edie2

(no subject)

Natasha: "HI MOM, I GOT GLASSES."
Mom: "What do they look like?"
Natasha: "They are small, narrow, tortoise-shell plastic frames."
Mom: "OH GOD THOSE SOUND SO NERDY. YOU ARE RUINING YOUR CHANCES OF EVER GETTING MARRIED."

Another good one:

Lady writing down my prescription info after the eye exam: "You have such a tiny pupillary distance! That's so CUTE!"
edie2

(no subject)

The magnetic poetry on my fridge says "ask me about my enormous enormous moist cold hairy friend's diamond nipples." Just thought I'd share.
edie2

(no subject)

I'll miss my past forever.

And I feel bad for all the new people that may attempt to get to know me. They have some big fucking shoes to fill.
edie2

(no subject)

At some point this summer, I went to the beach with Anthony and Skippy, and we sat down on the sand on this big towel. The weather was really nice, not too hot and not too windy either, and I decided to lie down on the sand and relax a bit. I wasn't wearing a bathing suit, just a pair of shorts and a white t-shirt. So a few minutes pass, and I'm lying there with my eyes closed and I'm listening to music and basically just getting super comfortable. Suddenly, I feel something hit me in the face, and I get up and shout, "SKIPPY, what the fuck did you just throw at me?"
Skip takes a long look at me and says, "Um, you've got a lot of stuff on your face." So I wipe my face with the back of my hand, and I see all this yellow goopy stuff and realize that I have just been crapped on by a seagull. Then I look down and see that it's dripped down from my cheek to my chin to the front of my shirt. It's miraculously just missed my mouth by about half an inch. I am THOROUGHLY grossed out, so I just take my shirt off. I'm wearing a bra that does not even remotely resemble a bathing suit, but I don't give a shit. I use the clean part of my shirt to wipe my face, and end up wearing Anthony's shirt for the rest of the day, which not only fits me like a dress, but is also a silky-button up. So later, when we meet up with the rest of our friends, I end up having to explain to everyone why I am wearing what appears to be a kimono.