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[[ rocks fall. everyone dies ]]

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Hogwarts, the Musical // PG ; HP/SS ; humour
icon by dandelion, art by ursula vernon

Title: Hogwarts, the Musical
Author: hikaru / _regarde
Archive: Please ask permission.
Feedback: If you so desire.
Rating: PG
Pairings: HP/SS
Warnings: Humour, singing children

Disclaimer: They're all J. K. Rowling's, and I've got the feeling that she'd have my head for this.
Summary: Only Dumbledore could stage a musical like this.
Notes: For the "Dictionary Drabble" challenge at the after_class mailing list. But more importantly: WOW, I'm writing again. Word count: 532, will you ever forgive me? ;)

"Did you see the flyer, Severus?" Harry smiled gleefully.

"No. And I believe I don't want to."

"Just roll over and take a look. Albus is so proud."

Severus snatched the paper out of his partner's hand and merely frowned.


A Special Treat from the Headmaster to his Pupils
A Story of Love, War, and, of course, Magic

Come with a short monologue and two minutes of an up-tempo song.

SCRIPT: Madame Pince
COSTUMES: Professor Trelawny
SETS: Professors Sprout and McGonagall

Under the Direction of:
Headmaster Albus Dumbledore

Casting and Assistant Directing by:
Professor Harry Potter

And Under the Musical Direction of:
Professor Severus Snape


"Actors, take your places!" Madame Hooch clapped her hands loudly, standing at the foot of the stage. "Honestly, I don't know how you expect to get this number down when none of you remember where to stand." She sighed and guided a lost-looking fourth-year into his spot. "Now, take it from the top!" With a flick of her wand, music started up, and the students began their dance number.


"You'll never be A STAR! Go to your room and practice until you're positive that you know all the words!"

Penelope burst into tears and fled the stage. Severus scowled arrogantly and folded his arms across his chest. "Serves her right."

"Severus?" Harry tapped him on the shoulder.


"She's only 13. Maybe go a little lighter on her."

Severus sniffed indignantly and turned away.



"What now, Potter?"

Harry leaned closer to Severus, who had buried his head in his arms. "I think Penelope could use a little more work hitting that last note."

"More work?" Severus pulled his head up to glare at Harry. "More work, Potter? Your precious little Penelope has the vocal skills of a flobberworm. She needs to hit all the other notes in her ballad before she can even think of that last note." He dropped his head back down quickly to avoid Harry's glare.


"And the HOUSE-ELVES, oh, the HOUSE-ELVES, don't forget the HOUSE-ELVES!" The chorus line raised their hands triumphantly as three house-elves toddled out to finish the number.

"Beautiful!" Dumbledore and Harry rose to their feet, applauding the cast. The children grinned.

"Disgraceful!" Severus shouted, jumping up from his chair. The children cowered in fear.

"What was so disgraceful about that?" Harry jabbed his finger into Severus's arm. Severus waved his stop-watch dramatically. "They were one-thirty-second of a beat behind tempo. The whole number positively dragged!"

"Oh, for Merlin's sake." Harry rolled his eyes and walked away.



"Shh. I'm mentally cataloguing my critique of the first act."

"Severus, it's intermission."

"Good, go to the bathroom and be backstage by the call."

"Severus, intermission is the best part."

"Good for you."

"If you keep making noises like that, we'll get caught."

"I didn't hear you complaining about the noise a minute ago."

"I was in no state of mind to be complai---"

"Stop running your mouth and get back to what you were doing."



"Did I ever mention that intermission is my favourite part?"