_neophyte (_neophyte) wrote,
_neophyte
_neophyte

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bordom reaches new heights

hmm... well i did it. i actually got soo bored that im creating another account on the net. im really hoping this doesn't turn into one of those weird addictions, where i'll have to attend meetings and "share" my emotions with 50 year old, blazer wearing, men . actually the whole "idea" of keeping a diary/journal/biography seems kinda vain, and makes me think i shud have gone through experiences like a family feud, a couple of short standing marriages, a drinking problem passed onto me by my father (wait, i think that one may be true, cept for the "passed on" bit), and a few juxtaposed carriers due to my indecisive nature. But yeah... i guess i shud stop my rambling. hmm, reading this back so far, it kinda sounds like im up my own arse... but im not going to edit it, coz im allowed to sound like that, since its my journal and i feel like venting.
well im having time off work now (2weeks) coz of my fucking exams, which i am NOT ready for, considering i shud have started revising over xmas, but with it being the holidays & my bday... its kinda hard to step into gear. but at least it went ok. my dad flew in for it again (groan), and as u can tell, i was looking forward to THAT. Im not sure if i'll ever be close to him again, just for the fact that he lives in oblivion, and has such a simple outlook its UNBELIEVABLE! sounds harsh, but when read in context with everything, it's really fucking KIND (lol, what an oxymoron). but i feel i've reached a point where i've delt and accepted, so im just gonna go with the flow from now.
Oh i've decided (well taken paolo's suggestion) to not bother with relationships for now. ive got soo much going on, it'll be wise to be single for a while. but i can't help but think that valentines is just around the corner, and that im gonna be single AGAIN... **segue** I've been think about the ffaf gig in feb too, coz now that maz and tasha have broken up, im thinking of making a move on tash. maz has been really distant as of late, and ever since he's quit nepathe, things between us have been weird. its not that anyones to blame, but i dunno. maz is really hard to read, specially when he's upset. he can get really quiet sometimes. but its strange, when he's happy he can be the life of the party (thinks back to the fony gig at the peel, where he got pete, phil, and ryan to sign his nipple lol, good times). i don't think he's particularly deep, but when he doesn't want to talk, he's not going to, and thats final. but yeah, back to the topic, its this distance that'll help incase i do make a move on tash (im a terrible friend :( ). but its just that she's sooooo amazing, and i don't think i've met(or will meet) anyone like! i wud have never realized how much, if it weren't for our time in spain... there had to be something there... coz maz was being a dick (for the beginning part anyway) and since she & i love having fun whilst pissed... it was bound to happen. i remember one drunken nite at bar Itaca, where we were getting quite deep, and hands were moving(nothing major, just hers on mine) then maz came in to get his drink and left again... aaarrghh. frustration at its best. but i wudn't have done anything tho, coz it maz was one of my best mates (still is i guess)and i wudn't ruin that (damn having morales).
but enough of me going on about the past! if she's still not seeing anyone, im definitely gonna try and speak to her alone (fingers crossed).
FUCK ME, for someone who didn't think they needed a journal, i do write a lot don't i. but i guess that was a summary of what things that have been going through my mind since xmas. I really hope this year is going to be better in terms of uni, friends, and bandwise. im really sad about my old band breaking up, i had soooo much fun with those guys. we bonded so well, and since i feel music is my vocation, it was just bliss. everytime i see fony and i can't help but think we cud be riding the success wagon aswell. i mean ffaf supported them twice last year when i saw them, and even tho i didn't think they were that special... look at how far ffaf got this last year. makes me kinda sad. i always thought music was where i'd end up. uni was just a way to get my parents off my back.
bah, i shall SHUTUP finally, get some rest... don't want to be too fucked for my driving lesson later... might hit a dear or something :S
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