Grey-white clouds crawl across a darkening blue sky as I write this, I watch them from where I sit downstairs in the studio, the small window an eye upon them. A day that's been heavy with rain has given way to a wind that rustles the tops of the trees. Summer is blending into Autumn, I passed a tree that had already started to show it's fiery colors; a tell-tale sign. Autumn and Fall, my favorite times of the year. A time of quiet introspection. Of nights spent around fires. Of long conversations. Of days spent lingering in bed, entwined. There's something peaceful and calming about Autumn and Fall.
Rightly so then it is also a time of endings...of transitions...
...I think I am coming to the end of my journey with Heather, my therapist; not because she is herself moving on to private practice, but because it's feeling right to do so. Come December when she leaves, I don't think I'll pursue obtaining another therapist. I have worked out much with her by opening doors, looking in and clearing away debris. I find that I am at peace and when she plays the devils advocate in attempts to find something wrong, there isn't. I am different, I see the world differently and where I once worried over that, I have come to truly realize that that's o.k. and it is me and it is enough. During my last session with Heather, she said I should write a book of my life. I just sort of smiled about that, as it really wouldn't be an interesting read. I haven't done much. I haven't traveled nor seen sights of interest. I've just lived a life the best I could and dealt with things that came up the best way I could. The trials I've come across haven't been any harder than those that anyone else might face in their own lives. If she meant it in such a way that it could be inspirational to some, then the best I could offer is that you always seek to
SeVerina has been away all weekend. Her along with Valentina and a few others are on their own journey, one after reading more about, I am touched with a bit of sadness that I didn't partake in. Though in honesty, now would not be the time for me to do so. This journey is for her. One that she can (and should) take with no worries as to my well-being during it; as it is very intense. Perhaps another time we can share in it together. While time apart is good, I do miss her and am ready for her to be home. I miss her intensity and spark. I miss her physically being here, even though in soul she hasn't left my side.
The sun has long since set, now only the trees are illuminated by the yellow glow of the street lights.
Last week I received an email that my night, PROTOTYPE, is in danger of being closed due to it not meeting it's bar quota. The news is bittersweet. I do like the night and I do believe that musically it offers a lot, but it's been disheartening over the past few months to see the numbers dwindle as they have. It's hard playing music that you believe in to a less than full room. I've never been one to be status quo, so perhaps it closing wouldn't be such a bad thing. I honestly don't know how much heart I have left to put into it. I'll just miss spinning music.