Sharvie (_sharvie_) wrote,

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Fic: The Last Night (S/B NC-17)

Nominated in Round 4 for BtVS Rewritten Award

Nominated in Round 5 for Best Episode Rewrite

Title: The Last Night
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Spike/Buffy
Summary: The lost basement scene in Chosen. 'Cause that was the most hated 'fade to black' in ME's history.
Feedback: Love some, thanks
A/N: This is just the night before the final battle. All content of the episode remains intact.

The Last Night
Buffy came down the stairs slowly. This was possibly the last night of their lives and the only place she wanted to be was with him. As she touched down on the concrete her heart sped up against her will. Pushing the lump back down in her throat, she confronted him, afraid of where this might go, but more afraid of not trying to get there. Spike rose from his place on the cot as she descended into the basement, amulet hanging limply from his fingertips. After taking a few more steps towards him she squared her shoulders and planted her feet preparing herself for whatever was to come, ”Hey.”

Spike watched her carefully, wondering if tonight would be like the last. Her choosing him over Angel, to be her champion, had been a dream come true. A dream he had never allowed himself. Then to top that, they had spent the night in each other’s arms again, although there was something different about her tonight. She appeared flushed and her breathing was a little faster than normal. Maybe it was nervous tension about the upcoming battle. Usually she was cool as a corpse, but this battle was the big one. They could all be dead tomorrow. Well except him, he’d just be deader. Whatever it was she needed to do he wasn’t going to rush her. He decided to play along until she was ready. Well, this should be interestin’. “Hey, yourself.”

She wasn’t sure how to do this. She had hoped he would help her out, pull her into his arms, kiss her fears away. But he was being difficult, as usual. She knew he was way too scarred emotionally to make such a bold move. What was I expecting? That he’d just automatically know I want him? Yeah right. She threw a noncommittal wave at the amulet, “So?”

Spike raised his eyebrows as he brought the amulet up to eye level. ”So,” he repeated, being deliberately unhelpful. It was pretty obvious she had a purpose, but knowing Buffy he’d be lucky if he even got a hint of what it was. Besides, it was fun to watch her squirm and he rarely got the chance anymore. Someone had to break first and he’d be damned, again, if it would be him, especially after all the emotional ping-pong he’d been through. She had something to say and he was going to wait until she said it, even if it took all night.

She eyed him suspiciously. Hey, he’s actually enjoying this. Sighing, she gave in, knowing this was getting her nowhere, ”Have you even let it out of your sight?”

He threw it over his shoulder onto the cot behind him, ”Nope.” He chuckled at her shocked expression. “Relax, Slayer. I knew where it was goin’. Besides, if it breaks we’ll just run down to the flea market and get somethin’ equally ugly.” She joined in his laughter and instantly the tension was broken.

“Flea market left town along with everyone else. It would just be you and your amulet having superglue fun. All. Night. Long.” With a final chuckle she walked over to the table and hopped on top of it. “What do you plan on doing when this is over?”

“Oh you know, maybe take a nice long vacation, somewhere sunny. Perhaps try to get a tan, you know, the usual,” he dug his hands into his pockets, not exactly sure what to do with them.

She tensed, ”That’s not funny. Don’t joke about that.” She paused suddenly quite afraid that is exactly what he plans to do. “You are joking, right?”

He instantly backpedaled, feeling like a wretch for scaring her. ”Oh yeah, of course. You know me, if you need me I’ll be there.” He tried to give her his patented big bad look but it came off as more of a bad puppy dog look.

She looked out at him through her lashes, “I do, you know”

Uncomfortable, he shrugged dismissivly. “Nah Slayer, you don’t really. I’m just a side dish.”

She jumped down off the table and stalked to him, “I’m sorry. I must be talking to a different Spike than the one I was talking to last night. What’s wrong with you! You really still believe that?”

He waved her off surprised by her intense reaction. “Oh don’t get your knickers twisted! I just meant that you’re the real champion, not me. I’ll fight by your side till the end but I’m not the hero type.” His voice softened as his eyes implored her to back down. “You know that.”

“I think you sell yourself short.” She refused to give in. “You’ll rise to the challenge, I’m sure of it.”

He struggled to maintain her stare but couldn’t and looked away. “Yeah well…guess we will have to wait and see won’t we, pet?”

“Why is it so hard for you to believe you’ll make a difference?” she pleaded.

He just wished she would drop it. He could feel the irritation start to burn behind his eyes. “Why do you think?” he snarked at her and instantly regretted it.

She was rigid, fingernails digging into her palms as she ground out, “You’re different now.“

“That’s what you keep tellin’ me.” He wasn’t sure he could take much more of this. What was she expecting of him? He gathered all the courage he could, “Look, luv, no matter how much you want to say it wasn’t me, that I’m someone else now, we both know that’s just not true. It was me! My face, my hands…my heart. Where did my love for you come from if not from the monster I once was?”

“That’s just it, ‘once was.’ Not anymore.” Relaxing, she inched towards him and softened her words, “You were right. A man can change.”

He wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He’d lost count of all the times he had said that and now she was using it against him. Typical. And to top it off he now felt like a heel. “That’s just it, I’m not a man,” he muttered. She sighed loudly and gave him her best ‘well duh’ look after she had sufficiently rolled her eyes. She was trying so hard and he couldn’t even figure out why he was being such a prick. “I’m sorry, pet. Didn’t mean to upset you. I’m such a wanker.”

A warm smile spread over her face as she attempted to lighten the mood, “Not all of the time.”

“Look, pet, whatever you’re tryin’ to do it’s ok, really. I’m good. It’ll be alright. You’ll beat ‘em. No worries.”

She snorted sarcastically, “Yeah, ‘cause I’ve been so successful up ‘till now. I’ve only died twice.”

“You’ve worked miracles before. If it wasn’t for you I’d still be in the bloody basement talkin’ to myself. Wait a minute…I’m still in a basement.” He laughed, “Oh well, one out of two ‘s not bad.”

“You’re here, that’s what matters. That’s what will make the difference.”

“So, now who is selling themselves short, luv.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Rubbing the bridge of her nose she mumbled to herself as she walked away, “This isn’t how it was supposed to go.”

“How what was supposed to go?”

Damn enhanced vampire hearing. She kept her head down and her back to him hoping to be able to come up with something, anything but the truth. When the silence had stretched to its limits she had no other choice but to face the music. Unfortunately she hadn’t thought of anything. “Oh well…um…right…you see…well…”

Crossing his arms over his chest he laughed inwardly at her. “Spit it out Slayer, the end of the world is fast approachin’.”

“I just…you like to torture me don’t you?” She mirrored his pose.

“Would you be mad if I said yes?” he taunted as he swaggered over to her.

“Maybe,” she dared him.

“Well then, yes. Yes, I do. I think it’s cute the way you get all flustered and your nose starts to twitch. It’s just adorable.” She swatted playfully at him. Now he knew something was up. She was never this nice. What is she playin’ at?

Tonight she needed him to know secrets that had been buried deep within in her, so irregardless of their current banter, she inhaled deeply preparing herself for the painful confession. “I just meant, that it means a lot to me, that you stuck around. I can be a handful, and don’t say anything,” she quickly brought a hand up, then let it drop, “I know it’s true. So many others couldn’t handle it or just didn’t want to.” She locked his eyes with hers, “You did.” As reopened wounds began to heal, she felt her nervousness release and relaxed against the table.

He leaned against the table next to her as a newfound confidence worked its way through his system. He knew he had stayed with her while all the others had abandoned her or driven her away, but since the soul, never considered himself the better for it. He couldn’t help but to feel pride at her words of encouragement and gratitude. She believed in him when he didn’t even believe in himself, and he couldn’t figure out why. One thing was for sure; he was not going to let her down.

“And besides,” she continued, “I like it when you watch my back.” She removed her jacket and placed it behind her.

“It’s not your back I’m watchin’,” he mumbled, getting a good look at her rear as she turned around and bent over to remove her boots.

She turned towards him and stretched out her back as a small grin forced its way onto her features. “What?”

Bad, bad, bad. He shook his head and kneeled to remove his boots hoping she hadn’t noticed his slip in decorum, “Uh, need to work out some kinks?”

“Nah, I’m feeling kink free tonight.” She froze in mid-stretch when she heard him chuckle. What did I just say? “No comments from the peanut gallery. You know I didn’t mean it that way.” She glared a warning at him but he was still grinning from ear to ear as he rose from the floor.

“Straight to bed then?” he asked in mock seriousness kicking his boots under the table.

A giggle escaped her lips as she leaned against the table next to him. “Oh you are sooo asking for it.”

He feigned shocked innocence. “Just thought with the big day and all, sleep might be useful.”

She had waited long enough. If she was going to make a move it needed to be now while he was still in a good mood. He rarely was anymore. If they survived she would make sure that changed, but for now all she had was tonight. She turned around and jutted her chin out to look him right in the eye. She leaned into him and rested her weight on his hips. Slowly she ran her hands up his arms and clasped them together behind his head.

“Buffy?” was all he managed to eke out before he was dumbstruck by her sensual advances. A part of him thought she still might be joking. His mind grappled with the reality of the situation but before he could utter a protest she had raised her head closer and licked her lips. Now he was lost. He didn’t pull back when she sought out his lips with her own. And yet, he was to stunned to reciprocate. Were his lips working anymore? He couldn’t tell. She licked his lower lip coaxing him into it, but his lips were slack and unmoving. She pulled back and locked her eyes with his. He could see the need in them and would follow her to the end of the world, if he had the chance. Her fingers began to play with the hair at the nape of his neck, and this woke him up. What am I so afraid of, they’re just lips, mate. Pull it together. Licking his own lips he plastered on one of his cocky grins, “Sleep is always optional.”

He wrapped his arms around her bringing his hands up to play in her hair. His mouth met her waiting one, and he reveled in her silky lips and warm tongue playing with his. She licked, teased, and nipped, urging him on. It was intoxicating. The kiss was tender, soft, and sweet, all the things it never was before. Oh god, this was heaven. He could lose himself forever in her and not care. Not care? This could go bad and fast. Better stop this now…maybe after another minute. No, no, no, NOW! Grow some bleeding balls, mate! “No, wait.” He put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back as he walked around her, putting distance between them. “Buffy, luv, what are we doing?”

She turned to face him and leaned against the table, a little amused at his conflict. “Well, I could be mistaken but I believe it was kissing.”

He struggled to contain his anger, “Don’t do that. Don’t be flip.”

She immediately felt remorseful and dropped her gaze to the floor. “Sorry.”

He reasoned with her softly, “This isn’t good for us, or don’t you remember?”

Oh, he did not just say that! “Of course I remember, how can I forget!” She watched as he recoiled into the shadows and realized how harsh her words sounded. Good one Buff. Salt in the wound much. Calmer she continued, “I remember everything, the bad, the good, the pain, the fear, and the denial. But I am tired of being scared, tired of running away, tired of talking.” Tentatively she stepped towards him and held her arms out at her sides. “So here I am, flaws and all. I don’t want to waste another second.” She stood there in silence waiting for him to answer and the tension was killing her. She couldn’t see him; he had retreated to the safety of the darkness. Did she scare him off, push too far too fast? Crap! Why did she have to be so pushy?

He knew she was reaching out to him and expressing her feelings as best she could. He couldn’t blame her that she sucked at it. The question was what do I do now? There was so much hurt and pain between them, what was the right thing to say and do? The possibilities made his head hurt. He decided that they had both spent enough time in the dark place and he finally shuffled back into the light. He looked up at her and was stunned by what he saw. Her arms splayed out at her sides and the expression of worry on her features. He was touched she would put herself out there risking the pain when she had already had so much. Instantly, he knew he’d forgive all her slights against him. How could he hold anything against her? She was trying so hard it was adorable. “You sure know how to drive a guy crazy,” he said as his lips twisted into a small smirk.

She lowered her arms as his smile warmed her heart. After all he had been through he had still retained his sarcastic sense of humor and sharp wit. She knew now that no matter what happened they would be okay. A huge grin lit up her face as the tension inside her drifted away again. “It’s a gift,” she replied with a small shrug.

He couldn’t help himself, the chuckle escaped before he could stop it and now she was laughing. Her laughter was infectious and he began to laugh now as well. She turned around almost in a dance and headed back to the table. Turning again she hopped back on top of it and held out one hand to him. He wanted to run to her, pull her to him, ravage her with his kisses, but he was still hesitant. His laughter stopped as he became serious again. He sighed deep as he hoped for courage. “I need…” He couldn’t finish. A huge lump had formed in his throat. God, I can’t do this.

Not wanting to rush him she dropped her arm. She hoped a little coaxing was all he needed to open up. “What? What do you need?”

He stepped towards her and met her gaze. If he was really gonna do this then it had to be full tilt, no backward glances and shuffling feet. He put his balls on the chopping block and let it rip. “I need to know this isn’t just some itch you need scratched. That this means something.” He waited knowing that he might have just ended the entertainment portion of the evening, but he couldn’t go through with this if she only wanted to get off.

She was afraid this would become an issue. He had brought this up just last night and she was afraid of what exactly he needed from her. There was still so much she hadn’t worked out in her own self, much less to be able to express it to him. She really had done a number on his self-esteem. They had hurt each other so much, how could she even think to do this to him now? She couldn’t stop herself. All she could think about was him. The others were either asleep or staying up all night talking of times past. Meanwhile, Spike was down in the basement, waiting for her. He was always here when she needed him. And if she had to give to get she was going to give it her best shot. She only hoped the truth would be enough. She held out her hand again and her eyes pleaded with him to take it. “It does.”

He walked towards her and took hold of her outstretched hand, letting her pull him into her open thighs. “What?” he hopefully continued to probe. Maybe he was pressing his luck, but he had to try.

Stupid, stubborn, insecure vampires. She could see the simultaneous hope and fear in the cool blue of his eyes as they bore into her, making her shiver. She prayed he would accept her answer and that it wouldn’t hurt him. “I…I’m not sure how to tell you…how I feel, but I can show you. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. It’s all I have.”

For a moment it seemed as if he would accept this, then he hung his head and closed his eyes. She wasn’t sure if he was upset and about to cry or really happy and trying not to bounce off the walls. It was so hard to read him sometimes; he was so sensitive, and his mood could change in an instant. Now with the soul it was even worse, it had added a whole other level of emotions that plagued him. He still hadn’t moved away so she took a chance and began to rain kisses on his face, starting with his cheek, then moving to his eyelids, forehead, nose, on to the other cheek and finally coming to rest on his lips. He didn’t respond. She pleaded softly on to his closed lips, “Please, let me show you.”

Spike pulled back from her kiss, trying to regain control of all his warring emotions. They were all over the place, he felt like a god damned schizo. On the one hand she had admitted she felt something for him, on the other she didn’t admit what. What was he doing with her anyway, he didn’t deserve her even if she did want him. She was waiting for him and he didn’t want to let her down. She needed him, who was he to refuse? Who did she think she was, playing with his feelings this way? I am not a bleeding sex toy! Oh God, what if I hurt her? This was nuts and he was going to tell her as soon as his voice worked again. Oh, but to feel her soft little kisses all over his face sent him into a delicious tailspin. He looked back up at her, ready to tell her this wasn’t going to work when he saw a vision he never thought he would ever see. Her eyes gleamed with unshed tears and she was worrying her bottom lip. She looked heartbroken. Realization hit him. She was worried he would reject her. He had already hurt the girl so much there was no way he’d be the cause of more. Bugger it, let the devil do with me what he will. He was going to make Buffy happy and if this was what she needed he was going to do his best to give it to her. He nodded, giving her his consent, and he was relieved to see her smile, proving to him he had made the right decision. A small tear streaked down one side her face and he wiped it away with his thumb.

Still holding onto one hand she used the other to cup his cheek and leaned forward to kiss him tenderly. At the feel of his soft lips she sighed, relief coursing through her. His tongue slowly reached for her bottom lip and she opened wider for him. His hand had circled around to cup the back of her head and she leaned farther into him. She had to stop herself from ripping his clothes off right then and there. She knew he'd freak and there had already been enough of that tonight, from both sides. He started to get more amorous, teasing her tongue and lips, nipping lightly while moaning quietly. He kissed so differently from the Spike she used to know, so restrained and gentle.

She ran her hand down to his waist and pulled his shirt up to lightly scratch his side. She pulled him closer inside of her thighs, linking her legs around his. She hoped this would impede any thoughts of escape. Her other hand slipped behind to the back of his head so she could run her fingers through his hair. He put his hand on the table beside her and leaned into her. He placed his other hand on the small of her back, and pulled her even closer as she ran her hands over his hips digging her fingers into his sides. They continued kissing, gently tugging at each others lips. Their tongues teased, licked, and danced with the other. She moved her hand around the rim of his jeans to the front and started to unbutton them.

Immediately Spike’s entire body went rigid. He realized he really hadn’t thought this completely through. “Buffy are you sure? Really sure you want this?”

“I want you. I’ve never been more sure about anything before.” Without waiting for his answer she continued to undress his lower half while her mouth worked on his face and neck. Slowly, she pulled the zipper down and opened the denim flaps.

Spike thought he was going to faint. The power she had over him was frightening; he was her willing slave. His head was swimming in ecstasy, but he was still unsure. He would walk into the sun if she regretted this tomorrow. Let the demons rip him limb from limb because a gory, painful death would be better than her harsh words. He pulled his hand away from her back and pressed both hard into the table. He was holding himself away from her, not wanting to rub his still covered growing erection up against her. “Oh God, Buffy. God, I’m not…not sure about this.”

“Shhh, it’s okay.” She continued to pepper his face and neck with her kisses, while cooing to him in an attempt to calm him. Pushing the back of his jeans over his hips revealing the cleft of his ass, she lightly scratched and kneaded the flesh. “I am.”

His growing erection was still hidden inside of his jeans and she reached in to pull him free. When she touched him he gasped, “Oh pet, this could be so wrong.”

“It’s not, feel it.” She took one of his hands and placed it between her legs. “Feel how right this is.” She watched as his eyes widened when he could feel her arousal through her thin jeans.

Completely entranced he said the only thing he could think of, knowing she would never respond in kind. And knowing that it no longer mattered. “I love you, Buffy.”

“Shhh, show me.”

He was amazed she would issue such a challenge. She wanted to feel his love? She couldn’t have meant that, could she? It would mean that after all this time, after everything that had happened between them, he finally had his chance to show her how much she meant to him. How well he could love her. How good he could be to her, with her. If it weren’t for his senses being sent into overload by her proximity, the feel of her beneath his fingertips, he would have thought she was an illusion. He could feel her blood pumping fast, her breath drifting towards him in short gasps, the smell of her arousal, which only now seemed to permeate the air, made him drunk with its intoxicating aroma. How could he have missed it before? Being wrapped up in his own insecurities had blinded his senses and now that he knew the depths of her need he was not going to turn away. Her essence was everywhere around him, invading his flesh, running through his dormant veins, burrowing into his bones. His body tingled with the knowledge of the journey they had begun together and he wanted to howl his delight. But now was not the time to lose control, this had to be deliberate and slow. This had to be how Buffy would want it and Buffy wanted him. He started to grind the fabric over her clit, running his hand in circles. Meanwhile, she pulled him free and was working him slowly, rubbing up and down lightly, almost tickling the underside of his cock. He growled and moved his hands to cup the back of her head, moving her into a more pliable position. As he leaned her back she released him and fisted her hands in his hair to regain her balance.

With her heels she continued to remove his jeans. When they finally released from the swell of his hips she moaned loudly in victory. “Oh yes, Spike.”

He abruptly pulled away. She was afraid he stopped again but was pleasantly surprised to see him removing his shirt and stepping out of his jeans, with a cocky smile plastered on his face.

“It seems you have me at a disadvantage, pet.”

The sight of him naked before her, inches away, was overwhelming and had frozen her in a daze, her mind barely comprehending his words. The way he was looking at her made her want to lick him all over but her body refused to obey. Also, he was saying something so she should probably pay attention. “Umm…what?” Clearing his throat he looked her up and down. Then pointed to her state of dress and his lack thereof. Slowly it dawned on her. “Oh sorry.” She quickly stripped her shirt but before she could get her bra clasp released, he was there to stop her.

“This isn’t a race, pet.” He unclasped her bra and sensed her shiver. “Relax.” She began to shake harder at his soothing words. That wasn’t the response I was goin’ for. ”You’re tremblin’. Maybe we shouldn’t…”

“No!” her frantic interruption surprised even herself. She clutched at his arms, holding him to her, preventing retreat. “I mean…no, I want to, lots…it’s just…” she could no longer look upon his increasingly worried expression. “It’s been so long since…” she looked back up through her lashes hoping he would understand.

He realized she was just as nervous as he was. He caressed her face and played with her hair, trying to calm her. Even though she had started this it was obvious she needed his help to continue. “Shhh, luv, you’re thinking too much. Let me take care of you. We won’t do anything you don’t want, promise. Okay?” He soothed her, preparing to wait through what he was sure would be a long and probably confusing dialogue with herself.

She looked down at his semi-hard cock woken from its long slumber by her kisses. Semi? Usually by now Spike is hard as a rock, maybe the soul affected more than just his personality or did his personality affect his libido or maybe his libido…Oh god, Spike is right! I am thinking too much. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder and breathed deep, trying to calm her frayed nerves. She inhaled his scent and let it envelop her. Leather, cigarettes, but no alcohol. And something new, but familiar. Hey, he used my shampoo! She chuckled inwardly as she realized, of course, he used hers, not like he had his own. She tickled him in retaliation.

“Hey!” he squawked, pulling back. “What was that for?” Suddenly her head swung up as a huge smile spread across her face reaching her eyes. She gripped his body with her legs and squeezed.

He was taken aback by her sudden change of mood, unexpected to say the least. He must have had a dopey or shocked look on his face, because she howled with laughter. Not wanting to lose this light mood Spike attacked immediately. Cupping his hands behind her head he pulled her towards him for a searing kiss, catching her in mid-laugh. Her breath hitched in her throat as he plundered her mouth with his. He ran his hands slowly down her arms, taking the loose bra straps with him, revealing her breasts. Pulling back to lock his gaze with hers for only a moment, he bent down to lave one breast and then the other. She ran her hands up and down his back, massaging and pulling him closer. He took a nipple in his mouth and rolled his tongue around it, causing it to harden, while he cupped the other breast, kneading and tickling its flesh.

She put her hands back into his hair, scratching at his scalp and bent back, arching into his face. “Oooh, yesss.”

With her soft pleas leading him on he quickly grabbed her hips and hoisted her onto to his waist. Then with an almost giddy laughter escaping around her breast, he stepped back from the table and spun around in place.

As her world began to spin she ground down onto his stomach. She loved this. She was no longer sure what was causing her head rush, the spinning, his talented mouth, or the sensations between her legs. “Bed, now,” she murmured.

This stopped Spike in midturn and he started towards the stairs. This whole experience had set his mind whirling and he could only follow simple instructions. Cave man logic took over. No bed down here. Must take Slayer upstairs.

“Where are you going?” she squealed.

With his brains still scattered inside his head he mumbled around her breast, “Bed.”

Nuzzling his ear she whispered, “Cot works.”

He simply shrugged and turned around. Seeing the cot he sobered slightly and set her on her feet. He walked past her and took the amulet from its place at the foot of the bed and gently placed it on the shelves next to the cot. He sat down on the cot and pushed back with his hands to drag himself closer to the wall then laid down on his right side. He held his arm out for her and waited. Knowing this was her last chance to flee gracefully he was going to give her another opportunity to back out. He didn’t want her to have any regrets.

No one had ever loved her as completely as Spike. Not knowing what the future held for either of them, she knew she had to do this. She couldn’t go another day lying to herself, lying to him, lying to the world. If they were all going to die he was going to be loved, even if it was the last thing she did. As she walked to him she unbuttoned her pants and slipped them and her panties off at the same time. She stepped out of them and kneeled onto the cot, gracefully slipping her hand into his, letting him lead her down onto the worn mattress. No turning back now. As she lay beside him the nervousness came back, only less so. He gave her a small smile and she wiggled into his arms. One of his arms went under her neck to caress her back while the other was free to lightly stroke her hip, waist, and thighs. She wrapped her arms around his head and twirled his hair in her fingers. He rested his forehead against hers and nuzzled her face. His tongue glided along the crevice of her lips seeking permission to enter. She opened her mouth allowing him entrance and met his tongue with hers as it slid inside. Their tongues danced together as their bodies reacquainted themselves. Even as their explorations became more ardent they remained tender and playful, a sharp contrast to their lovemaking from the previous year. She pulled her mouth away from his to catch the breath that he had stolen.

He pushed her hair away from her ear and leaned forward to lick the lobe. “You’re so beautiful, pet. You’re absolutely glowing,” he murmured.

She just smiled back and brought his lips back to hers, kissing him and spreading her legs slightly. He took her behind the knee and lifted her thigh over his hip, shifting until his hardness was nestled against her core. He kneaded her breast and laved her neck, while she rolled her head back giving him better access and arching into him. She began to grind slowly against him. Soon enough their bodies aligned and she ground down further on each thrust until he was sheathed in her warmth.

Once connected they held on to each other as much for comfort as for need. They refused to break eye contact. They both knew what the next day held for them. Blood, pain, and death. Their movements were slow and sinuous. The only part of their bodies that moved were their lower halves moving in perfect harmony. Their hands clasped onto each other’s backs holding arms and shoulders. Their eyes were locked together, searching for answers to questions that could never be asked. It was hard for her to stare into the same eyes she avoided so many times before, knowing now that behind them was something so different.

He moved his hand down to touch her clit. His long fingers probed the area all around where he was methodically entering her. He could feel his cock slip rhythmically in and out of her heat, her juices coating him, warming his flesh. He was amazed to be welcomed back into an area that was so forbidden such a short time ago. He slid his hand farther down to cup her entrance spreading his fingers around his shaft. The feeling of his knuckles against his cock as it slid in and out of her, was driving him insane, making him even harder than he thought possible now. She wasn't stopping his exploration and he was thankful. He wasn’t sure if this was uncomfortable for her, but he had to touch their connection to be sure it was real.

Straining to stay focused on him she fought against the ecstasy she was feeling. She bucked up, rubbing her clit into the heel of his hand, then thrust down on his cock grinding against him. She was in heaven. She wanted to fling her body back against the cot and give in completely to what he was doing. She couldn’t allow herself to be that selfish. She wanted to give him what he needed, to see into her soul, to know he was forgiven, to know he was loved. The only way to do that was to stay focused on his eyes, which conveyed the love, lust, and longing that was raging through him. However, if she didn’t look away she would soon lose her mind. Her thoughts warred with the pleasure ravaging her body and they wouldn’t shut up. Over and over again several mantras raced through her head. Tell him. Tell him. It’s what you came down here for, just do it. The voices inside her head were deafening. How? How does it feel so good? Oh Spike…Oh God! Please yes…OH, YES! Please…don’t…don’t let him die. I can’t lose him. Please no! No…please! Pain swelled in her throat and her vision started to blur. She fought against the emotions wracking her body. Stay focused, don’t lose it. She knew she was loved and yet she felt she was giving him nothing. His love was too hot and it burned her to the core. She couldn’t hold it in any longer. She was going to break and explode tiny shattered pieces of goo all over him. Please, no don’t hurt him. Not again, no. Tell him. Tell him. She knew she couldn’t tell him she loved him. Not here, not now, not like this. He would never believe her. He would only think it was in a moment of passion, not something she had been trying to say for weeks. The pain moved from her throat to her chest making it hard to breathe. She started to gasp huge gulps of air trying to catch her breath, trying to stay with him. She pushed her anxiety back down finding renewed strength and got her breathing under control.

He had noticed the change and was afraid he might have hurt her. He tried to still his hips but she urged him on. He saw her eyes searching his and he sunk into their depths. Her gaze was glossy with unshed tears and he wanted to drown in them. Tendrils of her hair stuck to her brow with sweat and tickled her eyelashes. Never had she looked so beautiful, so in awe. Learned responses kicked in. Something was wrong, but what? He slipped his cock out of her and moved his fingers in. She was so wet, so unbelievably wet it coated his entire hand. Her breath hitched at the different sensations, never faltering in her thrusts. On the next thrust up he removed his hand, placing it behind her hip and slid his cock back inside. Like a dance they had practiced over and over they were perfectly in sync and he didn’t want to ruin the moment but he knew something was off. He had tested her, felt her arousal, smelled no trace of fear. And yet, he couldn’t put his finger on it. Everything seemed right. Maybe it’s supposed to be this way. Maybe it’s the soul. He knew he was lying to himself. Then it hit him, why hadn’t he noticed before? “Blink, baby.”

His words broke the spell, pulling her from her thoughts. She flung her head back, clamped her eyes shut, and howled out all her pain and joy. Sorrow at all the lives lost and time wasted. Joy at how wonderful it felt to be loved and love back roared out of her in huge wails. Tears streamed out of her eyes as sobs wracked her body, all along maintaining their connection. Spike had tried to halt their movements again and soothe her but she continued to grind into him, increasing the tempo with every thrust until their coupling was as feral as it had ever been. She came back around bringing her head forward again to seek out his mouth with hers. She dove into him licking and biting everything she could as she listened to Spike’s shocked cries turn swiftly into lustful groans. She wanted it all, had to have all of him. Her hand came up to touch his cheek and her fingers curled gently over the top of his ear.

He moved the hand that was once touching them both to her cheek and delicately wiped away her tears. He curled his other hand around to the back of her head, pulling her even closer and fisting in her hair. Their combined juices created an intoxicating aroma, which they inhaled deeply, sending them both into a frenzy. He moved his hand back down to her ass and used it as leverage to get deeper on every thrust. He slid almost completely out and then in again grinding against her clit on every stroke. Sweat covered her body coating his front half making them slick. He ground every inch of himself into her wanting to crawl inside. He could feel her straining against him, the hand at his back clawing at his flesh, her leg crushing his own. Restraint was lost as they growled, hissed, and moaned their mutual desires for each other.

She was shaking from their intensity. Her impending climax was approaching fast, but she wanted this to last forever. It had never been like this. Never. Their passion was so strong, their lovemaking animalistic, and yet now with so much grace.

He was initially afraid she was leading him back down into the dark but the pleading look in her eyes was so different then before. He saw her need and wanted to give her anything she wanted. Everything he had to give. As she pulled her mouth away to gasp for air he took his chance and whispered, “I love you, Buffy.”

His sweet words pushed her over the edge and she thrust so hard his back hit the wall. She pinned him there as her climax ripped through her. She froze as her body quaked from its power. She refused to look away from his gaze, needing for him to see the ecstasy in her eyes. The ecstasy that he was the cause of.

She was trembling so hard, with so much force, Spike became worried and hesitated. She had drawn blood, ripping at his ear and his back hurt from the incredible force of the blow. He didn’t care. He was hers, mind, body, and soul. Throughout their intense lovemaking Spike focused all attention on her and as her orgasm took her away he almost gave in as well. But he didn’t feel deserving. No matter how much she said it, he could never lose himself in her. She had given him all that she could and he wouldn’t take anymore. He could live for another hundred years never again to feel the joy he was experiencing now, and this would be enough. From her this was more than enough. He waited patiently until her trembling subsided and she came back to her senses. “Ah, there you are. I take it you approve, luv,” he smirked.

“Oh yes, and you?” she sighed her breathing labored.

They were still connected not having moved at all from their position against the wall. His cock was so hard he thought it was going to split in two, but he lied. “I’m good.”

She moved slightly feeling him inside her and knew he was in no way ‘good’. “Really?” She gave a slight squeeze of her internal muscles and watched as he gasped but remained still. “You might as well give in and besides there is no way you’re gonna get to sleep like that.” He chuckled and dipped his head into the crook of her neck. Becoming serious again she continued, “Let yourself go. You don’t need to…don’t hold back with me, please.” She felt him burrow deeper. “Look at me,” she raised his head and cupped his cheek. “We are in this together. I trust you.” She slowly started to gyrate around him trying to get him to respond.

He let her do her little dance steeling himself against her influence. Did she have any idea what she was asking, what kind of game she was playing? She was treading into dangerous waters and he felt like he was drowning. Her movements were having an effect on him but his emotions were blazing out of control, and he remained unmoved, still in his position against the wall. How many internal battles did he need to fight before he went mad again? He looked down into her frustrated features, a determined look on her face, tongue slightly protruding and caught in a tight grip between her lips. His brave little Slayer forever trying to save the world one vamp at a time. He wished she could understand why this could never be, why he’d never. How could he let himself go when he was afraid of himself? He didn’t trust himself, how could he ask her to trust him? But, he didn’t need to ask, she had willing given him her trust or so she had said. And yet, he was sure she didn’t realize she had been so withdrawn tonight, concentrating so hard she couldn’t even blink, and crying, for what reason he wasn’t sure. Even through her tears he had continued to thrust into her because she had urged him on, tearing at his flesh with her nails and teeth in pleasure, not allowing him to stop and soothe her, even though he desperately wanted to. But she had made her intentions clear. She wanted him, wanted him to please her, wanted him inside her. He was hers and hers alone, forever. But, did she honestly trust him? If she could, then maybe he could trust himself. So far it had all been words, was she ready for the real test? If he was going to do this she needed to know there was no going back. One way or another, she would be the death of him yet. “I will if you will.”

She was confused and halted her movements, “What?”

“You’ve been all up here.” He traced her forehead with the back of his fingers sweeping her sweat-drenched bangs away from her face. The hope and fear battled for dominance within him, but he pressed on. “You are asking a great deal of me. I want something in return. Give yourself…to me. Can you do that?”

She wasn’t sure what he was asking but she was willing to give him anything. Unable to speak so moved by the emotions he invoked within her, she nodded. He pushed off the wall with a twist of his hips and rolled her onto her back. He lay nestled between her thighs and brought their arms up above their heads and clasped her hands with his. Slowly, he began to rock within her, gently angling himself to give her the most pleasure. She willingly surrendered to the emotions flowing through her. Maybe this is what he needs? She tilted her head back and exposed her neck to him. She expected him to bite her but instead he placed soft little kisses on her collarbone and worked his way slowly up one side of her neck, over her face, and down the other side, only to come back up again to be able to look down upon her.

Before capturing her mouth in a fiery kiss, he whispered, “I love you, Buffy.”

He pried her mouth apart with his tongue and thrust it in hard and she sucked on it with greed. All thoughts flew out of her mind as her goal came into focus. She wanted all that he was. All he was willing to give. She wanted it all. With her entire body surging up to meet him, her fingers wound with his in a crushing grip, her head thrown back in ecstasy, her eyes clamped shut to the rest of the world, she only felt Spike and his love. Their bodies danced to the music of their moans. Even as their tempo increased, they slipped effortlessly into each other, her body easing the way towards home, showing him the way. “Spike! Oh yes, oh god yes!” she screamed into his mouth.

“Buffy, my love.”

“Oh yes, Spike! Yes!” She let his love wash down over her, spurring her on to her second orgasm. As it overtook her, she yielded to its power, giving into it fully as wave after wave of pleasure swept through her. Her body trembled beneath him; her inner muscles clenching wildly as she felt him release a soft sigh over her face as he lost himself within her.

As his shudders subsided, he looked down at her and knew he had survived. He had made love to Buffy, the woman of his dreams, his nightmares, and his harsh reality. And yet, his world had not shattered. He was still here. What was he expecting? To be struck down in the prime of his unlife? He released a quick, little hysterical chuckle amazed by this turn of events. She had come to him. Him. She had given herself to him and practically admitted she loved him. She would have done anything he asked. The image of her baring her neck would be forever etched in his mind. She had trusted him, completely. He let her hands go and relaxed as he pulled his elbows under him. He pushed up onto his forearms to get a better look at her and saw the tenderness in her eyes as he caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. He placed a chaste kiss on her swollen lips and whispered, “Look at what you’ve done to me, Slayer.”

Breathless she swept her trembling fingers over his face memorizing his features. “Spike…”

He lightly kissed her fingertips as they worked their way over his lips. “You have me, luv. You always will.” At his calming words, she smiled and it radiated through him giving him hope that this night together would not be their last.

Still connected he laid his head down on her breasts and all the tension left his body as he wrapped her in a tender embrace. She gently ran her hands through his mussed hair and kissed his forehead, feeling equally sated. They both felt safe in each other arms, both knowing that the feeling was fleeting. They lay nestled together all night not wanting to release the other. Both trying to ingrain each other on their memories, knowing the battle that was to come.

Spike drifted off to sleep first completely spent, physically and emotionally. With his last breath of the night he murmured, “My sweet Slayer. My Buffy.”

She couldn’t manage more than a whisper but the words slipped effortlessly from her lips, “My beautiful champion.”

As she let sleep claim her sore and aching limbs, her thoughts rested with Spike. After all he had done this year, how could he have thought he wasn’t deserving of her? Even though he never uttered the words she knew now that was where his hesitancy lay. She only hoped she had shown him what he meant to her. So many untold emotions still plagued her that she wished she had the courage to express. She knew he didn’t want her to have any regrets about this night, but she did have one. If only she possessed the strength to tell him of her love. But even without, their night together had been more beautiful then she had imagined. He’d been gentle and strong, leading her when she faltered, giving of himself and his love while she had held back. Granting his one request was easy, she trusted him, and she would prove it again and again if he needed. Tomorrow would her first chance as they would no doubt fight side by side, and if they won, she was sure to revel in his glory. Even as her mind wandered to the upcoming battle, she refused to let fear creep into her system as she lay enveloped in her lover’s arms, letting his presence soothe her. She hoped for many more nights to explore this new relationship they had formed together, the new foundation between them that she never thought they could reach. He had put himself on the line so many times and tonight had been no different. She had come to reach out to him and in the end he had bridged the gap. She knew it wouldn’t always be easy, but they would always try. There was no going back now, whatever they would face tomorrow they would face it together. She knew her life would never be the same again. Spike had come in and forever changed it. Her enemy had become her lover, then her friend, and lastly her champion. She would never again face the night alone.

The End
Tags: spuffy
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