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Jan. 28th, 2013

oh hai LJ.  
Maybe I'll update you in a bit.

Mar. 21st, 2012


i shouldn't care still,right?

But unfortunately, I will always care.

and it still eats at me
When it shouldn't.

I never cheated on you.
never would have dreamed of it

Jan. 12th, 2012

It's a bit late. 
2011Collapse )
I won't ever be good enough.

What they should be looking like for this/last/next week

1. Tox paper (for extra credit due the 5th, actually due 8th)
2. Study for Bio final all week (It's gonna be a make or break, 10th)
3.  Internship paper and documentation ("Technically" was due on the 3rd, aiming before the 10th.  That's the last day when grades are submitted, but I don't think I will be able to finish because I still have stuff to work on for the internship which ends the 14th.)
4.  Study for Tox final (8th)
5.  Buy Christmas presents
6.  Make some appointments
7.  See friends
8.  Get a haircut
9.  Make my super awesome idea for PKMN profile pic December (YEP)

What they are actually looking like

1.  Make my super awesome idea for PKMN profile pic December
2.  See friends  (& Nick :3)
3.  Get a Haircut (fail not open on Sundays)
4.  Buy Christmas Presents
5.  Making an appointment
6.  Tox paper
7.  Internship Documentation/Paper
8.  Study for Bio final
9.  Study for tox final

What I am doing right now

1.  Writing in this
2.  Being angry at myself for failing at writing the tox paper this weekend
3.  Wishing the hair place was not closed
4.  Looking at Christmas presents to purchase
5.  Looking at places to make appointment and getting incredibly discouraged
6.  Thinking I should be heading back up to the apartment
7.  Facebook

Can't learn.

Can I not fail again?  Nope.

It's too late to turn back now, or be able to fix it.



I am not moving back to West Bloomfield after I'm done with the internship.  This place just doesn't feel right anymore.
Not sure if I've really had it with this town, or if it has to do with fear.
I'm sure it's a bit of both, and I know other factors shouldn't influence my decision for staying or not....but they are.

Only affordable and safe-ish places where I wouldn't mind living are some apartments in Waterford and one apartment I found on the edge of Pontiac. Meh.

Too bad Lacuna Inc. isn't real.

The second I wake up memories pour into my mind.
I thought by now things would get easier.  Lately it feels like it's getting more difficult.
Everywhere I look I see something.

I want to blow up every fucking Yaris and bright blue vehicle I see
I want to be able to listen to the music without almost every other song being a reminder
I want to be able to look at the time 12:34 without being upset
I want to be happy at my home away from home and forget the endless fun possibilities I had planned
I want to be able to go home to West Bloomfield and not feel haunted
I want to remember that my life has worth, and I can teach people things
I want to not care that I'm not artsy enough
I want to stop hurting
I want to live my life as it's meant to be

[Lauren, forget about him.  He won't take you back.  You don't want him back.  He's moved on.  He likes someone else.  He's not worth your time. You are way better than him.  You deserve so much better than what he gave you.  You can do better. He was a downgrade, you need to work on an upgrade. He doesn't give a damn about you.  He never loved you. There's no point caring about him.  Your life is better now that he is gone.  You will find more happiness with someone else.  You knew from the start it wouldn't work.  He never was worth it, and you know it.]
This is going to be the loneliest four months ever.