Theme: Lyrics # 10. Lyrics are located at the beginning of the fic.
Warnings: Smut, unfaithful Aoi, confusing emotions, and sap.
Pairing: Ruki/Aoi (the GazettE), Isshi (Kagrra,)/Aoi (the GazettE)
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.
Summary: It’s wrong, what they’re doing. Aoi has a boyfriend, and said boyfriend isn’t Ruki.
Comments: Written for 10_encounters. The lyrics, which are at the beginning of the fic, are from London After Midnight’s Demon. As always, have fun reading!
the line grows thin between what's wrong and right
Aoi lifts his head to find Ruki watching him, some indecipherable emotion written on his face, evident in his artificially-blue eyes. But the instant that Ruki notices Aoi looking back at him, that unnamable emotion is gone, hidden before Aoi can even begin to wonder what it might have meant. It perplexes him. Why would Ruki try to hide anything from him?
Aoi stops idly plucking notes on his guitar and blinks curiously at his companion. They are the only ones in the practice room right now, early as usual. “What’s on your mind, Ruki?”
Ruki gives him a half-smile and looks away for a second, fiddling with his microphone before focusing his gaze on Aoi once more. “I was just curious is all.”
“Curious about what?” Aoi asks, tilting his head to one side.
“Do you have plans for dinner tonight? I was just wondering, cos it’s been a while since you and I have done anything like that together.” Ruki momentarily gets a sort-of faraway look in his eyes, as though he is thinking about something else and is a million miles away, but Aoi doesn’t question it. “Figured I’d ask… I’m free after practice today, and I kind of miss hanging out with you.”
Aoi smiles. “Only ‘kind of’, Ru? Don’t I get a little better than ‘kind of’?” he teases.
Ruki rolls his eyes. “Okay, fine. I do miss hanging out with you. That better?”
“Yes,” Aoi replies, his smile growing wider. “Much better.”
“Does that mean you’ll have dinner with me, then?” Ruki smiles back—one of those broad, goofy grins of his that he only does when he’s completely comfortable with another person. “Doesn’t even have to be anything special or expensive. I’m easy to please.” A pause, and then he adds “sometimes”, and winks at Aoi.
Aoi chuckles softly, but then he immediately frowns as he remembers that he already has plans. “I’m really sorry, Ruki. I know we haven’t been hanging out as much as we used to, and I’d like to meet with you for dinner, but I can’t. Not today.”
“You can’t, or you don’t want to?” Ruki asks, and Aoi thinks that it’s a very strange question. Why wouldn’t he want to have dinner with Ruki?
“I can’t,” the brunette replies quickly, making sure to put emphasis on the word ‘can’t’. “I would like to, but I already have plans.”
”With Isshi, right?” It’s almost funny how Ruki knows, even without Aoi really saying anything about Isshi. Then again, Aoi has been spending a lot of his free time with Kagrra’s vocalist (they are a couple, after all), so maybe it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Ruki already knows whom Aoi has plans with.
“Yeah.” For some reason, Aoi almost feels guilty. But why should he feel guilty? Isshi is his boyfriend. He’s supposed to spend time with him. It isn’t his fault that Ruki’s asked him to dinner at a bad time.
Even still, he can’t help but feel a little guilty.
“Figures.” Ruki frowns as well and then shrugs slightly, turning back to fiddle with the microphone once more. “I mean, it makes sense that you’d go have dinner with your boyfriend.”
Aoi wonders if his ears are deceiving him, or if Ruki sounds just a tad jealous. Either is possible, he supposes. His ears might need cleaning out, or Ruki might really miss his company. That has to be it, because Aoi can’t think of any other reason that his friend might be jealous.
“I’m sorry that we don’t spend as much time together anymore, Ru,” Aoi apologizes, unable to quell the urge to do so. “Another time though, okay? I promise.”
“Sure,” Ruki replies. “Another time.” He doesn’t sound like he quite believes it though, and this only confuses Aoi further. Ruki’s been acting a little strange since Aoi and Isshi started dating a few weeks ago, but the brunette has never questioned it—not really.
Suddenly, he is wondering if he should question Ruki’s reason – or reasons – for acting the way he’s been acting. He is about to do just that when Kai opens the door and walks in, telling them good morning and making a comment on how he and Ruki are always so early, and Aoi decides to talk to Ruki about this later.
Reita and Uruha show up soon after, and practice begins. Several times throughout practice, Aoi can feel Ruki’s eyes on him, and when he dares to look (just to make sure), Ruki is still staring intently, that same emotion in his eyes. Except this time, he doesn’t try to hide it.
And it feels very strange, because Aoi still can’t begin to comprehend what that look could possibly mean.
Aoi plops down on his couch as soon as he arrives home, glad for the chance to just relax for a few minutes. He glances at the clock and notices that it is 5:15, which means that he should probably go take a shower, because Isshi is supposed to be here at six.
Surely, it won’t hurt to just take a break for five minutes, right? He convinces himself that it won’t hurt at all, and reassures himself that he’ll still have plenty of time to take a shower and get dressed.
At 5:19, his cell phone begins ringing, and he jumps a little, immediately digging in his pocket for said phone. He isn’t expecting a call, but he recognizes the ringtone—it’s Isshi. He hopes that he’ll be able to actually get the damn thing out of his pocket before it switches over to voicemail.
He manages, though just barely, and makes a mental note to himself to take his cell phone out of his pocket before sitting down from now on, especially when wearing jeans that aren’t exactly… loose-fitting.
Aoi is smiling when he flips open the cover, and he doesn’t even bother with the customary ‘hello’. “Couldn’t wait forty-one minutes to hear my voice, huh?” he teases, and he hears Isshi’s answering chuckle. Then, there is a somewhat-awkward pause that seems to stretch on for more than just a few seconds, and Aoi is tempted to think that the call has been dropped, but the sound of Isshi’s soft breathing indicates otherwise.
His tone changes from humor to concern as he asks, “Everything is okay, isn’t it, Isshi?”
Isshi doesn’t answer right away. “… Well, that all depends on what you mean by ‘everything’, Aoi-chan. I am okay, yes. But I have some not-great news. I’m going to have to cancel tonight. Something came up. I’m really sorry.”
“Oh.” It’s the only word that Aoi seems to be capable of saying at the moment. He is shocked, to say the least. Shocked and something else that he can’t quite put his finger on at the moment, because his emotions regarding Isshi’s cancellation don’t seem to want to sort themselves out right now. He wants to at least ask the other man why he’s cancelled so suddenly, but a nagging voice at the back of his mind is practically screaming at him not to ask, whether it’s his business or not (and it is, damnit, because he has a right to know).
He might have the right to know, but his words get stuck in his throat, and so Aoi doesn’t ask Isshi why, even though he wants to. He knows that he’ll be kicking himself later for his silence on the matter, too.
“You’re angry with me, aren’t you?” Isshi asks softly, breaking the silence that has settled between them once more.
“No,” Aoi replies, and he isn’t sure if he’s lying or telling the truth. He’s something, all right, but he’s not certain that ‘angry’ is the right word. “I’m just… I really don’t know, Isshi. It isn’t like you to act like this—to do something like this so suddenly.”
“I know it isn’t, and I am sorry. But I’ll make it up to you soon. Does that sound good?” Isshi’s tone of voice is slightly more cheerful now, as though he’s trying to turn the conversation in a more positive direction.
“I guess,” Aoi says, even though it really doesn’t sound all that great. They had made plans for tonight three days ago. Aoi can understand if it’s an emergency, but considering how Isshi is acting, he knows it isn’t an emergency.
“Great. I’m glad you aren’t mad at me, and I wish I didn’t have to cancel, but I don’t really have a choice.” Still, Isshi is avoiding telling him exactly why, and that’s what bothers Aoi. “So… I’ll call you tomorrow,” Isshi continues, “and we can talk about rescheduling, okay?”
“Okay,” Aoi parrots, and still, he doesn’t ask, even though he has the opportunity to do so.
“Why don’t you get some rest, Aoi-chan? You sound really tired.” The sad thing is that Aoi can’t even tell if that’s genuine concern in Isshi’s voice, or if his boyfriend is faking it.
Aoi is aware of the fact that he is making ridiculous assumptions, but he can’t seem to keep his thoughts from heading in any direction aside from negative at the moment. He is certain that, within an hour or so, he will be able to think rationally again. Perhaps by tomorrow, he’ll be able to tell the voice at the back of his head to can it, and then he’ll be able to confront Isshi regarding his reason for tonight’s cancellation.
“Yeah, I’m going to,” he tells Isshi. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then.” They say their goodbyes and as Aoi closes his cell phone, he believes that he can now identify one of those emotions that he couldn’t identify earlier.
And it feels a lot like disappointment.
Aoi contemplates staying home and getting some rest like he had told Isshi he would, but after taking a shower and heading back into his room (wearing nothing more than a towel), he looks at the digital clock on the nightstand, sees that it is now six, and he decides that he doesn’t want to stay home. He is getting hungry, but he doesn’t want to go out by himself to eat.
That’s when he makes the decision to call Ruki, because… well, his plans have changed, and Ruki had asked him to dinner earlier, anyway. Plus, Aoi misses hanging out with him, too.
He picks up his cell phone (he had tossed it on the bed earlier) and presses Ruki’s speed-dial number before he can come up with a reason to not call him, and he waits impatiently for the other man to answer the phone, believing that the vocalist has probably made other plans and that he’s just going to get Ruki’s voicemail message.
But he doesn’t. Ruki answers on the fifth ring, and Aoi grins stupidly into the phone even though he knows that his friend can’t see him. “I’m wearing nothing but a towel right now,” he purrs, trying not to burst into laughter before he can get his sentence out.
“Are you?” Ruki asks, his voice dropping an octave lower. “I can be over there in ten minutes. Just make sure Isshi’s gone before I get there.” A pause. “Unless, you know, you want him to walk in on us.” He gasps. “What a scandal!”
Unable to hold it in any longer, Aoi bursts out laughing, and it takes him several seconds to calm down enough to speak coherently. “Well, we don’t have to worry about a scandal, because Isshi isn’t here.”
“Oh. Well, in that case, I’ll be there in less than ten minutes.” Ruki snickers, but then grows serious. “I thought you had plans with him tonight?”
Aoi sighs softly and rubs at his temples with the thumb and second finger of his free hand. He doesn’t particularly want to talk about what had taken place approximately forty minutes ago, but…. “I did, but Isshi cancelled, and no, I don’t know why. He didn’t tell me, and I was too stupid to ask. I was going to just stay here and order out or something, but I don’t really want to stay here. I had been looking forward to going out tonight, and uhm… well, you had asked me earlier today if I’d like to go out for dinner but I thought I had other plans at that time, but since I don’t, I was wondering if it would be okay if I took you up on that offer.” Aoi quickly adds: “Provided that you don’t already have plans, of course.” Wow. Talk about verbal diarrhea.
Ruki doesn’t ask why Aoi didn’t demand that Isshi tell him why he couldn’t make it. He doesn’t ask why he doesn’t want to order out. He doesn’t ask why Aoi doesn’t want to eat alone tonight. He simply asks: “Is Italian okay with you?”
Aoi nearly sighs again, though in relief and happiness this time. “It’s perfectly fine with me. Thanks for deciding to humor me, even though you don’t have to.”
“I didn’t say I would go with you,” Ruki says, and Aoi is beginning to feel a tad crestfallen yet again when the other man continues: “Yet. You have to agree to one condition first~.”
Aoi almost tells his friend to just be straight with him, because he’s had enough of his emotions being all over the place for one day, but he doesn’t. “What do I have to agree to?”
“I’m paying. Yes, for both of us. I owe you anyway.” Ruki snickered again. “Nevermind that I just owe you for a couple of pizzas. We are going for the real thing tonight. You let me pay, Mr. Generous, or I’m not going~.”
Aoi snorts and shakes his head, though again, he knows that Ruki cannot see him. “Since you’re so insistent about it, fine. I’ll let you pay. But that means you have to agree to something, too.”
“What do I have to agree to? Do I have to wear a matching towel to the restaurant?”
“No, you dork.” Honestly, Ruki can be so silly sometimes, but after being friends with him for over five years, Aoi’s gotten used to his quirks. “I’m not going to be wearing the towel!”
“So you’re going to be naked, then? Because, you know, I’m totally fine with that, but I don’t know how I’m going to explain to your boyfriend that you got kidnapped by a bunch of people who were attracted to your… nakedness.” Ruki pauses, and Aoi can practically hear the cogs turning in his mind. “Wait! Does that mean that I should go naked, too?”
“Will you shut up?” Aoi can feel himself turning red, and he hates himself for it. At least Ruki can’t see that he’s blushing. Why should he even be blushing, anyway? It’s not like he and Ruki teasing each other like this isn’t customary. Maybe he’s just in a weird mood. “I’m not going to go naked, Ru. I’m going--”
“That’s too bad,” Ruki says, and Aoi knows without even having to see him that he is feigning a pout. “I was looking forward to the nakedness.”
“—to put on some clothes. There will be no nakedness. Sorry.” Aoi knows he doesn’t sound apologetic at all, though, and that’s the point. “Anyway, as I was trying to say… If you’re paying, then I’m picking you up and dropping you back off. Deal?”
“I can live with that,” Ruki replies. “So, I can expect you here, fully-clothed, soon?”
Aoi chuckles. “Yeah. Give me about thirty minutes, and I’ll be there. See you soon.”
”Okay. See you.”
When Aoi flips his cell phone closed this time, he is smiling.
And it feels like the rest of the day might not turn out to be such a waste, after all.
Ruki is already waiting for him outside when Aoi pulls into the drive. He grins as the vocalist opens the car door and makes himself comfortable in the passenger’s seat. “Eager to get out, are we? How long have you been waiting for me to get here? I’m on time.”
“Not long,” Ruki replies. “And yes, you are on time. Cookie for you~. Except only I don’t have a cookie, so you can order whatever you want for dessert.” He smiles back and then closes his eyes, letting his head fall back against the headrest. “Now let’s go. Hi-ho Silver away, and all that. I’m hungry.”
With a feigned sigh of exasperation, Aoi releases the brake, and he pulls out of the drive and onto the highway. “Fine, slave driver. But just so you know, I was planning on ordering whatever I want for dessert anyway.” He then proceeds to blow a raspberry at his companion, and he laughs when Ruki blows one back. Maybe they aren’t acting like adults, but does that really matter? Aoi believes that it doesn’t, especially considering the fact that their childish antics are keeping his mind off of things – well, one thing in particular – that he’d rather not think about at the moment.
The drive to the restaurant is filled with laughter and silliness in general, and when they arrive at the restaurant, Aoi’s sides are aching because of all the laughing. He’s really missed being out with Ruki like this. He has for weeks. It seems to hit him the hardest now—the fact that he’s missed the joking and the suggestive remarks (that have never amounted to anything at all, but are always fun anyway) and… everything, really.
At the restaurant, they order wine. Aoi orders Tortellini with Marinara sauce, and Ruki orders Chicken Alfredo. They sip their wine as they wait for their food to arrive, and as Aoi steals a glance in Ruki’s direction, he finds that his companion is looking at him like that again—like he had been that morning during practice. Curiosity wins the battle this time (despite the nagging voice’s attempt to tell him that ‘curiosity killed the cat’), and Aoi asks, “What’s on your mind, Ru?”
Ruki swirls the wine around in his glass before taking another sip. “And what makes you think that there’s something on my mind?”
Aoi rolls his eyes and sets his own glass down for the time being. “How long have we known each other? I can tell when there’s something on your mind. You’ve been… you’ve been acting a bit strange for a few weeks now, and I know it probably has something to do with the fact that we haven’t been hanging out as much as usual. But… well, Isshi…you know, we’ve been going out a lot, and I’ve been wondering if our friendship has suffered a little because of it.” He doesn’t mention that he feels guilty, because he’s sure that Ruki will be able to pick up on the guilt in his voice. Nor does he mention that he wonders if Ruki might be jealous, simply because of the fact that they haven’t been seeing that much of each other outside of practice and scheduled photoshoots lately.
Ruki licks his lips and gives Aoi a small smile, his lips just barely curving upwards. “I’m not jealous, if that’s what you’re thinking, Aoi-chan.”
Aoi blinks, taken aback. “I didn’t say--”
“Ah, but you were thinking it, weren’t you?” Ruki’s smile broadens just a bit. “I’ve known you just as long as you’ve known me, and most of the time, I can hear the words that you don’t say—the words that are lying beneath the words that you do say, trying to hide. I’ll be honest and tell you that I miss your company, but I already told you that this morning. So, now it’s my turn to ask a question: Are you happy?”
Aoi isn’t certain that he likes the direction their conversation is heading, mainly because he had been planning on the evening to continue to be nice and playful and worry-free. Also, he has no idea how he should answer that question. “What do you mean?”
Ruki sets his own glass down, the sound of glass clinking against wood muted by the tablecloth that rests between the two. “You know what I mean, but I’ll humor you. Are you happy with Isshi? Are you sure you’re where you want to be?”
Aoi opens his mouth, belatedly realizing that he can’t think of a single fucking thing to say in response to that, and he almost immediately closes his mouth and keeps it that way, because he figures it’s safer. He doesn’t know why Ruki is asking him questions like this—it makes no sense.
The brunette’s eyes widen slightly and he gazes questioningly at Ruki, who meets his gaze and doesn’t back down. Yes, it’s that look again, and Aoi knows that he should probably say something – anything – now, but for the life of him, he can’t think.
Thankfully, he is rescued – even if only temporarily – from that task when the waiter arrives with their food.
He is more than happy to change the subject once they begin eating, and Ruki lets him; the auburn-haired man doesn’t push the issue, but Aoi has the feeling that their earlier conversation will be resumed at some point in the near future, and he knows that he will have to do more than just stare at his friend in stunned silence when that time comes.
Even though they change the subject and they talk about everything from the shows they’ve been watching lately to how good the food is, the look in Ruki’s eyes doesn’t change.
And it feels like Aoi is finally beginning to understand what that look might mean, and that knowledge manages to both thrill him and scare him at the same time.
As expected, Ruki doesn’t allow Aoi to keep his silence on the matter for very long. They are in Aoi’s car and headed back to Ruki’s place when the vocalists says, “You still haven’t given me an answer, you know. Didn’t think I’d just let you get away with that, did you?”
Aoi approaches a traffic light, which is yellow, though he knows that by the time he gets to it, it will be red. So, he takes his foot off the gas and begins pressing on the brake. Once the car has stopped, he drums his fingers lightly on the steering wheel and shakes his head. “No, I didn’t think you’d let me avoid the subject once you’d asked it, although I really wish that you would.”
“Why is that?” Ruki asks as he leans over, invading Aoi’s personal space, though the brunette can’t say he really minds--it’s the conversation topic that makes him nervous, not Ruki’s proximity.
“Because I don’t know how to answer.” The light turns green and Aoi’s foot leaves the brake and presses on the gas once more. “I don’t know what you expect me to say.”
Ruki leans back against his seat again, though Aoi can still feel his eyes on him. “I don’t expect you to say anything other than the truth, Aoi. That’s how you answer. Truthfully. Inquiring minds want to know.”
Aoi swallows another exasperated sigh and turns onto the next street on the left. “You mean you want to know. But your little explanation doesn’t help anything. I still don’t know how to answer you, because… I just don’t know!” What the hell does Ruki expect him to say? It’s more complicated than saying if he’s happy or not, right? That’s just how relationships work.
“You’re making the questions too difficult,” Ruki says gently. “They aren’t meant to be difficult. Let me rephrase a little: Do you love him? Does he love you?”
Aoi has no idea why Ruki is asking him questions like this; he only knows that these questions are unsettling and unwelcome, and he is so lost in his confusion and his frustration at said questions that he almost misses his next turn. “Why is this so important, Ruki? Isshi and I haven’t even talked about… about that yet!”
“It isn’t a crime to want to know if your friend is happy in a relationship or not,” Ruki replies, his voice still calm and even. “It’s a very normal thing to ask. What I don’t understand is why you’re getting so flustered over it. And just in case you’ve missed this little tidbit of information somewhere along the way—you don’t have to speak about love to know that it’s there. It just is, like air and anger and all those other intangible things that we can’t physically touch, but we know it’s there anyway.”
Ruki very rarely talks like this, and while it is nice to see this side of him peek out from its hiding place, his relationship with Isshi is not currently something that Aoi wishes to discuss. “And in case you missed this little tidbit somewhere along the way—most guys don’t talk about their relationships like this. I’ve never heard one guy friend ask another, ‘Are you happy?’. If I recall, the last time you asked anyone anything about their relationship, you were asking Reita how the sex was with Miyavi.”
Ruki makes a ‘hmpf’-ing sound, and his next words are a mix of amusement and sarcasm: “Would you prefer it, then, if I asked you the same thing? How’s the sex with Isshi?”
Aoi can feel himself blushing again, and if he didn’t fear getting into an accident, he would reach over and throttle his companion right now. “I’m not going to talk about my sex life, Ruki.”
“You’re the one who implied that that was normal,” Ruki retorts. “Which… yeah, it is. But since you don’t want to talk about that, why don’t you answer my previous questions?”
Aoi pulls into Ruki’s drive and puts the car in park, turning almost gleefully to look at the vocalist. “Whoops! Looks like you’re home now. Too bad; I guess I can’t answer you after all.” Even as he says the words, though, he feels his relief rapidly fading—Ruki is stubborn, and won’t let him off this easily, either.
Ruki crosses his arms and glances briefly out the window before he focuses his gaze entirely on Aoi. “So we are. But I’m not going to get out of the car until you answer me~.”
Aoi feels like beating his head against the steering wheel. “Fine, Ruki. Since you’re going to be so difficult….” He trails off, searching for the right words, which seem to have disappeared. He tries to gather his thoughts, and feels like he fails miserably at that particular task, but he begins speaking again, anyway, hoping that the words won’t be jumbled and completely incomprehensible: “I like spending time with Isshi, most of the time. He’s a nice guy, although he’s disappointed me on more than one occasion. Take tonight, for instance. I don’t… I like him, but I don’t love him. Sometimes I’m happy, and sometimes I’m not. But all relationships have their ups and downs, Ru. It’s not as simple as being happy or not being happy. For me, it’s kind of a mix of both.”
Ruki is silent for several moments, and Aoi doesn’t like the silence, but he waits – though impatiently – for Ruki to speak again. When he does, his words are soft, barely more than a whisper: “It can be better than that. It should be. Overall, a person is either happy or unhappy with a relationship. It’s not a back-and-forth thing all of the time. Sure, you’re going to have moments that shine brighter than others, and moments that you’re disappointed. But when you look at the big picture, you’re still going to say you’re either one or the other, not both.”
Aoi subconsciously licks his lips, tongue searching for the lipring that is no longer there, and then he answers, “Well, it’s not like that for me.”
“It could be.” Aoi wants to comment on that as well, but before he can, Ruki is saying: “Why don’t you come inside for a bit? We can talk more in there, if you want.”
Aoi feels like there should be some sort of warning bells or sirens or red, flashing lights going off somewhere, but that doesn’t happen. He tells Ruki that he will come inside, but only because he wants Ruki to elaborate on what he’s just said, and because he wants to know for certain why his friend has been looking at him so fucking intently today. Maybe it isn’t the wisest thing to ask, but, really… what’s the worst that could happen?
The guitarist switches his car off and follows Ruki inside, and once the door is shut behind them, he spits out the words that he wants to say before he can chicken out and force himself to keep quiet: “Why have you been looking at me like… like you have been, today?”
Ruki turns to look at him and he smiles. “Not just today, and judging by the way you looked at me in the restaurant, I’m pretty sure you already know why.”
Aoi feels his stomach do a weird flip-flop, and he thinks that there must be some sort of misunderstanding, because Ruki can’t possibly… Can he?
Even though he knows he probably shouldn’t, Aoi says, “I just… want to know for certain.” Aoi doesn’t like to assume things, only to find out in the end that he’s horribly wrong.
Ruki steps closer, and Aoi knows that he has the perfect opportunity to bolt right now given the fact that he’s pressed against the front door and his fingers are still wrapped around the doorknob, but his need to know the truth keeps him rooted to the spot. Or maybe it’s the almost-fear – he can hear his heart pounding in his ears – that keeps him where he is.
“Well, since you seem to need it spelled out for you….” Ruki leans up, and the next thing Aoi knows, they are kissing. He gasps against the shorter man’s mouth, and Ruki takes the given opportunity to slip his tongue past Aoi’s lips, deepening the kiss. Aoi’s hand leaves the doorknob and moves to clutch at the front of Ruki’s shirt, and his other hand soon joins it. For a few seconds, he is completely still—he doesn’t pull Ruki closer, nor does he push him away. Gradually, however, he begins to respond; he begins to return the kiss.
He realizes somewhere amidst the sweet tangling of their tongues that Ruki tastes like the chocolate Gelato that they’d had for dessert.
And it feels surreal, because Ruki has never kissed him before, but Aoi doesn’t want it to stop.
Aoi crashes back into reality rather unpleasantly when Ruki gently pushes him back onto the bed, and he wonders how in the hell they managed to make it to the bedroom, because he can’t seem to remember anything beyond the taste of chocolate in Ruki’s mouth, and the taste of Ruki himself.
He tries, albeit weakly, to push Ruki away when the vocalist joins him on the bed. “We… we shouldn’t be doing this, Ruki. I shouldn’t have come inside. I shouldn’t have let you kiss me.” It’s wrong, what they’re doing. Aoi has a boyfriend, and said boyfriend isn’t Ruki.
So, why is it, then, that it doesn’t really feel like he’s doing anything wrong? Why does he want to pull Ruki closer, as opposed to pushing him away? He shouldn’t want to feel Ruki’s mouth on his again. The heat that is beginning to burn low in his belly shouldn’t be there. He shouldn’t want Ruki’s hands on him. He shouldn’t feel something akin to wonder simply because he is in Ruki’s bed.
He should feel guilty. He should feel like what they are doing – and what they’ve already done – is wrong. He should get up and leave, before they really go too far. But he doesn’t feel guilty. Nor does he feel that what they are doing is wrong. He doesn’t want to leave, either, even though he knows that he should want to leave.
Just what the fuck is wrong with him?
“Oh, no you don’t, Aoi,” Ruki half-growls, grabbing his wrists and pinning them above his head. The tiny pinpricks of pain help to ground Aoi even more in the reality of what’s going on. “You don’t get to stop this just because your morality has suddenly decided to kick in.” His mouth skates up Aoi’s neck, stopping just below his jaw, and Aoi moans softly in spite of his attempts not to.
The guitarist’s voice is somewhat breathy when he manages to find words again. “But Isshi--”
“Doesn’t share,” Ruki interrupts smoothly. “Yes, I know he isn’t the type to share, Aoi. I know he wouldn’t like the fact that you’re with me right now. But I am not going to try to persuade him to share, because I don’t like to share, either.” He releases Aoi’s wrists and his hands slide beneath the guitarist’s shirt, fingernails scraping lightly down Aoi’s abdomen, and Aoi’s back arches slightly.
“What are you saying, Ru?” Aoi asks, his head spinning. It’s as though the world as he knows it has fallen apart and been put back together, and then thrown completely out of alignment.
“I’m saying what I’ve tried to show you for forever and a day now, Aoi—I want you. I want to make you happy—all-the-time kind of happy. And maybe this isn’t the best time to confess in your opinion, but to hell with it.” Ruki pauses, propping himself up on his elbows and staring down at Aoi. In the dim light of the room (Ruki has turned on the lamp on the nightstand), Aoi can see the want in Ruki’s eyes. It makes him shiver.
“We shouldn’t,” Aoi tries to protest again, though his voice lacks the conviction that it ought to have. In fact, his voice wavers as he speaks, and he inwardly curses himself for it.
Ruki leans down, his tongue tracing the line of Aoi’s lips, teasing at the place where the corkscrew piercing used to be. The skin in the immediate area is still very sensitive, and when Ruki’s tongue brushes over it, Aoi swears that he can feel little jolts of electricity shooting through his body, making a beeline for his groin.
“If you want me to stop, I will,” Ruki tells him, and then Aoi feels the vocalist’s teeth graze lightly along his bottom lip. It makes him tremble and it makes him want to reach for Ruki—wrap his arms around him and beg him not to stop.
Aoi doesn’t reach for him, though. His hands ball into fists and he tries – though he knows beforehand that it won’t work – to focus on something other than Ruki’s body pressed against his own, Ruki’s hands on his stomach, and Ruki’s lips against his skin. He tries and he fails miserably, because Ruki is all that he wants to see, touch, taste, hear, and smell right now.
“Tell me you don’t want this,” Ruki whispers, his mouth warm and wet on Aoi’s throat, lips closing around the brunette’s Adam’s apple and sucking lightly. Aoi feels teeth again, a bit more pressure this time, giving the promise of more if only Aoi will say yes. “Tell me you don’t want me, Aoi. Tell me to stop because you honestly want me to stop, not because you feel like we shouldn’t be doing this. If you do that, I’ll stop.” He rocks his hips against the guitarist’s, and in Aoi’s opinion, that action is a silent go ahead, I dare you.
Aoi’s breath leaves his lungs in a shaky half-moan, half-whimper. How difficult is it to tell a person that you don’t want something, even if it is a lie? Just a little lie, that’s all it will take, and then he can get up and go home and not have a guilty conscience to deal with in the morning.
“I don’t…” He trails off, looking up at Ruki helplessly, feeling like his brain has somehow broken because it certainly isn’t functioning properly right now. Well… he can blame that on Ruki. Yeah. It’s Ruki’s fault.
“You don’t what, Aoi?” Ruki asks, and his hips stop moving. Aoi is both grateful and disappointed with the current lack of movement. “Finish what you want to say.”
Aoi takes a deep breath and releases it, trying to tell himself that he has to tell Ruki that he doesn’t want this, even though he really does. He has to lie, because if he doesn’t, they will go too far, and then what sort of a mess will they wind up getting themselves into? One that isn’t easily cleaned up, Aoi is sure, because when it comes to things like this, nothing is ever really easy, is it? He wants Ruki, and he knows he shouldn’t, because he already has Isshi, and he really doesn’t want to go a roller-coaster ride of the emotional kind.
The words that leave his lips aren’t the words that he had planned on saying: “I don’t want you to stop, Ru. I know I should tell you to stop, but I don’t want to. I just… I want….” Aoi trails off yet again, shaking his head, now at a loss for words. He’s never been very talented at lying. With Ruki, he seems incapable of it.
Aoi tangles the fingers of one hand in auburn hair and pulls Ruki down for another kiss while simultaneously rocking his hips upwards, groaning softly against Ruki’s mouth at the feel of friction between their bodies.
And it feels like it doesn’t really matter whether this is wrong or right anymore, because it feels so fucking good, and Aoi doesn’t think he’s ever wanted anything as much as he wants this—as much as he wants Ruki.
“Likes to leave marks, doesn’t he?” Ruki asks as he gently touches one of the small bruises on Aoi’s left hip. Said bruise is a few days old, just like all the others are. Isshi’s fingers digging deeply into his skin had been the cause of the marks on his hips.
“Yeah,” Aoi answers softly, uncertain as to whether he’s actually supposed to answer or not. He is naked now, and Ruki is touching him and looking at him with a sort of hunger in his eyes that the brunette cannot recall ever seeing in Isshi’s eyes. The look in Ruki’s eyes makes Aoi’s cock twitch and throb.
“I like to leave marks, too,” Ruki murmurs, and then he proceeds to show Aoi just how much he likes to leave marks. He bites down hard on Aoi’s neck – nearly hard enough to break the skin – and rolls tendon and muscles between his teeth. Aoi groans and turns his head to one side, offering a better angle, but as soon as he does, Ruki moves on.
Ruki scatters kisses and nibbles over Aoi’s chest, lips and then teeth latching onto each of his nipples in turn, sucking and biting until the dusky-colored nubs ache and are overly-sensitive, and still, Aoi wants more.
“Ruki, please,” Aoi gasps out, back arching as Ruki trails kisses down his abdomen, pausing to bite the skin immediately surrounding his belly-button before circling it with his tongue. “Let me take off your clothes.”
Ruki ignores him, his mouth traveling steadily lower, though when he reaches Aoi’s shaft, he bypasses it completely, his mouth closing over a patch of skin on his left inner thigh instead. He sucks softly, and then Aoi feels him bite down there too, and the zing of pleasure-pain that courses through his body makes him writhe and he nearly chokes on Ruki’s name, his hands scrambling for the sheets and holding onto them tightly.
Ruki licks where he’s bitten, and then draws back, only to lean down once more, his warm breath now tickling Aoi’s right inner thigh. “Can’t mark one without marking the other, now, can I?” he purrs before leaving his mark there, too.
By this time, Aoi’s trembling has grown even more pronounced. He has absolutely no clue how anyone could ever want another person so much—so much that it is like a physical pain. He aches with the need to have Ruki’s mouth and hands on his body, and he finds his patience wearing thin very quickly. The fact that Ruki has just made several marks of his own on his body assists in fueling his desire.
“I want you,” Aoi says. “I want to feel you. I want to touch you. I want to kiss your skin.” He feels half-crazed and desperate, mind still whirling, lost in this world that Ruki has created for him. “Come up here, and let me help you take your clothes off, Ruki. Come on. Please.”
“Do you?” Ruki trails his tongue along Aoi’s erection, from base to tip, and then sucks lightly at the head before pulling away and meeting Aoi’s gaze, his lashes half-lowered. He juts his bottom lip out a little, feigning a pout. “I was just getting comfortable down here, Aoi-chan~. I like it down here, because from here, I can cause you to make all sorts of noises.”
Then, as if to prove his point, Ruki lowers his head again, swallowing Aoi’s cock in one go, and Aoi feels his hips practically fucking levitate off the bed as he keens and tangles his fingers in Ruki’s hair again. Oh, yes, Aoi was beginning to like Ruki down there, too.
Ruki’s head bobs up and down a few times and then he pulls away, replacing his mouth with his hand. He squeezes and gives Aoi’s cock a few hard tugs, the movement made slick with saliva and sweat, and then his hand is gone, too, and suddenly, his nails are raking down Aoi’s thighs, scoring pink, raised lines on pale skin. “I think you like me down here, too.”
“I do,” Aoi answers, and he does. Because he likes the sight and feel of Ruki between his spread thighs so much, it takes a great deal of effort to say his next words. “But I want you up here right now. It’s not fair at all that I’m the only one naked, and that I’m the only one getting so much attention.”
“You’re giving me attention.” It sounds as if Ruki might be trying to argue the point, but he crawls back up Aoi’s body nevertheless, stopping when they are at eye level. “The way you’ve been looking at me, Aoi… Do you have any idea how hot that gets me? Here, I’ll let you feel.”
Ruki takes one of Aoi’s hands and presses it against his jeans, and Aoi can feel his erection, warm and very hard. Unable to help himself, Aoi squeezes tightly, reveling in the low moan that this action pulls from Ruki’s lips. He moves to slip his hand inside Ruki’s pants, but the other man stops him, much to his disappointment.
“Start with my shirt, Aoi,” Ruki instructs, smirking. “The pants can go after that, you naughty, impatient thing.”
Aoi does as Ruki says, though he honestly doesn’t think it matters one way or the other which article of clothing is removed first—it all adds up to a naked Ruki in the end, after all. That’s what’s important.
The shirt goes first, the pants and boxers next. Then, Ruki is gloriously naked, and Aoi is more than eager to explore every inch of newly-bared skin with his hands and his mouth. He touches, almost tentatively at first, as this is new territory, but they rapidly become much bolder. His lips follow the invisible trail that his fingers have forged, and when his tongue teases at Ruki’s nipples, the vocalist moans his name, and it is like music to Aoi’s ears.
Aoi works his way down to Ruki’s cock, wraps his fingers around it first, and feels it throb. He brushes his thumb roughly against that spot just below the head on the underside, and Ruki’s hips jerk, seemingly of their own accord. It makes Aoi smile.
“You should come back up here,” Ruki says. “I want to fuck you.”
The words give Aoi pause—they distract him from what he’s currently doing and make him shiver in anticipation. But then he feels Ruki twitch in his hand and his attention returns to where it had been before the other man had interrupted him.
“Not just yet, Ru,” he replies, even though the offer is more than a little tempting. “Let me stay down here just a little while, okay? I promise you won’t regret it.” Then, without further delay, he leans down and deep-throats Ruki’s shaft, nearly gagging himself in his hurry.
“Oh… oh, fuck, Aoi,” Ruki breathes, and then his hand is at the back of Aoi’s head, fingers in his hair. They pull a little, and taking the hint, Aoi draws back a bit. The pressure at the back of his head increases slightly—a gentle nudge, and Aoi goes down again, his throat more relaxed this time, although he can feel the muscles when they constrict slightly, and he knows that Ruki can feel them too, based on the almost-strangled sound that he’s just made.
Ruki controls the movements of Aoi’s neck, pulling him back and pushing him down, and Aoi is content to let the younger man have that control. He focuses his energy instead on sucking and using his tongue to add to the pleasure. When he presses the tip of his tongue into the slit at the head, he tastes Ruki’s pre-cum, and when he swirls his tongue around the slit, more pre-cum leaks out, and Aoi greedily laps that up as well, savoring the taste.
All too soon, Ruki is tugging him away and Aoi is protesting, trying to take him into his mouth again, because he’s not done tasting yet, damnit, but the fingers that are now pulling his hair taught prevent him from doing so. He really doesn’t want to have his hair pulled out, either, so he reluctantly gives up.
Within the span of a millisecond, Aoi finds Ruki’s lips crushed against his own, and his lips part of their own accord. Ruki’s tongue thrusts into his mouth, sliding against and tangling with his own tongue, and the hand in his hair keeps him where he is, not allowing him to pull away (not that he would have wanted to) until Ruki is ready for him to do so.
The kiss isn’t gentle—it’s frantic and demanding and full of heat, and the force of it makes Aoi dizzy. He kisses back with all the want and need that he feels he possesses, and Ruki growls into his mouth, pressing closer, harder, and Aoi has to open his mouth wider in order to avoid getting his lips cut on either Ruki’s teeth or his own. There is still the hint of chocolate in the kiss, but it is overshadowed by what Aoi believes is the taste of desire. Desire and dirty promises and Ruki. It’s an addictive taste.
He thinks that he might pass out from lack of oxygen (although he doesn’t really mind) before Ruki pulls away, and even then, Aoi whimpers in protest and follows him, not quite willing for the kiss to end yet even though both he and Ruki are practically gasping for breath.
“I want you.” The fingers in Aoi’s hair tighten momentarily, and Aoi mewls softly. Then, those fingers relax and are gone from his hair, brushing gently against his cheek instead.
In a sense, it’s still very dreamlike, even though Aoi knows perfectly well that he isn’t dreaming. But it feels like he might be dreaming, because Ruki’s never been like this before—Ruki’s never even kissed him before tonight. It’s still somewhat of a shock, but Aoi finds that his answering words slide easily from his lips: “Take what you want, then.”
Ruki’s eyes widen and then darken further, and then he moves away, and Aoi reaches for him questioningly. Ruki smiles, and it is reassuring, and Aoi relaxes a bit, settling back against the pillows.
“Just getting a couple of things,” Ruki says as he rummages through one of the small drawers of his nightstand. He straightens and moves close to Aoi again, and Aoi can see what those ‘couple of things’ are: A small tube of lubrication and a condom.
“Yes,” Aoi whispers, though he doesn’t realize that he’s said anything until seconds later, and he wants to try for something more intelligible, but Ruki fits himself between his thighs and rocks his hips, and Aoi becomes even more incoherent, whining and groaning and saying words that might not even be words at all.
Then the sweethot friction is gone and Aoi is protesting at the loss of that, too, protesting even as he watches Ruki open the lube and squeeze some of it onto his fingers. He smiles again – that wicked, delicious smile that shouldn’t be legal – and moves his hand, slipping it between their bodies. Slick fingers brush against the head of Aoi’s cock and then his sac before they reach his entrance and circle slowly, teasingly.
Aoi almost says ‘please’, but before he can, Ruki is pushing his fingers in, and Aoi forgets to speak, forgets to breathe, forgets to do anything other than moan helplessly and rock his hips down onto those fingers.
“Good, hmm?” Ruki asks, and Aoi can’t find the breath to answer, so he nods emphatically, hoping that it will be answer enough. Ruki’s fingers slide in deeper, as deep as they can go, and it’s better than good. It’s better than great. It’s better than fantastic. One of these days, Aoi will come up with a proper adjective, but not today, because he can barely think coherently as it is.
Ruki’s fingers thrust and scissor, probe and curl, circle and rub, and Aoi writhes and somehow finds the words to beg (“Nownownow, more, please, Ru.”), though Ruki ignores him. His fingers keep torturing him, and to make matters worse, each time Ruki’s hand moves, his forearm brushes against Aoi’s length, which drives Aoi even closer to what feels like insanity.
Eventually, Ruki eases his fingers out of Aoi’s body, and every single cell in Aoi’s body practically screams Hallelujah, because he knows what’s going to happen next, and the muscles low in his belly clench in anticipation.
“So hot,” Ruki murmurs against his jaw. “Around my fingers. So tight. Bet you’ll feel like heaven around my cock.”
”One way to find out,” Aoi answers, and he reaches for the condom with trembling fingers. “Can I?”
Ruki nods and sits back, giving Aoi some room, and Aoi tears into the little square packet with his teeth. He quickly rolls it onto Ruki’s length, taking the time to let his fingers tease at bare skin before Ruki hands him the lube. Aoi squeezes some of the lube onto his palm, and wraps his fingers around Ruki’s cock again, moving his hand up and down and squeezing, slicking him up good.
“Okay,” Ruki tells him, voice guttural. “That’s enough, Aoi. No more playing around.”
Aoi somewhat reluctantly removes his hand, his thighs falling open more as Ruki repositions himself between them. His breath gets caught in his throat when he feels the head of Ruki’s cock rub against him there, and he thinks that Ruki is going to shove in, bury himself inside of him in one go, but he doesn’t. He works his way inside, excruciatingly slowly, inch by careful inch, until he’s balls-deep inside of Aoi. Then he pauses and exhales, shuddering above Aoi, throbbing inside of him.
“God, Aoi… you feel….” Ruki trails off, and Aoi deliberately clenches around him just to hear the unbelievably fucking sexy noise that he knows he’ll make—and he does, too. He groans and closes his eyes, but he doesn’t move. He’s too still, and it’s not enough. It’s amazing, feeling him inside, but Aoi wants him to move, wants to feel him gliding, sliding, fucking….
“Ru, need you to move,” Aoi pants, shifting restlessly beneath him. “Need you to… Please. Movemovemovemove.” He doesn’t care how desperate or needy he sounds, because he feels like he might fall to pieces if Ruki doesn’t move soon.
Ruki chuckles, the sound low and dark, more sexual than anything else. “You want me to move, huh? I can do that.” And he does. Slow at first, slow and shallow, but he quickly gains speed. Before long, he is slamming inside of Aoi, fucking him roughly, fast and hard and it’s perfect.
Aoi meets him thrust for thrust, groaning and biting down on his bottom lip when Ruki shoves his legs up, and Aoi instinctively wraps them around Ruki’s waist and holds on, nails digging into the skin of Ruki’s back, just below his shoulder blades.
“Yeeessss,” Ruki hisses, and Aoi echoes him, and this is better than Aoi had ever imagined that it could be—better than it’s ever been before, with Isshi or with anyone else, and that’s a shock as well, because Aoi had never thought in a thousand years that anything like this would be happening between Ruki and himself.
He’d wondered about it on occasion, of course, though he’d never actually thought that it would happen. But it is happening—Ruki is shoving in, deep and hard (brutal, Aoi thinks, but in the best way possible), and Aoi is loving the way Ruki is moving and throbbing inside of him. It’s intoxicating and mind-blowing… the sounds, the movement, the smell of their sweat and the smell of sex.
Their angle changes, and then Ruki is slamming into his prostate with each thrust now, and Aoi can’t think coherently enough to string two words together. The only thing he knows is that he doesn’t want this to end, though he knows it must. He is close, almost painfully close, and he knows it won’t take much to finish him off, but he needs… he needs something.
“Ruuuukiii.” He doesn’t even care that Ruki’s name comes out as a high-pitched whine. “Need… need… ungh.” And that’s about all he can get out, because Ruki is thrusting into him so hard that it’s difficult to find breath enough to speak, and almost all words have left him again anyway.
“I know,” Ruki grunts, and then his hand is around Aoi’s cock, and he’s stroking him just as roughly as he’s fucking him, hand jerking, thumb pressing hard into all of the really sensitive spots, and yeahyeahyeah, that’s what Aoi needs—exactly what he needs. He wants to tell Ruki as much, but all that escapes him are wordless noises, and he’s so close, so close, so close that it burns.
They topple over the precipice together, Aoi’s nails scratching down Ruki’s back, Ruki’s name on his lips, Ruki’s face buried against his neck and shoulder, his cries muffled by Aoi’s skin. But Aoi hears them nevertheless; he hears Ruki say his name, and he feels Ruki tremble against him, and he holds onto him tightly, pressing soft kisses into auburn hair.
And it feels like Aoi is flying and falling at the same time.
Aoi sits up in Ruki’s bed, running his fingers (which are still trembling slightly) through his sweat-dampened and somewhat tangled hair. Ruki is in the bathroom, more than likely cleaning up a bit. Aoi should probably get up and head in that direction as well, because he’s feeling damp and sticky, but his legs don’t seem ready to cooperate with him just yet. He feels lazy and satiated, and he would probably be perfectly content to stay just like this for the rest of the night, provided that he didn’t have drying cum on his belly—which he does.
He licks his lips, trying to decide what he should do next. He should clean up a little. He should tell Ruki that their little romp in the sheets was a mistake. He should get dressed and go home. He should call Isshi in the morning and explain.
But Aoi doesn’t want to do any of those things. He wants to stay here, with Ruki, as ridiculous as he thinks that sounds. Ruki isn’t his boyfriend, after all. Ruki is his bandmate. Ruki is his friend, and has been for a long time. They crossed a line tonight—they had to have crossed some invisible line, right?
It was wrong, what they did. It had to have been wrong.
The problem is, though, that Aoi doesn’t really feel like it was wrong at all, even though he knows he probably should feel like it was wrong. It’s very strange that he’s not feeling how he should feel right now.
Ruki re-enters the bedroom and sits down on the edge of the bed. He has a couple of wet washcloths in his hand, and he offers one to Aoi. Aoi takes it with a soft ‘thank you’, surprised at how hoarse his voice sounds. He closes his eyes, scrubbing at his face and his arms, and then feels the warmth of the second washcloth on his stomach. He opens his eyes to find Ruki helping him clean up, and it makes him blush.
“You don’t have to--”
“I want to,” Ruki interrupts, and then the both of them are silent for the span of a few minutes, until Aoi is satisfied that he is clean enough.
“I should go,” he tells Ruki, sounding as reluctant as he feels. He inwardly kicks himself for showing such weakness—but then again, he’s shown a lot of that tonight, hasn’t he?
“You could stay,” Ruki offers, and the hope in his voice makes the metaphorical butterflies in Aoi’s stomach flutter their wings.
“I can’t,” Aoi answers, but he doesn’t move to get up. His clothes are on the floor by the nightstand, and that seems entirely too far away. Ruki is closer. It would be easier to reach for him—to pull him close and hold onto him.
“You can’t, or you don’t want to?” They are the same words that Ruki had asked that morning, but unlike this morning, Aoi can give no justification as to why he cannot do what Ruki has asked.
Finally, Aoi replies: “I want to, Ruki, and that scares me. This shouldn’t have happened—I should feel like it was wrong, but I don’t feel that way. That scares me, too.”
Ruki wraps his arms around him, pulls him close, and kisses the top of his head. Aoi doesn’t even bother trying to resist. “Don’t think you’re the only one who’s scared.”
“I don’t feel bad about it. I don’t feel bad about cheating on my boyfriend.” Aoi’s voice is colored with disbelief around the edges. “I mean, I’m not in love with him or anything, and we hadn’t talked about being exclusive, exactly, but still!”
Ruki sighs softly. “I’d apologize for putting you through this, Aoi. But if I apologized, it would be a lie, because I’m not sorry at all. If you want to walk away from this—pretend it never happened, then I’ll let you go, but I won’t be happy about it, because I want you.”
“I want to stay,” Aoi mumbles, blindly fumbling for the lamp with one hand. He knocks over several things on the nightstand before he finally succeeds in finding the lamp and switching it off. “As weird as it may sound… Yeah. I want to stay.”
“So stay. I’m right here.”
Aoi does stay. He lays there in Ruki’s arms, listening to Ruki breathe, listening to the steady beating of Ruki’s heart, until he eventually drifts off.
And it feels like he might be experiencing bliss.
Aoi wakes up with the feel of rough sex riding his body like a second skin. It feels good. He stretches a little, feels Ruki’s arms still around him, and he opens his eyes, blinking at the late-morning sun.
He gazes over at the vocalist, who appears to still be sleeping soundly, and he resists the urge to run his fingers through auburn hair. He realizes that Ruki looks vastly different while he’s asleep, though he can’t pinpoint exactly how or why.
Aoi knows he should leave. He should have left last night.
But he doesn’t want to leave, and he hadn’t wanted to leave last night.
He shifts in Ruki’s arms, slides slowly out of them, hoping not to wake Ruki up in the process. The brunette nearly sighs in relief when Ruki’s eyes remain closed, though as he takes a few steps away from the bed, Ruki stirs, and Aoi feels his pulse momentarily speed up and he freezes, believing that he’s woken the other man up. However, Ruki merely nuzzles the pillow and falls still once more.
Aoi tiptoes into the bathroom, though he’s not sure why he bothers to tiptoe—Ruki hadn’t woken up when he’d gotten out of bed, after all, so why would he wake up now? He flips the light switch and stares at his reflection in the full-length mirror, eyes lingering on the marks that Ruki had made the night before. He tries to feel guilty, because he knows he ought to, but he can’t bring himself to do that, either.
His head is still spinning, his world still feels like it’s upside-down, but it isn’t a bad feeling. It’s new and strange and scary and wonderful, and he has no idea what he’s going to tell Isshi, though he knows he has to tell him something. Telling the truth is usually the best route, but he doesn’t know how to go about doing it, and he really doesn’t want to worry about it until later. Right now, he wants to crawl back into bed with Ruki and maybe go back to sleep. Yeah. That sounds like a good idea.
Just as he is thinking this, though, he hears the sound of bare feet padding across the room, and he turns to look guiltily at Ruki, who tilts his head and smiles softly at him.
”In case you were planning on a grand escape of some sort, I have a piece of advice for you—put your clothes on first.” Ruki laughs softly, but then grows serious, the look in his eyes a questioning one. “Were you going to leave?”
Aoi shakes his head. “I was actually about to come back to bed. I just… I’m sorry I woke you up. I’ve been in here, trying to make my world turn right-side up again, because you’ve turned it upside down. I’ve been in here trying to feel guilty over what happened last night, but I don’t feel guilty, because I don’t feel that what we did was really wrong. I’ve been in here trying to figure out what I should tell Isshi.”
“You could tell him the truth,” Ruki says, though Aoi’s already figured that one out by himself. “If you want to… you know, stay with him--”
“We have terrible timing,” Aoi interrupts, not wanting Ruki to finish what it is he’s trying to say.
Ruki is silent for several seconds, his lips slightly parted. “… I agree,” he finally replies. “But I couldn’t keep… I suppose I should’ve… before you and Isshi… but…” He trails off and shrugs. It seems that he isn’t as skilled with words this morning as he typically is. Perhaps it’s the shock—perhaps his world has been turned upside-down too.
“I don’t regret it.” Aoi’s voice is soft, barely above a whisper. He remembers how he had wanted Ruki to elaborate on his comment regarding happiness in a relationship last night, but he had gotten hopelessly sidetracked by Ruki’s hands and mouth, and had forgotten all about asking. But it’s okay now, because Aoi believes he understands, anyway. “I’m happy, Ru.”
Aoi knows what those words mean. He knows that Ruki will know what the words mean.
They mean everything, and judging by the look on Ruki’s face, he understands. This is twisted and complicated and confusing and shouldn’t feel as good as it feels—Aoi shouldn’t be on cloud nine, but he is.
“I’m happy,” he repeats, and he knows that he’s smiling stupidly, but he doesn’t care how ridiculous he looks. He is happy.
Aoi knows that he’s going to have some serious explaining to do, but it can wait. All that matters right now is that Ruki is smiling and crossing the space between them to stand in front of him. He is close, he is warm, he is here, and this is real, upside-down world or not. This is good.
Ruki’s smile widens, and then he leans up, pressing his lips to Aoi’s.
And it feels right.
This fic wasn’t supposed to be anywhere near this long. It wasn’t even supposed to have a real plot. It was just supposed to be smut and nothing else. But the muses wouldn’t cooperate and wanted the attack of fluff at the end. I don’t know what’s gotten into my Ruki, although he assures me that all will be back to ‘normal’ once I start writing the next Ruki x Aoi x Uruha fic. >_______>;;