Kagome (_newworld) wrote,

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Everything - Yukido

Title: Everything
Author: Kagome
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Hyde/Yuki
Fandom: JRock/L'Arc~en~Ciel
Theme: #7 - Superstar
Disclaimer: The boys aren't mine and they never will be, which saddens me. ^_^ They are real people, and I will sit here right now and honestly say that I have all the respect in the world for Hyde's marriage to Megumi... it's just a lot more fun to write about him in situations with other men. XD
Summary: Hyde's a rockstar. He's rich, he's gorgeous. He has a wonderful family and the best of friends anyone could hope for. Hyde has everything. first of the 30_kisses challenges.


Takarai Hideto is a famous rockstar. He is gorgeous; he is rich. He has a beautiful wife and a darling baby girl. He has the best friends anyone could ever image. He has an overall happy life, though it is quite busy. He has been to places that others have only dreamed about. He lives his life at the top, looking down at everyone else and smiling at them – perhaps in pity.

Hyde has everything.


Gentle fingers dance upon Hyde’s skin, over his shoulders and his back, pausing to trace over his wings before dipping even lower and moving down along his spine. He barely manages to contain a moan as those fingers slide lower, ghosting over his sensitive opening – not pressing, just touching lightly, and making him want more.

He wants so much more.

Hyde rolls over just as those fingers begin moving along his thighs and reaches for that warm body, pulling it close and into a crushing embrace. “Yuki-chan,” he murmurs softly, pressing his lips against the drummer’s neck, “you shouldn’t tease me. It’s unfair.”

Yuki pulls back just enough to grin down at him, and Hyde wants to swallow that grin and make it his, make Yuki completely forget his reason for grinning in the first place. “Ah, but it’s fun to tease you, Haido-chan.” As if to prove his point, Yuki reaches between them, sliding the palm of his hand over the head of Hyde’s erection.

Hyde bites down on his lip, closing his eyes and tilting his head back at that one touch, arching his back, pushing himself against Yuki’s hand and Yuki chuckles, bringing his lips to Hyde’s ear.

“Tell me, what is it that you want, Haido-chan?” Yuki asks him, his breath tickling at Hyde’s ear as he withdraws his hand and the vocalist shivers, digging his nails ever-so-slightly into Yuki’s back.

“You know exactly what I want,” Hyde answers, sliding his hands down, kneading at the muscles of the drummer’s back and smiling satisfactorily when Yuki groans softly against his ear. “I want you, Yuki-chan. I want you in me. Right now.”

He hears Yuki’s breath catch in his throat and he smiles even wider, pressing his lips to Yuki’s neck again, applying soft kisses and then opening his mouth, drawing his tongue over the flesh before sucking at it. He pulls back to admire the purple mark that now decorates Yuki’s skin, and then moves over to the juncture of neck and shoulder, biting down hard and making Yuki groan.

“Hy-Hyde…” Yuki gazes down at him, eyes filled with an unspeakable desire, and Hyde knows that if he were to look in the mirror, his eyes would look exactly the same.

“Yes?” Hyde asks, feeling a delightfully wicked grin spread across his lips.

“Wipe that fucking smirk off your face,” Yuki says, and before Hyde can form an intelligible reply, Yuki’s mouth is pressing demandingly against his own, his tongue flicking out and running along his bottom lip. Hyde gives in almost immediately, opening his mouth to the taller man, groaning into his mouth as their tongues touch.

Hyde’s hands stop massaging the small of Yuki’s back and travel lower, cupping around his ass and squeezing, rocking his hips upward, moaning as his erection brushes against Yuki’s.

Yuki abruptly pulls back from their kiss with a strangled moan, his eyes closed and his hips grinding down, increasing the pressure and the friction between their bodies. He opens his eyes and gazes heatedly down at Hyde. “You’re going to pay for that little distraction,” he informs, before he lowers his mouth to one of Hyde’s nipples.

Hyde’s head falls back against the pillows once again and he raises one hand, tangling his fingers in Yuki’s hair and pressing that face closer, trembling as Yuki’s tongue flicks across his nipple. “Ahhh… Yuki…”

Yuki responds with a deep, throaty growl, moving to the other nipple and sucking on it hard, bowing Hyde’s spine and making the vocalist release an involuntary cry. One hand was traveling in slow circles over Hyde’s abdomen, moving lower, sliding over Hyde’s thighs.

Hyde nearly releases a groan of disappointment when both Yuki’s mouth and hands leave his skin, but he quickly recovers, feeling his eyes grow wide as Yuki reaches over to his dresser for the lube, squirting some onto his fingers. Hyde instantly opens his legs a little wider and Yuki leans down, kissing him hard as he presses two fingers inside of him.

The vocalist moans, already thrusting his hips against those fingers as he slips his tongue into Yuki’s mouth, partaking of the delightful heat that can only be described as Yuki. His fingers tangle in the drummer’s hair again, and Yuki scissors his fingers inside of him.

Hyde breaks the kiss with a moan, his fingers tightening in Yuki’s hair. Yuki retreats momentarily, before thrusting his fingers back in again and probing, stroking gently, the very tips of his fingers brushing against Hyde’s prostate and causing Hyde to gasp, pressing even more against Yuki’s fingers.

“Y-Yuki-chan… onegai, I want you in me. You.” These are the only words Hyde can coherently say, anything else would have been garbled and unintelligible.

Yuki thrusts his fingers one last time before withdrawing them and grabbing the lube again, squirting a generous amount into his palm and coating himself thoroughly. He positions himself above Hyde and Hyde eagerly spreads his legs even wider. “Now,” he says, voice barely above a whisper, but he knows Yuki hears him.

Yuki nods, and slowly begins pushing himself into the vocalist.

Hyde growls, low and furious, wanting more than just this. Yuki is teasing him, going slow purposefully.

And Hyde doesn’t like it one bit.

Yuki gazes down at him. “Now who’s the wicked one that can tease again, hmm?” He presses forward just a little more, seeming quite smug.

Hyde growls again, impatient. “Fuck, Yuki! You’ve never been this difficult before! Stop teasing right the fuck now, dammit!” He snakes his legs around Yuki’s waist, quickly, purposefully, trapping him securely in place. He digs his heels in Yuki’s ass, dragging him forward, drawing the drummer deep into his body with one swift jerk.

The sound of Yuki’s groan reaches Hyde’s ears and his head snaps up, gazing into the depths of those dark brown eyes, and he knows, in that one instant, that he is absolutely head-over-heels in love with this man and would do anything – anything – for him.

“Yuki…” Hyde wants to say something to convey his feelings, but he knows that at the moment, they are both too far gone for anything that he might say to make any sense whatsoever. So instead of speaking, he raises a hand, placing it behind Yuki’s head and dragging him down, claiming his lips once again.

Hyde thrusts his tongue into Yuki’s mouth, dipping deeply, hungrily, kissing him almost desperately. He feels Yuki move his hips back, the drummer’s cock sliding deliciously within him until only his head is teasing at Hyde’s entrance, and Hyde growls once again, the sound swallowed by Yuki.

Just seconds later, Yuki thrusts down again, pushing himself all the way into Hyde, angling himself just right so that he brushes against Hyde’s prostate. Hyde breaks the kiss with an almost-startled moan, clutching at Yuki, gazing heatedly up at him and rocking his own hips upwards. Moremoremore…

The pace is slow at first, almost unbearably slow, and before Hyde even realizes it, he is the one who eventually increases the pace, wrapping his legs even tighter around Yuki’s waist and thrusting upwards. It does not take much coaxing before Yuki is rocking his hips harder, faster, making Hyde writhe beneath him. Fuck, Yuki-chan, so good, so good…

Yuki’s breath is hot against Hyde’s ear as he raggedly whispers his name, worming a hand between them and grasping Hyde’s erection, giving it a swift, firm jerk and making Hyde cry out. Yuki’s fingers run over his head in all the right places and Hyde trembles, pushing forward into Yuki’s hand and also causing Yuki’s cock to slide even deeper inside of him on his next thrust.

Hyde slides one of his own hands between their bodies, linking his fingers with Yuki’s and helping Yuki get him off. “Ahhh,” he moans, thrusting his hips faster, moving his mouth to Yuki’s shoulder and biting down hard, causing the man above him to cry out and throb within him. “C-can feel you… throbbing,” he manages, his teeth raking across Yuki’s shoulder. He will admire the bite mark later, when he’s not so busy with other things.

“It’s because I’m… so… fucking close already,” Yuki replies, digging the nails of his free hand into Hyde’s hip and tightening his grip on Hyde’s length, causing Hyde’s breath to catch in his throat. The vocalist knows that he will probably have bruises on his hip in the morning, but he really doesn’t care.

“I’m going… to come right… now,” Hyde tells him, moving his head again so that their lips are pressed together. He moves their hands, feeling Yuki brush his thumb over his head, teasing at all the sensitive places. Yuki’s hips move in a frantic rhythm, hitting Hyde’s prostate hard, once, twice, thrice before Hyde cries out against Yuki’s lips, coming hard, his muscles clenching almost painfully. His cum spurts onto their hands and stomachs, making them wet and slick.

Yuki thrusts into him a few more times before crying out as well, the warmth of his release spreading through Hyde. Panting, apparently breathless, he presses his forehead to Hyde’s, then slowly pulls out of him with a small moan. He slides off of Hyde and onto his side, his fingers tracing patterns over Hyde’s chest.

Hyde gazes contentedly at Yuki, smiling softly. It is now that he decides to tell Yuki what he has been wanting to say for quite some time now. He takes a deep breath, and then softly says: “I love you, Yuki.”

The drummer’s eyes grow wide and his fingers immediately stop their gentle touching. Hyde waits as patiently as possible for Yuki to speak, knowing that Yuki is only surprised, knowing that Yuki must love him, too. Because Hyde always gets what he wants, and he most definitely wants Yuki.

“… You don’t love me, Hyde-chan,” Yuki finally replies, sitting up and running fingers through his long hair, cursing softly when they snag a tangle.

Hyde blinks, not fully registering Yuki’s words. Yuki can’t possibly mean what he’s saying, right? Yuki wants him too, right? Hyde has never been rejected before, and he won’t take no for an answer. “I do love you.” He sits up as well, reaching out to touch Yuki’s back, but Yuki flinches and pulls away, sliding off the bed and beginning to get dressed.

“You don’t.” Yuki was refusing to meet his eyes for some reason, a reason that Hyde cannot put his finger on. “You only think you do because we’ve been doing this for a while. I’m just your outlet when you stress yourself out. I’m just here for a good time.”

Hyde can feel this moment slipping through his fingers like water, and for once, he believes that he is powerless to stop it. Yuki is turning him down, shooing him away. Yuki thinks it’s just sex.

Yuki doesn’t want him.

Yuki’s voice is a little muffled as he tugs his shirt on. “We should have never done this, Hyde. Things weren’t supposed to be like this. We’re just supposed to be friends having some fun.”

Hyde stares blankly up at him, wanting – needing – Yuki to look at him, but knowing that he will not. In that moment, Hyde wishes that he would have just kept his mouth shut. “But it’s become more than that!” His voice is bordering on a desperate tone, and he almost hates himself for being this weak.

“It’s just sex,” Yuki says with a shrug, pulling his pants back on and zipping them. Finally, finally, his eyes meet Hyde’s, but there is nothing in them that Hyde wants to see. “You should get dressed too. And you should go home. And we…” Yuki trails off, looking away again. Then he clears his throat and continues. “And we probably shouldn’t do this anymore.”

Numb and silent, Hyde gets out of Yuki’s bed and dresses himself. He doesn’t look at Yuki anymore, doesn’t speak anymore, even as he heads toward the door.

Yuki calls to him, stopping him in his tracks. “You’re confused, Hyde-chan. You’re a famous rockstar. Everyone in Japan probably wants a piece of your ass. You have a wonderful family, a wonderful career, and you’ve worked damn hard to get here. You have every right to be proud of yourself. You’re on top of the world, you know. You have everything. Everything.”

Hyde does not reply. Instead, he opens the bedroom door and steps into the hallway, about to shut the door when he hears Yuki’s voice again.

“And you definitely don’t need me to constantly remind you.”

Hyde shuts the door and it makes a loud clicking noise, unnatural-sounding to his ears. He takes a deep, tremulous breath, refusing to allow tears to slip down his cheeks. He will not cry, not because of this.

After all, he is Takarai Hideto; he has everything, and he doesn’t need anyone to tell him that he does.


Hyde lets out a noise somewhere between a whimper and a strangled moan as his release spurts onto the shower wall, his entire body convulsing, his knees giving way and he slides almost gratefully to the shower floor. His body continues to shake and he cannot suppress the muted sob that works its way out of his throat. “Yuki-chan… hontou ni…”

He hears a knock on the bathroom door and he turns, gazing towards it, giving it a ‘deer-in-headlights’ look.

Megumi’s voice is soft and worried. “Honey, are you okay?”

“Fine,” Hyde hastily answers, trying to find the strength to get to his feet.

Of course he’s fine. He’s on top of the world, and he has everything.


Hyde lays down on his bed, gazing up at the ceiling, too many thoughts clouding his mind, and yet he is not really thinking anything at all. The moonlight streams in through the window, but the light is no comfort to one who is constantly trapped in the dark.

Yes, the top of the world is a dark place.

Megumi rolls over, nuzzling against his neck and Hyde flinches a little. “Love,” Megumi says in a teasing voice, “I’m very much awake and I see that you are, too. You want to do something about it?”

Hyde sighs, pulling away and rolling over onto his side. “I’m sorry, Megumi,” he says softly. “Not tonight. I have to get up early tomorrow morning.”

“Okay…” She is hurt, he knows. His heart clenches almost painfully at the tone of her voice but he shrugs it off, closing his eyes.

Briefly, he wonders why he’s doing this, and wonders why everything has been turned upside-down. But, in an instant, those thoughts are gone. He can’t really be bothered with them, after all.

The thing is, he knows the answer to these questions. He just doesn’t want to speak them out loud, lest they completely consume him altogether.


Hyde violently fucks the man beneath him, thrusting into him over and over again. This man isn’t much to his liking – his movements are gawky and unsure, almost like the movements of a teenager. He will have to deal with this, however. After all, this is a type of therapy for him, these one-night stands of his. They help him to momentarily forget what Yuki smelled like, tasted like, felt like…

When they finish, Hyde rolls off the other man, reaching for his beer – the only other thing that helps him to forget.

So much for going home sober.

The man – what is his name? Had Hyde even bothered to ask earlier? - taps Hyde’s shoulder. Annoyed, Hyde turns narrowed eyes to him. “What?”

“Hyde, right? From L’Arc~en~Ciel?” The man smiles at him, and Hyde nods. “Man, I’m so lucky to be fucked by a guy that’s on a pedestal, looking down at the rest of us.”

Hyde nods slowly, standing and pulling his pants back up. “And I have everything that I could ever possibly want. I’m on top of the world, don’t you know…”


Hyde comes in late one afternoon, drunk and fully expecting Megumi to blow up at him for being so late, and also knowing that she will be able to smell the alcohol on his breath. He also wonders if she will be able to detect the scent of sweat – the scent of sex – and just for an instant, he feels guilty.

Then, he remembers Yuki. His heart clenches painfully and the guilt is gone, replaced by nothing more than an empty void.

He peers into the living room, finding Megumi sitting cross-legged on the floor with their daughter, cooing softly to their daughter. He clears his throat and his wife turns, smiling brightly at him. Apparently, she doesn’t notice the time.

That, or she does know what time it is and she is trying so hard to ignore it and make things okay.

“Haido, look at our baby girl. Look at what she can do.” Megumi takes their daughter’s hands in hers, helping her up. “Show Daddy what you can do,” she says softly, placing a soft kiss onto her nose. “Walk to him.”

Hyde kneels down, his arms outstretched. His daughter takes one tremulous step towards him, and then another, making her way slowly across the room. Hyde tries his best to smile and be proud of her as she moves closer to his outstretched arms, but he is looking straight through her.

Looking at her, and yet not seeing her at all.


The phone rings and Hyde answers it on the eighth ring, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes, wincing as he sits up. His head is pounding, and he feels like he’s been hit by a truck.

“Hello?” he finally asks.

Tetsu’s voice reaches him, pushing through everything that is cluttering his mind. “Doiha-chan, I don’t know what the fuck’s been going on in your life, but whatever the hell it is, you need to sort it out.”

“Nothing’s going on,” Hyde replies, a little too quickly. He knows that Tetsu knows him far better than this, and will not buy his answer.

“Bullshit,” Tetsu says with a snort. “Why have you been so late for practice lately, then? Why have you started drinking so heavily? Why have you been crawling in the bed at five in the morning and worrying your wife half to death?!”

Hyde is silent. He cannot speak of the reason for his behavior. He knows that if he speaks of it, everything will fall apart. So, he remains silent, choosing to keep everything locked inside. This way, he believes he will not lose anything.

“Doiha-chan, we never talk anymore.” Tetsu sighs, and for the first time in Hyde’s entire history of knowing the bassist, he sounds very, very tired. Fed-up. Old.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he says again, holding the phone between his chin and shoulder so he can rub at his temples, desperately wanting to go downstairs and get some asprin. “I’m fine, Tet-chan.”

Why wouldn’t I be? I have everything.

Another sigh. “Fine, Hyde-chan. Don’t talk to me. But you had better not be late tomorrow for band practice. I mean it.”

Hyde is about to answer, but before he can open his mouth, he hears a click, and then a dial tone.

“Tet-chan,” he murmurs softly, sadly, “I’m sorry.”

But saying ‘I’m sorry’ to someone who can’t hear you is rather pointless, isn’t it?

Hyde closes his eyes, inwardly wondering why he’s pushing his best friend away, why he’s pushing the only person that’s stuck by him for over twelve years away.

The darkness behind his eyelids and the silence of his bedroom offer no answers.


Hyde gazes at himself in the bathroom mirror, focusing on the dark circles under his eyes from his significant lack of sleep as of late. His makeup isn’t doing much to cover it, and at the moment, he really doesn’t care. His eyes are bloodshot, he is hung over; his eyeliner is smeared, only adding to the darkness under his eyes, and he finds it almost fitting.

His eyes flicker down to the small, silver object in his hand as he puts it in just the right position over his arm. The razor moves across his skin, cutting deep, blood already beginning to well in the cut. He bites down on his lip to keep from making any noise as the razor continues its path, slicing neatly along the inside of the vocalist’s arm.

By now, the blood is dripping onto the countertop and Hyde looks down at it, fascinated. He sets the razor aside, reaching down and dipping his finger into the carmine liquid. He writes Yuki’s name on the countertop, and then, as if realizing what he has just done, he furiously rubs it out.

Feeling tears well in his eyes, he scrubs at them, only provoking more. The tears slide down his cheeks, making his eyeliner run. He cleans the blood from the counter and then he opens the bathroom door, stepping into the hallway and bumping into Megumi.

She gazes at him for a few moments before her eyes slide down to the cut on his arm. He curses himself for not cleaning it properly, for not wrapping any type of cloth around it to better stop the flow of blood. He hears a droplet of blood hit their linoleum floor and cringes, knowing that she will not let him get away from her easily.

“Baby, what happened to your arm?” she asks, reaching for him. He immediately snatches away from her, cradling his arm against himself, smearing blood all over the front of his shirt.

“Nothing,” he answers hurriedly, turning away and heading for their bedroom.

She doggedly follows him, grabbing at his shirt from behind, tugging on it insistently. “Hideto, I want you to talk to me. What the hell has been going on these past few months? Tetsu tells me that you’ve been late for practice more often than you’ve been on time, and sometimes you don’t even go! It’s not like you, Hideto! And I know you’ve been drinking, too… you’re so distant lately and I don’t know how to help you unless you talk to me.”

He finally turns, but doesn’t quite meet her eyes when he looks at her. “Nothing’s wrong,” he tells her. “I’m famous. I’m on top of the world. I have everything.” He has repeated this to himself so many times now that it’s only second nature to blurt it to someone else.

“You’re lying,” his wife says firmly, sliding her hands up the front of his shirt, grabbing two handfuls of it and clenching it tightly. “Your heart is breaking on the inside and I wish that you would try to explain to me why you’ve been feeling this way. You need help.”

Hyde sees the tears pooling in her eyes, running down her cheeks, but instead of brushing them away with reassuring words, he grabs her wrists in a firm grip. His eyes are cold as he looks down at her. “I don’t need help,” he tells her, applying more pressure, feeling her bones shift beneath his fingers. She gasps in pain and he finally releases her, pushing her away from him and entering their bedroom, shutting the door.

Outside the bedroom door, he hears Megumi sobbing quietly.

“I don’t need help,” he says again, burying his face in his pillow. “I don’t need anything. I already have everything.”


Hyde sits in his studio, staring numbly and almost disbelievingly at the divorce papers on his desk. Megumi is gone, having left earlier that morning. Their daughter went with her, along with a hell of a lot of suitcases and other materials which Hyde hadn’t really paid attention to.

He recalls the last words that Megumi told him before climbing into her car. She said something along the lines of “I can’t allow my daughter to grow up in this kind of environment, and I can’t allow myself to get hurt by you time and time again simply because you refuse to talk.”

Suddenly, he wonders when his life started going so very, very wrong.

“It’s just sex.”

Hyde swipes his hand across the desk, knocking the divorce papers off and into the floor. He then pushes himself away from the desk and stands, his eye catching sight of a blue vase sitting on a small table in the corner of the room. Determinedly, he heads toward it, lifting it from the table and throwing it without a second thought.

It hits the far wall and shatters, the broken pieces falling to the floor, utterly unmendable.

… Just like the broken pieces of Hyde’s life.


Hyde still feels numb days later as his door opens. He glances up from the couch as Tetsu, Ken, and Yuki file into his house, moving to stand close to him. He can only stare blankly at them as Tetsu says, “If you need any of us, you know we’re here, Doiha-chan.”

“I don’t need you,” Hyde says, his own voice sounding far away. “I don’t need anything. I have everything. On top of the world…”

Yuki steps closer, and Hyde meets his eyes just for a moment. Those eyes are sorrowful and filled with… pity? Pity is definitely something Hyde doesn’t want to see. Not now. Because he doesn’t need pity.

“You need us.” Yuki’s voice is firm. “You need us and we’re here.” Yuki kneels down, wrapping both arms around Hyde and pulling him close. Hyde struggles weakly. He feels Tetsu and Ken sitting on either side of him on the couch, their hands moving over his back in reassuring circles.

Hyde still tries to push them away, to push them all away, but he puts more effort into trying to push Yuki away. “Stop it, stop it, stop it!”

“We’re not stopping,” Yuki replies softly, only holding him tighter and Hyde lets out a broken sob.

Hyde is a rockstar. He is famous, he is rich. Almost the entire population of Japan would probably give an arm and a leg to have a chance at sleeping with him.

Hyde has…

“I can’t allow myself to get hurt by you time and time again simply because you refuse to talk.”

“Doiha-chan, we never talk anymore.”

“Man, I’m so lucky to be fucked by a guy that’s on a pedestal, looking down at the rest of us.”

“… You don’t love me, Hyde-chan.”

Hyde finally gives up on trying to push them all away, instead reaching out and wrapping his arms around Yuki, clutching at him blindly as the tears fall and as the sobbing and the uncontrollable shaking begin.

“We probably shouldn’t do this anymore.”

Hyde has…

Absolutely nothing.

Tags: 30 kisses, hydexyuki, l'arc~en~ciel, yukixhyde
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