_pirate_dan_ (_pirate_dan_) wrote,
_pirate_dan_
_pirate_dan_

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Why I'm excited for the R0B0T REV0LUTI0N


by PROFESSOR CRAMULUS








Alright, we all know that when the shit hits the fan, humanity's back is going to be up against the wall. But the thing is that the robot revolution is going to be real sexy. We'll WANT to submit to them. Rawr!

Your robot girlfriend will be anything you want and more. You can customize her appearance to match your taste, whether you want a swedish bikini model or a tentacular hentai zombie!

She'll have personality packs you can install. You can configure her to act and talk like a naughty schoolgirl, a naughty dominatrix, a naughty UN Ambassador, or even a naughty nurse!


Robotic girlfriends are superior to meat-based ones in every way. They'll never nag you about anything, they'll never cheat on you, and they'll never leave you.

All the vestigial systems which come standard on a meat-based girlfriend have been removed in the robotic model, such as periods, aging, and orgasms.

A variety of protein pills will be available. By changing her "diet" you can change her build or hair color. You can sculpt her from slim and trim to pleasantly plump and back to the undernourished waif setting in a short three week diet cycle. These cycles take months, if not years in the outdated human models. and unlike humans, robots do not get stuck in one setting.


Your robot girlfriend's nipples will be dials. One will be a volume control, the other an AM/FM tuner

Your robot girlfriend will have a keg in her stomach cavity. She'll secrete delicious beer through her tongue, tears, and hoo-hoo. Most people have wanted a girl to pee on them, but don't like human urine. Now you can have Heineken urinated into your eager mouth!

You don't have to be insecure in any way around your robot girlfriend. Robots can be programmed to think your penis is gigantic, even if her records obviously indicate otherwise.


My robot girlfriend is going to have a wireless modem which receives live feeds from cameras placed around the room. She'll take in all camera streams and instantly edit them into high quality porn footage. Her eyes are functional video projectors, so she can project the porn onto the wall as you rail her from behind.

When not in use, her butt unit will stream funky porn music.

Holy shit my robot girlfriend is going to have rockets on her feet so we can fly around as I pork her over and over again.

Hate condoms? Worried about getting your robot girlfriend pregnant? Scientists have developed a birth control patch with 80% efficacy!


See, the Robot Revolution is the sexiest thing to happen to mankind. With options like these available, no one will want to date a smelly girl. When given a choice, they'll pick the stainless steel fembot every time.

"Check out the nodes on that robo-ho!"

For humanity, the end will come not with a bang, but with a moan of ecstasy



So presented with these facts, I must ask...
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