Lux (_ochre) wrote,


It is with growing up that I realise that I have to do the things I don't want to do, listen to people who have better decision-making skills than I do and accept the things that I can't.

I purposely don't do the things people ask me to do because I don't want them to assume that they have the power over me to convince me to do the things that I don't want to do. OR even if I want to do it, I'm not letting you tell me how and when to do it. Because I'll do it in my own time. And after years and years of being forced to do shit and being told to be a certain way, I just don't want to listen to anyone any more.

It's hard to explain and articulate, but it's the fear that you'll let someone else's opinions and thoughts take precedence over your own, that someone else has the ability to control. And I'm terrified of that possibility, so I try to minimise that risk of that happening. It makes sense in my head.

I am a stubborn child - but it's the only way I know how to be without letting my guard down.

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