Pairing: Reita (the GazettE)/Aoi (the GazettE)/Miyavi (solo, SKIN)
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies.
Summary: Maybe their relationship isn’t exactly orthodox… True, it’s just a little complicated, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it? At least, that’s what Aoi hopes, but uncertainty isn’t as easy to dispel as he’d like for it to be.
Comments: Sequel to In Good Company and Who Needs an Alarm Clock?. This is ridiculous. XD I had not planned for this fic to reach this length, but it did and… well, what can you do? *LOL* I was planning on the beginning of it to be a bit different, but, well, something happened somewhere along the way and it wound up like this instead. I like it better this way. This was so much fun to write, even though I got a bit stuck in some places, wondering what to do next. This pairing has really grown on me. I hope you readers enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Their relationship was, Aoi had to admit, just a little bit complicated. For the months that they had been together, Aoi had always understood that their relationship was not exactly the most… conventional, as relationships went. But then again, was there really such a thing as normal when it came to relationships, and whom one wanted to be with? In Aoi’s case, he wanted to be with two people; he wanted both Reita and Miyavi, and the two of them had made it quite clear that they wanted him, too. Both of them wanted him; they had told him that he belonged with them. And so, while Aoi had always understood and accepted that the term ‘smooth sailing’ would not always be applicable when it came to the three of them (but then again, it really wasn’t with anyone, was it?), he had always been content with their relationship.
He had been, for the first three months. He had been, until his paranoia had gotten the better of him. He had been, until he started wondering such silly things like if he was the third wheel, the lover on the side, the one that would never truly play a part in what Reita and Miyavi shared together. It was true that he slept with them; it was true that they held him and kissed him like they did each other, but Aoi was fairly certain that he saw something in Reita’s eyes when Reita looked at Miyavi – something that he did not see when Reita looked at him, and he could have said the same about Miyavi. Doubts began to plague him – Miyavi and Reita were an established couple and had been for quite some time, and they made sure that everyone knew it, too. As far as Aoi knew, though, neither Reita nor Miyavi had told anyone that they were involved with him.
For a while, it honestly hadn’t bothered him. For a while, it had been a bit of a thrill to know that they were keeping a secret from everyone. The thrill dissipated with time, though, and Aoi found himself wanting to ask them again if he truly belonged, if they really wanted him. He wanted to be selfish; he wanted to tell them that he considered them as his, and he wanted to know if they felt the same. He wanted to know if he even had the right to call them his. Each time he tried to bring the topic up, though, he lost his nerve and let his worries slide for the time being, usually because just when he thought he could talk to them about how he felt, they chose that moment to distract him with their talented hands and mouths. There was no way in hell Aoi could be level-headed and talk about such a serious matter when they moved against him like they did, either. He always became lost – lost in them, and afterwards, he would lie awake and listen to their breathing and he would wonder how much longer he would be gifted with their presence. He would wonder how many more nights they would come to him and let him touch them, kiss them, make them say his name in such a way that it sounded like a plea. He would wonder if they thought of him when they weren’t together; he would wonder what sorts of things the two of them did together without including him.
It had nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with uncertainty. Aoi had not been this uncertain since the first night the three of them had had sex. That night, he had been terrified that it would never happen again, but he had been wrong. They had proven him wrong, and they had spent many, many more nights continuing to prove him wrong. Aoi hated being this uncertain, and he hated keeping his uncertainty from Reita and Miyavi almost as much as he hated the uncertainty itself.
“We still on for tonight?” Reita asked him, abruptly halting Aoi’s train of negative thoughts for the time being.
He looked up at Reita almost guiltily and replied, “Of course. Miyavi--”
“He’ll be a little late,” Reita interrupted, smiling. “Yeah, I know. He left me a message on my cell, too.” He leaned down, pressing his lips softly to Aoi’s and breathing his next words against them. “I’ll be on time, though~,” he said, and then Aoi felt Reita’s tongue lightly flick against his lips. “Let me kiss you, Aoi. Let me taste you before I go.”
It wasn’t like they would be apart for very long – they were scheduled for a dinner date later that evening, after all, but it didn’t matter. That fact didn’t have to be pointed out, didn’t need to be spoken out loud. There was no need. So, Aoi didn’t bother. Instead, he shuddered a little as Reita drew him closer, raised his arms and wrapped them around Reita’s neck, and parted his lips for Reita’s tongue.
Reita’s kiss was just as intoxicating as it always was; Reita kissed Aoi just as thoroughly as he always did. His tongue rubbed against Aoi’s and then tangled with it, though Reita didn’t kiss him quite as hungrily as he typically did. It was a very thorough and yet an almost teasing kiss – a sort of promise for later. When Reita broke the kiss, pausing to toy with Aoi’s lipring before drawing back completely, Aoi almost grabbed the front of his shirt, almost dragged Reita’s mouth back to his, but he stopped himself from doing so and simply gazed at Reita, feeling slightly dizzy, off-balance. Reita’s kisses always had that effect on him.
“Tonight, then,” Reita said, and smiled. What a dazzling smile it was, too. Aoi didn’t quite trust his voice, so instead of verbally answering, he nodded. Reita touched his cheek – a light, fleeting caress, and then turned around and headed down the hallway. Aoi watched as Reita opened the door and exited, not looking back, leaving Aoi alone in the studio.
Or so Aoi thought.
He heard someone clear their throat and he froze, not daring to turn around. He knew who it was without having to look, but still, he stood there, unmoving, not bothering to speak, waiting for the other man to say what was on his mind; Aoi had a fairly good idea of just what was on his mind, too.
“So,” Ruki began, sounding just as casual as ever, “does Miyavi know that his boyfriend has been making eyes at you for the past few months now? And does he know that his boyfriend has been kissing you, too? Because that really didn’t look like the first kiss between the two of you.” A pause. “I suppose I could be wrong, though. Maybe that kiss is the result of months of built-up tension.”
Obviously, Ruki had not heard their conversation beforehand, or maybe he had, and he was just fishing for whatever information Aoi would dish out. Still not feeling brave enough to turn around, Aoi shot back, “Since when is my personal life your business?”
If Ruki took offense to Aoi’s words, he didn’t show it. At least, Aoi could hear no traces of anger or even annoyance in his voice when he spoke again. “Maybe I’m sticking my nose in where it doesn’t belong, Aoi, but I don’t want to see anyone get hurt. I don’t know what’s going on, or what’s been going on between you and Reita for the past few months, but--”
“We’re together,” Aoi interrupted, and this time, he did turn around. Ruki was leaning against the doorframe of the practice room, half in shadow, arms crossed. “The three of us, I mean. We’re together. So, yes, Miyavi knows about the kissing. He participates.” And here Aoi was thinking that they’d been fairly discreet – no touching in front of the others, definitely no kissing in front of the others. Aoi had grown to dislike the secrecy, but he went along with it, because he thought that that was what they would want.
So much for the secrecy, huh?
Despite the fact that Ruki was half-shadowed, Aoi saw the look in his eyes; he saw that look change from confusion to understanding to disbelief, and finally to something that closely resembled something akin to horror. “You’re kidding me, Aoi. Please tell me you aren’t sleeping with him. With them.”
“You and I have been friends for years, Ruki. If you and I weren’t as close as we are, I might consider that to be an insulting remark.” Aoi’s words might have sounded friendly enough, had they not been laced with the anger that he was currently feeling. Though he knew that Ruki was more than likely just concerned, he couldn’t help but feel angry. Angry that Ruki had found out this way instead of the proper way, angry that Miyavi and Reita had always been perfectly open with their relationship with each other, but had not been about their relationship with Aoi, and angry because Ruki really was sticking his nose somewhere where it didn’t belong.
“You are sleeping with them.” It wasn’t a question. “God, Aoi! Don’t you realize the mess that you have more than likely gotten yourself into? Can’t you ever just step back and take a moment to think about what the hell you’re doing?” Ruki took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly, shaking his head.
“Is there a point to this conversation, Ruki? Because if there isn’t, I’m going home. I’ve got a date tonight. Since you obviously didn’t hear what Reita said before he kissed me, both he and Miyavi are coming over for dinner.” This time, Aoi didn’t even bother trying to sound the least bit friendly, hoping that Ruki would take the hint and back off.
But Ruki was stubborn, had always been stubborn, and Aoi wasn’t the least bit surprised when Ruki said, “And after dinner you’re going to snuggle up and make love, is that it?” He didn’t give Aoi the opportunity to reply to that particular snide remark before continuing, both his eyes and his voice softening. “They’re good for each other, Aoi. Miyavi and Reita, I mean. And I support what they have with all of my heart.”
”But you can’t support what they have if I’m part of it? You can’t support what we have?” Aoi practically snarled, though a small voice in his head immediately piped up with, You don’t even know that you truly have anything with them, do you? You don’t know that it’s anything other than sex. They’ve tried to keep what they have with you hidden, after all. Aoi mentally closed the door on that voice; he didn’t need to think things like that, not right now.
“That is not what I am saying, Aoi. Just listen to me, okay?” Ruki pressed his fingers to his left temple, looking like he was beginning to acquire a headache. “You’re not seeing the big picture. You’re not seeing how complicated this can become. It’s one thing if two people are together and they love each other and they’re happy; it’s another thing entirely when three people are together—it’s harder to balance the scales. It’s cliché as hell, but the phrase ‘two’s company and three’s a crowd’ really rings true in this kind of situation.”
Aoi could have laughed at the irony of it, because that was exactly what he himself had brought up the first night that he had been with Reita and Miyavi. But Aoi did not laugh. “I’m aware that it’s more complicated with three people, Ruki. And that phrase doesn’t apply—not with us.” Except that lately, Aoi had begun to have the feeling that it did, but he wasn’t about to admit that, not to Ruki.
Ruki shook his head. “This can’t end well, Aoi. It can’t. And when it does end – badly – where will you be? You’ll be alone, and they… they may or may not still be together. In either case, I’m not so sure Kai would know how to deal with a heartbroken guitarist, and a bassist that’s partially to blame for that heartbreak. You’re not supposed to become involved with someone who’s in the same band as you are. Broken relationships can potentially lead to broken bands. Now, Miyavi is a solo artist – he doesn’t have to worry about something going wrong between band members if his relationship with Reita ends.”
“Oh, so it’s about the band now!” Aoi threw his hands in the air, gesticulating wildly. “It’s not about how I feel or how they feel—it’s about destroying the band!” He knew – he just knew - that Ruki was concerned, that he wanted what was best for all three of them, and he wanted what was best for the band. But, he seemed to be saying that Aoi was not good for Reita and Miyavi – or rather, for the relationship that Reita and Miyavi had already established with each other over a year ago – and that was not something that Aoi wanted to hear. He didn’t want to hear it, because he had been wondering over it far too much himself lately – even moreso than he had their first night together – and he was tired of feeling like this. “Don’t you think the three of us are grownup enough to realize what we’re doing, what we’re getting ourselves into?”
Ruki snorted. “Grownups, you say. You talk about it as if it’s nothing at all. But what are you going to do when you’re finished having your fun? When they’ve finished having their fun? Clearly, you don’t have the slightest clue what you’ve gotten yourself into. Not really.”
“I know a hell of a lot better than you do about what I’ve gotten myself into!” Aoi narrowed his eyes at Ruki, crossing his arms. “Do you watch them sleep, Ruki? Do you hear them whisper words into your ear? Do you--”
Ruki cut him off. “No, I don’t, Aoi. But you need to understand what I’m saying, for their sake as well as yours. I know what you’re like when your relationships end. I know that you’re strong too, but Aoi… if something goes wrong between the three of you, it’ll be a double whammy for you. I don’t want to see you fall apart. None of us do.”
There was such emotion in Ruki’s voice—such concern. And for Aoi. Aoi knew he should have acknowledged that concern. He should have told Ruki that he appreciated it, but he could take care of himself just fine (even though he wasn’t entirely sure that he could take care of himself just fine). But Aoi was still angry, still upset, and feeling more uncertain than ever. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Ruki,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Glad to know that I can always count on you.” He glared at Ruki, daring him to say something else, and when Ruki didn’t, Aoi spun on his heel and quickly walked to the exit, opening the door and stepping out into the heat of the summer afternoon.
Now, Ruki knew. How was Aoi going to explain this to Reita and Miyavi? And how would they take the news?
He had some ‘splainin’ to do, as Ricky Ricardo would have said.
Aoi opened his refrigerator and blinked at its contents, wondering if it would just be a better idea for them to order takeout from one of the nearby restaurants. Reita wasn’t a fan of vegetables, and that tended to limit meal choices. Miyavi wasn’t a picky eater, but if given the option, he’d probably live off of chicken and sweets the rest of his life. Aoi would eat just about anything, though he wasn’t exactly a master chef. Cooking was far from his specialty.
With a soft sigh, he shut the refrigerator door. “I know we almost always go out to eat or order food to be brought here, but would you really mind if we ordered out tonight?” he asked Reita almost sheepishly, not turning around to look at the other man. “I mean, we could wait ‘til Miyavi gets here, and then we could call someplace nearby… maybe something other than Chinese tonight, since we’ve been eating a lot of that lately.” Aoi chuckled a little. “Or maybe we can ask him to pick something up on the way… You don’t think he’d mind?”
Aoi was so busy talking that he didn’t hear the chair scrape lightly against the floor as Reita pushed it away from the table. He was so busy talking that he didn’t hear Reita cross the kitchen floor on bare feet. What he did hear, however, was Reita’s soft laughter, close to his ear, and then he felt Reita’s arms wrap around him from behind, gently pulling him into a warm embrace. “Relax, Aoi,” Reita told him. “You’ve been acting strange ever since I got here, and you’re worrying over little things that shouldn’t be worried about. We can call Miyavi in a minute; I’m sure he’d be happy to pick up some dinner for us.”
Aoi relaxed against him, closing his eyes. “Okay,” he replied, voice barely above a whisper. His insides were still tying themselves up in knots, though. He had no idea how he was supposed to bring up the subject of Ruki seeing them kiss. This wasn’t something he could just push aside – it was something that needed to be said. And maybe, just maybe, other things needed to be said, too. Things that Aoi had been pushing aside for months. He’d been pushing them aside because, when he was with them, his uncertainty didn’t really seem to matter; or rather, it didn’t matter as much as being with them mattered.
But, what if Ruki was right? What if this… this thing between them ended? And ended badly? How would Aoi handle something like that?
Not well, Aoi’s mind supplied for him. Not well at all.
It made absolutely no sense that something like a friend’s concerns about him – about them - would throw Aoi completely off-balance. He couldn’t seem to get Ruki’s words out of his head, and that didn’t seem like a good sign at all. He had already felt uncertain enough without hearing something like that from Ruki, and what Ruki had said had rattled him so badly. It made Aoi wonder if there had ever been any hope for their relationship in the first place. He wasn’t even at all sure if he had the right to call what they had a ‘relationship’.
Relationship. It was just one little word, but it meant the whole world to Aoi.
Ruki had forced him to look more closely at something that he’d been trying to ignore for months now. He wasn’t sure where to go from here. He wasn’t sure that he belonged at all, yet again. Now, he was actually being forced to look at the fact that he’d gotten into this full of uncertainty, with no real plan.
He realized that he had been quiet for far too long when Reita said his name again, more firmly this time. “Aoi. What’s wrong? Tell me.”
Aoi swallowed audibly, and then the words tumbled past his lips before he could stop them. “Ruki knows, Reita.”
The arms around Aoi’s waist stiffened minutely, but there was no change in Reita’s voice when he spoke again. “What do you mean?”
“I mean he knows.” Aoi pulled away from Reita and turned around to face him, though he couldn’t quite meet Reita’s eyes. “He saw us kissing, and I told him that I was with the two of you. He thinks… he thinks we’re not a good idea.”
“Really?” Aoi could tell that Reita was trying his best to sound perfectly calm, but there was just an edge of something in his voice – it might have been anger. “You think he knows what’s going on well enough to say that the three of us are good or bad for each other?”
Aoi sighed, and it sounded somewhat shaky. “He’s known us for years, Reita. Maybe that’s all--”
“You think we’re a bad idea, too?” Reita interrupted, and there wasn’t an edge of anger in his voice anymore; it sounded more like desperation. Aoi wondered if his mind was playing tricks on him.
Aoi did not answer Reita’s question. Instead, he asked one of his own. “Where do you think we’re going with this, Reita?” He didn’t even give Reita the chance to reply to his question, plowing ahead with words that he’d been holding back these past few months. “You’re with Miyavi. Actually with him. You love each other, right? It isn’t difficult at all to tell that, not with the way your eyes light up when you look at one another. You told me the night this all started that I was part of you—that I belonged with the two of you. And I believed you. When I’m with you, it’s so easy to push the uncertainty that I feel away. It’s so easy to forget the fact that you and Miyavi crawl all over each other in front of everyone else, and yet, you treat me like I’m the dirty little secret. It’s grown very tiring, Reita, and I’ve pushed it aside over and over again until I just can’t do that anymore.” Aoi sounded defeated, and he knew he did.
Reita said absolutely nothing. He just stood there in the middle of Aoi’s kitchen, and when Aoi gathered enough nerve to risk glancing at Reita’s face, he saw shock and disbelief written all over it, along with confusion.
Aoi couldn’t take the silence – it was deafening. “So, if you want to… to back out of this, I understand completely.” It was a lie, but maybe Reita would buy it. “I mean, if the two of you want to go back to being the two of you, instead of the three of us. Because… Reita, when the two of you aren’t here or I’m not with the two of you at your place or Miyavi’s place, I feel like this isn’t what I want it to be. Sometimes, I still feel like an outsider looking in. I feel like the two of you have something that I can’t touch. I’ve been feeling like… like that first night, except only worse. And I don’t like it, Reita, and I don’t want things to get so far out of hand that I wind up fucking what the two of you have up, or I wind up screwing our friendship up…”
Another silence – a shorter one, though – and then Reita spoke. “… You’re supposed to talk to us when you feel weird about things, Aoi,” he said, voice low and hard and tense. “You’re supposed to tell us, instead of letting it build inside like that. I speak for myself, but I’m sure Miyavi would tell you the same—I never considered you as a dirty little secret. Never.” There was a glint of something in his eyes, and Aoi couldn’t tell if it was anger or something else. “Things have gone too far already, Aoi.” Reita shook his head. “I don’t care that Ruki knows, if that’s what you’re worried about. I don’t care if the whole world knows! Do you have any idea how much I… how much we…” He trailed off, sighing and suddenly looking very tired. “I need to think, Aoi.”
Aoi watched, almost dumbfounded, as Reita turned and headed for the front door. Something very similar to panic gripped at his insides. What had he just done? Was Reita actually going to leave? “Reita--”
“Don’t.” Reita interrupted, voice soft but firm. “Don’t, Aoi. I’ll talk to you again when I don’t feel like my insides have been ripped out and stepped on, okay? I’ll talk to you again when I don’t feel like you’re trying to tell me that you feel it’s a good idea that we end this.” He placed his hand on the doorknob, and then looked over his shoulder, back at Aoi. “And obviously, you’re not paying attention when we look at you.”
Aoi couldn’t seem to formulate a reply to that; actually, I’m sorry for being such an idiot sounded like a pretty good thing to say, but he couldn’t quite push the words past the sudden lump of emotion in his throat. And so, he simply stood and watched, speechless as Reita opened the door, stepped out, and quietly shut it.
Well, that could have gone better, Aoi thought miserably as he sank to the floor and slumped against the counter, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world.
He wasn’t sure how long he sat there on his kitchen floor – it could have been minutes, it could have been hours – but he looked up when he heard the sound of a car pulling up outside. It was Miyavi, no doubt. Had Reita left? Aoi didn’t know; he hadn’t heard Reita start his car, if he had left. Aoi hoped the he hadn’t left. He hoped that the three of them would be able to talk this out – he hoped that he would be able to apologize for the stupid things that he had said. Perhaps he would be able to word things differently and make them sound less harsh. Had he gone too far, though? Would his apology count for anything, or was Reita already convinced that Aoi wanted out of this, which wasn’t true at all?
He was surprised when the door opened, but when he saw Miyavi – and only Miyavi – step inside, he felt even more crestfallen. Clearly, Reita was not ready to talk to him.
“Hey,” Miyavi said, voice soft and not cheerful-sounding, but not angry-sounding either. He walked over to Aoi and plopped down beside him.
”Hey,” Aoi mumbled back. For several long moments, there was silence between them, and then Aoi sighed and decided to spill. “Guess I really screwed up, didn’t I? Reita probably won’t want to talk to me anymore. Ruki found out about us today. He saw me and Reita kissing, and then I told Ruki that we were together, the three of us. But for a while now, I haven’t been feeling like it’s really us. I’ve been feeling like it’s you and him, and then me. Me on the side, though, like I don’t really belong. It’s like that first night all over again, only worse. And I told Reita that I would be okay with it if the two of you decided to just be… the two of you again, without me. Except only I lied when I said that, cos I thought that it would make him leave without any guilt if that was what he wanted to do. Turns out I was wrong, apparently. And right now, I suppose he’s not very fond of me.”
“He’s upset, Aoi,” Miyavi said gently, placing one hand on Aoi’s leg. And for once, perhaps, the gesture wasn’t a sexual one. “He doesn’t understand why you didn’t say anything before now. I don’t understand why you didn’t say anything before now. It’s not good to let things like that build inside of you like that. If you… felt concerned about our relationship, why didn’t you just tell us?”
“I tried to push it aside,” Aoi replied. “I thought that how I was feeling was stupid.”
“How you feel is not stupid.” Miyavi lifted that hand and placed his fingers beneath Aoi’s chin, tilting Aoi’s head and forcing Aoi to look at him. “How you feel is important to us. We always want to know how you feel. We especially want to know if you’re feeling left out, Aoi, because neither of us want you to feel that way.”
“I was actually starting to wonder if things would be better before all of this started,” Aoi admitted, feeling something very similar to shame. “Before that first night, I mean. I’ve been wondering if things actually would be better, if it was the two of you again and I was just… nothing to you. I’ve been wondering if I complicate things for the two of you, and if I really do belong. So, I started thinking that maybe it really would be better if things went back to the way they were. But I don’t want that. I don’t. Because…” He trailed off and tried to avert his eyes, but Miyavi would not let him.
“Because…?” Miyavi asked, voice still gentle and encouraging.
“… Because I love you. Because I love him. Because I love both of you.” The moment he said those words, Aoi felt a sort of relief wash over him. He’d never said those words to either of them before, and he knew in that moment that he should have said them sooner, because it felt good to say them. “I know this is complicated as hell, but I want this to work, despite what I may have led Reita to believe. I want the three of us to work; I don’t want to feel like I’m on the outside; I don’t want to not understand what passes between the two of you when you look at one another. I want to stop feeling so fucking insecure… but I don’t want to… to change things between the two of you. I don’t want you to lose him, or him to lose you, because of me. I couldn’t deal with that kind of guilt, Miyavi.”
“He won’t lose me, and I won’t lose him. He and I talked about this long before our first night with you, Aoi.” Miyavi leaned closer, lightly pressing his lips to Aoi’s before drawing back and smiling softly at him. “And you won’t lose us. Either of us, unless you want to.”
Aoi looked down. He had only realized how afraid he was when Reita exited. But now, it seemed that things might actually turn out okay. All they needed now was Reita... “So. How do you feel, Miyavi? About us? Honestly?”
Miyavi’s smile grew wider. “I knew how I felt about Reita from the very start. I just knew I loved him. It was kinda like that sappy stuff in movies, you know? I wanted to be close to him all the time, and I still do. The first time I woke up with him beside me, it was… it just helped to cement that I’d fallen for him, hard. And I wanted to do all those sappy things too, like watch him sleep.” There was a brief pause in which Miyavi seemed to be gathering his thoughts, and then he continued. “With you, though, it was different. At first, I didn’t know it was love. I told myself over and over again that it was just lust, because I was with Reita and there was no way I could feel the same way about someone else as I felt – as I feel – about him. What I felt for you wasn’t quite like that mushy stuff. It wasn’t like the stuff in the movies, it was just there constantly, and it became part of me, just like my feelings for Reita. I guess… I just didn’t really realize it at first. But then, it just hit me one day, and I knew. Loving you, and loving Rei… it’s different, but it’s the same. And I’m probably not making much sense.” He laughed, and his laughter made Aoi smile.
“You’re making a lot more sense than I’d ever be able to make,” Aoi told him.
“I thought I had to choose, but I talked to Rei about it, only to discover that he felt exactly the same way, and we really didn’t know how to go about telling you how we felt. I suppose… I suppose we didn’t make it clear enough that night here, when we kinda ambushed you.” Miyavi grinned crookedly. “We figured you would feel awkward, and like you didn’t belong. But we just didn’t think that feeling would continue. Maybe we should have done more, Aoi, to make you feel like you’re part of us… because you are. Neither of us wants to imagine, now, what it’d be like without you. What do you think?”
For the second time that day, Aoi felt completely off-balance, but this time, it was for an entirely different reason. “I think we should… I think we should go and get Reita, so the three of us can continue to talk this out. Yeah.” Aoi was quite aware of the fact that he was currently grinning like an idiot – relief was a wonderful thing – but he really didn’t care how goofy he looked at that moment. It didn’t matter.
“You don’t have to go anywhere to get me.” Reita’s voice came from behind them, and Aoi immediately got to his feet to find Reita leaning against the counter, elbows resting on countertop, chin resting on his hands. “I’m right here. Cleverly walked through the back door. I’m a super stealthy spy.” He grinned when he said it, but Aoi could see those shadows in his eyes. “Wiped off my feet before I came in, too, so I didn’t get your floor all dirty, don’t worry~.”
“I’m not worried about the floor,” Aoi said simply, and he wasn’t. He was worried about making sure that Reita was okay—that they were okay. Aoi moved to where Reita was standing and reached out for him.
Wordlessly, Reita slid his arms around Aoi, lowering his head and burying his face between the juncture of Aoi’s neck and shoulder. When he did speak, his words were muffled, and they were muffled by more than just the cloth of Aoi’s shirt. “I really thought you wanted to leave us.”
Something sharp twisted in Aoi’s heart, and it hurt. “That was a stupid thing for me to say, Reita. It was stupid, and it’s the last thing I want. I was thinking that maybe… maybe the two of you would want it that way again, but now I know better, and I want you to look at me so I can kiss you and tell you that I’m not going anywhere, not unless you want me to.”
Slowly, Reita straightened and met Aoi’s eyes. “I don’t want you to,” he said softly.
“Nor do I.” Miyavi’s voice was equally as soft, and suddenly, Miyavi was there, beside them, and Aoi couldn’t remember when Miyavi had moved. Perhaps he’d been taking lessons in stealth from Reita.
“Then it looks like you’re stuck with me.” Aoi beamed at them both, but strangely, shadows still lingered in Reita’s eyes – those shadows looked very much like uncertainty. Aoi understood that uncertainty; he had, after all, become well acquainted with it. Apparently, Aoi would have to reassure Reita with more than just his words, and he proceeded to do just that, dragging him down for a deep, long kiss.
When Aoi drew back, a smile played on his lips. Reita looked more than a little unfocused, and the look definitely suited him, Aoi believed.
Miyavi laughed softly and then kissed both of them on the cheek. “Now that the crisis has been averted, are we actually ready for dinner now?”
“Is your mind always on food?” Reita asked, rolling his eyes before grinning at Miyavi in what appeared to be a mix of humor and affection.
“Not always,” Miyavi replied, stepping closer to Reita and drawing invisible circles on Reita’s chest with his finger. “Most of the time, my mind is on more… interesting things.”
“Yes, because your mind is in the gutter,” Aoi teased, resting his hands on Miyavi’s hips and nuzzling at the back of his neck before drawing back and heading into the living room, grabbing the phonebook and thumbing through it. “We’re gonna need to order out tonight, obviously. What do you guys want?”
He wasn’t at all surprised when Reita said that he wanted sesame Thai noodles and when Miyavi said that he wanted chicken. Their relationship might have been complicated, but their food choices? Predictable, and very un-complicated.
At least, very un-complicated to order.
They had wound up taking their meal into the living room, because Miyavi had said that the couch was more comfortable, and they could watch television while eating. Miyavi had changed the channel to some American romance movie, Reita had rolled his eyes at him and called him ‘girly’, and Miyavi had threatened to not have sex with him for three days. In response to that, Reita had waved at him nonchalantly, and had told him that what he wouldn’t give him, he was certain that Aoi would.
Aoi had put on his best serious face (which had been difficult to do because he had been holding back laughter) and had told them to behave themselves, or he’d make them go home tonight instead of letting them stay with him. All three of them had known that it was nothing more than an empty threat, but it had worked.
Now, they were finished eating and were still sprawled on the couch, watching Miyavi’s ‘girly’ movie. Aoi honestly wasn’t really interested in the movie, and their takeout plates needed to be thrown away; on top of that, Aoi would have dearly liked more cola since he’d already downed his glassful.
“I’m going into the kitchen,” he announced. “Throwing the plates away and getting some more coke. You guys want anything?”
“No,” Miyavi replied absentmindedly, eyes glued to the television.
Reita turned to Aoi and shook his head, smiling softly. He then motioned towards the two glasses on the nearby counter – his and Miyavi’s. “Please tell me that you’re not going to worry with actually washing three glasses tonight, and that you’ll do the washing in the morning, or something.”
Aoi raised one eyebrow and grinned. “What if I made you do the dishes for me, instead~?” he teased. “Only three glasses right now, but by tomorrow afternoon, who knows how many dishes we’ll have ruined? I could make it worth your while.”
Reita’s smile turned into a devilish smirk. “I know you could.”
Even Miyavi turned to gaze at Aoi through lowered lashes. “Tempting offer. Perhaps we should think about it~.”
”You have to think about it?” Aoi asked, sounding incredulous. Had his hands not been full, he would have placed one of them over his heart for a more dramatic effect. “You wound me!”
“Want me to make it up to you?” Miyavi practically purred, lips curving upwards into a delicious smile that made Aoi’s legs feel just a bit wobbly.
Aoi ran his tongue along his bottom lip, reminding himself that he had empty Styrofoam plates to throw away and an empty glass to refill (well, empty save for the ice cubes within it, anyway). “If I weren’t busy already,” he began, leering at Miyavi before turning around and heading for the kitchen, pausing to look over his shoulder, “I’d say yes.”
When he reached the kitchen, he set his glass on the counter, dumped the plates in the trash, and then grabbed the bottle of cola out of the refrigerator, very nearly dropping it as he turned around and wound up nearly bumping into Reita. “You’ve got to stop this stealth thing,” he said, and this time, he did clutch at his heart. “You’re going to give me a heart attack.”
Reita offered him a crooked smile. “Well, a heart attack definitely wasn’t what I was going for. But I must admit that I do like making your pulse speed.” One calloused fingertip traced Aoi’s throat, following his pulse down to his collarbone. “Feels like I’ve done that.” He moved closer, forcing Aoi to take a step back so that he was pressing against the door of the refrigerator.
Aoi floundered for a moment, made breathless by Reita’s proximity and the look in Reita’s eyes. “Be careful. I’ve got soda, and I’m not afraid to use it,” he said lamely, nothing else coming to mind except for ‘kiss me’, and Aoi didn’t want to give Reita the satisfaction of surrendering. Not yet, at least.
Reita’s eyes widened in mock-horror. “Oh no! Soda! Do you hear that baby?” he called to Miyavi. “He’s threatening me with soda.”
Miyavi, who was no longer in the living room watching his movie and instead was leaning against the doorframe with a small smile playing on his lips, replied with, “I can hear you, babe. Not glued to the television anymore. And to Aoi’s credit—cola is sticky. I can think of other things that are sticky, too. Much more interesting things.”
“Pervert,” Aoi said, wrinkling his nose at Miyavi and sticking his tongue out at him. Childish of him, but oh well.
Reita pressed even closer. “Don’t you know it’s not polite to stick your tongue out at someone, Aoi-chan?” he purred. “You shouldn’t do it, unless you’re planning on using your tongue for other purposes.”
Aoi blinked at him, feigning innocence. “All I had planned on doing in here was getting something else to drink, Rei.” Which was true. “Hadn’t bargained on anything else.”
Reita lifted his hands, but he didn’t touch Aoi like Aoi thought he would. Instead, Reita took the soda and set it aside. He then placed his hands on the refrigerator, on either side of Aoi’s body. “Well, see, we were considering your proposition about the dishes. We decided that we’re going to take you up on the offer, but we want our payment before services are provided.” He made a show – a very deliberate show, Aoi knew – of roving his eyes over Aoi’s body.
“What makes you think that my payment is sex?” Aoi asked, still faking an innocent look. “Your minds are always in the gutter~,” he teased. “You really ought to try thinking outside of that gutter, sometimes.”
Miyavi snorted. “Don’t pretend that your mind is any cleaner than ours, baby.” He all but sauntered over to them, breathing his next words against Aoi’s ear. “Your mind’s right next to ours, remember? It’s got its own permanent residence in the gutter~.” Aoi could feel Miyavi smirk, and then wet heat traced along the curve of Aoi’s ear, and Aoi barely bit back a whimper.
Miyavi drew back and grinned at him. “Besides~. Make-up sex proves to be some really good sex.” He leaned in again, towards Reita this time, lips latching onto the pulse point in Reita’s neck. Reita gasped and tipped his head back a little, pressing even closer to both Aoi and Miyavi.
Aoi half-smiled. “We haven’t exactly fought, Miya~,” he said, reaching out and running his fingers over Miyavi’s hair.
Miyavi shrugged, lips still pressed against Reita’s skin. “Doesn’t mean that the sex is out of the question, does it?”
“Besides, I think you’re still in need of some convincing.” Reita’s voice was breathy and full of heat, but his words sounded surprisingly serious.
Aoi frowned slightly. “You really don’t have to--” he began, but was cut off by Reita – or more specifically, by Reita’s mouth. And Aoi discovered that it was damn near impossible to talk with Reita’s lips moving so insistently against his own.
So, Aoi gave up on trying to talk, and instead let Reita kiss him. He lifted his arms and slid them around Reita’s middle, simultaneously parting his lips to Reita’s questing tongue. Reita kissed him fiercely, insomuch that Aoi had to open his mouth wider or risk cutting his lips on either his own teeth, or Reita’s. So, he opened wider, letting Reita explore his mouth as much as he wanted, and when Reita’s tongue twined with his own, Aoi groaned softly into Reita’s mouth, knees almost buckling.
But then, Reita pulled away and Aoi blindly tried to follow him, not yet opening his eyes. He whimpered in protest, and at that same moment, Reita snarled softly, and that’s when Aoi opened his eyes, only to find that Miyavi had a fistful of Reita’s hair – blonde strands were wound tightly around Miyavi’s slender fingers, and it looked like it hurt. Miyavi smirked and twisted his wrist, tightening his hold on Reita’s hair, and Reita snarled again, louder this time. “Easy, baby,” Miyavi purred, and Aoi watched as Miyavi’s other hand slid down Reita’s body and moved between his legs. Miyavi’s fingers brushed over the rapidly-forming bulge in Reita’s jeans, and Reita’s snarl turned into a low moan. “Not gonna take away from the fun, I promise you,” Miyavi continued, lips latching onto Reita’s neck again, right at the spot just below Reita’s ear – a spot that both Miyavi and Aoi knew was quite sensitive.
“You never do,” Reita replied, voice more than a little breathy. “But why did you stop me?” Aoi’s gaze then re-focused on Reita’s face, and he looked absolutely breathtaking, lips half-parted, eyes glazed over with desire and maybe just a bit of surprise and the slightest hint of anger – no doubt due to what Miyavi had just done.
“So I could do this.” Miyavi drew back, seemingly admiring the mark that he’d left on Reita’s neck before he leaned towards Aoi, and suddenly, Miyavi’s mouth was on Aoi’s – Miyavi was kissing him, but his kiss was a sharp contrast to Reita’s kiss. Miyavi’s kiss was gentle and slow and anything but insistent. He kissed Aoi almost lazily, tongue brushing slowly and deliciously against Aoi’s over and over again. Somewhere in the middle of the kiss, Reita moved again, pressed forward once more, and ground his hips maddeningly against Aoi’s, causing Aoi to cry out against – and into – Miyavi’s mouth.
Miyavi sucked Aoi’s tongue into his mouth and Aoi groaned again, rocking his hips against Reita’s, head swimming at the sensation. This was a losing battle – it had been from the moment Reita and Miyavi set foot into the kitchen. Aoi knew it; he had known beforehand, but he had tried to hold out – tried to play coy and tease them. There really was no point in it now, because he couldn’t resist them. He never possessed that particular ability. They always made him come undone; they always unraveled him. Always.
Aoi raised the white flag of surrender, metaphorically speaking, and pressed even closer to both of them, hands slipping beneath Reita’s shirt and roaming over his skin. He kissed Miyavi more urgently, trying to coax Miyavi to that same heightened, frantic, needy state that Aoi wanted him to be at. But Miyavi seemed to have slightly different plans. He withdrew rather abruptly, tugging lightly on Aoi’s piercing as he did so.
“Miyavi,” Reita nearly growled, and Aoi opened his eyes again to find that Miyavi’s hand hadn’t left Reita’s hair. “Miyavi, let me… Let me…” Reita trailed off, shaking his head and arching into Aoi’s touch as Aoi’s fingers skittered over his nipples.
“I will, baby, I will,” Miyavi breathed, and then he dragged Reita in for a kiss, all but crushing their mouths together. Aoi watched (he always loved to watch them kiss), hands now resting on Reita’s hips. His hands were shaking a little, and he was sure that Reita noticed. Or maybe he didn’t, considering that he was currently kissing Miyavi. Aoi could tell that Reita was fighting for the upper hand – fighting to dominate the kiss. Typically, Miyavi would relent. Typically, Miyavi would give in and let Reita win their little ‘battle’. However, today was apparently not one of those typical days.
Aoi could see Reita fight for control; he could see it in the fierceness of their kiss. But Miyavi wasn’t backing down. His fingers tightened in Reita’s hair again, and he tugged, forcing Reita to tip his head back slightly. This changed the angle of the kiss, and Aoi could tell that Reita was slowly giving in – he was losing the battle just as Aoi had. Hell, perhaps he was even losing willingly. Miyavi did something then – Aoi wasn’t quite sure what it was, but whatever it was, Reita reacted to it. He moaned, and though the sound was muffled and swallowed by Miyavi, Aoi heard it. Just hearing Reita moan like that made Aoi’s legs feel even more like jelly, and it made lust twist sharp and hot low in his belly. Had Reita’s body not been pressed against him like it was, Aoi probably would have slid right to the floor.
Finally, Miyavi drew back from the kiss and, smiling, almost immediately leaned in to kiss Reita again. This time, the kiss seemed to be nothing but gentle; there was no battle for dominance. It wasn’t needed, because it was quite clear who the victor was. It was also quite clear that Reita wasn’t going to try for a rematch – at least, not in the immediate future.
Several long moments later, Miyavi pulled away from Reita’s lips and turned his heated gaze to Aoi. “So, about that payment for services, Aoi-chan,” he began, leaning closer and tracing over Aoi’s half-parted lips with his tongue, murmuring the rest of his sentence against Aoi’s lips, “you gonna give it to us?”
“Because we’re more than ready for it.” Reita’s voice was even rougher than it had been earlier, and he was even harder than he had been before Miyavi had kissed him; Aoi could fucking feel him and he couldn’t help but grind against him again, earning a low moan for his efforts. God, Reita felt good pressed against him like that, and would feel even better once they were naked – all three of them, naked and writhing together. The mental image alone made Aoi whimper.
“I’ll give you your payment,” Aoi finally managed to tell them, voice barely above a whisper. And though the words were quietly said, they were surprisingly steady, considering the way Reita was currently looking at him, not bothering to hide the want in his eyes. And not to mention the way Miyavi’s mouth was currently moving against his jaw. Aoi was actually quite amazed that his words weren’t completely garbled at this point. Obviously, some small part of his brain that managed language was still working. He was fairly certain, though, that it wouldn’t be working for much longer.
“Good,” Miyavi replied, nipping at Aoi’s jaw before drawing back and looking at Reita once more. “Get him away from the refrigerator, Rei. I wanna be able to get to his back.”
Aoi, a bit confused, started to tell them that he could move away from the refrigerator just fine by himself, but before he could, Reita’s hands were on his hips. Reita walked backwards a few steps, taking Aoi with him, and then stopped. “Good enough?” he asked, and Aoi knew that the question was directed at Miyavi.
“Yes.” Miyavi stepped close to them again, running his fingers lightly over Aoi’s cheek before moving to stand behind Reita, which only confused Aoi further. Hadn’t Miyavi said that he wanted to be able to get to Aoi’s back? “Get his hands. I want them behind his back.”
Reita hesitated, turning to look back at Miyavi. “But… we don’t have anything in here that can--”
“Yes we do,” Miyavi interrupted, smirking. “Now get his hands, and let me worry about the rest.”
Reita did as instructed, grabbing both of Aoi’s wrists. Aoi didn’t even try to resist; he had an idea of what they had up their sleeves, and he had absolutely no objections whatsoever to bondage, if that was indeed what they had in mind. In fact, just to show that he had no objections, he smiled at Reita and Miyavi, gazing at them through lowered lashes. “Gonna tie me up?” he purred.
Miyavi untied the cloth covering Reita’s nose and returned Aoi’s smile. “Yes, we are.” He then moved to stand behind Aoi, pressing his lips to the back of Aoi’s neck even as he wrapped Reita’s nose strap around Aoi’s wrists and knotted it tightly – so tightly that Aoi could feel the cloth biting into his skin just a little.
Aoi twisted his wrists a bit, hissing softly because it burned slightly, the way the cloth rubbed against his skin. “My, my. Whatever are you going to do with me now that you’ve got me helpless and at your mercy?” And it was true - there was no way he would be able to undo the knot that Miyavi had tied (not that he wanted to). But even without the cloth binding his wrists, he was still helpless and at their mercy.
Aoi could feel Miyavi smile against his skin. “That answer should be obvious enough,” Miyavi murmured. “Since you’re helpless and at our mercy…”
“… We are going to do whatever we please,” Reita finished for him, and those words were breathed against Aoi’s lips. Caught between them like this and knowing that they were going to do to him whatever they wanted to do (not that Aoi would have protested otherwise) sent a fresh wave of lust straight to Aoi’s groin. He twisted his wrists again, an entirely involuntary gesture this time, and again he felt the burn of the cloth as it rubbed against his skin. He licked at Reita’s lips and Reita’s lips parted for the briefest of moments, tongue just barely brushing against Aoi’s before Reita pulled away.
Miyavi’s hands ran up Aoi’s sides, fingers teasing him through the thin material of his black button-up shirt. “You like the sound of that, don’t you, Aoi-chan?” Miyavi asked, but he asked it in such a way that it was a question and yet, it wasn’t quite a question at the same time. Miyavi asked it in such a way that made it sound like he already knew the answer, and he just wanted to hear Aoi say it.
Aoi was fairly certain that Miyavi did indeed know the answer, but he said it out loud anyway. “Yes, I do.” And he did; he thoroughly liked the sound of it. He leaned his head back, resting it against Miyavi’s shoulder, and wriggled his lower body against him. “I really like the sound of it.”
As if in retaliation, Miyavi slipped his hands beneath Aoi’s shirt, fingers quickly finding his nipples and rolling them while he simultaneously ground himself against Aoi’s ass. “Knew you would.” And then Miyavi’s teeth sank into the skin of his neck and Aoi cried out, knees buckling. He thought he would slide right to the floor, but he didn’t. Miyavi’s arms and Reita’s hands – which were now resting on his hips – steadied him, kept him upright.
“Seems like you’re having trouble staying on your feet, Aoi-chan,” Reita observed, and though the tone was light and teasing, it didn’t mach the dark lust in Reita’s eyes. That fucking look nearly made Aoi’s knees buckle all over again. He smiled at Aoi – a very devilish, very Miyavi-ish smile – and slowly began undoing the buttons of Aoi’s shirt.
Aoi wanted to retort with some smart-ass remark, but he couldn’t, not with Miyavi’s hands distracting him the way they were… not with the way Reita was gazing at him. Miyavi’s hands kept roaming over Aoi’s upper body, fingers skittering over his nipples every now and again and making Aoi’s breath catch and hitch in his throat. Miyavi’s tongue lapped at the place he’d just bitten, reducing Aoi to further insensibility. The smart-ass remark? No way was that going to happen. Aoi couldn’t think straight enough to even formulate one.
As soon as Aoi’s shirt had been unbuttoned, Reita’s hands joined Miyavi’s on Aoi’s skin, fingers teasing the places that were most sensitive. Miyavi’s fingers brushed against Reita’s, and Aoi saw Reita’s gaze avert from Aoi’s upper body and settle on Miyavi. “Miyavi,” he said, and it was almost like he wanted to say more, but he couldn’t. Aoi’s hands twisted again in what might have been a gesture of sympathy, because he knew how easily Miyavi could steal words away.
Miyavi released Aoi and stepped back, and Aoi almost stumbled, but once again, Reita’s hands kept him steady. Miyavi reached for Reita again, one finger slipping beneath the waistband of Reita’s jeans. “Come here,” he urged, and then he tugged Reita forward, not exactly giving him the option of refusing (not that Aoi believed that Reita would have refused anyway).
Aoi stayed where he was – still feeling unsteady, like he needed something to hold onto – and watched them, utterly transfixed, unable to tear his eyes away (not that he wanted to). Miyavi was teasing again, hand slipping inside Reita’s jeans, and though Aoi couldn’t see, he knew damn well what Miyavi was doing with that hand.
Reita groaned and leaned forward, resting his forehead against Miyavi’s shoulder. “God, Miyavi… I want…” Reita’s lust-laden voice made Aoi’s balls tighten; just the way Reita’s voice sounded - like an almost-plea – tore a soft gasp from Aoi’s throat.
“Shh,” Miyavi said softly, the fingers of his other hand combing gently through Reita’s hair before closing around blonde locks once more and jerking hard, forcing Reita to look at him. “I know, baby,” Miyavi continued, mouthing the words against Reita’s half-parted lips. “I know. But you’ll have it. Both of us will.” The hand that had slipped into Reita’s jeans re-emerged, and Miyavi pressed the index finger of that hand – Aoi could fucking see the wetness of Reita’s pre-cum on that finger, too – against Reita’s bottom lip, tracing lightly over it, like he happened to be applying lipgloss.
Reita’s tongue darted out, just barely licking at the corner of his lips, and Reita shuddered, gazing up at Miyavi wordlessly. Miyavi merely gifted him with that trademark smirk of his and leaned down, lapping almost greedily at Reita’s lips before his tongue slipped past them. Reita groaned and slid his arms around Miyavi, holding him. Miyavi’s hand stayed in Reita’s hair, but the grip of that hand seemed less firm now. They kissed, and Aoi could tell that Reita was yielding to Miyavi, but at the same time, Aoi knew that Reita wasn’t simply taking what Miyavi gave; Reita was most definitely giving, too, mouth moving heatedly against Miyavi’s, hands clutching fiercely at Miyavi’s shirt.
When they broke apart, Miyavi turned to grin at Aoi, who was still staring at them, mouth slightly open. Aoi was quite aware that he was breathing a little erratically, but it didn’t matter; he didn’t care. “Aoi-chan said he’d pay us, after all.” Miyavi said the words like they were an afterthought—liked he’d meant to say them a moment ago, but he’d gotten sidetracked kissing Reita (not that Aoi could blame him in the least). “And we are most definitely going to take that payment. But first…” Miyavi trailed off and looked at Reita again.
Go on to Part Two