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02 September 2006 @ 11:25 pm
Transition (Chapter Seven: Deny, Deny, Deny) - Miyavi/Reita  
Title: Transition
Author: Kagome
Chapters: 7/11
Theme: This chapter is based on theme #16 - Denial
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairing: Miyavi (solo)/Reita (Gazette)
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies. You ought to know it by now. XD
Summary: When Reita thinks his life is just fine the way it is, Miyavi steps in and turns his entire world completely upside down.
Comments: Reita knows now that his feelings for Miyavi are more than just friendship… but that doesn’t mean that he’s accepting those feelings. Denying what he feels for Miyavi isn’t exactly his wisest move. Ruki and Kai show surprising insight in this chapter. Oh, and Miyavi’s new kitten? Her name is my own kitty’s name. Written, of course, for 50stories.

Chapter One: The Beginning
Chapter Two: Heat
Chapter Three: Transgression
Chapter Four: Avarice
Chapter Five: Loathing?
Chapter Six: Friends With Benefits


Chapter Seven: Deny, Deny, Deny



“Uhm… Reita, not that I don’t enjoy looking at the cute kittens and puppies, but just what the hell are you doing here? More importantly, what the hell am I doing here with you? You told me when you so kindly interrupted my lunch that you had an emergency, and I’m sorry but this doesn’t seem to be an emergency to me.”

I turned to look at Kai, feeling somewhat irritated by… well, by pretty much every word that he was saying. Then again, I suppose he had a right to know exactly why I had interrupted his lunch in order to bring him to a pet shop. “This is an emergency, thank you. And as for why I brought you here, it’s because Uruha wasn’t home and I think you’re the next best person to judge cute and fluffy creatures.”

Kai wrinkled his nose at me. “But what does this have to do with you? Since when do you want a pet? The last pet you had was a goldfish, and it died within a week. I’m not so sure you’re ready to move up on the responsibility ladder as far as pets go.”

I glared at him. He was going to be nosy, which was what I should have expected from him. “We’re not here because of me, oh great Leader-sama. At least… not directly because of me.”

“If I didn’t skip out on lunch and get dragged halfway across town to a freaking pet store directly because of you, then please explain who is behind all of this, because I want to hurt them.” Kai gave what sounded very much like an aggravated sigh. “Or… at least take their lunch away from them and eat it myself,” he added after a momentary pause.

“We’re here because of Miyavi,” I finally told him. “But you are here because Uruha wasn’t at home. Therefore, I believe you should blame Uruha for your interrupted lunch and go steal his lunch instead.” I paused to look at an orange, fluffy kitten, but then kept on moving because I believed that that particular kitten would remind Miyavi too much of Tiddles. I didn’t want to upset him further, nor did I want him to forget about Tiddles altogether (not to mention that forgetting about Tiddles would probably be quite impossible). I was hoping that getting him a new kitten would be a nice gesture. Of course, the new kitten wouldn’t be Tiddles, but Miyavi could sort of… start over again, in a sense.

Kai still wasn’t finished asking questions. I supposed his curiosity hadn’t been satisfied yet, and I bit my tongue to keep from reminding him of that old saying – you know: ‘Curiosity killed the cat’. Probably not the wisest thing to say in the middle of a pet store, anyway, so it was more than likely a wise idea for me to bite my tongue.

“Miyavi-kun told you to go to the pet shop and get him a kitten?” Kai sounded more than just a little confused.

I rolled my eyes, wondering when the game of twenty questions would end. “No, Kai-kun. This is a surprise. Miyavi’s cat – one that he’s had for a very long time – died a few weeks ago. He’s been pretty messed up about it since then, and I figured it would be nice to let him kinda… start over, you know? He’s a cat person.”

Kai tilted his head to the side, seeming to deeply consider what I had just told him. “I knew about Miyavi-kun’s cat, Reita… And you’re… getting him another one? Simply out of the goodness of your heart?”

I was really, really beginning to regret taking Kai with me to the pet store. Should’ve taken Aoi instead, I told myself, because I just realized at that moment that if I had actually managed to find Uruha and taken him with me instead of Kai, the questions would have more than likely been multiplied by three hundred and then raised to the power of n (despite the fact that Uruha had promised me that he wouldn’t get on my case about my relationship with Miyavi again).

“Yes, I am doing this out of the goodness of my heart, Kai,” I explained slowly, and then lowered my voice considerably so only Kai could hear my next words. “He’s my friend now, remember? I do have concerns for him outside of the bedroom, believe it or not.”

Kai grinned then, a really huge grin that I had absolutely no idea how to react to. “I knew this would happen,” he practically crowed, and everyone in the pet shop immediately turned to look at us.

“Lower your voice,” I hissed, grabbing him by the arm and all-but dragging him to a different corner of the store. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“As if you don’t know what I’m talking about~,” he said smugly, nudging me in the ribs with his elbow (it wasn’t pleasant in the least, either – Kai has sharp elbows).

I took a few steps away from him. “No, I don’t know. I would really appreciate it if you would enlighten me, though.”

He snorted softly. “You can deny it all you want, Reita~~~, but I think you know exactly what I’m talking about. The thing is, you’re just not ready to acknowledge it yourself.”

“Kai… I really, really don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” I turned my back on him, heaving an almost tired sigh. “Can we please just get back to the task at hand here? I don’t want to play guessing games.”

“Fine, fine,” Kai replied, sounding smug. “Let’s find Miyavi-kun a new cat.”

As we rounded the corner, I could have sworn I heard Kai mumble something along the lines of: “Ruki’s going to be surprised when he learns that I was right all along~~~.”

I didn’t ask what he was talking about, because I didn’t particularly want to hear his explanation. I had a pretty good idea as to what he was talking about, anyway, and I didn’t want to encourage him to make any more odd comments.

In the end, we wound up agreeing on a black and white kitten – a girl. Kai noticed her before I did, and immediately squealed, “This one’s so cuuuuuuteeee!”

After having gotten that out of his system, Kai turned to glare at me in what I assumed was meant to be a threatening manner. “If you tell anyone that I sound like that when I see cute things, I will hurt you, insomuch that you will have a reason to wear that weird thingamabob on your face, because you really will be noseless.”

I didn’t feel worried in the least. In fact, I had to try very hard not to laugh at his little ‘threat’ (and I succeeded too. Barely, but still. I deserve a cookie, damnit!). “Right. I won’t tell anyone else that you squeal like a little girl when you see cute little kittens.” At that moment, I ducked, because I feared that Kai would try to throw something at me (I swear he had his eyes on a nearby fishbowl). But at the last instant, he seemed to remember that whole ‘you break it, you buy it’ policy that most stores have, and settled for scowling at me instead.

Much to my relief, Kai did not make any further comments about Miyavi as I drove him back home. I was very glad that he didn’t, because I really didn’t feel like telling him that even I believed he was right about something.

Specifically, I believed he was right about Miyavi. Lately, I had been wondering if my feelings for Miyavi ran deeper that just friendship. Was I possibly falling for him, even though I had told myself time and time again that those sorts of feelings didn’t belong in our relationship? Hadn’t I been happy with just our ‘fuck buddies’ status? When had things started to change?

My feelings for Miyavi had changed, most definitely. I was pretty sure of which direction those feelings were headed, too. It all boiled down to one fact: I always wound up proving myself wrong when it came to Miyavi. In the beginning, I had told myself that I could follow the ‘look but don’t touch’ rule, but I hadn’t followed it. Then, I had told myself that I wouldn’t sleep with him again. Of course, after telling myself that, I did sleep with him. Again, and again, and again. Later on, I had told myself that I would never be able to have a proper friendship with Miyavi, because I didn’t particularly like him.

Are you seeing a pattern? Every single time I had told myself that I wouldn’t do something when it came to Miyavi (such as sleeping with him to begin with, becoming his friend, and so forth), I always wound up doing exactly what I had said I wouldn’t do.

With that in mind, it wasn’t exactly unexpected of me to begin to have deeper feelings for Miyavi, because I had told myself time and time again that having feelings for him – feelings beyond friendship, that is – would never be a good idea.

Despite having told myself that over and over again, I was falling for him. I knew I was, but a large part of me was in denial about my feelings. There was no way that I could have romantic feelings towards him, right? It just wasn’t a good idea. Nope, not a good idea at all.

Yes, I was in denial. Each time I would think about my feelings for Miyavi and what those feelings might mean for our relationship, a voice in my head would say: ‘Stop thinking like that! There are no other feelings for him! You’re just friends; friends with benefits. That’s all you’ll ever be. That’s all you can ever afford to be.’

I would largely agree with that voice and push those thoughts aside, though they always lingered at the back of my mind. At that time, that was the only way I knew how to deal with those feelings. I’d push them to the back of my mind and refuse to acknowledge that they existed.

At the risk of sounding cliché (again)… well, it’s not easy to deny feelings like that, not when they come from the heart. It’s not possible to make feelings go away by denying their existence. That was a lesson that I had to learn the hard way.

~*~

I seemed to be interrupting everyone’s meal that day, because when I arrived at Miyavi’s apartment, he was eating what appeared to be a sugar roll. He offered me half, but I declined, and instead extended his present towards him.

Miyavi blinked at the box before ushering me inside, and after he closed the door, he turned to grin at me. “You got me a box, Rei-kun! That’s so sweet of you~.”

I snorted softly and shook my head at him. “The present’s in the box, you idiot.” I offered him the box again, and this time he took it. “Just be careful and don’t shake it to try and guess what’s in there. Fragile contents and all that.”

Miyavi’s grin became a smile - a sincere one; one that caused me to smile in return. “You didn’t have to get me anything, Rei-kun. What’s the occasion?”

I shrugged slightly and plopped down on his couch. “Does there have to be an occasion for me to give you something that I’m fairly certain that you’ll like?” I asked as I patted a spot beside me on the couch. He took the invitation, moving to sit down beside me. The action must have jarred the box a little, because a small ‘meow’ could then be heard. So much for the surprise.

Miyavi’s eyes went wide, and he quickly removed the lid from the box, peering inside and almost squealing as he did so (I say almost squealing, because his voice didn’t go quite as high as Kai’s did at the sight of the kitten). He pulled her out of the box, grinned at her, rubbed his nose against hers, and then leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. “Thank you, Rei-kun. You… you didn’t have to, you know.”

Again, I shrugged. “I know I didn’t have to. I did it because I wanted to. I knew another kitten couldn’t replace Tiddles, but I thought that now, since you’ve had some time to maybe heal a little… well, I thought that a new kitten would be a nice thing to get you. I was kinda uncertain about it at first because I didn’t know if you’d be ready for another cat to be here… but with Tiddles here, I don’t suppose you were really ever alone. I figured maybe you felt a bit lonely without a pet.”

That smile again – one that could rival the sun with its brilliance. “You did a good thing, Rei-kun.” He nuzzled the kitten again, who was purring like a motorboat at that point. Then he turned to me once more. “It has been a little lonely…” He trailed off then and shook his head. “I don’t feel that way when you’re here, though, whether I have a pet here or not.”

I had no clue how to respond to that. I will tell you, though, that I felt incredibly warm. For several seconds, I thought that I was actually blushing. Hell, I could have been for all I know. If Miyavi noticed, he didn’t say anything.

I had to clear my throat before I could speak. “So, what are you going to name her?”

Miyavi studied the kitten carefully, seeming to be deep in thought. “Well… she’s black, and she’s got white on her feet. Makes her look a little like she’s got socks on, doesn’t it?”

I nodded, understanding where he was coming from. Perhaps the new cat would actually have a sensible name. “Yeah. Looks like she’s got on socks. Is that what you’re going to name her then? Socks? It’s short, and simple, and a decent name for a cat.”

Miyavi raised an eyebrow, looking at me as if I had said the silliest thing he had ever heard. “Socks? No way! I’m naming her Tsumire!”

I wrinkled my nose. Tsumire? “Miyavi… you do realize that you’re naming that cat--”

“After a food,” he interrupted. “Yes, I am perfectly aware that I am naming my kitten after a fishball. I think it’s an appropriate name~.”

He named his cat after a food – and seafood, no less.

I don’t suppose I should have been surprised in the least. In fact, I probably should have expected him to do something like that.

But, still. Fishball?

~*~

I expected to be teased mercilessly about buying Miyavi a cat the following week at band practice. I was rather alarmed when neither Ruki nor Kai started cracking jokes upon my arrival. I asked both of them if they were sick, and they told me that no, they were just fine.

“I’ve lost a bit of money thanks to our dear Leader-sama, but other than that I’m good,” Ruki shot a look in Kai’s direction, and it wasn’t exactly a friendly look, either..

“Not my fault that you lost that money,” Kai replied with a rather smug tone in his voice. “You should take that as a lesson learned, the lesson being that your Leader-sama is always right.”

Cue a groan from the rest of the occupants of the room. Kai glared at us and then opened his mouth as though he would say something, but then closed it again, remaining silent instead.

Band practice continued without much more than a peep from my friends, and when we were packing everything back up and getting ready to leave, I couldn’t help but ask just what the hell was wrong with everyone and why they were so quiet.

Ruki, who was already on his way out the door, turned back to look at me. His eyes were dead serious instead of twinkling with the humor that I was used to seeing when he told me, “I think we’re just noticing how things have changed between you and Miyavi-kun, Rei-kun… and how the change in your relationship has changed you in turn. Now, I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing, because it’s nice to see you like this.”

“Like what?” I asked, not sure at all if I was following what our vocalist was telling me. Yes, my relationship with Miyavi had changed over the past several months that we’d been seeing each other, and I knew that I myself had changed, because my feelings for Miyavi had changed. Of course, I hadn’t uttered a word of that to anyone, and I wasn’t even willing to accept how my feelings had changed, myself. Instead, I denied those feelings; I ran away from them. I guess I should have realized that I couldn’t really hide anything from my bandmates, no matter how hard I tried. They knew me – and know me – too well.

“Like… happy,” Kai said before Ruki had the chance to reply. “You’re happier than you used to be, Reita.”

I knew Kai was right, but instead of admitting that he was, I lied. Or, at least, I tried to. “I am not--”

“Denying something doesn’t mean it isn’t true, Rei-kun,” Ruki interrupted. “Denying what you’re denying… well, that’s not good. It makes you seem cowardly, and I’m sorry to be telling you this, but it’s true.”

Having said that, Ruki then left the room that we had been practicing in, leaving me to gape after him, not quite believing that he had been perfectly serious about something – and my feelings for Miyavi, at that.

He was right, though. I was a coward.

Kai and Aoi followed after Ruki, but Uruha lingered behind. I looked at him expectantly and he cleared his throat softly, his eyes darting around as though the words that he wanted to say could be found and pulled from thin air.

“Listen, Rei-kun,” he began, scuffing his foot against the floor, “I know I promised you that I wouldn’t butt in anymore as far as your relationship with Miyavi-kun goes, but… I promise I’ll only say this once more and then I’ll leave you alone. Be careful, okay?”

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair and leaning back against the wall. “Uru-kun, I appreciate your concern, but you don’t have any reason to tell me to be careful. I’m not gonna get myself hurt, okay? I’m not in deep enough for that.” It was true that I wasn’t exactly worried about getting hurt, but I was lying about not being in deep enough to get hurt. I’m sure Uruha knew that just as well as I did.

Uruha’s eyes softened. “Rei-kun, you’re not the only one who can get hurt here, you know. I told you that before.” He turned around and headed for the door, but just before exiting the room completely, he glanced back at me. “And yes, you are in deep enough to get hurt. You can lie to your closest friends all you want to, even though we won’t believe you. But the one person you cannot lie to, Rei-kun, is yourself.”

I sighed again, closing my eyes, and trying to figure out how in the hell I had managed to project my feelings like I had when my true objective had been to hide them. I was beginning to believe that I was the type of person that only made things more obvious when I tried to hide them. Pretty fucking ironic, huh?

I’m not sure how long I stood there thinking about everything and yet not really thinking about anything at the same time. The faint sound of a guitar snapped me out of my reverie, though, and I blinked confusedly. I would have assumed that it was either Uruha or Aoi, but as far as I knew, both of them had already left. Also, the guitar being played was not an electric guitar – it was an acoustic. Aoi had not brought his acoustic guitar with him to practice that day.

I did not venture out of the room and into the hallway just yet. Instead, I pressed my ear against the door, listening carefully, not wanting to interrupt. If it wasn’t Aoi out in the hallway playing an acoustic guitar, there was only one other person it could be.

Hearing his voice as he began singing only confirmed it: it was Miyavi. I couldn’t catch much of what he was singing, only a few words every now and again, such as: “My beloved, beloved one”. The song that he was playing at that moment was so much different from any other song that I’d heard him sing before. It sounded… well, it was honestly rather pretty.

I remained where I was for a minute or so more, just listening. At least, until I heard him quit playing the guitar and curse rather loudly. I decided that then would probably be a good time to leave the room and find him, though I knew I wouldn’t have to do much searching. He was close, and I believed that he was probably in the small lounge just down the short hallway. Either that, or he was sitting on the floor in the hallway, but I doubted that he would be doing that when the lounge room provided a couch and a few chairs for him to sit on. Then again, Miyavi often did some pretty unexpected things, so for all I knew, he really could have been sitting on the floor in the hallway.

He wasn’t in the hallway. I found him in the lounge; he was sitting on the couch, his face contorted in a look of distaste as he strummed a chord and then adjusted the strings, trying again. He seemed happier after a bit of fine tuning, and also seemed quite ready to get back to whatever he happened to be playing. At least, until he saw that I happened to be standing in the doorway. He smiled almost sheepishly at me, setting his guitar aside. “Hi.”

“Hi,” I replied with a smile, crossing the room and sitting down on the couch beside him. “What were you playing? It sounded really nice. At least, what I could hear of it did.”

He sighed softly, sounding a little frustrated. “It’s a song that I’ve been working on. It’s going to be my next single, if I can just get it all sorted out. It’s called ‘Itoshii Hito’.”

“Since when do you do love songs?” I teased, lightly poking him in the side.

He jumped and glared mildly at me. “Since I was inspired to write one~,” he replied simply, as if that explained everything. Then again, I suppose it did.

I rolled my eyes slightly and shook my head a little. “Fine, fine~. If that’s all the explanation you’re going to give me~…” If that indeed was the only explanation Miyavi was going to offer, there was no point in staying on that subject, so I changed it. “What made you come all the way to the studio just to see me? And how in the hell did you manage to sneak past Kai and the others without getting harassed?”

Miyavi set his guitar aside and grinned at me. “Do I have to have a reason to come to the studio to see you~?” he asked. When I didn’t reply, he continued. “I just decided to come here for the hell of it. And as for the others, I met them outside. I don’t think they harass me half as much as they harass you~. But Ruki-kun did tell me to make sure we didn’t ‘desecrate the studio’.” He snorted softly. “Seems like he doesn’t trust us, huh?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Does Ruki have a reason to trust us when it comes to not ‘desecrating’ the studio?”

Miyavi clutched at his heart dramatically. “Oh, to think that even you have no faith in me to behave myself here! That huuuurrrrtttts! We haven’t desecrated the studio yet!”

A wicked little grin formed on my lips. “You said ‘yet’, Miyavi~. Does that mean you have plans to go against Ruki’s orders?”

Miyavi blinked innocently at me, though I was pretty sure that he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone. “Me~? Nooo. I’m perfectly innocent, Rei-chan~.”

I snorted. “You, innocent? Yeah, right.” Unable to resist any longer, I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his. I worked my lips slowly and gently over his, teasing him a little with my tongue by tracing it over his upper lip and then over his lower lip before pulling back completely and grinning smugly at him. Typically, Miyavi was the one doing the teasing, but I was in a teasing mood that day for some unknown reason.

Miyavi pouted at me a little. “That’s not fair~. You refuse to believe me and then you tease me like that. You must be of the devil, leading me to temptation and all that.”

Leading you to temptation?” I nearly purred, leaning close to him again and whispering against his ear. “I’m not leading you, Miya-chan. I’m pushing you into temptation head first.” I traced my tongue along the rim of his ear and then found his earlobe, taking it between my lips and sucking on it softly. I felt him shiver, and then turned my attention to his neck, nibbling on the patch of skin just below his ear.

I could hear Miyavi’s breath as it caught in his throat, and then he pulled away from me. For an instant, I was terribly confused and wondering what the hell I had done wrong, at least, until he grabbed me by the front of my shirt and pulled me close again. “Will you just fucking kiss me now?” He didn’t even wait for me to reply, or to close the distance between us. Instead, he did it himself. He kissed me, and he kissed me hard, his lipring nearly cutting into the skin of my lip. It was somewhat painful, and I believed that my lip would perhaps be bruised later, but that could be worried about at another time. At that moment, all I wanted to focus on was Miyavi – Miyavi’s hands wandering over my chest, Miyavi’s tongue pushing its way past my lips, Miyavi’s soft gasps as I returned his kiss and his touches.

For some reason, it seemed even hotter to be doing that in the studio. It felt naughty and kinky (which was also typical of Miyavi), and served to turn me on even more. And the fact that Miyavi was kissing me like he was? Yeah. That definitely did something for me, too.

I sucked on his tongue before lightly brushing my own against his, and we both moaned softly, the sounds lost in the kiss. My hands worked their way beneath his shirt, fingers just barely ghosting across his abdomen, circling his bellybutton. He trembled beneath my fingers and then pressed closer as though he were seeking a firmer touch. I didn’t grant that firmer touch – at least, not right away. Instead, I continue to lightly trail my fingers over his skin, up his sides. I rubbed my thumb over his nipple and he gasped, breaking the kiss and resting his forehead against mine. He was already so warm, and when he looked at me, I saw the want and the need in his eyes. It made me shiver and grow even harder.

I had a feeling that we would move right into fucking with very little foreplay; not that I minded in the least.

“Want you,” Miyavi said huskily, his fingers working on the button and zipper of my pants. “Right now. I just want you in me; you’re so hard and I want to feel you. I don’t want any more teasing.” He looked away then, licking his lips before continuing. “You’re the only one that’s ever made me feel so fucking needy, Reita. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted this much.”

I felt that strange squeezing – or perhaps it was more like a lifting - sensation in my chest that I only felt with Miyavi, and I placed my fingers beneath his chin, gently turning his head back so that we were eye-to-eye once more. “You have lube?” I asked softly, running my fingers over his cheek.

He leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. “Yeah,” he replied, “but it’s out in the car and I’m not going back out there to get it.”

There was a brief silence between the two of us, and then I admitted, “I don’t want to hurt you.” That was also something that had changed between us. Several months before, I wouldn’t have given a second thought to causing him any sort of pain. At some point in our relationship, I started making a conscious effort to not cause him any real pain. We still engaged in rough sex, yeah, but that was different. A little pain makes sex that much more exciting, if you ask me. A lot of pain? Well, I didn’t believe that a lot of pain would make for a thoroughly enjoyable experience.

Miyavi opened his eyes. There wasn’t just lust and need in those dark orbs – there was something else there, too. I had a feeling that I knew what it was, but a tiny voice in my head told me to ignore it – not to question it, because it couldn’t possibly lead to anything good. I listened to that voice; yes, I was a coward… But you knew that already.

Miyavi turned his head to the side, kissing my fingers. “You won’t hurt me,” he said soothingly. “I think I know of something that will work, anyway.”

I had barely half a second to ponder what Miyavi meant before he finished unzipping my pants and pushed the material of my boxers aside. I started to say something, but then all words were lost because in the next instant, Miyavi lowered his head and opened his mouth, flicking his tongue over just the tip of my cock. This caused me to groan softly and push my hips up a little more – of course, I wanted to feel that warm, wet mouth around me, all of me. “Miyavi,” I whispered, tangling my fingers in his hair, “what--?”

He interrupted me by leaning down further, taking all of me – right down to the base – into his mouth. The fingers in his hair tightened their hold and I just barely refrained from bucking my hips into his mouth. Some part of me was still wondering just what his objective could be, but other parts of me were telling that particular part of me to shut the fuck up and just enjoy what was happening.

His tongue swirled around my flesh and he sucked softly, enough to make me want to beg for more. Sucking as softly as he was… well, it felt good, but it seemed to be just a teasing gesture. “Miyavi,” I tried again, “don’t tease… please…”

He pulled back then, and I groaned in disappointment. He licked his lips, smiling at me in what almost seemed to be an apologetic manner. “I know that was pretty damn cruel of me, but it served a purpose. You’re now lubed as good as you’re gonna get considering we’re not exactly using lube. Saliva isn’t the same, but right now, it’s gonna have to work.” He kissed me again, slowly and deeply, and then he pulled back, beginning to undo the button and zipper of his own pants.

I stopped him, undoing his pants myself. The next bit required him to stand up, and he did so without me asking him to. I pushed his pants and his boxers down to his knees but no further than that – it wasn’t a requirement for either of us to be naked, after all, and as tempted as I was to tell him to undress completely, I refrained from doing so. I then motioned towards the opposite end of the couch. “Get on your hands and knees, Miya-chan, and hold onto the arm of the couch.”

He did just as I told him to do, and I maneuvered a little myself until I was in position behind him and also above him, in a sense, insomuch that I was able to nuzzle against his back. I went slowly, pushing myself into him carefully, inch by inch, until I was fully buried inside of his body. “Nnnngg… you always feel so good,” I purred, remaining still for a moment or two, just enjoying how he felt.

“So do you,” he replied breathily. He wasn’t as patient as I was, I suppose, because in the next instant, he was rocking back against me. “Please…”

I couldn’t deny him – I just couldn’t. When he pushed his hips back again, I pressed forward. He moaned, and so did I, feeling my cock throb within him. I wanted to take it slow for some reason, but neither my own body nor Miyavi’s body would cooperate. Each time I thrust into him, he seemed to grow more desperate, his moans and soft whimpers urging me on – urging me to move faster. I did just that, groaning at the friction between our bodies. Miyavi’s saliva wasn’t exactly lube after all, as he had said. However, I rather liked that friction; it was a bit of a burning sensation – a little pain mixed with the pleasure of being inside of him.

Miyavi also seemed to like the way it felt, because he kept begging me to go faster, to thrust harder, to go deeper. Balancing myself on one arm, I grabbed a handful of his hair with my free hand, tugging on it hard enough to tear a gasp from his throat. Having exposed a good bit of the skin of his neck, I leaned closer and bit down hard, both hearing him cry out and feeling him buck against me as I did so. I left a mark, as I typically did when I bit him. I then sucked and licked the wound for good measure, which only caused Miyavi to squirm even more and whine a little.

I was going to wrap my fingers around his cock and stroke him while I continued to thrust into him, but he stopped me from doing so. I was confused for a moment, at least, until Miyavi said, “Don’t worry ‘bout that. Don’t need to be jerked off. Just… fuck me.”

You would probably be surprised at the effect those words had on me. Almost as soon as those words left his lips, I adjusted my angle, and hit his prostate with my next thrust. I felt his muscles clench around me as I did so, and I pulled back, slamming into him even harder.

“Fuck yes,” he moaned, his body beginning to tremble. “Just like that, Rei-chan… just like that.”

It was over shortly after that, because I slammed into him relentlessly, making sure to brush against his prostate with each and every thrust. That alone was enough to push Miyavi over the edge, and as soon as I felt his muscles clamp down around me so hard that it was almost painful, I followed, my cries of pleasure echoing his.

We remained motionless on the couch for a little while, my head resting on his back as we caught our breath and waited for the rest of the world to catch up with us – or perhaps the world itself was waiting for us to catch up with it.

Finally, Miyavi said, “I really don’t want to move right now, but we should clean up… and the couch is in a mess too, unfortunately.”

I didn’t want to move either, but Miyavi did have a valid point. We straightened our clothes a little and then headed to the bathroom, ‘tidying up’ somewhat before tackling the task of cleaning the couch. It took some work, but we managed. No-one would ever know what happened there on that couch but us.

Pft. Who the hell was I kidding? Ruki probably told Miyavi that bullshit about not ‘desecrating’ the studio already knowing that we would probably have sex in there anyway. Little conniving bastard was asking for it.

After we’d finished ‘cleaning duty’, Miyavi and I curled up on the floor together (yeah, on the floor even though there were chairs in the room that probably would have been more comfortable), just enjoying the company and the closeness.

There was silence between us for quite some time – not an uncomfortable silence, mind you – but eventually, Miyavi broke it. “Rei-chan… what is this thing that we have? What would you call us? You know, in relation to each other?”

I bit my lip, feeling quite trapped all of a sudden. I knew what he was asking, I just hadn’t been expecting the question, and I didn’t know how to respond. Of course, I should have just told him the truth. I should have told him how I had been feeling about him – about us - lately. The larger part of me wanted to do just that. But the other part of me… the cowardly part… it spoke louder, and I listened to that part of me yet again.

“We’re friends, aren’t we, Miya-chan?” I asked, feeling like kicking myself for saying it. I didn’t give him a chance to reply, and instead kept on talking, knowing that talking more would probably only make things worse (and yes, I was right about that too). “I mean… we’re best friends just having a little fun, right?”

I probably would have paid someone to kick me at that moment.

Miyavi pulled away from my embrace, looking at me. For just an instant, his shoulders slumped and I saw a mixture of pain and disappointment in his eyes before he hid those feelings, clearing his throat. “Yeah. Just friends.” With that, he reached for his guitar and stood, heading across the room. “I’ve… gotta get going now,” he said without even looking back at me. “Got stuff to do.” His voice sounded so… hollow.

He was running - hiding. Just like me.

“Miyavi,” I began, not quite sure what I was going to say. I didn’t have to wrack my brain for words, though, because he started speaking again before I had the chance to continue.

“You seemed to want to know what made me write a love song,” he said, pausing at the beginning of the hallway and turning to look at me. “The song I’m working on… I wrote it with you in mind, Reita.”

I was certain my jaw nearly hit the floor. Again, I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell him to stay. I wanted to tell him that my feelings for him were stronger than just friendship, but the words wouldn’t come. And before I could pick my jaw off the floor, Miyavi was already heading down the hallway, towards the exit.

I heard the door open and close, and then I knew that I was alone. I sighed and smacked my forehead with the palm of my hand. “Note to self,” I began, checking the clock on the wall, “as of 4:15pm on April 29, 2004… I am hereby known as an absolute and utter idiot, and I more than likely deserve to be kicked in the balls for what I just did.”

I had made a stupid mistake, and I had no clue if I would actually be able to fix it or not.


~TO BE CONTINUED~
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Chuck Brown - Some Things are Better Left Unsaid
 
 
 
予期_yoki_ on September 3rd, 2006 07:37 am (UTC)
O_O

Oh wow.... Reita, you are a stubborn, stubborn idiot!! >.<''''

I feel so sorry for Miyavi. T_T And that was foreshadowing with the Itoshii Hito part when MYV was in the hallway!!! *points finger accusingly*

Uwa~~~ I cannot wait for more!! *zombie*
Kagome_newworld on September 3rd, 2006 03:47 pm (UTC)
XD; Yes, Reita is. I guess... he just hasn't worked it all out in his head yet. But... eh. I knew readers would react quite differently to him in this chapter. He was a bastard there, at the end. Then again, that was my intention, so I guess it went well. *LOL*

*Unzombie-fies you* Thank you, ne. ^______^ I should post the next chapter in a week or so~.
(no subject) - _yoki_ on September 3rd, 2006 04:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _newworld on September 4th, 2006 07:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _yoki_ on September 6th, 2006 03:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _newworld on September 7th, 2006 12:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
++Mizuki++vampire_kiki on September 3rd, 2006 08:19 am (UTC)
Miyavi's such a drama queen...+_+

but....isn't a common knowledge that to man sex and affection/love isn't always going together?^^;
Kagome: Avarice - Melancholnista_newworld on September 3rd, 2006 03:51 pm (UTC)
"drama queen" wasn't what I was going for. At all. I don't see how he's being a drama queen just cos he became upset because he believes Reita doesn't feel the same way he does.

Yes, it's true that sex and love don't always go together. But, in this case, they do. Reita loves Miyavi, but he's in denial about it, and he's being a real bastard in the process. Miyavi loves Reita as well, which is fairly obvious even though this story isn't from Miyavi's point of view (obvious because in this fic, Itoshii Hito was written for Reita, and it's a love song, so yeah...). There's love on both sides - it's just been utterly screwed up now, thanks to Reita. And I don't think Miyavi overreacted at all. He's probably fairly heartbroken at the end of this chapter.

Anyway. Thanks for reading...
(no subject) - vampire_kiki on September 3rd, 2006 04:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _newworld on September 4th, 2006 07:10 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - vampire_kiki on September 5th, 2006 01:59 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _newworld on September 7th, 2006 12:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _newworld on September 4th, 2006 07:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Reppyreppy_ninja on September 3rd, 2006 08:39 am (UTC)
I'd gladly kick Reita if he paid me to for this u.u

JUST TELL HIIIIM

OMG 9:40am and I haven't slept...infact I've read this all from chapter one since like...3am XD YES Five hours to read it XD
Kagome: Slut - Julia_Weasley_newworld on September 3rd, 2006 03:52 pm (UTC)
I'd probably kick him without payment. XDXDXD

We'll see how the "telling him" goes. *LOL* He wants to - he really does. He's just a big coward. -_-

I do hope you're sleeping now, dear. *laughs* Thank you so much for reading and commenting~.
(no subject) - reppy_ninja on September 3rd, 2006 04:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _newworld on September 4th, 2006 07:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
yueyue_yue on September 3rd, 2006 09:05 am (UTC)
new chapter!!! *jumpingallaround*

MORE!!!
Kagome: AoixUruha - Chantrea_Johari_newworld on September 3rd, 2006 03:54 pm (UTC)
More soon, my dear. ^___^ Next week, more than likely. *Pets you*
(Deleted comment)
yueyue_yue on September 3rd, 2006 09:51 am (UTC)
"Please update soon before I die in anticipation!!!" ~~exactly what I wanted to say, was just speechless at the moment
(no subject) - _newworld on September 3rd, 2006 03:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _newworld on September 3rd, 2006 03:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - _newworld on September 4th, 2006 07:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Emzisweetcurry on September 3rd, 2006 11:42 am (UTC)
Poor little Miyavi.

But I feel sorry for Reita too in some way.

They have to talk and Reita needs to tell Miyavi how he really feels!
Kagome_newworld on September 3rd, 2006 03:58 pm (UTC)
My intention was not to make Reita out to be the "bad guy" here. Of course, he's been a bastard and a coward, but I don't want the readers to suddenly hate him. *LOL* I tried to find a balance with that and make sure the readers wouldn't hate the poor guy. He's got enough to deal with now seeing as he's screwed up what he has with Miyavi. *LOL* I'm glad that you feel sorry for him in a way - it's what I was going for. ^_____^

Yes, he does need to tell him. *kicks him a little too*

Thank you for reading and commenting~!!!
(no subject) - sweetcurry on September 4th, 2006 11:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _newworld on September 4th, 2006 07:15 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sweetcurry on September 5th, 2006 09:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - _newworld on September 7th, 2006 12:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sweetcurry on September 7th, 2006 09:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
drunkelnatt: no porn!drunkelnatt on September 3rd, 2006 03:17 pm (UTC)
I wanted to give Reita a cookie when he said that he deserves a cookie but after I read the last part, I wanted to kick him and he doesn't even need to pay me.

N~~ they need to sort this out. Soon. Like, right now. ^^;;
Kagome: New World - Milkyway_newworld on September 3rd, 2006 03:59 pm (UTC)
*laughs* I think everyone is going to want to kick him. Not to say that he doesn't deserve it, but I don't want him to be made out to be this "bad guy" either, when he really isn't. Yeah, he's a bastard at the end of this chapter and an utter coward, but you'll just have to wait and see what comes of it, ne~~? ^_^ *Doesn't want to give anything away*

Thank you for reading and for commenting! I always enjoy feedback~!
Schylermisslilmaturity on September 4th, 2006 12:03 am (UTC)
Oh wow, baka reita he needs to admit his feelings for miyavi hes only playing himself -le sigh- but anyways great work glad you updated and I cant wait to see what happens next chapter.
Kagome: Bedroom eyes - Chantrea_Johari_newworld on September 4th, 2006 07:42 pm (UTC)
Yeah, he's being a coward and somewhat of a jerk in this chapter. XD;;; But for a good reason, I suppose. He's confused and afraid... I don't suppose I can blame him for that. He's hurting, too. *pets him, but then shakes him a little in order to try to shake some sense into him*

I hope to have the next chapter posted at the end of this week. Thank you so much. ^_^
(no subject) - misslilmaturity on September 5th, 2006 04:09 am (UTC) (Expand)
miyavigrl2000miyavigrl2000 on September 4th, 2006 04:13 am (UTC)
T_T

I actually relate to this chapter somewhat, I let someone slip away by not telling him my real feelings off the bat~~~ so sad.
Well, good news is he turned out to be a jerk in the long run, so it's okay now, haha. Damn was he gorgeous though, *sighs*

OH GOD, I can't believe I just thought of him... eek. I need some sleep.

This chapter was both sweet and sad, really great. I hope Reita can admit things before it's too late, and poor Miyavi having to deal with Reita's stupidity. Great chapter!

...btw the sex scene was amazing XD
Kagome_newworld on September 4th, 2006 07:45 pm (UTC)
*Cuddles* Well... he turned out to be a jerk, ne. So, it's good, in that sense. I mean, you probably saved yourself a lot of real heartache. I'm sure it hurt to let him go, but he might've hurt you in the long run, and you were spared from that pain. *Cuddles more*

Let's hope Reita gets some sense knocked into him. XD

*blushes insanely* OMG I was a bit worried about the sex scene here. Thank you so much!! ^_^
sin meiiamzie on September 4th, 2006 10:20 am (UTC)
omg. i just started reading this now and i was blown away! you write amazingly good, and i am so worshipping this pairing now because of you. damn. miyavi with anyone is hot, but myvxreita is so tasty as well.

ahck. reita. baka! T_T denying bastard. mou.. poor meevers.. i hope reita grows up and admits what he really feels soon, or else, i feel that im the one who's going to burst!

uruha is such a nice, concerned friend. suspicious at first, but with best of intentions.

reita is one confused little boy. hurry and apologize to miya and tell him what you really feel!

waii.. update soon please? :)
Kagome: Slut - Julia_Weasley_newworld on September 4th, 2006 07:49 pm (UTC)
*blushes* You were... blown away? *Blushes more* Thank you so much!!! *hugs* And heh... yeah, this pairing is quite addictive to me. *LOL* I love it.

Well, Reita's upset too. ^_^ He knows he's hurt Miyavi. He really does want to fix it.

Yes, Uruha is really nice and concerned. He may seem like he sticks his nose in Reita's business, but he really only does it because Reita is his friend and he cares about him. ^_^

Hai, Reita is confused.

I hope to update by the end of this week. ^_^ Thank you, again~!
☆Maddisujamie_kay180 on September 4th, 2006 09:21 pm (UTC)
awww Reita you meanie!!!

<3 ☆☆☆♥☆☆☆♥☆☆☆♥☆☆☆♥☆☆☆♥☆☆☆♥ this storys so addictive XD cant wait for more

*huggles*

this pairing works so well!! <3
*huggles* amazing job!!!
Kagome_newworld on September 7th, 2006 12:05 am (UTC)
*laughs* He reacted in the wrong way, methinks.

*Snuggles you* Thank you so much. <3<3<3
(no subject) - jamie_kay180 on September 8th, 2006 02:39 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Kagome_newworld on September 7th, 2006 12:07 am (UTC)
*laughs insanely* I'm very glad that you do, ne. ^_^ And yeah... I've been itching to write a sidestory/sidesnippet for those two for a few days now, just cos their chemistry is utterly insanely great in this fic (in my opinion. XD Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit). In any case, I love their relationship here... They refused to be written any other way. *LOL*
(Deleted comment)
Kagome_newworld on September 7th, 2006 12:09 am (UTC)
Yes, it is. I know this from experience. ._.

And whoa, you just started reading this fic with this chapter? O_____O XD You missed out on quite a lot! *LOL* But you can always catch up and I am always grateful for comments. ^_^ Thank you~.
椿 - Evergreen of life: myvclosetchild_ on September 5th, 2006 01:29 pm (UTC)
aweee T_T *slaps reita* poor miyavi~
Omg, only 4 more capters~! :O nuu~
Kagome_newworld on September 7th, 2006 12:11 am (UTC)
*LOL* Awww, don't hit him~. He's suffering enough as it is. :P *Hugs*

Yes... only four more chapters. It's hard to believe, almost. This fic has been so much fun.
Ria: Sex?vonilicious on September 6th, 2006 05:31 am (UTC)
This was awesome. Reita is a bloomin' idiot but I can understand where he's coming from. He's new to this whole "I'm having a relationship with a man" thing. It's not cool that he's in denial but it's awesome he's not blindly rushing into anything since their relationship has been so dangerous from the start.

Itoshi Hito my favorite Miyavi song by the way...well the older version.
Kagome_newworld on September 7th, 2006 12:13 am (UTC)
*nods* Yes, he's very new to this, and he's trying to figure out everything, I suppose. Mind you, he feels awful right now after Miyavi's reaction, but there's things going on in his mind as well and I'm glad that readers are recognizing this. ^_____^ Thank you~.

*Loves Itoshii Hito too*