(no subject)

"The road leading to a goal does not separate you from the destination;
It is essentially a part of it."

So I've been reading this book, a collection of short stories really, by Charles de Lint called "Dreams Underfoot". Each story could be read on their own but every one is written in such a way that they interweave like the most delicate of webs, connecting either the characters or the places to the next tale; so it does prove difficult to read only one and then put it down. It's "myth, music and magic" in the modern, urban world. While each story is different, the underlying ideal, message is there, unmistakeably present in each; that magic, dreams (as well as nightmares) and the land of Fae are still all around us, none of it has ever left; only that we stopped seeing it. Stopped believing in it. Changed our collective perceptions. It really does give you something to think about, or so I believe. There are quite a few things contained within this books pages that resonates with me...

"There are no happy endings," Cerin told her. "There are no real endings ever - happy or otherwise. We all have our own stories which are just a part of the one Story that binds both this world and Faerie. Sometimes we step into each others' stories - perhaps just for a few minutes, perhaps for years - then we step out of them again. But all the while, the Story just goes on."

"...we're just two threads of the Story. Sometimes we come together for awhile and sometimes we're apart. And no matter how much one or the other of us wants it to be different, both our stories are true."

...of course those are but only two of the most recent things I've read. At any rate it's a lovely book and I look forward to delving more into the stories to come. That's been the literary part of my life as of late.

The other aspects of my life are just as good and just as magical as well. I'm getting on day to day and trying to stay in those moments. Celebrating the joy and love in the moment and not worry or stress upon things outside that. The more this is practiced, I find, the easier it becomes. However, I am still, as always, subject to the human condition from time to time. I've discovered that so long as I don't try to "control" things or get upset over if or if not I get the response I want, life is smoother, more in harmony. Admittedly though, it's a tricky, fine line between that and passive-aggressiveness/line-of-sight thinking, so I do monitor myself very closely in the way that I honor what I'm feeling as I'm feeling it; as well as make those feelings known. What this all means is that SeVerina and I are doing really well these days, with lots of deep, meaning full days and moving conversations. We are ever growing together and as individuals. It's not amazing to me in the slightest how even after 5 years, and in the light of everything we've walked through this past year, that I am still very much in love with SeVerina (in lust with her too). A friend of ours, Michelle, gave us a nice compliment the other night, " two don't just love one another, you actually like each other." And you know, we so do.

A few weeks back I had another meeting at Seattle Central Community College to finalize everything and's finalizes and I'm all set for classes. All I need to do is get my School ID and order my books before classes start in September. Look at me! I'm scholastic!

And I don't care if this is "In a wooded vale in the Campagna north of Rome" I want to visit this fantastical garden. Let's go!!
  • Current Music
    Legendary Pink Dots - Just A Lifetime

(no subject)

Prototype Playlist - 08:28:09

Seraphim vs. Machwave

Pendulum :: Slam
Tapage :: Dirtwalker
Crystal Castles :: Air War
Nid & Sancy :: Sluttt Don't Fuck Remix (Slutt Edit)
Young Punx ::
Goteki :: We Go Chrome (Timesplitters Remix)
Hadouken :: Tuning In (H! Re-rub/Dub)
Combichrist :: Spit
Autokratz :: It's On
Steve Porter :: Henry Rollins vs. Techno Viking
The Hacker & Neon Electronics :: Better Way
VNV Nation :: Tomorrow Never Knows
KLOQ :: Move Forward
Culture Kultur :: The Last Believer
Annie :: Antonio (Designer Drugs Remix)
Din[A]Tod :: Glory to the Highest
The Faint :: The Geeks Were Right (Boys Noize Mix)
Babyland :: Begin Again
Pendulum :: Fasten Your Seatbelt
STG :: Straight I.V. of Anarchy
Digital Poodle :: Head of Levin (Remix)
Accessory :: Bad Conditions
Tamtrum :: My Fall
Syndika:Zero :: Celluloid Dream (Fatal Memory)
Hit 'n' Hide :: Space Invaders
X-Rx :: Fuck This Shit
Distatix :: Asylum
Tactical Sekt :: Not Going To Work That Way
Lights of Euphoria :: White Wall
Uberbyte :: Say What??
Teenage BadGirl :: Fuckin' Frog
Marching Dynamics :: The Apparition Speaks
Ratatat :: Falcon Jab
Moby :: Pale Horses (Apparat Remix)
IAMX :: The Great Shipwreck Of Life
Fad Gadget :: For Whom The Bells Toll
Qntal :: Omnis Mundi Illuminate
Cylab :: Greys (Graced by Shok Remix)
Leonard Cohen :: Everybody Knows
Click Click :: Is This It?
Gwar :: Slaughterama
Big Black :: Texas
System Syn :: Like Every Insect
Imperative Reaction :: Collapse
Glis :: Crush (Epic Mix)
Front242 :: Headhunter (Aghast View Remix)
Modulate :: Tweekin' 'n Fuckin'
Funker Vogt :: Martian on the Moon
Kumor Kommando :: John The Revelator


Faderhead :: TZDV
Icon of Coil :: You Just Died (Northborne Remix)
Essence of Mind :: Original Poser
Aesthetic Perfection :: The Siren
State of the Union :: Nothing At All
Solitary Experiments :: Fast Pain Relief (Suicide Commando Remix)
Syndika:Zero :: Deceit (2bullet Remix)
Reaper :: She's a Devil and a Whore
Miss Construction :: Fuck Me Too
Katy Perry :: I Kissed a Girl (Aesthetic Perfection Remix)
Einsturzende Neubauten :: Selbstportrait Mit Kater (R)
Cenotype :: Save Me (There Will Be No Saving Remix by ESA)
Ad.Ver.Sary :: Waiting for Gira (ESA Remix)
Marching Dynamics :: Nailsleeper
  • Current Music
    Syndika:Zero - Half Light

(no subject)

Don't you strongly dislike when you have these thoughts that border on personal revelations right before you drift off to sleep? As I laid there last night waiting for sleep to find me, I thought and thought and had something that I should have forced myself out of bed to go write down, somewhere, anywhere. Of course I didn't, falling prey to "Oh, I'll remember it in the morning and will write it down then." Now I'm left with the vaguest of an impression of what it was. The words far less tangible now than they were at one in the morning; why is everything so vivid in the middle hours of the night? As I recall, this personal revelation didn't darken me or bring any sadness to my door. Just as it didn't really bring any happiness either; it simply was. The gist of it had to do with paths, journeys and relationships, both intimate and not. All that was woven with things found from overturning rocks in recent therapy sessions and conversations with Severina. All good conversations on both accounts, but not always the easiest; however, nothing comes from lack of communication and as I recently read, "Either way it hurts". Meaning, if you ignore an issue or problem it will hurt, if you face it, it will hurt. I would rather be conscious than unconscious, not the ostrich but instead follow the path of consciousness, of hope and acknowledgment and you can't do that with your head in the sand or with selective sight. These days I am approaching, tending and caring for my issues not as problems or inadequacies, things that need to be fixed but simply as areas that I can strengthen and help grow past; maybe heal if they need to be. As I told Valentina over the phone yesterday while I wandered around Barne's & Noble, "we're ok. There's nothing wrong with us, with any of us. Nothing to fix but only things to learn." One thing I will say though, that I think is important, is that it's been said that people are concerned that I've lost myself, who I am in my relationship with Severina. I can see how that can happen, and does happen and I'm sure it has happened to me from time to time; however, I am still very much me and do and plan for me. It just so happens that what I plan for me also includes her. I enjoy it that way and am enriched by the experiences. Admittedly however, I am prone to being drastic, either black or white, all or nothing. An issue I am tackling. Funny since I am a huge advocate of balance. I've also recommitted myself to living each moment, each day as they are, as they come. Life is a journey with no map. Every journey is a collection of single steps. Life is a collection of single days. There's a connection there.

I'm now off to keep an appointment at Seattle Central Community College to get closer to finalizing my enrollment for the Fall semester.

Those who have read this far, thank you. Heh.

  • Current Music
    Mum - Awake on a Train

(no subject)

Monday was an adventure.

SeVerina and I woke and readied ourselves leisurely, packing what we thought we might need; snacks, towels, swimsuits, water, etc and by early afternoon we were off to hike the Twin Falls Trail up to the waterfall. The day was so bright and beautiful that we put the top down on the car for the trip; it would have been an insult to the sun and the blue sky above not to do so.

Two freeways and under an hour later we were parked at the base of the trail and headed up, up, up. It snaked both along and at times away from the side of the river, making its way between lush trees and ferns. SeVerina told me how just the day before they kicked off their collective shoes and walked the path barefoot. "Ah." I said. "My feet are far too tender and pampered for something like that. They'd most likely find every rock to step on between here and the falls just to spite me." It is true of course, you'd be hard pressed to ever see my feet in anything less than socks; unless I'm sleeping or it's blistering hot. "Free the feet!" is a cry that is often heard around our home. The trail to the falls was beautiful but not nearly as breathtakingly so as the falls themselves, which after nimbly climbing over rocks, balance walking across a log and wading through the water we found ourselves on the shore of; a tiny beach off to the side of the water, not large at all, just big enough for a cozy group or couple. We spread out our blanket and got into our swimming suits and then just took it all in, the magnificent sight of it. Goading and coaxing one another as to who would be the first to take the plunge into the cold water as we stood there waist deep in it already. After a few minutes of deep breathes to ready ourselves Sev went and then me, out to the first rock we swam, the current pretty strong. After that it was easy. Laughing the whole time, we explored the water, the cave on the other side and the whirlpool. I think the best was swimming out to the fall and being pushed and carried downstream by it's mighty current. I am a leaf on a current.

We feasted on baked salmon, Brazilian collard greens and yellow curry cauliflower there in the mist of the falls, feeling its charge all around us. Energizing. Refreshing. Magical. Unspoiled.

Before the Sun completely left us, we decided to make our way back down the trail to another swimming area that we spied while on our way up. This was also a great spot for swimming. No real strong current and fairly deep enough in spots while remaining relatively the size of a large pool. We swam. Played about. Tried to teach SeV the doggy paddle. Ha, ha. We found a nice rock in which to stretch out on and do our meditations.

On the trip back down the trail to the car, SeV took the opportunity to share with me some Geomancy. I love when she shares with me glimpses into one of her many realms.

It was a beautiful day in which I never wanted to see a close of. A day of peace. A day of spiritual recharging and laughter. It was good to feel so free and to laugh as such.

  • Current Music
    Human Drama - A Million Years

(no subject)

Brilliant news that I am so excited about. New Model Army's eleventh studio album is scheduled to be released on September 14th 2009 (15th in America). They will be previewing a new track from the album every day starting September 2nd. They'll also be linking to a free download on So can't wait as this has been one of the most important and influential bands in my life; not a bad album in the lot.

Track Listing:

1. Today Is A Good Day
2. Autumn
3. Peace Is Only
4. States Radio
5. God Save Me
6. Disappeared
7. Ocean Rising
8. Mambo Queen Of The Sandstone City
9. La Push
10. Arm Yourselves & Run
11. Bad Harvest
12. North Star


(no subject)

While out walking today I happened upon a rather large Bumble Bee trying to land on a rather small and delicate yellow flower. Try as it might it couldn't get the flower to support its weight, yet it tried and tried. It's a beautiful day. Warm, yet not hot and with a gentle breeze to keep you comfortable. A breeze that gives life to the trees and plants. A breeze that sparks movement and dance. In the spirit of movement I walked to the bank and then to Walgreens where I picked up an inexpensive box of black hair dye; after all, black is black is black. I don't mind the gray hair, a gentle reminder of age, a badge of experience, I just like the stark contrast of black hair and my pale skin.

I can't spend too much time sitting down here writing this, but I made a promise to myself that I'd try to do a little scrawling from day to day. Maybe not much. Maybe not any real substance but at least something. Besides, it's almost time to rinse the dripping dye from my scalp. Which of course means I need to do the dishes in order to use the kitchen sink. I'm oddly reminded of the story of "If you give a mouse a cookie" here.

After the dishes and hair, I need to tend to the Halstead farm. As the herbs are getting out of hand and we have some strange alien plants growing back there as well. Who knew if you didn't harvest things correctly they would mutate into something completely different. I'm speaking of spinach here. We're soon to have some green peppers and I've even spied a tomato in the mass of tomato plants. Not that we can eat tomato's on the diet that we have embarked upon. Wait for us little tomato. Wait for us!

Last Friday, Mrs. Mowzers and I went to the Harvard Exit Theatre and saw "Moon". I really can't tell too much about it without really giving it away, so it's enough to say that it was a really good SciFi (not to be confused with the annoying SyFy) movie which schould be seen (if you're a fan of SciFi). Tomorrow we're off to see the new Harry Potter movie, which I hear good things about. Then Wednesday we're off to Portland for a brief get away, which I'm looking forward to.

In closing, for more lame reasons involving the State Liquor Board, I can't post the flyer right now BUT remember kids, that PROTOTYPE is this THURSDAY and we'd REALLY like to see you there. It's wear your Pajama's and dance to as many cover songs as we can dig up and play night. Also, we have guest DJ JASYN of God Module fame and a record release party for the AD.VER.SARY! So many reasons NOT to stay home.

Oh yeah. And this video cracks me up.

  • Current Music
    Click-Click - I Rage I Melt

(no subject)

Does anyone actually read livejournal anymore or has everyone basically migrated over to Facebook? It's a thing I wonder about and keeps me from posting here. It surely isn't due to a lack of time, no. No, I have plenty of that; though I do try to keep myself occupied. In all honesty, I'd like to post more, write more, but a lot of the days I just don't know what to write about. Especially now that I can't write about my daily adventure of the finding and acquiring of coffee. Oh, you didn't know that had stopped? Well, not stopped as much as it has been put on hold while Severina and I do this Elimination Diet. That's right, eight weeks of all things that are good for us. Trust me. I have used every conceivable (and inconceivable) argument in the attempts of convincing that coffee *is* good for you. At least one thing I have learned so far is that coffee is a *want* and not a *need*.

Oh, an odd occurrence. The other day while out walking to Broadway, I was stopped by someone in a car who inquired as to where the nearest Adult book store was. Why ask me? Do I have the look of someone who might know? Ok, so I knew. There was one on Broadway. But still...

My Biweekly counseling appointments have been going well. They must because I'm starting to feel like I want to stop. Heh. While I know sorting through ones past is a good and healthy thing, it really digs up a lot of feelings and picks at old, scabbed over wounds. I've done a lot of survival and self-work to be as relatively adjusted as I am. Well, it's good work and going well.

*le sigh* I wish I had an extra $100 laying around, as there were a handful of used Coil albums at Everyday Music. That's not something that happens very often. Who in their right mind would sell their Coil albums?

Now for a question, a little game. What's one album that you don't think is on my iPod but really should be?

Tonight Severina is up in Vancouver to support our friend who's DJing up there. I was denied my enhanced drivers license due to an improper Birth Certificate. Does it help that my father was Canadian? Heh. Probably not. So instead of being there, I'm opting to go spend a little time at The Mercury. Now with them having to enforce a dress code of "black", I'm tempted to wear all white. Bah. Dress codes are what kids? That's right...lame. Support the music. Support the scene. Don't support the uniform. *gives two fingers*

  • Current Music
    Tricky - Children's Story