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deathless one

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[19 Jun 2006|07:46pm]
I'm in oregon. it's really nice here. I'm so glad to be here... things were getting awful in boulder with lindsay and deva.

I love boulder, and I love deva, and lindsay too. but I don't love them together. bleh. couldn't fucking handle it, I was going psycho. it's all such a fucked up stupid situation. my best friend and my ex boyfriend. fucking each other.

it ended pretty bad. attacked lindsay in a drunken frenzy. barely remember. left the next day, bought the first ticket I could.

sucks cause boulder is so nice, I love it there. and all of deva's friends there, they're so cool. but I just couldn't stay.

before boulder we spent a couple days getting hammered in arizona with lindsay's mom. that was fun. everything's been a blur, though. drinking nonstop.

but now I'm in oregon, and I'm not drinking. and I'm not smoking. weed or cigarettes. and I've been eating healthy, been a vegan for almost a week now. been bike riding around eugene, getting exercise. I'm just happy to be on the right track. I had been drinking way too much.

still hurts, everything. but I now know I can never trust deva in that way ever again. you'd think I'd have gotten it the first time. *rolls eyes*
1 paper wing|watch them burn

[31 May 2006|08:53pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

my my. I haven't written in this for about a year.

thought I'd start it up again.

god things are so crazy.

life is fucking insane.

having a pretty hard time.

drama is everywhere.

I'm angry.

I wanna get away.

oh yeah, and I am completely 100% obsessed with LOST. LOST LOST LOST LOST. don't know how I'm gonna wait all summer to see jack kate and sawyer locked up in a cell together.

7 paper wings|watch them burn

[31 Jul 2004|01:17am]

5 paper wings|watch them burn

[17 May 2004|11:24pm]
god I am so angry right now. I hate this.

so much.
1 paper wing|watch them burn

[02 Mar 2004|05:33pm]

Friends Only

alrighty, my journal is, from now on, friends only. if you're not on my friends list and you want to be, just comment. :)

21 paper wings|watch them burn

[01 Mar 2004|02:48pm]
[ mood | eh ]

one of my favorite mest songs.

my kitty is the most annoying cutest thing to ever exist. aw I <3 him.

i'm getting excited for my birthday party next week, it'll be fun. I've already been telling a bunch of my friends... meaning the whole school will know soon. there better not be any fucking fights. I hate fights at parties, it ruins almost every single one of them, just because stupid people get violent when they're drunk and need to prove their macho-ness.

also, I hate homophobic people. I am homophobic-phobic. stupid stupid ignorance.

after my birthday, which is in two weeks, it will be only two weeks until blink-182. yay! I love having stuff to look forward to.

watch them burn

[29 Feb 2004|07:53pm]

I want to goooo...

bands that work for animal rights make me so so so happy. <3

3 paper wings|watch them burn

[29 Feb 2004|07:26pm]
When NASA first started sending astronauts into space, they quickly

discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion

developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, on almost any

surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing

to over 300 degrees.

The Russians used a pencil.

Enjoy paying your taxes.
watch them burn

[27 Feb 2004|08:24pm]
[ mood | eh ]

went to town today. I bought 4 posters... fight club, the used, mest, and HIM. wanted another afi one but oh well. yeah. it's weird, I used to have billions of posters but last year I took them all down but now I think I'm getting into them again...

very stormy right now... cold... rainy... sucks. my mom's really sick.

saw Eurotrip. it was alright, pretty funny. haha... the "Scottie Doesn't Know" song was hilarious, still have it stuck in my head.

haven't been to school all week except for wednseday... (is it weird that I can NEVER spell that?) I'm getting a D in spanish. bleh. and at lunch ina may kept talking about my drunkenness last friday, and tried to tell us all about what I was doing with robbie, but I wouldn't let her because I really don't want to know. I just don't. rachael and brooke thought it was hilarious, however. ahh and in guitar we were talking about brad pitt or something, the guys I think that are hot, and brison goes "so... do you think robbie is hot?" but he's just mocking me, not a serious question. because of course, he was there too and I guess whatever was happening he saw. and he starts laughing. ina may starts laughing, they're cracking up. greeeeaaat. I also wouldn't let brison tell me, because... no.

I'm an idiot.

but, whatever.

I'm having my birthday party at elises'... we're gonna make a huge mud pit and have mud wrestling. and maybe a live band. it'll be fun. it'll be big. meaning the goof troop will be there, meaning all the stupid little surfer boys will be there, meaning robbie will be there. not sure if that makes me happy or eww.

on a side now, I am hearing for the first time, the acoustic version of cute without the e, and I <3 it oh soooo soo much.

watch them burn

[24 Feb 2004|10:08pm]
[ mood | whoah ]

Norman Reedus is officially FUCKING HOT LIKE WHOAH.


<3 <3

the irish accent owns me. (don't care if it's not real)

2 paper wings|watch them burn

I've been updating way too much lately... [24 Feb 2004|06:09pm]
[ mood | phooey ]

sniff. why does anya have to die? it's not fair I tell you.

just talked to elise. she says she's definetely throwing me a party for my birthday. which is.. yay? I guess? I'm not all that excited, which is weird because usually I would be.

also wow this whole cd reminds me so much of 8th grade. aww... good times. a lot of others, too, that I randomly put in the other day. all filler no killer, nfg's self-titled, take off your pants and jacket, start static. it all reminds me of me and jenna... I miss hanging out with her. speaking of which, I think we're gonna go to blink-182 together, because... I mean.. it just makes sense. yes. we're both flipping out about them coming, both agree we should show up at least 5 hours early to stalk them get good spots.

watch them burn

[24 Feb 2004|01:52pm]
Graduation Requirments for King Kekaulike High School:

4 Language Arts
4 Social Studies
3 Mathematics
3 Science
.5 Health
.5 Guidance
1 Physical Education
6 Elective credits

Graduation Requirements for North Eugene High School:

3.5 Language Arts
.5 Humanities
3 Social Studies
2 Mathematics
2 Science
1 Health
1 Physical Education
2 -Applied Arts
-Fine Arts
-World Languages
8 Elective credits

I'll already have most of those by the time I finish sophomore year. wholy snaps, maybe I'll get to graduate as a junior.

except blah... NEHS doesn't accept under 70% as passing. fuck. King Ke lets you pass with 60%. hope I got everything above C's on all my classes so far...
4 paper wings|watch them burn

[24 Feb 2004|10:53am]
[ mood | giggly ]

I love Bill Maher.Collapse )

4 paper wings|watch them burn

no school AGAIN wee... [24 Feb 2004|10:28am]
[ mood | happy ]

I woke up in a happy mood today. I'm actually in a goood mood. which has been very rare lately.

maybe it was cause of my dream. ah, I love how I can control my dreams sometimes. it's so great. but only sometimes. well, last night I suddenly realised I was dreaming, so I figured I could do anything I wanted. I was in the middle of a mall with my dad, so I had this brilliant idea to have tony poof out of thin air, cause um, it would be fun. that was kind of hard, but i made it happen. and to get us, er.. alone... I had to lose my dad, but he kept following us so I went all matrix-style and jumped up to the second level with tony, and made it so my dad couldn't follow. then me and tony went to... be alone. and it was fun. hehe I love lucid dreaming. and I'm getting a LOT better at it, too. I used to never be able to create people out of thin air, or change my surroundings. and having super powers, being able to do anything. it's majorly cool. heh I wonder if it freaks tony out to know there's random girls out there dreaming about him.

also, I watched Boondock Saints last night. that was a goood movie. I gotta watch it again though. damn, both those brothers were so fucking hot. and the deleted scene, where their mom calls from ireland and they're naked on the floor with the phone? yeah that was nice.

ah, how I love being in a happy mood. I realised that... when I move to oregon, I probably won't see alot of people around here ever again. so, fuck it. I have nothing to be embarrassed of, nothing to prove to these stupid people. fuck it. I seriously don't give a shit.. and that's such a great feeling.

also, um, blink-182 in 2 months? YAY MAJORLY!! I'm so fucking excited for that. also, my birthday in 2 weeks. woo.

ah. good moods rock. too bad it'll probably be over soon and I'll be all depressed again. it's weird how that works, ain't it? guess I gotta enjoy this while it lasts.

3 paper wings|watch them burn

random quote from... somwhere.... [23 Feb 2004|01:07pm]
Joel: Benji, you are a dirty, dirty man.
Benji: That’s what your mom said to me last night.
Joel: Dude, that’s sick! My mom is your mom!

i'm bored alright.
watch them burn

[23 Feb 2004|11:25am]
[ mood | tired ]

no school for meee today.... haha suckers.

arm still fucked up.

weird dreams last night. or, more like this morning. I kept waking up every half hour or so and pressing play on my cd player (to drown out the damn chickens) and then falling back asleep, continuing with the same dream each time. dreams are crazy.

dennis kucinich was here yesterday, my mom was all excited. she's so funny. since she's the dennis kucinich headquarters lady or whatever on maui, she got to go pick him up, drive him around, take him to the college to do his speech, all that... she was psyched. lol that'd be so cute if they got together, she's like in love with him.

watch them burn

[22 Feb 2004|08:57pm]
I fell asleep in the middle of traffic
I know you’d rather see me crash
I’m trying to make something good
Out of this grand disaster
But all I have to show is bruised bones
And scraped elbows torn up from gravel
I fell hard and couldn’t get up
Crying and cold I couldn’t move
I know you’d rather see me hurt
watch them burn

[22 Feb 2004|02:07pm]
[ mood | embarrassed ]

ow my arm hurts like a bitch. I think I may have fractured it. except, I don't remember how. I can't move it, barely.


I hate getting that drunk. the night started out fine. I just drank too quickly, I guess. I was dancing for a while, though, that was fun. then it gets blurry, and I'm pulling robbie over to me and saying "dance with me", and so we dance for a while, then it gets blurry again, and I think I was sitting on the back of a truck with him, and then... ina may comes and gets me? and I fall over? I think? so so so blurry... then I remember cops showing up, and passing out in the bushes... somewhere... and then kelsey and gaia showing up in a golf cart and taking me up to kelsey's house... and using gaia's cell phone, calling ina may. ina says she's at alana's... I tell her to come get me. then it's blurry again... and then kelsey's dad is helping me into his truck, says he's gonna drive me home. I'm sitting in the front seat for awhile, and they're outside of the car talking about me. I'm really fucking drunk, I can barely move. I throw up on myself. kelsey's dad says something like "good, she's throwing up." then it's blurry again... I think I used his cell phone in the car to call ina may again. then I wake up and I'm lying... somewhere... and ina may is helping me up. and then we lie down again, in the grass, right by my house. I'm really cold, I'm shivering and throwing up. ina may tells me that my mom is still up and probably won't go to bed until we come home. I tell ina may i wanna go to my mom's car and lie down in there, so we go to the car, I pass out in there. then I'm suddenly in my house, out in the living room grabbing clothes from the dryer, my mom is asleep. I put on the clothes, go back to my room, knock over some shit, and fall asleep.


that was my version. this is ina may's... what she told me. not sure if it's in the right order or whatever...

she says she lost me, and found me with robbie, and tried to get me to come with her, but I kept falling over and couldn't get up. that I was trying to go pee in front of everyone, she had to stop me. some guys help her carry/drag me over to somewhere to sit. I fall off the chair. we're hanging out with yeshua and all his little friends, and I keep telling yesh to "pack a bowl, fucker, pack a bowl..." and then there's this fight, or these two guys are gonna fight, or something... and I lose one of my shoes, so I have to go get it, and wander off. ina may can't find me. she goes to alanas, gets a ride with matt. I call her, tell her to come get me. then hang up. call her again, tell her I'm at home. she gets a ride up to my house and finds me passed out in my driveway (gravel, mind you. ow, I have lots of scrapes). she drags me over to some grassy area, we lie there for a while. I'm cold, so we go to the car. then we sleep in the car for awhile, she wakes up, gets me out of the car and we start walking up the stairs to my house. she says I looked REALLY fucked up, I was all dirty and looked really drunk. (I don't remember this part at all) then we come in the house, my mom is on the computer. she smiles at us, ina may talks to her, and I mumble "i'm tired" and we walk to my room. we're in my room for awhile, and then I go out and come back in and pass out.


that night sucked. she said I kept going over to robbie. greeeat. whatever.

my mom had no idea, though. thank fucking god. I really hope kelsey's parents don't tell her. whatever.

I'm so sick of this. getting drunk is so lame. parties are lame. I hate how stupid I am sometimes. why can't I just... not be an idiot? jeesus.

watch them burn

[21 Feb 2004|12:06pm]
fuck alcohol. fuck hangovers. fuck robbie. fuck stupid high school parties. fuck the kids at my school. fuck maui. fuck this stupid island. fuck everything.



3 paper wings|watch them burn

[20 Feb 2004|03:14pm]
[ mood | excited ]

kelsey's having a party tonight. fun. she's so sweet, I love her. I wish her and my brother were still together. :( she has a new boyfriend. bleh. I don't like that.

got a new tv. now I can watch buffy YAY Ihavenolife.

did I mention on here that I dyed my hair again? yeah. well. it's black again. oops. I meant to dye it dark brown. oh well. it's not FULL on black, just... really dark.

christine and alex are going out. which is... strange. because, I hooked up with him. and, she's my good friend. and... I dunno. I guess he likes her, I always thought he was just a player who liked to hook up with girls, not date them. but, I guess that was just with me. I don't understand why guys never want to be my boyfriend, just fucking... use me or whatever.

I don't really care, I don't like alex anyway.

eh. blah.

watch them burn

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