Kagome (_newworld) wrote,

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Never There - Yukido

Title: Never There
Author: Kagome
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Yuki/Hyde
Fandom: L’Arc~en~Ciel (JRock)
Theme: #6 – The Space Between Dream and Reality
Disclaimer: I am running out of disclaimers. ^^; I don’t own them, so don’t sue me.
Summary: When I’m asleep you’re always there, but when I wake, you’re never there.
Notes: Tenth 30_kisses challenge. WHOO!! I’m 1/3 of the way finished. GO ME. Dedicated to yoru_no_merodii as a birthday present since I have no idea if I’ll be able to buy her anything for her birthday because Daddy took ALL MY MONEY OUT OF THE BANK TO HELP PAY FOR MY CAR AND NOW I AM BROKE. *sighs* Writing is about the only other thing I can do, so I hope you like it, lovely. And it's pretty short, too. ^^;;

Never There

“Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look
You're never there
And every time I sleep
You're always there”

-Michelle Branch, “Everywhere”

The sun was shining in his eyes, and he didn’t like it. He rolled over, wanting to sleep just a few minutes more. The arms that encircled him were warm and tight around him, and with a blissful sigh, he snuggled deeper into the embrace, wanting to be closer if that was at all possible.

“Yuki-chan?” Hyde’s soft voice reached his ears and he mumbled something incoherent in reply, burying his face in Hyde’s neck. He was tired; he wanted to try and go back to sleep.

Hyde apparently had other plans, though, because now his fingers were trailing down Yuki’s spine, and Yuki couldn’t help but shiver in response, that simple touch raising goosebumps on his skin. “I think you should wake up, Yuki-chan.” Hyde’s voice was still soft, only now, it was closer, and the next thing Yuki knew, something warm and wet was tracing along the rim of his ear: Hyde’s tongue. Yuki released a small moan, though it was not one of protest.

“I’ve been watching you sleep for several minutes now,” Hyde said, leaning closer to suck on Yuki’s earlobe lightly. “And you know what I’ve been thinking about?”

Yuki lifted his head, his eyes opening fully as he gazed into Hyde’s dark eyes, but they slid closed again at the possessive, almost hungry look that he found there. “W-what have you b-been thinking?” he managed to stammer, already knowing exactly what Hyde had been thinking, but wanting to hear it all the same.

Hyde’s fingers trailed a little lower, over the curve of one buttock, and then slid teasingly over his inner thigh. “I’ve been planning what to do to you since I’ve woken up, and I’ve had plenty of time to think.” Hyde’s lips pressed against his, warm and gentle, and Hyde mumbled against his mouth: “I think I’ll just show you, since that’s easier, ne?”

Breathless and wordless, blood already rushing to his groin at the tone of Hyde’s voice and the promise in his words, Yuki nodded. He flicked his own tongue out, running it along Hyde’s bottom lip and sighing blissfully when Hyde’s lips parted and drew Yuki’s tongue into his mouth, sucking on it softly.

“But,” Yuki began, his voice light and teasing as he pulled away from that tantalizing and talented mouth, “didn’t you get enough of me last night?” He could help the small smile that spread across his face as he asked the question, because he already knew what Hyde’s answer would be.

“I can never get enough of you,” Hyde growled softly, claiming Yuki’s mouth once again in a deep, hungry kiss. Hyde kissed with lips and tongue, and once, Yuki even felt a small amount of pain as Hyde’s teeth pricked his bottom lip, drawing blood. But then, Hyde was lapping at the wound tenderly, his hands running down Yuki’s sides, stopping to rest lightly on his hips.

“That’s good to hear,” Yuki replied, struggling to keep his voice steady as Hyde began kissing lightly at his neck.

“You know what I want you to do, Yuki-chan?” Hyde asked then, his fingers dancing lightly over his skin.

Before Yuki could even ask what exactly it was that Hyde wanted him to do, Hyde had wriggled out from under him, and he suddenly found himself on his hands and knees, facing the headboard. He started to protest, or maybe to ask what in the hell his lover was doing, but when he opened his mouth, the only sound that came out was a whimper, for Hyde’s mouth was currently pressing hot kisses to the back of his neck. “H-Haido-chan…”

“Don’t ask questions, Yuki-chan,” Hyde hissed softly, his mouth now working its way down Yuki’s spine, moving lower, lower, lower. “Just feel.”

Oh, Yuki could definitely feel. Like, at that precise moment, he could feel Hyde’s tongue circling his entrance teasingly, dipping inside just a little and then withdrawing once more, only to run his tongue around that tight ring of muscle once more, applying just a little more pressure this time.

Hyde teased Yuki’s opening with lips and tongue and teeth for several moments, during which Yuki moaned and whimpered and pressed his hips back, wanting more. He felt Hyde’s tongue thrust just a little into his entrance and he barely managed to bite back another moan, although he couldn’t keep his hips from bucking back just a little, against that warm wetness. “More, Haido-chan, please,” he groaned softly, clutching at the bedsheets.

“You want more?” Hyde asked, speaking with his lips pressed against Yuki’s skin so that every single spoken word sent a shiver coursing through Yuki’s entire body. Yuki gasped and nodded, punctuating his motion with another moan, only this one wasn’t quite as soft as the others had been.

In the next moment, Hyde’s mouth had left his skin and Yuki let out a whine of protest, but when Hyde leaned over him and whispered hotly into his ear, all thoughts of further protest vanished from his mind completely. “Reach over to the nightstand and get the lube, Yuki-chan.” Hyde was definitely going to give him more, all right.

He did as Hyde instructed, grabbing the lubricant from his nightstand and passing it to his lover quickly, eager to feel Hyde inside of him. Hyde’s lips placed small kisses all over his neck and shoulders, and Yuki gripped the bedsheets even tighter, shaking with anticipation.

“I’m not teasing anymore, Yuki-chan,” Hyde whispered raggedly, and Yuki could feel him then, pressed against his entrance. It took every ounce of self-control he possessed to keep himself from bucking his hips backwards, eager as he was to have Hyde deep and hard and throbbing inside of him.

“T-then don’t tease,” Yuki answered, finding it quite difficult to articulate. “H-Haido-chan, please.”

Without any other warning, Hyde thrust inside of him, burying himself completely within Yuki. Yuki cried out, his body readjusting to the feeling of Hyde so deep inside of him, though he had felt the very same thing just the night before. It never ceased to amaze him how perfect Hyde felt – how perfect they felt, together. How perfect they fit together.

“Do I feel good?” Hyde asked, his hips beginning to move already. “You feel good to me. So very good, Yuki-chan… ahnnn… you’re so tight and hot and… mmm…”

“You feel good, Haido-chan,” Yuki replied, grinding his hips firmly back against Hyde’s cock, impaling himself further. “Ahh… harder, please…”

“Yuki.” Though Hyde’s voice was lust-filled and breathy, there was a very serious underlying tone in it. “You… ohh… you know that I love--”

Yuki awoke with a start, blinking at the morning sun streaming through his window and rolling over, reaching out and finding no-one to wrap his arms around. Not that he was surprised, really. Hyde never stayed the night with him. There was nothing beside him but what felt to him to be an endless stretch of white cotton.

Yuki didn’t like waking up and finding Hyde never there. Why did the other man haunt his dreams so? It was torture, having Hyde be so kind to him and always there in his dreams, and then to wake up in an empty bed and have reality crash down upon him.

He found it odd, though, that he had woken up before Hyde had told him that he loved him; usually he slept past that part. And Hyde would always tell him those words in every single dream, without fail.

He had never bothered to utter those words for real, though. This made Yuki quite miserable, and it made him feel as though he were being used. But… he was being used, wasn’t he?

Of course he was. Hyde didn’t love him.

The sense of loneliness was almost overwhelming, and Yuki tried his best to ignore the pain in his chest. He buried his face further into his pillow, closing his eyes. Perhaps he could catch a few more hours’ sleep…

Going back to sleep was his plan, but the dull ache in his chest was becoming harder and harder to ignore by the second. There was really no point in trying go back to sleep, anyway; there was no reason to slip back into his dreams because his dreams only made reality harder to deal with.

In his dreams, Hyde was always there with him, holding him throughout the night and staying with him even after sunrise. In his dreams, Hyde would always tell him that he loved him.

That was the difference between his dreams and reality. Dream-Hyde was always there, but the real Hyde… he was never there unless it was convenient for him. He never did anything for anyone’s benefit but his own.

Quite frankly, Yuki was sick of the cruel truth of things, and even sicker of how wonderful everything always was in his dreams.

He sat up, wincing at the sudden stab of pain in his backside and cursing Hyde for being so rough the night before. There was no sense in saying ‘good morning’ to someone that wasn’t there – that would never be there, unless it was just for sex.

And there was no sense in waiting to hear words that simply would not be said outside of his dreams. Hearing dream-Hyde say them only made him feel worse. Really, there was no point in torturing himself like this.

Tonight, if Hyde came knocking on his door, Yuki would turn him away. There was no point in waking up another morning feeling empty inside; it was bad enough waking up alone to begin with.

Hyde was never there in the morning, and he never would be. It was as simple as that. And Yuki was not about to waste his life away waiting around for something that would never happen.

Perhaps it had been his dreams that had made him hold on for so long. Perhaps he had begun to believe that Hyde would actually turn out to be as he was in his dreams.

But, things would never be that simple, would they? Things would never fall into place. And Yuki was tired of the ‘never’s he was constantly faced with.

He would no longer let his dreams dictate this part of his life. He wasn’t going to hold onto someone that wouldn’t hold onto him in turn. He wasn’t going to hope for words that he had no chance of hearing.

He wasn’t going to be content with loving someone if they were always with him in his dreams, but never there when he opened his eyes in the morning.

The bed was empty; Yuki was completely and utterly alone…

Just like he knew he would be.

Tags: 30 kisses, hydexyuki, l'arc~en~ciel, yukixhyde
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