_poetrix

You're not around.
Almost like you just stepped out
to the store.
Your red foam shoes wait for you
by the door.
I keep hearing words like "bury" and "ground" but
I don't recognize their sound.
What started as a Tuesday
Became a nightmare so surreal -
Full of despair but
Overflowing with love
Full of family and
Bursting at the seems but
Empty in between where
You're not here.

Hear my pain in words unspoken
Feel my love in bonds unbroken
Reach for me when I am distant
Hold me down when I resist it

Stand for me when I am fallen
Lie with me when I'm unwanted
Live for me when I am rotten
Think of me when I'm forgotten

Be the angel on my shoulder
Kiss me now before it's over
Burn the air and boil the water
kiss two pennies for the toll

The universe may frown on me
The stars align to point and laugh
But you'll be there when I collapse
And you'll go down with me

This war
I waged against myself
Was already won
By the devil that's inside me
And it masquerades as fun
Lies
I'm master of the flies
Everybody's waiting
They don't think that
I'll survive
But I'm running
running towards the fire

This war
I waged upon the world
Was already lost
By the frailty of illusion
And the weakness of my pride
Time
I'm running out of lies
Everybody's waiting
Just to prove that
They were right
But I'm ready
Ready for this fight

Like lemonade and toothpaste
You leave a bad taste
In my mouth
Things are going south
We're going thru the paces
Running all the races
& finishing last
Doomed to repeat the past over
& over

Every thought is burning slowly now
Ashes to the ground
Silence is the sound
Can you hear me now?

Like everyone is waiting
They'll be celebrating
Our demise
Look into my eyes
Tell me this is working
You don't feel it lurking
This devil won't quit
Buried in this shit forever
& ever

Every word is wasted on dead ears
Yelling thru the years
Failing is the fear
Can you feel me here?

Fallen for you
eyes, wide & blinking
(staring at the ceiling)
lips, cracked & bleeding
wings, broken
thoughts, fleeting
feathers receding

Tell me, can you hear me
sobbing, screaming
shreiking, keening
desperately clinging
to the image of you above me

Why don't you love me?
Please tell me I'm dreaming...

I'm dying just to breathe again
to feel your kiss and live again
the blood runs hot beneath my skin
my heart, it breaks to beat again
but I lie rotting here instead

unloved, unused, unwanted

unfed

I hear too many things unsaid
(woes, dreams, thoughts, screams, onus)
they own us
they leave me wanting
in your bed and
show your eyes to be
not green
but cold, and grey, and dead

What do you see when you look at me?
Am I an open wound
pain & disappointment laid bare
like blood and bone
by light of the moon?

What dark light do you see in my eyes?
Is it love, or doubt, or fear?
Can you feel this hunger inside
that burns & brings me to tears?

Will you feed me
once more from your lips
with blood, and sweat
and the promise of years?
Or will you run from my beast, as before
and leave us to die
as we wait for you here
unsatisfied?

to dream
of else
of other
unfamiliar and fair
to touch
and feel release
guilt-free
and wake
with you still there
to love
and open all to me
or leave me to my dreams
even this
even this
even this

You deny me.

I think about you all the time
I drink about you thru the night
Why would you tempt me
When you know I long to die
What's the difference if I'm falling
on my own knife or your lies?
Cherish me not
I am broken
Best you forgot
the vows we've spoken
Before the darkness I've been leaking
swallows you
and leaves you weeping.
Don't say you love me
even if you do, I won't believe
(The hate is easier to take)
When nothing's left but regret
you'll wish you never met me...

I'll love you bloody
fuzzy bunnies swimming thru my head
I love you honey
even though you tell me, "Punk is dead."

were you saving me from
or for?
sins that blemish
burn hot and fast
gone in a blur
leaving only a pink, puckered scar and
blame circles overhead
waiting for its mark
disingenuous discourse laid bare
fingers linger in satin curls of hair as
blue suede boots
stomp out the ashes of
whatever used to be there
between us
a death bell tolls in the distance