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15 September 2006 @ 10:38 pm
Transition (Chapter Eight: Torn Apart) - Miyavi/Reita  
Title: Transition
Author: Kagome
Chapters: 8/11
Theme: This chapter is based on theme #38 – Separation
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: Miyavi (solo)/Reita (Gazette)
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies. You ought to know it by now. XD
Summary: When Reita thinks his life is just fine the way it is, Miyavi steps in and turns his entire world completely upside down.
Comments: I know, I know, I missed a week. I’m sorry. It’s been… crazy lately. But here is chapter eight, and I hope you guys like it. ^_^ The… title of this chapter is pretty self-explanatory… XD;;; But before you guys decide to kill me, please remember that there are three more chapters left. *LOL* And yes, I am aware that this is a terribly short chapter. But… it is definitely significant. Written, of course, for 50stories.

Chapter One: The Beginning
Chapter Two: Heat
Chapter Three: Transgression
Chapter Four: Avarice
Chapter Five: Loathing?
Chapter Six: Friends With Benefits
Chapter Seven: Deny, Deny, Deny


Chapter Eight: Torn Apart



After that moment of stupidity, I tried again and again to contact Miyavi in every single way that I knew of. I called his cell, I called his apartment, I drove to his apartment and knocked on his door until his neighbors told me to ‘stop making so much damn noise!’, as they so kindly put it. I couldn’t get in touch with him; he wouldn’t answer his phone calls or return them, and he refused to answer his door. He wouldn’t talk to me – he wouldn’t give me a chance to fix what I had screwed up.

Nearly a week passed, and Miyavi and I still hadn’t spoken to each other. I was beginning to worry and also beginning to wonder if he’d ever talk to me again. Then again, I figured that I had only myself to blame for what was going on between Miyavi and me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to fix things, though, because I did. I wanted things to be back to normal between us – or even better than normal. I just wondered if I would be able to work up the guts to tell him that when – or if – he actually decided that he wanted to talk to me again.

My bandmates figured out rather quickly that something had gone wrong between Miyavi and me, because one evening when we were once again gathered at Kai’s place, Kai looked at me and said, “So, you still playing the game of denial~?”

I took a long drink from my beer and merely glared at him, remaining perfectly silent. I didn’t want to play twenty questions when I was in such a foul mood. I didn’t want to talk about Miyavi, because talking about him when we were apparently in such bad shape with each other only made me feel slightly sick to my stomach. With each passing day, I grew more and more anxious; I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to… to put us back together again, because I knew that we’d fallen apart, and it was my fault.

“Trouble in paradise?” Kai continued when I didn’t answer him.

“Don’t tell me that Miyavi-kun’s found a better lover~,” Ruki joined in, poking me lightly in the side.

They were joking – I knew they were, because joking was what they did. However, joking was not what I needed at that moment. I needed reassurance; I needed to know that Miyavi would forgive me for upsetting him. I needed my friends to stop joking and to stop telling me to be careful long enough to give me some actual advice. I wanted to tell them just that; I wanted to tell Ruki and Kai that I needed them to shut the fuck up with the jokes already. I wanted to tell Uruha to stop looking at me like he knew exactly what had happened and to get off his high horse just because he might’ve been right about my relationship with Miyavi all along. I wanted – for once – to tell Aoi to speak up, even though I had always been thankful for his silence about Miyavi before.

I wanted to tell them exactly what was on my mind. I wanted to tell them that I was going through a rough time with Miyavi. I wanted to, but I didn’t. Instead, I said, “I did something stupid, but it’s my problem, and I’ll fix it.”

I didn’t tell them I was afraid that I might not be able to fix what I’d done. I didn’t tell them that I needed them to be serious and give me some advice. What I did tell them was that I would appreciate it if they didn’t say a word about Miyavi again that night.

After I said that and slumped back against the couch, I heard Ruki whisper none-too-softly to Kai: “Might be too early to tell, but you could be giving me my money back, you know.”

I heard what Ruki said, I knew what he was talking about, and I knew that he had said it that loudly on purpose. I knew he was just being himself and trying to make me feel better in his own way, but the only person that could make me feel better at that particular point in time was Miyavi.

That fact was something that I couldn’t deny at all, and I didn’t even bother to try. There really wasn’t any point in denying it – not when everyone (including myself) – knew better.

~*~

I arrived back at my place that night, a thousand thoughts plaguing my mind. I hadn’t been sleeping well those past several nights, and I had a feeling that that night would be even worse. I was tired, but I wasn’t sleepy. I would have given anything to hear Miyavi’s voice – to hear him tell me that it was all going to be okay.

I sighed heavily and went into the kitchen, getting myself a glass of water. I didn’t know why I bothered to get the water, because I wasn’t thirsty. I pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and sat down, burying my face in my hands. I felt lost, directionless. My attempt at fixing things was getting nowhere, because Miyavi was refusing to talk to me – refusing to let me undo what I had done.

I loved him. I knew that I loved him, but I didn’t particularly want to love him. I suppose I was afraid of loving him – afraid of what loving him might have meant. I didn’t know why I was so afraid.

I don’t know how long I sat at the kitchen table thinking about Miyavi and thinking about my feelings for him; I didn’t bother checking the clock to see just how long I’d been in there. My water was still untouched, though, and just as I was contemplating actually drinking it, my cell phone rang.

I wondered who in the hell would be calling me at whatever ungodly hour it happened to be, and I was about to ignore the ringing and let whoever it was leave me a voicemail. However, something told me to answer the call, and I figured the least I could do was check to see who it was.

It was Miyavi.

After I saw his number on the caller ID, I proceeded to nearly drop the phone in my haste to answer it. I felt terribly nervous, and sounded just as nervous when I spoke, though I didn’t mean to. “Miya-chan… hey. I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to talk to me again.”

“I’m sorry it’s so late,” Miyavi replied, his voice soft.

“It’s okay,” I told him. “It’s perfectly fine; I just wanted to tell you--”

“No, Reita,” Miyavi interrupted. “Let me talk first, okay? I have something really important to say and if I don’t say it now, I’m not sure I’ll be able to say it at all.”

I believed that what I had to say was just as important as what Miyavi had to say, but I let him go first anyway. “Okay. Go ahead.”

His voice sounded strained when he spoke again. “I can’t do this anymore, Reita.”

I felt like I was teetering on the edge of disaster. “You feel like… you can’t do what anymore, Miya-chan?”

I then heard an aggravated sigh. “This ‘fuckbuddy’ thing; it was fine before, it really was. When we first slept together, I told you that I didn’t want any sort of promises from you. I told you that I didn’t expect anything from you beyond sex. I was okay with that at first… but then that changed.”

“Mi--” I began, but he interrupted me yet again.

“Let me finish, Reita. Please. I want more than just sex. I want more than just friendship, and I have for a while now. But you’ve made it pretty clear that you don’t want what I want. Do you want more than what we have right now, Reita?”

I should have told him right then and there how I really felt; I should have told him that I wanted more than friendship. I should have told him that I wanted to be in a proper relationship with him. I should have, but I couldn’t. I was frozen. I simply couldn’t answer him.

Miyavi sighed again, and it was a sigh filled with an indescribable sadness. “So that’s it, then. Goodbye, Reita.”

There was silence, then. Miyavi had ended the call.

I had fucked up yet again, and I knew it. “I’m sorry, Miya-chan,” I said into the phone even though Miyavi couldn’t hear me. “I do want more… and I do love you.” The words were meant for Miyavi, of course, but they were spoken to an empty and unfeeling silence instead.


~TO BE CONTINUED~
 
 
Current Mood: relievedrelieved
Current Music: Gazette - Filth in the Beauty
 
 
 
♥envy_dream on September 16th, 2006 03:25 am (UTC)
O___O

Undo it undo it!


...*doesn't hate you* I know you'll fix it.
Kagome_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:09 pm (UTC)
XD Don't worry, ne~. It won't be this way forever. ^_~
scarlet_lilium on September 16th, 2006 03:47 am (UTC)
AWWWWW!!! I thought that last chapter was sad but that one is .... awwwww!!!! *cries* I feel really sorry for Reita even if he's not being nice at all with the poor miyavi! I guess that it's really hard to say things like that when it's still not easy for him to accept his feelings toward Myv.

Haha, I looked at your lj every day since chapter 7 because I was getting crazy (I'm so addicted XD). I needed to know what would happen! Now it's... even worst XD

and finally I LOOOOOVEEE the chapter! It's short but you're right, it's really significant :)
I'll be waiting for more, as always!♥
Kagome: New World - Milkyway_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:30 pm (UTC)
*pets you and offers you tissues* Heh... I'm glad you feel sorry for Reita in a way. That was the effect I was going for, because even though Miyavi is hurting here, so is Reita. Reita probably wants to kick himself for not being able to tell Miyavi that he loves him, but he's still trying to figure out the whole "being in love with a guy" thing, because he never figured anything like that would happen to him. ^_^

Oh, goodness, don't get crazy!!! *LOL* *pets again*

And hey, once you hit rock bottom, you can only go UP, right~? *hint hint* XD

I'm glad that you like this chapter, and thank you. ^_^ I will more than likely post the next chapter this weekend.
Seery: Ruki aishiterusirigorn on September 16th, 2006 03:48 am (UTC)
I don't think I've ever commented before, cause I'm an awful reviewer, but I have to say I love this fic. Whenever I see it on my flist I get all happy and excited. Anyway.

I wanna give Miyavi a big hug and tell him it'll be all right. But I also feel sorry for Reita, honestly. He seems so scared to let himself go and trust Miyavi, even though I think he knows he should.

And on that note, excuse me while I go kick Reita. Over and over again. Damnit, Reita, you're an idiot.
Kagome: Slut - Julia_Weasley_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:44 pm (UTC)
*blush* Really? Thank you so much. I'm glad you like it. ^_^

You seem to completely understand Reita's character here, and you have NO IDEA how happy that makes me. I mean, you seem to understand where he's coming from. I'm glad that you feel sorry for him too, because that's exactly what I was going after. XD

But he IS an idiot in a way. XDXDXD
(no subject) - sirigorn on September 20th, 2006 12:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
obey_the_fluff on September 16th, 2006 03:53 am (UTC)
FIX IT DAMMIT!!!!! 0__o *slaps ruki* Little Punk-ass Bitch! *slaps kai* Over bearing bastard *slaps Uruha* Pansy face *huggle aoi* silly boy *shakes* TALK DAMMIT!

....Update or die.
Kagome: Bedroom eyes - Chantrea_Johari_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:45 pm (UTC)
*hides under the table* Hey, it'll get better from here!! XD And hrm... Aoi plays a very big part in the next chapter (yeah, it all builds up to that moment for him) and he shall talk! ^_^

... I don't want to die! *cries*
★ the black sheepeatyou_alive on September 16th, 2006 03:56 am (UTC)
nooooooo REITAAAA~!!!! *shakes the daylight out of him* T________T

Kagome: AoixUruha - Chantrea_Johari_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:46 pm (UTC)
*pets and shakes a little with you* XD;;;
sin meiiamzie on September 16th, 2006 04:14 am (UTC)
uwaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! *shakes reita like crazy* why the hell did he suddenly become mute?! WAaaaaaa.. he just lost his fucking chance!!! Waaaaaaaa....


hurry hurry hurry with update... *will chew on nails until i see update*
Kagome_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:49 pm (UTC)
You're going to make him dizzy! XD And just to hint... the chance isn't completely lost. ^_^

*forbids you to chew on your nails* :P
(no subject) - iamzie on September 20th, 2006 04:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
Naruandonaru on September 16th, 2006 05:21 am (UTC)
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooes;o;
Kagome: New World - Milkyway_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:50 pm (UTC)
*Snuggles you* Fear not! Update soon! It can't be THIS bad forever, you know~. ^_^
(no subject) - andonaru on September 20th, 2006 02:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
yueyue_yue on September 16th, 2006 07:07 am (UTC)
T_T

*died on 16.09.2006*
Kagome: AoixUruha - Chantrea_Johari_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:51 pm (UTC)
*revives on 19.09.2006*

It won't be sad forever. I promise. ^_^
(no subject) - yue_yue on September 21st, 2006 09:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Ria: MYVvonilicious on September 16th, 2006 07:37 am (UTC)
T_T

FIX IT!!!! WAHHH!!!
Kagome_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:51 pm (UTC)
*offers tissue and grabs tools with which to fix things* XD
BG: Rukilrigelbbub on September 16th, 2006 10:01 am (UTC)
Wah! Reita is such a doofus-head! He simply must fix it!! I'm so looking forward to the next chapters!
be safe
-BG
Kagome_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you! ^_^ And heh... he can be quite the doofus, yes. I hope to not disappoint~. XD
Izza: Ni~yasakuresu on September 16th, 2006 10:45 am (UTC)
Omg, hell!
how can somebody be so stupid? reita is such a jerk sometimes =0" ... or just an idiot.
so sad ;__;
Kagome_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:53 pm (UTC)
He is, but he doesn't mean to be. :/ *pets him and then whacks him upside the head* He just needs to learn his lesson is all. :P

*pets you*
silent: reisilentruth on September 16th, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC)
ahhhhhh *cries*
stupid STUPID rei >.
Kagome: Slut - Julia_Weasley_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:53 pm (UTC)
*Snuggles you* Well... maybe he's learned something, ne? ^_~
α ςτяαηϑεяnarcomanic on September 17th, 2006 11:56 am (UTC)
*smack Rei-Rei*
You moron. First he speaks too much and now too little..

Oh well, as you said, you'll fix this, ne~?
Kagome_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:54 pm (UTC)
Well, I definitely can't leave them like this forever. ^_____^ Fear not, dear~.
椿 - Evergreen of life: myvclosetchild_ on September 17th, 2006 07:26 pm (UTC)
aldjkadl T____T

poor reita.. and poor poor miyavi ;_; *pets him*
Kagome: AoixUruha - Chantrea_Johari_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:54 pm (UTC)
*Cuddles* Yeah... it won't be like this forever, though. XD
(Deleted comment)
Kagome_newworld on September 19th, 2006 10:56 pm (UTC)
*hugs back* This chapter is quite upsetting... But I can't possibly make the boys this sad for much longer. XD *not quite that evil*

And thank you, sweetie. ^_^