1. cigarette: months ago i rarely ever have smoked..and not many people know that i've tried it =X
2. beverage: iced tea
3. kiss: nick of course
4. hug: nick
5. movie seen: united flight 93..it was a tv movie though
6. cd played: blood sugar sex magik
7. song listened to: Let Me Go by Cake
8. bubble bath: don't remember
9. time you cried: can't remember
8 have you evers
1. dated one of your best friends: yea..maybe not best friend but good friend. well not anymore.
2. skinny dipped: no
3. kissed somebody and regretted it: yes, two.
4. fallen in love: yes
5. lost someone you loved: yea
6. been depressed: yes
7. been drunk and threw up: nope
8. ran away: not really
7 states you've been to
1. NY (obviously)
4. New Jersey
7. That's it
6 things you've done today
5. layed on the couch
6. watched tv
5 favorite things in no order
4 people you can tell anything to in no order
4. Jackie & Rikki (i couldn't pick just 4)
1. to get married and have a family
2. to stay in love
3. to get a brother or sister. but that's never going to happen :( haha
2 things you want to be when you grow up
1. Speech Pathologist
1 thing you regret
1. 7th grade
I was just thinking before about how it's really weird how things work out. It's like, they work out when you don't expect them to. I think I started thinking of it because i'm listening to that Blink 182 song that was popular when I was in 9th grade. I remember it was always on FUSE, the music video with the two girls in weird makeup making out.
So anyway, that song reminds me of the beginning of 2004, when I got my first kiss and ended up regretting who it had been with, and then meeting Nick through that whole thing. When I had been "dating" I don't even know what you would call it, Nick's friend Skye. And then I remembered being at Skye's for superbowl that year, and Nick was there..and I did some stuff I wasn't proud of doing. But when I think back, I definitely made a bigger deal of it than it was. I was distraut about it for a long time, but now I realize that these things happen. I guess because it was the first time I've ever been with a guy and it just hurt because it didn't work. But whatever, even though it was only two years ago, i've matured a lot and think of things much differently.
Anyway, after the whole Skye thing I started to like Nick. He would talk to me online, and was the first guy I really talked on the phone with. I remember him telling me he was sitting in his room and I used to imagine what his house looked like or what he had in his room. It sounds weird but I remember thinking about it. And then we decided to hang out in town one night. I brought Rikki because I was scared to go alone. Nick had a few of his friends. We weren't really talking and I was trying to find ways to impress him or something, but he didn't really get it. I think he was under the impression that nothing was going to happen and that we were only friends. After that night, I found out that he had liked someone else before he met me, and that he thought that the other relationship was going somewhere. I was pretty much shocked that right after the whole thing with his friend now this was happening. I was upset but I got over it. We stopped talking and occasionally I would want to talk to him, but I was afraid to. I remember having a conversation with my mom one day in the car about boys. She asked me what happened to Nick because she remembered me talking to him and hanging out with him. I told her that we just stopped talking, and I added that if he were to start liking me for some reason that I would go out with him. Because I guess sort of in the back of my mind he was still there and I missed the little time that we had spent together.
Then came the summer, where weird things happened and I won't go there because it sickens me to think about it. Then came August 7th. I don't know why I remember the date. But I'm good with dates sometimes. Anyway, I was away from my computer and I come back and I had an IM. It was from Nick. I found it so weird because we hadn't talked in months. He was just like "hey, we haven't talked in a while, how are things?" and stuff like that. I just remember being happy and that I was glad we were talking again. Then out of nowhere about a day later he asked me to hang out. At that point I was just happy he was back, and I did miss hanging out with a guy. So we went to the movies during the day, and I remember seeing an ex boyfriend of mine there while I was waiting. And he asked what I was doing and I told him proudly that I was waiting for my date to show up. I didn't know if it was really a date but I wanted it to be. We had a really fun time, talking and laughing and it was almost as if we had been friends the entire time. We talked on the phone a lot those next few days, and he told me that he thinks he hasn't gotten a girlfriend because he hasn't been asking the right girls. I kind of knew what was coming but I pretended like I didn't. Then he told me that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, obviously. And now here we are, almost a year and a half later. Its really weird how I thought I would never talk to him again and now here we are.
That was probably a really annoying entry for most of you, but I haven't updated in a while and that's what was on my mind. It's cool to think back and wonder why or how things turned out the way they did.
Bob Dylan "Positively Fourth Street"
You got a lotta nerve
To say you are my friend
When I was down you just stood there grinning
You got a lotta nerve
To say you got a helping hand to lend
You just want to be on tyhe side that's winning
You say I let you down
You know it's not like that
If you're so hurt why then don't you show it?
You say you lost your faith
But that's not where it's at
You had no faith to lose and you know it
I know the reason
That you talk behind my back
I used to be among the crowd you're in with
Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don't know to begin with
You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?" "Good luck"
But you don't mean it
When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once and scream it
No, I do not feel that good
When I see the heartbreaks you embrace
If I was a master thief perhaps I'd rob them
And now I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand it's not my problem
I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment I could be you
Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is to see you
Lets see..life is so not exciting.
Christmas was cool. I got an autographed sheet music of Californication. I was quite happy. Umm I also got some cute clothes and a nice jacket and two Mindless Self Indulgence CDs and the rent soundtrack. I got other cool stuffs too.
Nick got me the Sims Nightlife aww :) we had fun the day after Christmas. I'm glad to have spent another Christmas with him. Speaking of, I went to his Uncle's for Christmas Eve, it was awesome. I was nervous about meeting everyone but once we got there it was a lot of fun. There was sooo much food, they're italian so there were 7 types of fish. It was amazing. I was so full though haha. Everyone was really nice and when I left Nick said they really liked me and that they said a lot of nice things about me and they want me back next year! Awesome.
New Years..we won't go there..mm..yea.
And now vacation is over. It's very sad. Oh well.
I'm on an MSI hype and it's all I've been listening to, pretty much. I really like them. They're crazy and they're music is cracked out & stuff.
I'm feeling pretty good lately. I'm happy with myself, most of the time. But I do feel that some of my friendships have been getting stronger, but others are deteriorationg. It's kind of sad to think about it. That someone you were once a good friend with slowly drifts away. I guess it's nobody's fault, it just happens. I try not to think about it too much. But I do. I'm not sure what to do in these situations so I just tend to avoid it. I guess it's unhealthy, but that's the way I seem to deal with it.
On a better note, I got a "job". A babysitting job. So far, I have three. For the next two saturdays i'm helping Nick babysit his two little cousins. I'm excited actually. Then, in a few weeks, i'm babysitting Nick's two neighbors. Their mom's been needing a babysitter and Nick's mom suggested that I do it. So I am. It's good to be able to make some extra cash and being responsible. I'm happy for myself.
Tomorrow i'm entering a writing contest. My English teacher asked me if I would be interested because it offers a scholarship. I have to submit a piece of my writing, and then, they give you a topic. We have to write an essay impromptu. Basically, they give us a topic, we just write about it. Mr. Morris says he thinks I have a very good chance and thats why he chose me. So hopefully I get something out of this. I really have nothing to lose, though.
All in all I guess you could say things are pretty good. School's good, everything's..good.
THREE YEARS AGO, I...
1. Went to school at Grand Ave.
2. Got my first "boyfriend".
3. Was a lot shorter.
ONE YEAR AGO, I...
1. Started dating Nick
2. Was a sophomore.
3. Felt closer to people?
1. Hung out with Nick
2. Fell asleep in Sociology
3. Watched ER.
1. Felt awake the whole day.
2. Went to town with people
3. Froze my invisible balls off.
THREE SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO ARE...
2. 3 Libras by A Perfect Circle
3. A lot of Red Hot's songs.
TOP THREE LOCATIONS I'D LIKE TO RUN AWAY TO ARE...(no particular order)
2. Nick's house
Today was good. Mr. Murphy had an extra rainbow cookie from King Kullen and those are my favorite so he gave one to me. And then he said "Just try not to fall asleep during the movie" and of course the whole class did the stupid traditional "OoOoOoOoOo" And then this kid Chris who sits next to me was like "A-duhrr a-duhrr yea he does notice ahurrr!" And then some other kid goes "WAY TO SLEEP!" And i'm just like HI TARDS EFF YOU ! I never go to sleep in class EVER and the one day i'm exhausted and we're watching a civil war movie I just decide to put my head down and am "OoOOoOed" at for it. DUMB.
Tonight I went to town with Jackie, Michelle, Dave, Colleen, and Jackie's friends Dave and Wayne and then Becky's friend Kyle who Jackie talks to. It was freezing. And basically Jackie and Michelle were hooking up with those guys and i'm just sitting there with that kid Kyle and it was so..random. And I just wanted to go someplace warm. We wound up leaving at 9ish because it was freezing and then Jackie's mom took us to get McDonald's and then brought us home. It was cool, I got to see Michelle and we talked and it was cool because I love that girl and haven't seen her in a while. Michelle I bet you're reading this but unlike you I won't have 2414657 people from like Ohio and Wyoming commenting me haha.
Now i'm here. Probably gonna call Nick soon. He said tonight him and his friend's are going to get Quan drunk to help him get his mind off his uncle who died a few days ago. Nick said he wasn't going to get drunk so hopefully he didn't.
Tomorrow I'm going to Nick's Uncle Joe and Aunt Nancy's :) They're awesome. And she's having a baby soon aww! I thought Nick said they were naming her Isabel but it turns out he was talking about Mr. Steckle's baby? Yea I was confused. Anyways, goodnight.
I'm updating because i'm bored.
Well I just found out that Bellmore is basically the only school district that doesn't have off for election day tomorrow! Awesome. I just love our district.
I didn't sleep a lot last night. But the weird thing is I was pretty awake most of the day. We had an assembly about the Blood Drive at the end of November. Now you can be 16 to donate with parental consent. Too bad I don't meet the weight requirement. You have to weigh 110 and I just..don't. Unless I gain 15 pounds in about two weeks. But i'm horrible at gaining weight and never could and doctors were always trying to shove nutrition shakes down my throat so I could gain weight. And everyone is always like OMFG UR 95 POUNDS THATS SO UNHEALTHYYY. Well actually for me it's not and I'm perfectly happy with the way I look and I don't have a problem being underweight.
I don't know what else to write about. I'm just lacking in the writing mood today. Well, tomorrow we get to cook in Spanish so that's sort of a plus because it should be kind of fun.
The song Stairway to Heaven makes me very sad. It reminds me of dying but in a peaceful way. Nick told me that it was Steve's (his step-dad who died recently) ringtone and I thought that was even more sad because he died and he was a really nice guy and shouldn't have. Well, that's my story.
I might as well go now. Sorry for the boring entry.
I need a new layout. Not sure where to get a good one. I looked around. nothing special.
anyone wanna see saw 2 with me this friday? I wanna see it but I don't know who to go with. If I can't find anyone to come then I might go with nick & his friends but..if i can find a friend/group of people to go that'd be cool so it's not just me & 5 guys seeing it.
Today was rainy. Nothing exciting happened. Mr. Murphy told us that we're all bad people because if one of our friends/someone close to us broke the law we wouldn't tuurn them in. He said he would make a citizens arrest if he caught his wife stealing a candy bar & that we have no morals or ethics if we wouldn't. Mr. Murphy is awesome but that's just rediculous but it caused a 20 minute conversation/arguement. That class is fun though.
I have off first period tomorrow :) Get to sleep an extra 15 minutes or so. My mom has to be in work by 8 though so I still have to get to school around 7:45.
my weekend was good for the most part :)
friday i went out with katy jackie & michelle. we were gonna see the fog but it was sold out so we just hung out. which was good cuz then we heard the fog sucked. we went to international delights cafe and got dessert. we saw a guy that looked like this guy chris that jackie & michelle know so michelle asked him for his screenname haha. it was interesting. then nick came because some shit happened before that he did and it made me really upset even though i know its not a big deal but it gets to me because of what goes on in my family and stuff with it. so i got really mad/upset but i realized that people are gonna do it and we're teenagers and whatever so i got over it. i love nick so much and i could tell he was really sorry and i really appreciated that he came to let me know he was okay and that he really was sorry. it made me feel really good again and i just hugged him for a long time and yea this sounds gay probably but i don't care.
so then after nick left we saw kathryn and her boyfriend mike, they're so cute together. and then we saw clarissa and her boyfriend mark and they look cute together too aww so it was cute. oh we also saw fat tom and his friend james who are EVERYWHERE. and they always come up and talk to us and DONT LEAVE US ALONE. they were hanging out with 14 year olds and they're like..19 and 20. yea that's really cool guys. oh and they kill fish! awesome. if only I could be like them.
then on saturday nick came over :) we were supposed to go to the mall with tim and erica but it was raining a lot and erica's mom didnt want her driving so instead we all went to nick's house. nick's neighbor was over with her two little girls. nick's mom told her that i should babysit them and i definitely would cause i could use the money and they're cute little kids and nick's house is right there so if there was a problem i could just call them. then we played clue and i let the little one kathleen help me play. and she tought us to play "bubble gum bubble gum in a dish" and it was cute. we all had a nice time and we just hung out and squirted erica's silly string everywhere haha. so nick you have to hook me up with this babysitting job :) kayyythankyou. then after erica and tim left thomas called nick and said he was coming over even though it was pouring and 11 oclock at night. he came with all his friends and then my mom picked me up. so it turned out to be a fun night.
now i'm just hanging out waiting for my mom to get back so we can go to the mall. i haven't been to the mall in a while. then after that i'm going to my grandparent's for their anniversary and probably having dinner there. so i won't be home for a while. comment ♥