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Rationality. [Thursday April 7 7:49 pm]
I'm feeling far more calm today. Sometimes a good book and a lot of sleep is very refreshing and clears the mind. It's needed so the brain doesn't overload with the lack of rationalities, fears, problems, and the many stresses of life.

I suppose I should make the effort to have a rational conversation with Ashley today. I'm not sure how well it will go, but I did have a rather long meeting with my therapist this afternoon. I've concluded there was no possible way I could have even been slightly reasonable yesterday.

This on top of mother being ill is quite stressful. She's going in for exams tomorrow. And in the meantime, I'm going to plan ways to cause Craig harm for this past week.

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[Wednesday April 6 7:13 pm]
[ mood | enraged ]

It's amazing how easily one can betray you. Relationships don't always run smoothly, however it should never resort to the low situations it has.

I have no idea what the fuck I'm going to do with Ash. However I do know that I'm going to make sure Craig pays for it. How dare he. He's completely aware that she's in a relationship, and he still allows her to kiss him? I'm positive it somehow all traces back to his breakup with Spinner, as since then, all he's done is have meaningless "flings" with Degrassi ladies, but he's overstepped a boundary.

He will suffer.

I'm not sure whether I'm enraged or in shock. Perhaps both.


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[Monday April 4 9:36 am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I suppose I am long overdue for an update.

It's been quite a few days since it's happened, but me and Ashley had a rather interesting trip to the store... to go microwave shopping. Quite unconventional, but it was quite a bit of fun.

Since then, I haven't seen anyone, and I apologize for my detatchment from everyone. Things have been rather difficult at the house the last few days. Mother has fallen ill, forcing me to compromise my social life, as well as compromise my feelings toward Steve. It seems to be rather serious how ill she is. I'm quite worried. Things will be alright soon enough though.

Ashley, I feel it's necessary I see you tonight. It's been far too long.


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[Tuesday March 29 8:51 am]
Well, looking back on the Montreal trip, it was rather enjoyable.

Saturday afternoon, I went out for coffee and a walk with Ms. Emma Nelson herself. We had a very interesting and hopefully enlightening conversation, which I enjoyed very much. It's most definitely a shame I don't speak with and see her more often, and I do enjoy her presence.

Sunday was rather enjoyable as well. I went out to dinner with Ashley as this very nice little restaurant. Not romantic in any way, but it was nice. We had a good time annoying the French waiter who clearly didn't like us. I suppose it was because we were teenagers. Perhaps it was because I was kissing her as we waited for a table.

It would be nice to see her more often, seeing as she is my girlfriend. I was rather troubled by the fact that I spend as much time with Emma, possibly more than I did with her. I never see her, and I can't figure out where we're going wrong.

I really enjoy my relationship with Ashley. It's far from boring. Whenever we spend time together, I feel like a child who is having fun living their life. It's a pleasant change from the droning on of every day life.

And I suppose now is where I should end this entry, seeing as I have nothing more to say.

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[Saturday March 26 4:33 pm]
Despite the fact I haven't been too social, I'm quite enjoying my time here in Montreal. It seems as if I'm the only one. I sincerely hope everyone on this trip can have one good thing happen to them so there are good memories of this trip.

This morning, we visited Old Montreal. We saw Notre-Dame Basilica, which was rather beautiful. We also visited the Pointe-à-Callière museum. Absolutely wonderful and so enriching. I truly enjoy history such as that.

I'm looking forward to perhaps doing something interesting tonight. Perhaps go to eat somewhere nice or just visit something with a group of friends.

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[Thursday March 24 10:55 pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I adore pleasant days.

Yesterday, I had realized I was wearing my pants thing. I was planning on only making a quick trip to the mall to pick up a couple of pairs. To my surprise (and a very pleasant surpise at that), Ashley was there. So being the amazing girlfriend she is, she helped me buy some pants. Which was rather easy, as I don't put a lot of thought into the pants I wear, so long as they are comfortable.

It was rather nice to finally see Ashley again. Considering she is my girlfriend, it's a shame I don't see her as much as I probably should. I suppose that it partially my fault, and therefore, I need to take the necessary means to improve in that department.

I'm tired.


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[Wednesday March 23 5:57 pm]
My life has become a blur of nothing. I advise everyone never to grow extremely ill, because when you recover, you will lose all traces of your social life. I feel like I haven't spoken to anyone in ages.

In other news, I still loathe Steve. And I'm growing to adore wearing contacts.

Exciting update, is it not?

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[Sunday March 20 2:41 pm]
And so things are finally improving. The antibiotics have full kicked in, and I'm feeling loads better. Thankfully. If this had continued, I'd have been unable to attend the trip to Montreal next week.

In celebration, I'd like to do something tonight. Even if it's something extremely minor. I have a case of cabin fever and would like to see my friends (and even those who arent, alike).

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[Thursday March 17 2:07 pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I just got a call from my doctor. I have Cellulitis, which is what I was thinking it was. It's an infection caused by the Steptococcus bacteria. My suspicions were correct, it was because the reopening of the wound. I'm grateful I took as much concern as I did, because if not treated, cellulitis causes blood poising, which I'd prefer not to have.

It's not contagious and I'm already on antibiotics, so it should clear up soon enough. I've gradually been feeling better. I've been told not to overexert myself for a few days, so while I'm in school, I'm bedridden and resting once I get home. I'm figuring by Saturday, I'll be alright and able to go out again. And I'd like to, I haven't seen anyone in quite a while.


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[Tuesday March 15 8:27 pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Though I'm still feeling under the weather, I appear to be doing better. I had to take quite a few tests yesterday. Most of the results came back fine, however, I'm still waiting on a few of them.

Regardless, whatever I have isn't contagious, therefore I'll be back in class tomorrow. I may not be as socially active as I normally am (which says a lot, considering I know I'm not very social most of the time).

I need to get away from my house. My being ill, combined with seeing Steve nearly all of the time I've been home is driving me to the brinking point of throwing him through a window. I truly loathe this man more than anyone I've ever know.


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[Sunday March 13 11:51 pm]
The last couple of days have been mostly a blur.

I went to the wedding reception last night, despite the fact I was still feeling under the weather. I sat back, watching everything around me, as it was rather dramatic for my tastes, though I hope everyone's situations work out for the best.

As for myself? I have an appointment with a specialist tomorrow. I have to have tests done. I believe the reason for my illness is due to an infection. Unfortunately, my clumsy self tripped in the dining room the other day, sending me crashing into the table. I thought I got by unscathed, but I hit the scarred bullet wound area, and it re-opened. I thought nothing of it, as chances of an infection from that are very slim, especially due to the fact that I sanitized it immediately. However, it was only after that I began feeling ill.

I took it upon myself to have it checked out, because I'd prefer to keep my life, rather than lose it to sheer ignorance and fearing the worst.

Ashley, I'd like to see you sometime this week, if possible.

I think I'm going to check my friends page, then head to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

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Rather quick update. [Thursday March 10 9:36 pm]
[ mood | sick ]

My apologies on being, well, missing. I plan on updating with a more full rang of thoughts.

It'll have to wait for the cold medicine to wear off though. Unfortunately, I came down with a very flu-like cold. I've locked myself in a room with a humidifier and some cold medicine. I had to in order to prevent spreading the "disease," and I also wanted to be sure I was well enough to attend Mr. McGreggor's wedding tomorrow. I couldn't miss it.

More later on tonight. Perhaps when I get up tomorrow. It depends on how I feel.


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And so, I update. [Monday March 7 8:48 am]
[ mood | nervous ]

Ah, my apologies for my extremely random disappearance. Once again, my grandmother in fell ill, and I was forced to go with mother on the four hour drive to her home to help take care of her.

Thankfully, Steve didn't come along, that was a major relief. I'm slowly getting bits and pieces of the truth from Mother about Steve, I'm not planning on letting up.

Aside from that, I was greeted home at 8 am (hence my absense from school at the moment) with a message on my answering machine from Father. I'm not looking forward to my upcoming conversation with him. I plan to call as soon as I finish this update.

Ashley, if you're free later, lets do something. I need to take my mind off this past weekend. :)


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Going Good. [Friday March 4 6:59 pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Last night was rather enjoyable. I have to say, I was a bit perturbed by Steve's behaviour when there was a guest in the house.

Ashley came over last night, wanting "Ye Olde Grand Tour" of the Murray household. Unfortunately, she met Steve, but she did also meet mother. After the tour (and the "challenge"). We hung out in my room for a bit before she had to leave. It was rather pleasant.

I have to say, even after only a couple of days, I feel as if this is the most comfortable relationship I've gotten into recently. I know it's early to say a thing such as that, but our chemistry even before then was fantastic. I feel as if I can truly trust Ash, and for that, I'm grateful and of course hoping she feels the same in return.

Mother has taken quite a liking to her already. After Steve went to bed, we sat at the kitchen table and spoke for quite a bit. She thinks Ashley is very sweet and kind. Which of course is true. However, Mother also said I should slow down, and that I've been going through girlfriends rather quickly. I don't agree with her, the circumstances were different for each relationship anyway.

I suppose that's all for now.


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And so it ends. [Wednesday March 2 10:58 pm]
[ mood | content ]

After days of mass confusion, things seem to have finally settled into a peaceful state of content.

It had come to mind that things between myself and Darcy could never work if neither of us made the effort to see each other. Well, so it seemed, she felt the same way. She called me, and after some contemplation, I went. We were thinking on the same wavelength. Things ended on a rather peaceful note, which left me happy for a multitude of reasons. I don't like being on bad terms with any exes.

But then my day got better. Some may know, and some may have predicted it based on the constant flirtation, but me and Ashley are now what would be considered a couple. Of course, who's to say where it will go, but as of right now, I'm extremely pleased with how things are going between us, and I'd like them to escalate into an even better situation. Ah, euphoria.

I suppose that's all at this exact moment.


P.S. - Blasphemy, Manny, blasphemy!

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[Wednesday March 2 5:50 pm]
Private & Out of CharacterCollapse )

Well. [Monday February 28 10:04 pm]
[ mood | confused ]

So I went from feeling troubled to feeling extremely confused. But yet, I feel as if it may not be a bad thing.

Then again, my actions were completely out of character for me, and I do feel rather guilty about it. But can something honestly be so terrible if it makes you smile?

I believe I currently have a lot of thinking to get done. Oh, how I long to see my therapist tomorrow.


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Worry? [Sunday February 27 8:08 pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

I'm feeling rather troubled. Despite the fact that me and Darcy had worked things out, I still am left wondering where we stand. After we sorted our situation out, we haven't spoken at all. I haven't seen her in school, she's not answering her phone, and quite frankly, I'm not sure what it means. I'm not going to keep calling, smothering her, but I would like some answers of some sort.

I suppose it could be worse, but after all the stress and problems, I was sure we'd be able to get back to where we were, and now, I'm not so sure. What do I do in a situation such as this?


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[Friday February 25 5:07 pm]
Last night was rather fun.

I went to The Dot for some coffee (and to escape being around Steve), and I sat with Ashley and Terri for a bit. Me and Ash had a bit of an unsettling conversation, but I suppose my feelings on the situation are not of my concern, and therefore, I won't make a big deal about it.

After Terri left, me and Ashley talked for a while after that, and took a walk to the park. Lots of talking (which is always a good thing), and then a bit of a snowball fight before I dropped Ashley off at home. I went back to The Dot for a short while after that for more coffee, to warm up, and then headed back to my house. All in all, an enjoyable night,

Steve is in Thunder Bay for the weekend (which I hold resentment for, as TB is my hometown, and I'd rather he didn't have any association with such a good place.). I'm going to try and talk to mother, and truly try to figure what is up with that man.

And no, I will not wear a dress to any wedding. ;)

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Unsure. [Wednesday February 23 7:45 pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

I'm at a point where I'm unsure of where anything stands. I've basically avoided everyone and gone into hermit mode, with the exception of Toby, Ashley, Darcy, and Spinner. I'm not too sure exactly why. That's a lie, I'd just rather avoid confrontation and hatred for my positively stupid actions.

I feel fortunate, as despite the circumstances, Darcy has remained calm. It seems as if we'll be smoothing things over and working through everything. It's what we both want. I'd be lying if I didn't say it brought a smile to my face, because to be quite honest, I didn't expect it at all. Perhaps I have a bit more luck than I thought.

I'm back to the workload of therapy. It's ironic, in a way, I think I missed it, because I feel a lot better right now. Without it, the stress builds up far too easily. That's what I get for being an introvert.


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