Tags: summer 07


F***ing figures ...

This is great ... 

The Myth, The Math and the Sex

... It is logically impossible for heterosexual men to have more partners on average than heterosexual women. Those survey results cannot be correct.

It is about time for mathematicians to set the record straight, said David Gale, an emeritus professor of mathematics at the University of California, Berkeley ...

... Sex survey researchers say they know that Dr. Gale is correct. Men and women in a population must have roughly equal numbers of partners. So, when men report many more than women, what is going on and what is to be believed? ...

...  The most likely explanation, by far, is that the numbers cannot be trusted.

Ronald Graham, a professor of mathematics and computer science at the University of California, San Diego, agreed with Dr. Gale. After all, on average, men would have to have three more partners than women, raising the question of where all those extra partners might be.

“Some might be imaginary,” Dr. Graham said. “Maybe two are in the man’s mind and one really exists.”

And they said math was for boys ....



after saying i'd leave,
i turn back in the hallway, 
put down my bags and
stand in the doorway as if 
awaiting an earthquake.

i have one more word, 
i think, i know i have more
to say, more inside me than 
the relentless dribble of an argument 
i had just laid out, but wanting to 
preserve the silence, i 
abandon post and make coffee, 
clean dishes. keep quiet.

that night, my hips cracking 
under the weight of his body, i
look over his shoulder, through 
the fog of our panting breaths and 
see myself in the doorway,
watching, seeing what she saw, 
a woman, inciting her own earthquake.


i havent found the wording for the last two lines. hrm. 

I may just write in Bloomberg in 08 ...

So the city council and the mayor totally revised how money is allocated from the city's cultural budget -- this is huge. HUGE.

It also makes me feel like I owe Bloomberg a bit of an apology since I tend to rag on the fact that his private funding tends to go to high/established art and not to ... well, me. Haha. Alas, his business skills are incredible and yes, I recognize that the Times is slanted journalism, and I'm sure there are other problems on the rise ... but this is incredible news, I think I'm going to print and frame this: 

New Formula Means More Money for Arts Groups in New York 

... Starting in the 2009 fiscal year, which begins in July 2008, the 34 arts groups will be guaranteed 90 percent of their funds. The rest will be conditioned on their performance through a new evaluation and accountability process called CultureStat. City-owned arts groups will be reviewed in areas including board governance and financial management and may receive a portion of the 10 percent balance even if they do not qualify for the whole amount.

Because of the push and pull between the mayor and the council that was normal in the past, arts groups often did not learn how much they were getting until February. In the future, Ms. Levin said, 75 percent of organizations will receive word by July and will get payments by August. Elizabeth Egbert, the president and chief executive of the Staten Island Museum, said that this was a significant step. “This year, for the first time, we received word of the final budget number in time to include an accurate number in our own budget, which helped tremendously in planning,” she said. “Since our board votes on the museum budget in June each year, knowing the city allocation in advance, rather than in January, six months into the fiscal year, is obviously a better situation.”

In addition, groups with budgets of $250,000 or more will eventually be accorded three-year figures, so they can count on a certain level of funding. Organizations with smaller budgets will continue to receive annual appropriations.

Some 170 groups also used to get a fixed amount of money every year as “line items” that were written into the budget and have been frozen since 1989. Those have been eliminated.

Instead arts groups have to make a case for themselves based on the work that they do and the public service they provide ... 

I'm really really interested to see what this means, what the next year will bring from these organizations. A merit-based system seems like a good answer, I am especially pleased that board goverance goes into this factoring. Of course, there is always that issue of good artists-bad business, but I think this will help the brains-and-beauty combos, as well as the wonderful budding pure arts administrators, get and keep jobs. Finally, a producer, an artistic manager from the beginning and through the process must be honest and artistic -- this could really improve the relationships between admin and creators ... 

Every time I'm close to leaving this city, it does something like up its arts funding and I think, well, now I have to stay .... 


I used to be so good at titling ...

I've disovered that the certain something I possess that makes all kind of people talk to me, just want to talk to me and tell me their story is actually the key trait of a bartender.  And Wednesday, despite the awful weather and a very broken down metro system in a very angry/tired/humid city, I managed to bring in some bucks, and my new boss was impressed.  Wants me to be the Wednesday girl, so people have their regular. I can do that, I can be the regular, and it helps me feel like I belong to this city, that I don't sit on its edges. 

RadioIOAcoustic is fantastic. It is rainy and I finally got some sleep, and am sitting in my cool living room, coffee and music and I think I'm ready to finish my thesis. I've had a writers block most of the summer, petrified, frozen. I know writer's block doesn't really exist, its everything else that stops us, never the writing. But I couldn't do it, have spent most of this summer feeling like I've regressed, spiraled down out of autonomy.  Slowly though, the spiral is stopping, I'm looking up, forward, not down -- as seen in my habit-fixing ways of modeling (I'm learning to look straight-on, erect neck, no tilting, fully engaged) -- 

I am working with an amazing woman Jane, a painter, modeling for her for her next show (a split show, her and another painter) in November.  Jane and I clicked instantly, as we met in Gramercy Park for coffee and chatted about life, art, the entaglements.  We've forged a really beautiful relationship, with lots of trust, and it makes so much sense. I am finding a new comfort in my body, in myself, what I have to offer others, not just what I can generate. We started with a photoshoot in skirts and dresses, looking for good fabric lines/movement, and I'm just thrilled that she'll be .. painting me. Or some essence of me. Its an incredible thing, as a live artist, I am so intrigued by that which is imprinted, stays, will outlive me. I leave our sessions with a great groundedness in who I am, the body that carries me, the self I'm becoming. To see oneself, if only for an instant, through the lens of another, is a gift. 

Healing my heart, finding strength and faith in my books, my work, and as per my usual, an incredibly packed schedule. I have three jobs on the horizon, finishing school, and trying to book work - and figure out where I belong in the dance world. A lot of mixed feelings, some bitterness towards the old ways, towards bias that says I am too young, too female, not enough .... but working past, realizing that once you start carving your own path, you have to finish it. Because theres no map. Carpe diem ... 

Reading (finally) Lucia Joyce: Dancing in the Wake, the biography of Joyce's daughter. Carol Loeb Schloss is a Joyce/modernist specialist, and works to shed light on the daughter-father relationship that has baffled literary historians. Its ... interesting. A lot of big ideas in terms of art and relationships, questions of when/if do certain things become allowed because of art, are there permissions granted to some because of their gifts, what to do when life in this world doesn't equate with the life in your work ... The writing is alright, I feel the conflict Schloss faced, wanting not to portray Joyce as the typical-Irish father he may have been (with added genius), but also feeling a loyalty to the truth, to figuring out who Lucia was, not just to Joyce, but to the rest of the world, as she herself took part in the arts of the  mid-century (she danced!). Makes me want to pick Ulysses again, read it with a different eye ..

Saw The Fountainhead outside down at Water Street the other night. It would take an Ayn Rand film for me to realize who I am -- I had gone in relating to Dominique, the woman who eventually finds the courage, the selishness (Rand's philosophy) to be with Howard Roark, the uncompromising individual. THEN I REALIZED. I am uncompromising, in the Rand-sense. My self, my creation, my life is my own and it's never stopped, it doesn't, and I refuse to accept an uncourageous partner. I AM HOWARD ROARK.  It's almost a shame that Rand made a man the hero like that, but perhaps its context. Perhaps its also the fact that she was not very proud of her gender. Either way, she showed me the way .... 

What's scarier than having Lisa Loeb lyrics make sense? Having Ayn Rand be your romantic enlightenment .... 

Saw the B52s last night at Coney Island. For Free. Rock Lobster live = I am now a better person. 
Highlights (and why they are one of the best bands ever):

"I don't know how many of you know this, but last week we were inducted into the LiteFM hall of fame ... " 

"This is a song about America's great contribution to world culture and architecture, .... the enclosed shopping mall" 

They are brilliant. 

Needless to say, I am all over, on my rollercoaster, but getting as much as I can out of where I am. Learning to be grateful for the ocean, the city, the summer rain, and my addiction to perservering. 

[Just don't mention his name, and I'm ... fine. ]

When you're not feeling holy, your loneliness says that you've sinned ... [Serena Ryder]
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To Sir, With Love. 

dear you, 

I. mornings are hardest

  for the past week now
   i rise, make coffee, 
   still in the habit for two, 

  while dressing around 8am 
   i hear a single honk outside
   my street level window
   and believe for a moment 
   that it is you, checking in, 
   that although you normally 
   wouldn't - 
   this is what you have been 
   reduced to - a car horn in
   the morning telling me,
   you're there.

  Often after working late 
    nights it happens. 
  Waiting for the crosstown
     train, ghosts of my exes 
     stand across at the north
     -bound platform. 

    I tell them I miss you. 
     They shake their heads
      remorsefully and say 
      he knows

     Most often though, I think
       I see your car, I count 
       the nison maximas with 
       sunroofs, sitting in harlem
       where I know you have no 
       business, I saw you three 

    After the long day of chasing you
       out of my heart, at my corner
       a gold maxima, sunroof closed
       the light changes, I think

      this is how you see me.

    There are facts i chose along the way 
        not to memorize - your license plate,
        the address of the bar, the cross-
        streets of your chinese food take-
        out, all so i wouldn't find you when
        you left.

    I lied. 
    I sat in the bar waiting
     for you, on business - a
     meeting, some drinks, your
     absence. i wanted your friends
     to see me and wonder. 

   I wanted you to see me 
   walk these streets alone.

   but you didn't. 
     and like I said, I only imagine your car, 
     briefly entertained the reality of you 
     walking into the bar. You've probably
     avoided these streets, saught refuge
     in your living room, knowing better,
     knowing me better, as if seeing me
     might cause you to wonder how i am,
     maybe pull over and ask, maybe even 
     make you want to do this all over again. 


very raw, but i wanted to get it out, up. 

feedback as always. :] 




Gia Kourlas and me ...

Gia Kourlas reviewed the festival I was in a couple of weeks ago ---

What is it about a dancer in a window that makes heads snap on a balmy summer evening? Perhaps, in a city deprived of a red-light district, it has something to do with the tawdry allure of a peep show.

On Monday there were plenty of heads turned toward the storefront of Chashama, the organization that transforms vacant properties into art spaces. At Oasis 2007, a festival of modern dance in which choreographers present short works twice every weekday, audience members can sit comfortably in the space’s Manhattan theater facing 42nd Street, between Second and Third Avenues, or watch from the sidewalk.

Ultimately, Oasis offers more for a gawking stranger than for a dance aficionado. To judge by many of the performances on Monday, this is the sort of choreography that looks better — but only slightly — through the glare of glass.

The first program actually began on the sidewalk with a preshow by the Modern Dance Awareness Society. Two women wearing red dresses, with blue buckets on their heads, shook strangers’ hands. It was a rather tedious example of wacky artistic behavior for public consumption.

There were other similar examples, including Malleable Dance Theater’s interactive work “Play the Dance!,” in which audience members and passersby were encouraged to request a dance by calling a performer’s cellphone. (Numbers were posted on the window.) Had it been better organized, it might have passed for children’s theater. All but Kristi Spessard’s strangely evocative solo “Underbriar,” set to music by Richard Strauss and John Luther Adams, were forgettable.

... The article.

 look she called me forgettable! Well, not me personally .... everyone, except for her friend Kristi. And yes, they really are friends .. Gia even glowingly mentioned Kristi's solo again in the article when she reviewed the other storefront festival that was going on ... 

Kristi was quite pleasant, the solo was lovely. But really, the amount of information Gia has (and gives) about the solo later in the article betrays her "neutral" critic stand. She clearly knows more about that piece than anything else she saw, and its the kind of information that without program notes, it would take more than two viewings to garner. Its sad that Gia is so transparent. 

I'm very disappointed too that she failed to mention my friend Michelle who performed the opening day of Oasis. Michelle is a dancer with CP who does a lot of mixed ability and experimental work. She was the quintessential downtown-y figure there that day, mixing theater and dance and noise, making an illusion of her crutches, the whole deal. Really, Gia, get off your classical high horse and recognize something new and different emerging! You don't have to like it, just mention it!

Well, now I've officially survived performing with Gia Kourlas in the audience. 

You may have won this battle Gia, but we'll meet again .... 

Works of art are of an infinite solitariness, and nothing is less likely to bring us near to them than criticism. Only love can apprehend and hold them, and can be just towards them. - [Rainer Maria Rilke, "Briefe an einen jungen Dichter"]


And suddenly ...

Slowly, but surely coming back into my own self/space/city ...

Seeing Christopher Williams tonight performing at Dixonplace's HOT! festival. There are so many things right and beautiful with that sentance. Something about a good downtowny venue with some juicy work that totally restores my faith in ... life.

Apparently I'm performing at the Oasis Festival presented by/at Chashama .... which is crazy. I just got booked yesterday. I'll be performing a fifteen minute solo titled Strange/Charmed .... probably with an apple, and a chair ... I think? I have the weekend to get a solo together. Because, why should things change gradually?

I was invited to a member's meeting for my friends newly incorporated theater company as they're looking to expand. They're interested in creating a musical theater/childrens theater branch and that's where I come in ...

I have some photo shoots lined up that should expand my book nicely, also introduce me to some not just sit and smile work (aka getting buried in the sand/covered in sushi?) and should put some cash in my pocket. Always a welcomed thing.

Interviewing at a theaterbox office company next week for a job. Sounds like work I can stand doing, mostly computer/booking/customer stuff ... they're apparently a small group of theater people with a number of shifts, like 9am to 11pm, so its flexibleish and ... hey, rarely does working with theater folk go wrong ... (knock on wood).

Click those links. Come see me dance. It'll be interesting .. that's for sure.