Lux (_ochre) wrote,

a thorn in the tree

Check in time 3 months later: I sat outside at the balcony of my office building and cried today. Cradled between work mistakes and yesterday's usual rites of passage, I just let go in the morning after two coffees, jittery fingers and a sinking feeling in my stomach. Right between drags and desperate phone calls, I curled up in the chair under the sun and tried to burn my flesh away. There are only two reasons that I cry - of a life that I cannot have or because of my mother. And suddenly I thought, this cannot be. It mustn't and I should stop.

But a thorn in the tree will never let you be free. Except that between us, I don't know who is which. Today I deliberately ripped apart my own wounds everywhere because I was having none of that healed shit. It hurt, felt good but I immediately regretted it because it's 16 and round one all over again.


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