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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Caitlin's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
7:10 pm
You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern.
A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock.
A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything.
No wonder you and London will get along so well.
Sunday, November 20th, 2005
7:51 pm
Your Birthdate: November 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.
Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.
When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.
It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious.

Your strength: Your warm heart

Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions

Your power color: Black

Your power symbol: Musical note

Your power month: February
Thursday, October 27th, 2005
11:58 pm
sweet, sweet ass sweet
Blink182 3eb4444: middle school was the shit
Blink182 3eb4444: everyone was like emotionally scarred and we were like fucking WOOO
Blink182 3eb4444: hahaha
oooBLUEiCEooo: seriously middle school was the shit

Current Mood: i wanted to put "enthralled"
Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
11:49 am
Check it out (cough Dr. O'Neill) and everyone else

Click on the Color and view the slideshow, then do the same for black and white. Then comment, if you'd like.

Current Mood: blank
Saturday, September 24th, 2005
2:15 pm
Your Personality Is

Rational (NT)

You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.
You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!

Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.
In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.

You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.
Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.

In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.

At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.

With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.

As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.

On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.
Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
7:55 pm
For those of you who know him and will be amused...
My brother called me today to ask me how to spell "psycho"... and yes, it was Jeremy.

Current Mood: giggly
Sunday, September 18th, 2005
9:15 pm
I haven't felt like this in so many moons
What Your Sleeping Position Says

You have a passion for everything - including sleeping.
Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well.
You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to hog the covers.
You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations.

Current Mood: no comment
Thursday, September 15th, 2005
2:09 am
So Coldplay got cancelled/postponed. Can anyone say God damnit?

Current Mood: actually
Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
6:24 pm
She says she talks to angels
Does anyone else's power keep fucking going out? (Besides those of you who have the luxury of living in your own home, that is.) I wish I lived upstairs again this year so I could bug the shit out of the person living below me as much as my room mate and I get annoyed by the person who lives above us making noise.

Current Mood: ahhh
Sunday, September 4th, 2005
8:36 pm
While I may not be different, I feel different. Read more...Collapse )

Current Mood: confused
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
5:42 pm
I came to you with best intentions
I'm not worried about anything, but I am feeling restless. I don't know if it's the room or not eating nearly as much as I was at home or what. I'm not nervous at all about failing my classes because that's not going to happen, but I am a little nervous and/or intimidated by my first English class so far. Sometimes I feel so unintelligent... or uneducated, rather. It was like in high school you're above the game and in college you're below the game, if that makes sense.

You know what's funny are those people who are dating but are allowed to see other people. What is that? You can't (well, actually you can) put people on hold. It's amusing how much you can like someone and then how great you can feel when you don't like them anymore. You have to cut the elaboration you use in stories out of your day-to-day life. It's also funny (irritating, actually.. sometimes) how you can have a casual conversation with people that are like whatever but ones you want to have a casual conversation with you get all nervous and serious with. I'm really just talking about one situation haha.

I have no idea what the hell this post is about.

Old school song:

This vacation's useless
These white pills aren't kind
I've given a lot of thought on this 13-hour drive
I miss the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9
And slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights
I've given a lot of thought to the nights we use to have
The days have come and gone
Our lives went by so fast
I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
Where I laid and told you, but you swear you loved me more

Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me
Will i shake this off pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is

Those notes you wrote me
I've kept them all
I've given a lot of thought of how to write you back this fall
With every single letter in every single word
There will be a hidden message about a boy that
loves a girl

Do you care if i don't know what to say
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
that there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is

Do you care if i don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me

Do you care if i don't know what to say?
Will you sleep tonight or will you think of me
Will i shake this off, pretend its all okay
That there's someone out there who feels just like me
There is

Current Mood: derr
Sunday, July 31st, 2005
8:57 pm
Livejournal participation has taken a major hit. And it's not even as if I don't have things to say, because lately I've had a lot to say. What's everyone else's excuse?
Saturday, July 16th, 2005
10:00 pm
Is someone getting the best of you?
How often in a day do you laugh?
Do you ever feel carefree?
Can you set all your crap beside you?
Can you focus on the true meaning of life?
What is the true meaning of life?
Can you stand up for yourself without backing down?
But can you do it at reasonable times, not rediculous ones?
Can you just express who you are and not stutter around or apologize for it?
Can you take a joke?
Can you stop offensive ones?
What does that do, anyway?
Can you do things regardless or what others are doing or thinking... can you think for yourself?
can you seperate yourself and involve yourself at the same time?
Can you not take everything on yourself or feel as if everything is your responsibility?
Can you make the time for the living things/people in life?
Can you make the time to look into/investigate certain matters and interests further?
Why are your judgemental of others - because that's you or because of what others think?
Can you be truly spontaneous and happy and carefree?
Can you go out on a limb?

Where does all this come from? How is it so easy to lose sight? You shouldn't sit backa nd watch things turn to shit, but unless you stop feeling as if everything negative or mistaken is somehow a disappointment in you, then you can't do anything. You haven't failed at anything if you can't understand someone, if you can not help someone, or if a friendship ends. That's just the way you/things are. What are you working towards? What are you fighting against? The balance of these equates to nothing gained and things lost... that's pessimistic. Why are some people at such constant discontent with their lives or themselves - what does that do? How do they get that way?

Do you ever stop to breathe? Do you notice yourself breathing or notice if you're not? How often do you forget to breathe? Is that normal during kissing?

The wax remains the wax, but how do you know this? You can apply it to yourself, the concept... not the wax.

Current Mood: good
Friday, July 8th, 2005
8:10 pm
Well, the second and fourth ones are completely obvious. haha

LiveJournal Username
do you watch The Surreal Life
would you wanna live in the same house as your LJ friends??
has no problem with being in the nude... all the time:freixenet
loves them some alcohol... all the time:trekteacher
loves them some inanimate objects. like piratey potatos!! ... all the time:freixenet
has homosexual tendencies:colorofyoureyes
pissed everyone off by whining about having their own room... and got it:teenybutt821
is actually a midget (oh c'mon!! this quiz was screaming for it!!)flamingowriting
is always always ALWAYS crying about something (haha pussy... *points and laughs*)moon_tower
This Fun Quiz created by Valerie at BlogQuiz.Net
Aries Horoscope at DailyHoroscopes.Biz

Thursday, July 7th, 2005
8:11 pm
GD = God Damn
Ya know, my parents are great parents. I don't know how to be a parent or even the slighest idea as to what my parental strategy will be. I love them both dearly.

Now that that's out of the way, when I come home from driving 45 minutes each way and 3.5 hours of class, call me crazy if I kind of want to be left the fuck alone for like 5 GD minutes. I don't want to walk in unnoticed, and I like it when my parents and I actually have conversations, but JESUS when my Mom is like we have chicken and we talked to Jeremy about an hour ago.. what was it about an hour ago Greg... and he said he'd be home in about an hour.. so he should be home soon.. so blah blah when it's just a yes or no or slightly detailed answer. And she was like are you alright you seem a little on edge and i was like yeah it's just everybody's been talking to me the whole time since i've been home and she's like well we just miss you and i'm like i know i miss you guys too, thanks. PEACE AND QUIET. ONE MINUTE later.. "blah blah blah blah" and it was like fucking most the time I don't communicate with the person I'm angry with that I'm angry with them probably because I'd blow up but WHEN I SAY that I'm irritated because people have been talking to me non-stop, and then you continue to talk, it's like WHAT THE FUCK!!!! So I shut off the TV that I was hopeing to relax w/ because all I could find was Britney and Kevin: Chaotic and I've never watched it and it was just adding to the annoyance (as I'm sure isn't hard to imagine.) Then I went on the porch and my Dad's like why are you going out there and I'm like cause and shut the door.

And then the fucking sound on the GD computer doesn't work. I just want to listen to a GD CD while I type out my frustrations and NO!

Sigh. Psychology wasn't that bad today because we rambled on about irrelevant but somewhat interesting shit and I got a 103 out of 100 on my test. I ran 2 miles on the treadmill for 20 minutes which I want to get 2 miles down to 15 minutes, but that felt good and blew off some steam. Then in Bio. lab we didn't even have a lab and he only kept us for an hour so I don't know what's with the crankiness but whatever. I assumed this would happen. I'm just insane from being in the GD house all the time studying and not having any me time.

Fuck that whole situation. It's retarded. I don't want to expect ANYTHING ever at all whatever. I'm just angry. At everything. As usual. I need to get out of this spot. I need to notice things in the world again and be me, not a being that reacts to others. Maybe he'll see how easy it is to physically forget people even though you don't mentally forget them, how easy it is to never see the ones you love because of ONE you love. How.. fucking.. stupid. Apparently we can catch up from time to time, but the only way for everything to be healthy for me is to not care. Just don't care. I don't want to be stupid and have it hold me back any longer, but I don't want to do more damage to myself and unnaturally force myself into not caring, because that kind of thing doesn't just automatically happen. I don't want to think a lot about when he's going to call or when we're going to talk next, but I don't want to just say bye to he and I because he's dating someone. The whole thing really isn't that complicated and it's not the end of the world, it's just ______ for me to deal with. I don't know what kind of description should go there. As Amy said, she has no idea how she'd be taking this if she were me or in my position. Whhhhatever. Can't live in fantasies.. but it's not a fantasy, our existence together. But our romantic future is a fantasy, a hope. I just need to live my life for me. I'm sure there's going to be more writing about it later, so I apologize to those of you who are sick of hearing about it. I'm going to Maegan's to swim. Swimming makes me feel better, I love the water. Oh and I talked to Evan last night when he was at the airport. Colorado sounded fun and he was on his way to Vegas woo!

Current Mood: empty
Tuesday, July 5th, 2005
2:23 pm
I only think of you as breaking my heart
What a good line:

"but i really like her caitlin.. but i really don't want you to hate me for it.."

What a bad line:

"there's always going to be time to talk about it.. k?"

I met a woman today who said that her husband passed away nine days ago. She was pretty young looking, and I found out (not from her) that her husband was 26 or 27. What was I doing nine day ago?

If you don't think of it as simple as people liking each other at one point in time and then moving on, it's odd to think of someone in the context of them once "belonging" to someone else. They were once so-and-so's, and now they're not. That's how life goes. You end up kissing someone's former posession during a game of ring of fire. haaaaaaaa haha, not a big deal, but then kinda sad (depending on the mood.)

i tried smoking a cigarette for the hell of it, it tickled my nose. it was funny. i'm not starting, don't worry. it's a retarded habit, especially if you're on birth control. My Dad told me about a 26-year-old woman who had to have her entire intestinal track/system removed because of something or other, don't remember, but it was from the combination of birth control and cigarettes, and now she has to be how she is for the rest of her life. But don't we all. Obviously that's an extreme case, but if you've read the pamphlet, that should be enough to make you not combine the two.

Current Mood: flat
Friday, July 1st, 2005
10:30 pm
That's What I'm Doing These Days
7:54 p.m. - 8:41 p.m.

Why are girls always interested in the guys that are only sorta interested or not interested at all in them? It might be like that with guys too, just not really the guys I know (unless the girl is me.) Maegan and I were talking about how it sucks and is aggravating when you like a guy and he has a female friend who he is ALWAYS with. Chances are one or both of them have feelings for the other one, or if they don't then she still holds the cards as far as who he talks to about romantic things or things you said/did that he doesn't know how to interpret. If she interprets things differently than you, you could be in trouble. But that's not to say that guys can't think for themselves or that all girls hate other females. We concluded the discussion with her saying, "Thanks for being the girl we hate!" haha.

On a similar note, I've been wanting to watch "My Best Friend's Wedding" for a few days now. I am SO Julia Roberts in that movie. I need to paint more toenails red than just my left big toe and "pointer" toe, but I like the way it looks in a weird way. Have no fear, I'm not turning into one of those kids who obnoxiously tries to stand out.

On a somewhat similar note, in between the arrival of this year's "Best of College Photography" book and thinking about my future in a non-stressful way, I've been thinking about my mindset towards photography and just self-expression overall. Last year and this year when I look at my picture in the books, I'm kind of like, "Oh, it's tiny.. it's neat.. there it is." But my attention goes more to the other shots. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited and ecstatic, it'd be a bummer if I wasn't in it. I was just really starting to think about the realism of things and the worth of things as compared to the value of things. Reading over different art schools' websites and their mission for students, talking with Maegan about ballet, and taking in my parents' reactions to things this past year (i.e. my grades) all came down to the same key point: Just be you because your life is what you make it.

The websites had intimidating parts, and then really exciting parts - 90 credit hours of photography is crazy! At first I was like, "Ok, I can do this..." and then I was like, "OMG, this is overwhelming, maybe I shouldn't go to art school..." and then I was looking at all the majors and I was like, "Hm, maybe a major in art school obviously involving photography but not strictly photography would be interesting."

Orange Gatorade is gooooood. Yeah Miller, you know what I'm talkin bout. I've been downing it all day.

One thing that struck me was a line about gaining something you didn't have before and growing and changing because of it. I think that's what everything in life should be/is about, but the fact that the growth would be extremely noticeable in photography over four years is awesome.

Cohesion with water is really neat. And yes, I did take a break from reading Biology to write this. Bear with me here: Water molecules stick to other water molecules with hydrogen bonds, which last only a few trillionths of a second. But these bonds are constantly forming, making water more structured than other liquids. Ok, I'm done. The point of that was how awesome is it if you picture the ocean and the waves and its constant motion, and then pictures all the molecules within it going apart and coming together and just how it all flows and has its rhythm? This is the journal of a nerd.

On my last similar note, WHAT is with all the shark attacks?! My brother was like, "It's the same shark working its way towards us then around the other coast." He was joking, but I thought it'd be kinda funny (and bad) if that was true. A 14-year-old, a 16-year-old, and a 19-year-old? Yeah, I'm staying out of the water. See... I had a point all along.

Current Mood: indifferent
Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
2:29 pm
Well, that last account was me automatically reacting to something instead of dwelling on it for days. So, yeah. Moving on.

I kinda wrote this out last night just because it was random stuff on my mind all due to a myspace comment ha. I'm not giving it to the person and I'm really only putting it on here for Maegan, Amy, Jessica, possibly Kaite, and anyone who would be interested in reading it. It's no big deal. Oh and Joe cause he's nosey. You guys can figure out who it's to.

"Hi. So I think you are a big dick in ways, but at least you loved me. If it was so obvious that I had feelings for him, then why didn't you break up with me? I'm a really big dick too, I'm not forgetting that part. I guess I'm not talking to you or hanging out with you because I don't want to let you in, I don't see what that would bring me. I know I hang out with my other ex-boyfriends, but there's too much I can't get past or just don't want to think about, I guess (with you and I.) I wouldn't mind hanging out every now and again and doing whatever, but if you look at me in that way it's weird and if you don't look at me in that way it's weird. Everything's just weird. I feel like you'd either get the wrong impression or you wouldn't want to hang out with me. I say I don't really trust your feelings, but I guess you're doing the same thing with me that I'm doing with him. People chasing and waiting for people they're not good for. We have a great relationship, but I'm probably not good for him, and he's probably not good for me. And I turn everything into him, and it's extremely aggravating. I did that in our relationship way too much, especially towards the end. I focused so much on him and hardly at all on you, even when you were upset or trying to help me not be upset. I would get annoyed at your emotions and snappy at your advice, when I used to love you and be in love with you... focus on you alone in that manner. I never told you when I would think of him or that I would many times be anxious for us to get off the phone so he and I could be on the phone. Who am I kidding, I'll never tell you that. That's horrible. I guess these are things that happen when a relationship detiorates. I'm not sure which makes me feel more angry/messed up - what I let occur in the relationship (what I didn't stand up for) or things I did and ways I acted. I hung out with Adil while you were at your grandmother's funeral. Yeah, I did. You aren't supposed to go through life sneaking around or feeling guilty. I'm just as fake and stupid as you are. I guess that's what bugs me... I get so angry or emotional about things you did, ways you acted, and then I look at how I acted myself and also how I reacted to your actions and it's just the same; a relationship is two people's mistakes. But nothing's a mistake, that's just how you are. Just like how I would always "take things the wrong way." That statement would make me so angry, but it made me even more angry that I believed it sometimes. Obviously I'm not ready to hang out with you, and maybe I should re-examine my pattern of hanging out with him. I need to study."

Ahem, anyway. I really want to start making my journal/conversations good and not all about relationship shit. I'm not trying to be dramatic... seriously. I thought the letter (which was moreso to myself, really I guess) helped with shit because otherwise I just avoid it and pretend that nothing at all happened. That part of my life is just blocked out and not talked about.

I love the way school and subjects and everything makes me think. I love learning and reading and all those nerdy, intellectual things. I made a random list of things I want to do, and some of them I'll probably outgrow (like some of the languages), but some of them I seriously want to do (like SCAD.)

"I Want To...
* Take Latin
* Master Spanish
* Take Arabic, German, and Italian
* Go to SCAD (Savannah College of Art and Design)
* Express myself more
* Solidify who I am/what my ideology is to myself
* Scrapbook more
* Write about intellectual, positive things
* Write journals and articles for newspapers and magazines like Cosmo, National Geographic, and Rolling Stone
* Become kick ass at crew
* Find a happy median to walking around and drowning in relationships
* Be great at keeping in touch with everyone I care about
* Reduce stress
* Eat well
* Run
* Write
* Read more
* Look in Journalism programs
* Figure out a workable mixture of what I love and figure out which loves are more important/versatile to me
* Get straight A's
* Have true friendships (which I do, but I want to not lose sight of the truth)"

Oh and in class today (History - The Renaissance) I was thinking about random things and I had the realization (to myself) that: "In History and the Bible, there's all thse famous people who have done monumental (in different ways) things, but they did not go everyday of their life making headway or doing monumental things. You can live everyday by an ideology or morals but you take days off, you do things for yourself and do work along the way. It is your effort, work, and contribution overall which counts because when you put anyone under a microscope, no one is a God." I know I'm not a genious or a philosopher, but certain elementary concepts are important for me to remind myself of many times.... so shutup.

I guess that's it. I need to read for Psychology and Biology. I went to Wal-Mart last night and had a lot of fun fucking around in the aisles haha, I was really hyper from being pent-up in class all day long. YAY MAEGGY'S HOME TODAY!

Current Mood: cheerful
Monday, June 27th, 2005
12:36 pm
jkasl;dgo hl;vjkaneu;hdK!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!! sdfaf

I hate being psycho, I hate liking my best guy friends, why can't I ya know not like anyone or like people who I can date in an adult kind of way. Even though I don't want to date in a stale kind of adult way. I don't even give a shit about dating right now. I just enjoy getting to know different people and different types of people and spending time with them and doing random things. Fucking whatever. GEEZ!

Grrrrrrrr fuckin a. breathe. Nothing is a big deal. I need to eat, when I don't eat I go psycho haha which probably isn't funny, actually. In between no food and class for 3 1/2 hours I wouldn't be surprised if I started drooling blood and was like ahhuhhsd;kvnei what? It's not that bad at all... yet. There's shit I want to write about and figure out but not right now, I need to eat and read for Psych. Oh the irony.

Current Mood: stressed
Saturday, June 25th, 2005
8:25 pm
Drinking at Evan's tonight, I'm definitely ready to. Miss you teenybutt, wish you could spend the evening with all of us.

Current Mood: in an angry way
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