Happy Cindi

It's been another wacky year.

I hope this year is going well for you and continues to do so.

2019 was a year of death, which became more and more prevalent as it drew to a close. Polly, Vicky and Matt are beautiful people who were young and loved and deserved so much more time. I am surrounded by love, and am in pain management courses again! I won't say I have big hopes for the new year, but I am trying to be neutral toward 2020.

I had for the most part stopped drawing in 2004. I had lost something when I lost my partner/collaborator, it was almost like they had taken any talent I had away with them and I couldn't art anything beyond the occasional half-assed concept sketch for a role-playing character I was playing. It didn't help that most of my old art was lost when my family lost their storage unit. I started drawing again this past Autumn and have been improving my skills. I am joyous of the outcome.

Ducky Birdday!

Vesuvius is still the best emotional support cat and familiar I could wish for,and it is joyous that he has a good companion in Amelia Bedelia Earheart (my roommate's cat). He is now with me even when I am away, because I got an amazing tattoo of him. I am very pleased with all of the Ink I am getting from ClassyLassLilith.

I Haven't Forgotten.
Happy Cindi

Glad for another year、but it was a heavy one.

Congratulations on making another turn round the sun、for what it is worth. This year started heavy. Someone committed suicide on New Year's Day in the house slept over at on New Year's Eve. I had spent part of NYE supporting a different suicidal individual. It really blindsided me.

Anyhow、I have established a few strong romantic relationships and am still happily married to Keith、much of my anxiety and self-stifling has cleared up in regards to my urges to love multiple people. I have gotten back into sca eventing and this year、my girlfriend is a vendor and I go as her assistant. So much comfort in that environment.

The past couple years I have gotten very involved in local conventions. I was a panelistat Orycon. It was fun、my girlfriend Anna was chair for GameStorm and I worked under Keith at their info desk. It was wonderful.

And there was so much inbetween. A new cat joined our family in November. Her name is Amelia. She and Vesuvius get along incredibly well. She is still very young and her energy both encourages and bewilders Vesu-chan. They are happy、it helps ease his anxiety whilst I am out with my other partners.

You are still awesome. I hope you are doing better than this fellow I found by my mailbox.

I have not forgotten. I love you.
Happy Cindi

Annual update.

2017 was obviously a difficult year sociopolitically. It had its great ups with my starting to romantically see people in addition to Keith. He and John split their time with me pretty evenly and I have additional me-time. My cat seems to be the one least pleased with the arrangement.

John and I get along well. He adores me, and he also thinks that I am a very sad person that I still post to you every year. I dont care. I am happy you are still out there and I hope you are happy.

I picked up crochet again after a hiatus and I think I will open my etsy shop again soon. Started some new meds, we shall see if it goes anywhere. Keith got a new job this winter and we shall soon be working toward paying off student loans and medical bills.

I hope you are well, I haven't forgotten.

Happy Cindi

How about that past year, huh?

Ducky Love by dalmation1080 on DeviantArt

You are a year older today! I really hope it finds you well, despite the political shitshow that was 2016. I hear you are married; good for you! Wishing you much happiness and love.

I am no longer a polyamorous person in a monogamous relationship, which I suppose always felt ingenuine. You remember how awkward monogamy is for me, I think I said as much last time we saw each other. I always had to hold back, pretend to be someone else, I felt uncomfortable in my skin and ashamed any time I vaguely wished to do anything with another person. The restriction wasn't helpful to depression and made me intensely dysphoric.

I am still oh so wonderfully happy with Keith, but the relationship is no longer restrictive. I don't have to seek permission to do as I wish, and it has been wonderful. I haven't even dated anyone new, I just feel happier and truer to myself to not have to pull away from friendships where there is attraction. I can just be me and be honest. Vesuvius is super fluffy and supportive.

I don't know what else to say, I wonder how you are doing, I haven't forgotten.
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Happy Cindi

Another year gone by, I hope yours was nice.

I still haven't forgotten. I wish you joy. This is a song that makes me think of you.

My life this year has had it's ups and downs. My hot shoulder has had surgery to make it less so. I am being most true to myself and have come out as polyamorous. Keith and I are happy and have really solid friends. Vesuvius continues to take care of me. I continue to educate myself on my chronic ailments and am continuing to work with psych counselors and my doctors to mitigate the damage, while I work with the state in hopes of disability support. I survived a scary hit and run vehicular collision in November with some muscle strain. I have begun crocheting again and Vesuvius learned a new trick. :)

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It's happening again.

I've not forgotten. If you ever decide you want it I still have that gift for you.
My Internet is limited I will have to add a picture and more words later, but I didn't want to be late.

What's it been, ten years?

How time flies. You know what day it is! I made baked goods for a trip I am leaving for today and of course I thought of you.
I haven't forgotten...

I got my wisdom teeth out earlier this month and there were some complications, so much pain and relying on over the counter medicines to see me through, I hardly slept in the first week and now things are doing much better. I started crocheting back in 2012 and I am still at it. I finds it an exciting challenge. This year past my hair finally reached my knees and you should see my buns (lol, not exactly what I meant) they are really interesting to look at and fun to learn. I have come to love the hair forums I joined in 2010.

Speaking of things that happened in 2010, my cat, Vesuvius is now bigger than Elvis (I think he's a Maine Coon). He is a well trained emotional support animal. He helps with my anxiety, though it's still pretty rough going (particularly in vehicles). We've been doing well, although I became a bit of a shut-in this year past, and I hope to get out more and reconnect with friends in 2014.

I hope you're doing well. I haven't forgotten.
Peace and Joy!
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Decry for Attention: A post and it isn't even 2014!

(Notice This post contains in parts a healthy amount of sarcasm and a few sophomorically choice words... boobs.)

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that enjoying attention is not a crime. Certainly not one that cancels humanitarian efforts or talent. Following the rabbit trail of links that are my daily intake of the internet, I came across an image of Lady Gaga with her arm around a homeless dude. She gave him some cash (visually $20) and a rose and let someone snap a couple photos. Folks were clamoring shenanigans. She only gave him $20, and she's rich! (not that I'd ever give them that much, they'd spend it all on smack... or is that Honey Smacks, I can never recall which...) Of course she had a photo crew standing by! This is the MEAT DRESS all over again! Where does she get off?! She's a celebrity who *gasp!* enjoys attention!

Recently I posted on facebook about one lady I adore in the performing world, Amanda Palmer (whom some of you may know from the Dresden Dolls, others her moving Ted Talk, or perhaps her high geek profile marriage to high profile geek icon Neil Gaiman, or maybe her controversial Kickstarter) and her response to the UK tabloid paper, the Daily Mail. One thing that never fails to come up is the fact that she did a kickstarter on a scale that surprised and shocked many. She Kick-started an album release, by taking pledges for pre-order and took in $1.2 million dollars... which went to cover packaging and shipping for all those pre-orders and even some to (most horrifying of all!) her. The artist and performer actually creating the music that people were receiving!

The audacity of a celebrity, who willingly interacts with her fans so blatantly, so directly, letting them pay her lodging tab by letting her couchsurf with them when she is in town. That's a bit presumptuous, isn't it? She just posts on her blog or twitter where she's going to be and these people, who appreciate her art just let themselves be used as her personal bed and breakfast. Plus, she keeps them up late singing to them, sharing meals, and personal stories and just talking into the night. This heinous rebellion against the media industry in their plastic cola-bottle towers and the illusion of separation between us normal folk (some might say lowly peons, but that's a little much, I think...) and those intangibly talented ones of perfect body and hair that we are compelled to bestow the robe of celebrity, is a hard one to swallow. And you know when she responded to the Daily Mail back in July? Me neither, I only just heard about it and it made my heart all squishy.

Well she get's naked and musically calls them out on the misogynist body shaming they subjected her to following a boob slip photo from a recent concert. It has people in arms not because she and thousands of other celebrities have photos published without their permission showing nip-slips, baby-bumps, panty-less heinies, imperfect bodies wrapped in bikinis or strolling in sweats, but rather that she responded with such vulgar language and willingly allowed people to publish her nude image in defiance of the whole gossip magazine culture. It was also kind of sexy and you may suppose that as a feminist I can't say that. It makes people uncomfortable that something can be provocative, for a good reason, and still be slightly arousing. That someone acting that way can be comfortable being sexy, and not be interested in pursuing sex with you, and still be happy interacting with you as a peer.

She does it for attention, some say. Well, duh. Performers and extroverts on every scale will occasionally enjoy an audience. Shoot, I bet some introverts could enjoy an audience from time to time. The form most people enjoy is called conversation. I say, it's not wrong. She entertains, she evokes discourse about real issues, she demystifies the feminine form, she seems to be a genuinely pleasant person, and she is quite extroverted. She reminds me of a certain large part of myself, the person I think of myself as, anyhow. Yes, I think about myself and have a concept of that person. I give *myself* attention. I love living and thrive by interacting. I get incredibly depressed being a homebody and am happiest being entertained by interacting with people I care about.

She who enjoys attention is not automatically a narcissist.

She does not automatically become self absorbed.

If she did something cool and decides to re-tweet the accolades, we can see that she is exuberant about the feedback she's getting. It is okay to say that Wil Wheaton shook our hand, because his on-screen persona is a bit aloof (some would say a dick). If he plays a boardgame with some fans he is a hero (and yeah, he kind of is), but don't dare a singer-songwriter play Monopoly at a fan's two bedroom apartment five minutes from downtown by train, because she's gonna take advantage of everybody and never have to do any real work. Like, who does she think she is? huh? Some ancient greek philosopher people love to bring up in educated and sound debates? Perhaps Basho?! Fie!

Next time you see a person in your life talking themselves up and it bothers you, maybe it can be treated as most media groups would a publicist piece. Or maybe, instead of talking behind their back, you could mention, "Hey, I just wanted to say that sounds awesome, and I know you don't need me to validate you. Thank you for sharing that about yourself. I just felt the need to draw attention to myself as well. I hope you can forgive me, but understand if you can't. Feel free to respond, or not. Gosh this punch is good."

Now do not take this to mean I am never bothered by Drama Queens. That **** is a whole other article, that I doubt I shall EVER have the patience to write. I will borrow from a recent LHC thread and say calling someone else ugly, to make yourself feel pretty, makes you a righteously ugly person in yourself. Or in more general language: making trouble for someone to make your situation seem better is kind of a ****ty thing to do. That said, I am sorry about your self esteem, you may want to take some you time and get to find ways to love yourself.
mimi ass

Another Year Goes by

I opened an Etsy shop at the beginning of this year, selling crocheted goodies. I just got an old Wacom Tablet to play with, I really want to get back into drawing, which I really haven't done much of in the past eight years.

My new years resolution, however was apparently to be sick for a full month in 2013, and I am well on my way to that. I caught the Plague on New Years day and have been ill since. Now it is a sinus infection, blech. Nothing I have for sale was made when I was plague ridden, though.

Since that is a crppy resolution, I am going to also challenge myself to post one drawing made each month this year on my live journal. Let's see how long I can keep that up!

I am learning to cope with Fibro and become a productive member of society or some such thing, which is good. Pain sucks, but you gotta learn your limits and do what you can.

Of course you know this is coming. I still haven't forgotten.Another year gone 2013
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Brawndo, Do NOT Drink

Adventures in fiber art!

My fibromayalgia and other health problems led my doctor to warn me that arthritis and carpel tunnel are probably in my future and that many patient stave off the effects by knitting and crocheting. Brilliant!

I began crocheting in April, so I decided to spend the summer making x-mas presents. I have completed a couple. For some people it is hard to decide what I should make. Also, I have discovered that yarn is surprisingly expensive. Also, I now know that what I disliked about knit and crochet items i have encountered in the past comes down to this: I truly hate the feeling, and weight of RedHeart yarn. They get none of my money. This is in part the reason I lament the cost of yarn.

Occasionally you can find a decent bag of random yarns at goodwill, but all too often it is mostly RedHeart. Anyone who wishes to destash and donate yarn to a very good cause, feel free to contact me. ^.~

I've gotten reasonable okay at reading through dozens of free patterns and improvising off of them. If only I had wrote down how I accomplished some of them. If you are a person who might expect a gift from me come winterstide, please feel free to leave hints for me. Simpler is better, but I look forward to making awesome yarn gifts for people. Based on my accomplishments so far I can make washcloths, headbands, dicebags, bun covers, and I just finished my first amigurumi. Like I said hints are good.

I really like the Viking hat look (sans beard), so I decided to try my hand (winging it, because I didn't want to pay for a pattern) and it took WAY more yarn than anticipated. I also developed a super-cute animal ears ear warmer headband. Some of you may be receiving these if I don't know what else to give you or I think it would be adorable as heck. I recently got tiny hooks and a bunch of tiny yarn spools from Goodwill, so miniature things are also a possibility.

I figure a couple days spent making each gift will imbue it with lots of Cindi love, thus increasing the intrinsic value of the item.

Love ya!