Kagome (_newworld) wrote,

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When Losing is an Option - Non-JRock, Death Note, Mello/Near

Title: When Losing is an Option
Author: Kagome
Warnings: Sexual content (including a mention of breathplay), language.
Rating: R
Characters/Pairings: Mello/Near
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.
Summary: Mello doesn’t know how to lose… or does he?
Comments: I should be working on J-Rock fic, but I can’t. I should be studying, but I couldn’t get this out of my head. So I wrote it. ^_^ Enjoy!

When Losing is an Option

He hates Near’s lack of emotion. He hates Near’s constant lack of expression. He hates the way Near slouches (similar to the way L used to slouch). He hates the almost-robotic qualities that the fair-haired boy possesses. He hates that Near makes a far better successor of L than he himself does (though he’d never admit that out loud).

Mello and Near are very similar in some aspects, but in others, they are vastly different. Whereas Near has never had any problem being anything other than cold and calculating, Mello has always had trouble with controlling his emotions.

When they were younger, it had been easy to convince himself that because he hated Near’s idiosyncrasies, he automatically hated Near as a whole – as a person (if he could even be called that) – as well.

Mello would have never blamed it on jealousy—would have never admitted that he felt such a thing towards Near (whether he did or not), and so he had told himself that the only emotion he felt for Near was hatred.

When it came to the Kira investigation, Mello had repeated to himself over and over again that he and Near were adversaries who happened to be walking the same path, not allies who were meant to help each other (despite the fact that that had probably been L’s true intention).

They aren’t as young as they used to be, and it’s becoming more and more difficult for Mello to hold onto the childish declaration of “I’m better than you are!” because lately, he’s beginning to think that maybe he isn’t.

Mello’s had the opportunity to kill Near more than once since he’s left the orphanage – since the two of them have begun the search for Kira (separately) – but he hasn’t killed him. Near has also had more than one chance to kill Mello, but he hasn’t used any of the chances presented to him.

Mello could kill Near right now; they are alone and the fingers of his right hand are wrapped tightly around Near’s throat. He hates that Near doesn’t look afraid or even mildly surprised.

Mello won’t kill Near, though, and he knows that Near won’t kill him. Maybe the two of them have too much of their predecessor in them for that, but Mello doesn’t believe that that’s the real reason.

He doesn’t hate the way Near presses closer to him when he kisses him. He doesn’t hate the way Near hisses in pleasure (and pain) when he bites at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. He doesn’t hate the way Near says his name—like it is a prayer or curse or maybe both. He doesn’t hate the way Near looks at him, lashes lowered, lips wet and half-parted (and bee-stung, now). He doesn’t hate the way Near feels beneath him (around him)—hot and tight and demanding, shoving his hips up each time Mello thrusts downwards.

Lately, it has become increasingly difficult for Mello to tell himself that he hates Near—more than likely because it’s never really been about hatred to begin with. He’s never really hated the pallid boy.

He’s discovered something interesting, as well: This is no longer a game about which of them is the best one to fill L’s shoes. This is no longer a race to see who can capture Kira first.

This is a game of an entirely different nature altogether, and it’s one that Mello is certain he is going to lose. He doesn’t like to lose—he doesn’t know how to lose gracefully. He’s never conceded defeat before.

But as Near whimpers his name again (Yeah, just like that—not so expressionless now, are you, Near?), Mello thinks that maybe this is a loss he can live with. Maybe it’s okay to lose.

Just this once.

Now that that’s out of the way, maybe I can get some actual work done? XD; I’ve been wanting to write Mello x Near for a while now…. I just wasn’t inspired until a couple of days ago, and then this idea wouldn’t leave my head. -_-

Loveless and Death Note are going to kill me. Or, at least, the muses will.
Tags: death note, melloxnear, nearxmello

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