“Do you remember how long my hair was when we first knew each other?”
“This exact length.”
“How are you so sure?”
“I am doing the same thing as I did years ago.”
“Then do you remember how long my hair was before I cut it to this?”
“Yes. But only because I never got to touch it.”
“You deserve it.”
Sitting cross-legged on the couch with the TV on, I was eating the noodles, watching the images on screen and listening to you as well. It was a sensory overload, but with you, everything is always an overload.
I’m sure I was blabbing about something (I can’t remember and I can’t be sure) slurping up everything at the same time. You brushed the hair from out of my face and tucked my fringe behind my ears. “肮脏猫”, you mumbled. “I’m sure your hair isn’t as hungry.” I smiled - mostly because of a number of things: I was satisfied with the noodles, had washed my hair, and was in someplace warm - and I said, It won’t be a much longer.”
Later that night as we were watching TV on the couch, our bodies were perfectly entwined without much planning. You held on to the ends of my hair and fiddled with it; and then slowly running your fingers through it to untangle the knots.
“I’m cutting it shorter.”, I said.
“So you can’t play with it anymore.”
You just stayed silent and continued to finger locks of my hair. Just like that.
Hours later in the next morning, I woke up first to a nightmare at five in the morning. In a bid to head back to sleep, I started counting the moles on your face, your eyelashes, the number of wrinkles that have increased in our lost time. In the end, I lost patience and I burrowed my head deeper into your chest instead. Your room was always too cold but it’s okay. I thought about places I have been and bodies I have missed and I think you and I worked so well because we didn’t even have to think twice about our actions. As I placed my head closer, your body shifted to make room and I settled right in. You can lie saying that you have someone else, but I know that right at that spot, you’ve got it specially reserved for me. Just like that. Just like that.
We stayed in bed for too long that morning, and minutes before we really wake up to break up this happy ending that we could have had, you mumbled, “真舍不得” right into my nape while touching my hair again. I turned around and teasingly asked if it was my hair that you were going to miss. You reached out to push all the hair away from my face and you just smiled. Just like that. Just like in the past.