and its not going away when i drink cold water or anything !!. i dont know what the fuck it could be but i hope it can go away soon before i have to go out with my step dad to the airport to pick up Jen who is pretty much my favorite room mate even though i have another one but she hardly talks to me now and if she talks to me its about medicine and i love her but god i want to talk about something else besides drugs and your boyfriend. i keep telling her i approve yada yada but she always frigging asks me if i like him and everything. im starting not too since hes ALWAYS there which makes her less social with JenJen and I. i call Jen .. JenJen and she calls me KimKim heh. bah so i wont update this weekend but trust me i will on monday when JenJen goes back home. im so wiped out i dont know why and all i want to do right now is go back to sleep but i cant cause of Jen. i am happy that shes coming just my body isnt yanno awake yet or anything like that. im listening to rent to maybe wake me up a bit since im still in dreamland and not fully wide awake but i will be dont worry! lol. i hate having something in the back of my throat and its not going away dammnit!. i am so getting rent when it comes out on DVD because i am in love with the guy who played Roger lol. seriously he was fucking gorgeous or at least i thought so hey i am allowed to look. i liked it a lot better than the play because when i saw the play i just could not follow it for some reason but when i saw the movie i was able to let it sink in and listen instead of people whistling when the girls got on stage, yada yada. anyway i think this is a good enough entry for now. ill update monday about this weekend. hope you loves have a happy and safe new years eve be safe. mwas. can't wait til 2006!.
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[27 Dec 2005|11:30am]
hey guys ugh i got to get better sleep schedule or im gonna be a wreck by the time school starts up again and i gotta get good hours of sleep since i got night classes now well only one night class but its three hours but they give us breaks in between class so thats a good thing because i am gonna need a break if i want to stay awake espically the first class that we got which is when we get back. we start that monday. but im lucky because my first monday class doesnt start til 10:30 am so i get to sleep in just a little i am happy about that part. i just realized that i got four classes on monday, three classes on thursday and one class on wednesday. i got tuesdays and fridays off so i know for sure on tuesday mornings i am gonna be sleeping the fuck in! i dont care what my room mates want i will be SLEEPING. my last class on monday ends at 8:50 pm so i am gonna be fucking tired as shit man. im so taking this break to my advantage with the sleeping!! i dont care what my mom says about me sleeping too damn much. im getting as much as i can because i know for sure i wont be getting it on monday night with the homework that i maybe getting. oi vey. lovely. i need some serious sugar rushes for monday now yup yup. i dont care what my big brother nathan says i need the sugar to stay awake lol.

my schedule for next semester. god, help me.
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[26 Dec 2005|03:21pm]
hi guys well im pretty good for now yet ive been sleeping in all damn day because i just dont feel like doing anything due to the rainy weather that we are having right now. ive been sleeping since 10:30 am. but i did get up and i did take a shower which made me feel some what better even though my mood hasnt changed from depression to happy kimmy. gah i hate this fucking mood swing i really do!! i want to be my old self and be cheery, etc. yet i cant seem to get the strength that i need to smile right now and all i really want is to be back in florida with my friends who know how to make me laugh because i love them to death. their my life now that i've become on the singles list once again which isn't so bad i guess but i hate having a broken heart around the holiday season you know? cause everyone else is either with someone or their in love and havent' asked the person to be with them yet. im addicted to the songs from the new movie RENT even though its been a play for a long time and i just adore the movie i really do i love it. im really addicted to the soundtrack. i have it on my ipod and im listening to it right now and it just makes me feel some what better. ive had a good and bad year i think hopefully most of it was good even if i cant find all of the good times but i know it was a good summer because i finally graduated high school with a diploma and everything included. i got into college and i finished my first semester doing okay so i think ive had a good year even though ive had to deal with a few bad events thanks to my lovely father but hey he always causes bad events and that just ticks me the hell off. bah i forgot to finish this im in a daze right now with the music from RENT sorry guys lol. uh yeah im doing better than i was friday night i can tell you that much. the icon i got is really for all the ex-boyfriend's that i've had in the past years of my teenage life. i'm gonna be 21 next year and i'm hoping .. HOPING to find someone that'll make me laugh + smile ALL the time. sorry if this entry isnt a mega long one but i dont have a lot really to say but im doing better. i love ya. comment if you want. mwas. bye.
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[25 Dec 2005|08:24am]
realizing that it doesnt feel like christmas because my step father didnt want to have a christmas tree in our house when it isnt his house at all and that my mother didnt have time to go out and get a tree. thats one reason why it just doesnt feel like christmas to me because my real father had a tree when i went to his house and it made me sad because i knew that at my mothers house we wouldnt have a tree. i know it sounds lame to be sad for that reason but i just love decorating. sure its a lot of work but i really do like it. its fun. eh i woke up today knowing it was christmas yet my stomach is all in pain. joy. i get a stomache on christmas day, wonderful and family are coming at 12:00 pm and all i really want to do is stay in my pajamas since i feel comfertable in them to be honest. i love my new pajamas. they got disney characters on them and i just love them. they keep me warm at night which is really one thing that i have to be in order to really fall asleep. i just cant go to sleep if im freezing. it just doesnt seem to happen to me unfortunately. im sure im not the only one who has to be warm in order to go to sleep. i did get my mother two christmas gifts but i didnt get my step father anything oh well i did the same with my father and step mother. i didnt get my step mother jack shit since she hasnt done a damn thing for me this year except be on my fathers side when he mentions my mother when i really need support from her since i know i can handle my fathers comments but sometimes i cant and it really makes me angry. blah i cant seem to wake up. i want to go back to sleep but i cant since family is coming over and i know if i go back to sleep ill wake up an hour before they arrive. i really love my cousin Pam, we talk all the time unlike my cousin Heather. my cousin Heather and i use to talk all the time before last year and a few years before that. sorry if im complaining on christmas day when i should be happy but im just not feeling happy yet maybe when my family comes over ill cheer up because my uncle and aunt knows just what to say to make me laugh. yes i know my step father is jewish and so is my mother yet she does both holidays but i guess he doesnt which is fine i guess. i cant be selfish but it is our house and not his. but whatever. ill get over it. comment if you guys want too. love you much. merry christmas.
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[24 Dec 2005|10:19am]
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new pics of me!.
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[24 Dec 2005|09:37am]
merry christmas everyone.
i have no plans as of right now for tonight. sad. i know. maybe my mom , step dad and i are gonna do something but i doubt it. oh well. id rather be with my mom than with my jackass of a father who hasnt taken me on a damn trip in three years and who spends more money on himself than using it on important things like his daughter who he doesnt see a lot anymore. sorry. i need to rant about him. he just the most selfish guy ive ever known. literally. he may seem nice on the outside to the people who dont kno him like my mom and i do. sorry guys. i know i should be THANKFUL and i am for having a great mom yeah thats what this time is about to be with family but it sucks when your family is divorced and when the mother and father and even be in the same room because they hate each other so god damn much i just am about to scream or want to scream at times.
sorry sorry sorry.
this is my place to vent about my life and my parents. I KNOW I GOT A GOOD LIFE. so dont tell me that.
thats not what i need. i need my friends. my REAL friends. yes friends to support me and talk to me and try to cheer me up!.
sigh. this is it for now. gotta calm down.
comment if you want. bye.
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[23 Dec 2005|02:03pm]
david and i are over.
i'm sick of being hurt.
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[22 Dec 2005|10:05pm]
even though i already posted in this thing today i figured its time for a real update instead of asking people to comment to be added because i figured not a lot of people will view my entry or whatever so i dont care really if they comment but id like them too. things have been pretty good in my life lately. i have had a few rocky relationships but now the one i'm in can't be any better. i'm with David who i went out with in november but he broke up with me and then on december 16th he asked me back and of course i said yes because i still really did miss him and have feelings for him so we've been together since then and things have been going good between us even if we don't talk every night. anyway school is going ok. i finished my first semester of college and i hope i got good grades if not i may cry.. well not really but i wont be in a happy mood i can tell you that much so im pretty nervous right now because they will be coming in the mail soon so keep your fingers crossed for me guys that i did good!!. i really hope my teachers gave me good/reasonable grades. i cant wait til next october because i will be turning 21 trust me when its my birthday next year im gonna be up all night with my friends. my friends already planned a night out for me on my 21st birthday lol. anyway right now im talking to one of my friends named Mary im real good friends with her but not best friends even though i hope we get to be that some day before she graduates which is this year unfortunately :( yeah all my good friends are gonna be leaving this year and next year!! this sucks lol. anyway right now im so lame im listening to the muppets on my ipod to cheer me up since my boyfriend isnt around and i wish he was in my state instead of VA but im glad he has a good mom and a good home and im glad i can trust him even if i don't speak to him every night since i haven't this week and i know i can trust him and i know he isn't gonna go off and cheat on me because he wants it to work this time instead of last time we dated because my friend Nate asked him. so im glad im with David and i think its gonna work this time. anyway i think this is a good enough entry for tonight. i will write one tomorrow if anything interesting happens to me but i doubt it lol. comment away if you dare.
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